theoretically, i know many of u would say it is wrong but in practical it should not be a big deal. a father in law is also a father. i remember once upon a time my wife just delivered. i had a car but for her convenience i wanted to buy her a car that was even bigger than mine. i didnt have the money so i asked her dad for it. he gave me willingly knowing it was for her good but my wife was upset about it and never drove the car. instead of appreciating, she would insult me. later when i lost my job and asked the father for funds to execute a contract worth millions, which would benefit both of us, she got angry again. shortly after she made up lies about me and left. if a man is genuinely broke and in need of help. why should it be a taboo to ask for help from a close relative? i thank GOD today i have beem blessed beyond my imagination. never look down on anyone.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in asking for a father in-law for financial assistance when you're in need of it but don't make it seem like you married his daughter because you perceived he'd take care of your financial burden. From what you wrote here it seems you always go to her father when you can't meet your financial obligations which is wrong and doesn't define you as man who's equal to the task.

Benita27 what you wrote up there is bad. Everybody need help at certain point of their lives. Why do people always make things difficult for themselves?

If you know a person that can render you help when you need it desperately why not ask? Not as if he was making unnecessary demands of which I would say it's wrong. But the demands he made were worth asking for his inlaw's assistance.

The wife was just too harsh and hard, HaBa!!!! What if it was the other way round and she was the one seeking help from her father inlaw? How would it look like if her husband goes hard on her?

And the money he was asking wasn't for his good alone rather for them both. Cos he asked for assistance from your father you got angry? Is it your money? What kind of wife is this?

Seeking assistance especially financial from inlaws as far as I'm concerned should only be when one has exhausted all options and certainly for only matters bordering on life and death! Except in a few random cases where the assistance may be required for business purposes for eg!

The second car seems a frivolous idea especially since you couldn't afford it at the time! Many couples with more than one child have managed without a car how much more with one car!

You didn't mention if you returned that loan or the subsequent one

Your wife left for other reasons in addition to what you've outlined I'm sure of that even though I don't know her!

Ginaz:
Benita27 what you wrote up there is bad. Everybody need help at certain point of their lives. Why do people always make things difficult for themselves?

If you know a person that can render you help when you need it desperately why not ask? Not as if he was making unnecessary demands of which I would say it's wrong. But the demands he made were worth asking for his inlaw's assistance.

The wife was just too harsh and hard, HaBa!!!! What if it was the other way round and she was the one seeking help from her father inlaw? How would it look like if her husband goes hard on her?

And the money he was asking wasn't for his good alone rather for them both. Cos he asked for assistance from your father you got angry? Is it your money? What kind of wife is this?

Note firstly that everyone has a right to his/her opinion! Benita27 commented as she perceives the matter to be this doesn't make her comment bad!

I'd also like you to broaden your perspective on the matter a bit! How will other members of the family feel if they hear he's gone seeking loans from His father in law? Is a second car such a necessity? If the father in law didn't have the means won't he seek assistance elsewhere?

Also consider that a man who's become a husband and a dad must begin to act with some dignity and avoid airing some of his sheet in front of external parties! He must leave room for his self preservation.....

Picture his father in law referring to the loans he's given to this fellow at a public gathering. Would he be happy? As his wife would you for eg be happy?

First of all, this op has no sense of pride, respect and self esteem.

Although when it comes to marriage, there aren't any laid down rules. A person's meat might be another's poison, so what apeals to you might not to another.

However, I dont think I can tolerate Someone like you, OP. You should discuss and agree with your wife before you do things, especially, when it concerns her family and not yours. You borrowed from her dad the first time, she was angry and forgave, yet you went again. You didn't care about her feelings or opinion, even though you were going to HER father.

Why in God's name should you borrow money to buy a car? Was she complaining? You no get pride? Dont you know how to manage or live within your means? Must you have two cars? If it's absolutely important that she has a car, you no fit enter bus so she can use the available car pending when you can buy another?

