LWKM!!!


@Sammilla, more, more!!!!

Very interesting Can't stop laughing. More please.

Mama-Gee Is a beautiful Nigerian Lady. She has Class, Curves, Figure 8, Beautiful Artificial nice Hair, Etc. All those qualities that Qualifies a lady as a beautiful Lady but unfortunately Handsome Guys doesnt look her way. Mama gee recently brought his case here for us to tell her why .

Hear from Mama gee.

I can't help but notice that good looking men marry ugly women, Are they just blind or something?

HERE GOES OUR LIKELY SCENARIO FOR MAMA GEE.



Mama gee : {TALKING TO HERSELF} why do handsome men like Sam milla never look my way, I have done everything i could to attract them. Instead they date and marry ugly girls like THE AMAKA and co. What havent i done, i am educated, i have nice shoes and clothes, i do manicure every other week, i go to gym to work out, i am young and healthy. Why why why.

Then she visited a native doctor to seek for advice and possibly charm to attract handsome men.


JUJUMAN : Young lady, what did you say your problem is ?
MMG : I cant seem to attract handsome men, I dont know why
JJM : Your problem is solved. Remove your clothes, even the pants, You will spend a night here and by tomorrow, you will see a handsome man.
MMG : what , are you crazy ?

MAMA GEE GATHERS HER SHOES AND RAN AWAY



SHE GOES NEXT TO PASTOR WHO TOOK HER TO THE RIVER TO CLEANSE HER DEMONS AND PURIFY HER FOR HANDSOME MEN TO SEE HER


MAMAGEE : Its OK Pastor, ITS OK, The handsome men can go to hell. please pastor. i am drowning.


Finally After waiting for another two months without a handsome guy looking her way,
She bought a laptop and decided to search for men online.

She made a catch online. His catch is named James. James is handsome.


JAMES AND MAMAGEE CHATS WITH YAHOO MESSENGER

MMG : Hi James, where do you say you are from again ?
James : I am from Abeokuta.
MMG : I dont like Yoruba Boys but since you are handsome, i could give you a chance for date.
James. Thanks a lot mamagee.
MMG : What kind of JEEP do you drive and how many of them ?
James : {a little embarrased} Jeep, what Jeep, Jeep for what ?
MMG : where did you study anyway ?
James : Oduduwa Primary School and Boys secondary school Ife.
MMG : What about University , was it Oxford or Stanford ?
James : I didnt go to the University.
MMG: OH God !! {SHE logs off Yahoo messenger and signs in to Nairaland.}


Venue : Romance section
Topic : Why Do Goodlooking Men Marry Ugly Women
url : https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-389808.0.html

Sam Milla : My dear mamagee, Ugly girls are usually more down to earth, not proud, not pompous, not too demanding and doesn't think highly of themselves.

Poor mama-gee

sam at it again, you really got me crackin with this

Chico , hmm, i am not involved.

sam milla u av funny imaginations. lol

good work

Now i've got a reason to come back to the joke section thanks Sam u got me cracking

All i can say is guy u r good lol

ROFLMAO , but i think Mama gee is married oooo

married ? hmm.

HotCocoa is a Young Lady who is in In love with a guy.
Unfortunately the guy doesn't return her love for him and Cheats on Her.
She claimed to have caught him but Mr Cheat denies all allegations.

Hear from HotCocoa herself.

I NEED TO BREAK UP WITH MY FIANCEE
I KNOW HE IS CHEATING, HE LIES TO MY FACE STILL DESPITE ALL EVIDENCE I SEE, HE KEEPS RANTING "IT WASNT ME"
I CRY LIKE CRAZY AS OFTEN AS I CAN BREATH, I LOVE HIM TO MY SOUL,
I CANT CHEAT TO GET A PAY BACK, NOT WHO I AM, I AM EVEN MORE AFRAID TO LOOSE HIM
BUT I KNOW HE IS NO GOOD FOR ME, I FEEL HE TAKES MY NICENESS FOR A FOOL
I NEED TO BREAK UP AND NOT BREAK DOWN, AM LOOSING MY MIND, HOW DO I GAIN MYSELF BACK
AM SO BROKEN, I CAN BEARLY FIND ANYTHING IN LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR
I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF A TRIP OUT OF THE TOWN WHERE HE IS, NOT WORKING, LOST WHAT HAPPINESS IS LIKE
NOTHING FEELS GOOD AROUND ME NOW, SOOOOOOOOO LOST

HERE IS OUR LIKELY SCENARIO BASED ON EXPERIENCE.


