A teacher was asking these group of 5 year old a couple of questions If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class. "NO" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO" "Well", I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" The group shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD"

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.

A naked lady ran into a taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: "What’s ur problem man? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before?" The man replied: "l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!!!

A naked lady ran into a taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again. The lady saw him and said: "What’s ur problem man? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before?" The man replied: "l am not looking at ur unclothedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!!!

Once a female teacher gave three question to the students for homework and promised with them, those who memorise one of it they will kiss my hand and those who memorise 2 of it, they will kiss my face and those who memorise all of them they will kiss my lips.......Then on next day..

Teacher: Roll#1

Student: Yes teacher....

Teacher: What about homework

Student: Teacher I have memorised the whole book...so lets go to the bathroom.....

Wife: Where is my husband?

Maid: Sir is in the master's bedroom with another woman.

Wife: WTF! Who is she?

Maid: Sir said it is his Mother.

Wife: and you believed him?! Go out there and see who she really is and what are they doing!

Maid: Ok Mam. After 5 mins.

Maid: Mam, it is really his mother. Wife: How did you say it is his mother?

Maid: Because she is breastfeeding him. Wife:

lf Adam & Eve were Chinese we would have been in paradise because they would have ignored the apple & eaten thè snake....

Teacher : Why is India not participating in World Cup?

Sara: Sir its because FIFA cannot accept ten minutes singing and dancing after every goal from the Indians .

Punctual:
At a wedding ceremony last Saturday, the officiating minister asked if there was anyone who had anything to say as regards the union of the two... Hell broke loose when a woman at the back with a child started walking to the front towards the couple, the church was dead quiet and the bride fainted! The minister asked whether she had anything to say and she answered, "We can't hear you at the back!"

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