What were you hoping to achieve by posting this? That people will crucify her? And I'm sure the stories you said she "made up" are actually true, that's if she didn't tone the stories down to cover your shameless behind.

The poster above sounds right. You seem to perceive her dad as some money vending machine. Better go and look for a way to mend fences with your wife and restore her image and respect that you have destroyed in her family, since obviously, you care little about yours.

On a serious note, there might be nothing wrong in collecting money from your in-laws, but please, let them offer it to you, let it be ABSOLUTELY necessary or better still, send your wife to collect for you. She knows her family better and knows how and when best to present such requests if at all.

Ginaz:
Beni.ta27 what you wrote up there is bad. Everybody need help at certain point of their lives. Why do people always make things difficult for themselves?

If you know a person that can render you help when you need it desperately why not ask? Not as if he was making unnecessary demands of which I would say it's wrong. But the demands he made were worth asking for his inlaw's assistance.

The wife was just too harsh and hard, HaBa!!!! What if it was the other way round and she was the one seeking help from her father inlaw? How would it look like if her husband goes hard on her?

And the money he was asking wasn't for his good alone rather for them both. Cos he asked for assistance from your father you got angry? Is it your money? What kind of wife is this?

LMAO. Ginaz, when you get married, please allow your husband to be bothering your parents with his financial obligations like a boy.

I remember saying there's absolutely nothing wrong in asking them for assistance but he shouldn't make it seem like they owe him assistance.

TR1212:
First of all, this op has no sense of pride, respect and self esteem.

Although when it comes to marriage, there aren't any laid down rules. A person's meat might be another's poison, so what apeals to you might not to another.

However, I dont think I can tolerate Someone like you, OP. You should discuss and agree with your wife before you do things, especially, when it concerns her family and not yours. You borrowed from her dad the first time, she was angry and forgave, yet you went again. You didn't care about her feelings or opinion, even though you were going to HER father.

Why in God's name should you borrow money to buy a car? Was she complaining? You no get pride? Dont you know how to manage or live within your means? Must you have two cars? If it's absolutely important that she has a car, you no fit enter bus so she can use the available car pending when you can buy another?

What were you hoping to achieve by posting this? That people will crucify her? And I'm sure the stories you said she "made up" are actually true, that's if she didn't tone the stories down to cover your shameless behind.

The poster above sounds right. You seem to perceive her dad as some money vending machine. Better go and look for a way to mend fences with your wife and restore her image and respect that you have destroyed in her family, since obviously, you care little about yours.

On a serious note, there might be nothing wrong in collecting money from your in-laws, but please, let them offer it to you, let it be ABSOLUTELY necessary or better still, send your wife to collect for you. She knows her family better and knows how and when best to present such requests if at all.

Even if he must buy the car for her, he mustn't buy one that's bigger than his by borrowing money from her father to make up. He should have used what he had to buy what she would have appreciated.

OP, I don't get it
You actually went to her father without discussing with her first?

babythug:


You didn't mention if you returned that loan or the fsubsequent one !

How sure are we it was even a loan and not some free will dash money?

babythug:


I'd also like you to broaden your perspective on the matter a bit! How will other members of the family feel if they hear he's gone seeking loans from His father in law? Is a second car such a necessity? if the father in law didn't have the means won't he seek assistance elsewhere?

....or better still, learn to do without and manage!!!

I'm not sure OP is a troll or has some mental health issues.
All your previous threads have been about this same wife. You have claimed to have cheated on her, beaten her severally, sent her out of your home on numerous occasions.
You also claimed your younger brother's fiancee came for a visit for the first time with yoit brother you started beating your wife in front of them, and the girl decided not to marry into your family again.

If you're no troll, and your stories are true, you have no doubt made a lot of bad decisions in the past, and you are presently reflecting on your life.
You can't have peace until you go and apologise to your first wife and children for being a thorn in their flesh.
Until you make amends, you may realise you keep chasing after the past. Its all gone now, apologise genuinely and try to move on your with new life. Your obsession with your old marriage is turning you into something else unless of course its your second wife you're having issues with again.

Only a Yaba left escapee can do what you highlighted above.


OP, you need medical help.. so you actually approached your father in law to give you money to buy a car for your wife? You're not okay at all.

If I were a woman, I would dum.p your stup!d arse.. who cares whether you eventually made it or not? I will simply tell you to go to hell with your money and fc.k your credit cards. Everyone can make money, it is the easiest thing to have in this world, much easier than getting medical help - which you urgently need.

First, it was stup!d of you to approach a father in law for funds without first discussing with her daughter.

Secondly, only a f00lish man will go borrowing money to buy an exotic car without any serious or stable job.

Your wife made a very good decision, it doesn't matter whether you currently earn much more than Dangote.

Ginaz:
Benita27 what you wrote up there is bad. Everybody need help at certain point of their lives. Why do people always make things difficult for themselves?

If you know a person that can render you help when you need it desperately why not ask? Not as if he was making unnecessary demands of which I would say it's wrong. But the demands he made were worth asking for his inlaw's assistance.

The wife was just too harsh and hard, HaBa!!!! What if it was the other way round and she was the one seeking help from her father inlaw? How would it look like if her husband goes hard on her?

And the money he was asking wasn't for his good alone rather for them both. Cos he asked for assistance from your father you got angry? Is it your money? What kind of wife is this?

Some women are just something else. I read it with disdain. What on earth is wrong with asking one's father in law for help. ..and the man in question is not complaining.Unless there are other things OP is not saying

I don't hv anything to say till this get to FP

Hmmmmm
Lalasticlala. This is front page worthy.

Benita27:
LMAO. Ginaz, when you get married, please allow your husband to be bothering your parents with his financial obligations like a boy.

I remember saying there's absolutely nothing wrong in asking them for assistance but he shouldn't make it seem like they owe him assistance.

Thumbs up babe. There is really nothing wrong in asking the father in-law for assistance but here in Nigeria, it is all shades of wrong. In this same forum,we ve seen most of the guys shouting upandan that they can't burden themselves with the wives' family issues, they only care about their mothers and their unborn kids etc.. Now they see nothing wrong in running to that same family for assistance and our fellow woman is here supporting that nonsense. I know a lady who has this same issue happening to her right now. Since she got married ten years ago,her husband has never sent a kobo to her parents even for Xmas. All his money went to his ' loving mother that watched his infant head'. He was taking care of his elder brother and his family instead of his own family. Paying rent in two places, refusing to pay his kids' school fees till the school chases them home but he never delayed in sending the school fees of his brother's kids. Alas,now he has run into debts accumulating into millions and has several court cases,all without the knowledge of his wife. When the whole thing blew open,his mother,brother,uncles and sisters abandoned him to his fate. He can't even feed his family at all. When he was jailed by one of his creditors, his uncle that swore to stand as a guarantor and bail him out,ran away at the police station. It was his wife's brother that sent the bail money. It was the wife's mum who came all the way from the village with foodstuff to feed them at that time. It is still the wife's father running around, looking for money to help their daughter's plight. Yet this is the same man that was abandoned by his son in-law all these years.

The painful thing about the above story is that the son in-law actually sees nothing wrong in all his actions. He even demands from his wife when her father will send the next cash so that he can squeeze out some for his 'loving' mum. He comes home everyday and shouts at her for not calling her family for more money. This is also a man that married her right out of secondary school and refused to further her education. He blatantly told her to stay home and be a full time housewife. If this lady chooses to abandon the marriage tomorrow, I won't blame her at all. Some men are just not worth it.

babythug:


Note firstly that everyone has a right to his/her opinion! Benita27 commented as she perceives the matter to be this doesn't make her comment bad!

I'd also like you to broaden your perspective on the matter a bit! How will other members of the family feel if they hear he's gone seeking loans from His father in law? Is a second car such a necessity? If the father in law didn't have the means won't he seek assistance elsewhere?

Also consider that a man who's become a husband and a dad must begin to act with some dignity and avoid airing some of his sheet in front of external parties! He must leave room for his self preservation.....

Picture his father in law referring to the loans he's given to this fellow at a public gathering. Would he be happy? As his wife would you for eg be happy?

I know everybody has right to his or her opinion and I didn't abuse her but countered the statement she made. What I'm saying here is everybody need help at one certain point of their lives. Who they choose to go for help is not bad(family members not withstanding) if they ain't committing crimes.

Everything is vanity, if he choose to suffer in silence knowing his father in law can offer him help does it makes sense? We ask God anything, why can't we seek help? It's the same God that said ask and it shall be given unto you, he plainly asked for assistance.

What I have seen so far in Nigeria and Africa as a whole is that they are too judgmental. Must a man be all brick and wall to show he is a man? Must he suffer on his own a lot to show he is capable of fending or giving comfort to his family?

What if his father in law could help a little bit to give him a better life?

My dear, a dignity of a man does not Sterm from him suffering in silence but his inner being(character). Dagote is not someone's father? Yet there are men father's to others seeking help from him, making deals, taking loans to better their families. You want to tell me they don't have dignity?

See eh, sometimes you have to let someone carry your load to get to the top cos you can't do it alone. Everybody need help(man or woman) no body knows tomorrow.

My aunty's husband when they started it was rough with them, his father gave him a head start( a car and house) to ease his early struggling life. He started from there on his own, hustled, today he has a house built by him, bought a car...owns a business. If it wasn't for the help rendered won't life had been more unbearable?

He man shows dignity when he is hard working, honest, reliable, trustworthy, a never quits person, lovely husband, a good father. not when he begs for assistance

To me, I see nothing wrong with what he did(he didn't commit no crime) as far he didn't abuse it. His wife would have been more understanding. Nobody can do it all alone.

Me sef dey find who go loan me money. If na my boyfriend father I no send(i salute the chairman)

Life too hard abeg. No be who strong for skin dem say dey know who get strong heart.

eyinjuege:
I'm not sure OP is a troll or has some mental health issues.
All your previous threads have been about this same wife. You have claimed to have cheated on her, beaten her severally, sent her out of your home on numerous occasions.
You also claimed your younger brother's fiancee came for a visit for the first time with yoit brother you started beating your wife in front of them, and the girl decided not to marry into your family again.

If you're no troll, and your stories are true, you have no doubt made a lot of bad decisions in the past, and you are presently reflecting on your life.
You can't have peace until you go and apologise to your first wife and children for being a thorn in their flesh.
Until you make amends, you may realise you keep chasing after the past. Its all gone now, apologise genuinely and try to move on your with new life. Your obsession with your old marriage is turning you into something else unless of course its your second wife you're having issues with again.

He is a wife beater and I wonder why. So disgusting.

This is the same wife you've beaten and cheated on several times, whose parents you've been rude to, whose family members you've borrowed money from without returning, etc. I hope you didn't threaten her Father to be giving you money because it's hard to believe the man granted your requests of money after all the terrible things you've done to them.

I don't blame the woman. This guy has no pride or shame. Let me tell you, her family will help but she will have to deal with whispers of her own husband's greed and stupidity from her own family.

You talk about getting your wife a bigger car after she put to bed. You didn't have the money, so you begged her father. Come, is bigger car a priority? Why didn't you think of using the money to at least bring yourself up to the level you can comfortable buy the car yourself.

You now went to execute contract of millions that you can't afford with your Father In Laws money!!!!! Without telling her! God! How do women meet these kinds of men. So tell me, when her father is not there anymore, what will you do?

You seem to like big and fast things and a comfortable life. Which I am sure even your father cannot give you. So you squeeze it out of your wife's father using sentiments, his child. Do you even know the man's financial situation when you go there to beg for money with your pathetic and pitiful money grabbing stories

It's better to ask for help for connections than to ask for cash. Please always inform your wife first before visiting her family home to beg for money, under the disguise of taking care of their child. You are not that man's biological son so you are entitled to nothing. So respect yourself before they insult you one day. Kai!