Hotcocoa : John where are you coming from ?
John : From the stadium, i went to watch Manchester United versus Chelsea.
HCC : Since when did Old Trafford move to Julia's House because that was where i found You ?
John {stammers} uhm, Julia is a fan of Chelsea, we be-be-be-bet some money on who was gonna win. Hey here is the money , i won, here is the money.

John puts his right hand in the pocket to bring out money as Hotcocoa gives him A hot Slap.


HCC : {starts to cry} What do you take me for, A fool? I saw two of you kissing John, You ve been lying to me ever since we started.
I cant take this from you John, I love you so much, what did i do to you John ?
John : {Knowing that any word is a ticket for another slap, decided to stay quiet}
HCC : {continues} You cant be treating me this way John, What would you do if you are in my shoes ? What havent i endured because of you ?
You know i cant leave you John, I have gotten used to you, It is not fair, i am going crazy



Then later on in the day, She decided to Consult her Friend Thoniaslim and they started drinking Whiskey.


HCC : Thonia lets go and buy more alcohol, i cant seem to get him off my mind, i am going crazy
Thoniaslim : Look at it this way. . .if you leave him now. . .its gonna hurt but its gonna get better with time!
We all deserve the best. . .especially if your giving the best. . .and if the person your giving your best too isn't appreciative or reciprocating back. . .but instead taking you for a ride. . .then you deserve to take a walk!
You'll be doing yourself a huge favor gal. . .better a broken engagement than a broken marriage!
HCC : Are you sure Thonia, I just think we need more Bottles , {starts to cry again}

Hotcocoa got home, Mr John Arshole Is not Home, Probably with Julia watching Man U vs Chelsea Replay on Julia's TV, My guess is that he forgot the score from the live game. so he needed to watch it again on tv.

[img]http://2.bp..com/_CYc5rQh5ZM8/R9Z8xJEhhlI/AAAAAAAAAss/YvLPbRfFoIU/s400/IMG_1385.JPG[/img]
Hotcocoa : {soliloquizing} I cant marry this kind of man, Must every woman have a man for that matter, No No i cant do this.
I am going to ask people if it is compulsory that every woman should have a man.

Hotcocoa slept alone that night and by the time she woke up the following morning,
she has already made up her mind to report John On The Internet.

Venue : Nairaland.
Topic : Must Every Woman Have A Man?
url : https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-390940.0.html

Sam Milla : My dear Hotchick, I think the advice from Your friend Thonia is good enough.

OUR SCENARIO FOR TODAY IS ABOUT A NIGERIAN YOUNG LADY CALLED PEELOVEE.

Peelovee Went into a relationship without agenda in place. The Boyfriend worked for a company that paid him little.

The boyfriend had always begged peelovee to stay in the relationship, not to leave because things will be alright.

Peelovee claimed to had been doing most if not all the spendings for both of them.

All of a sudden, Mr Boyfriend {we will call him John Doe} lands a job in a Fortune 500 company and changed over night.

He doesnt have time for peelovee again. He doesnt even call but just flash with a local Nigerian Network company called MTN.

peelovee wants to quit the relationship in a polite way and she needs our advice.

Below is the original post from peelovee.

I want to put an end to our relationship in a polite manner, as i am no longer interested.

Please advise on the proceedures to breakup without having problems/hurting the next person involved.

WHY I MUST BREAKUP WITH MY GUY

a)When He was working(With Very little pay for 1 year )
He was loving, caring, giving attention, planing to come see my parents for marriage, always pleading i should stay with him that every thing will be alright, I believed in him because I loved him.
To be sincere, I have being the one doing the spending since i entered into the relationship believing one day evey thing will turn around 4 our good.

A ] Now that He is working (with Bigger Pay for just 3 months)
He is always very busy, he gives me no attention, no calls but MTN flash, always complaining and looking for faults,
I am so confused, bored, and always thinking what his next move will be.


Please advise

Here is our likely scenario for peelovee's ordeal.

MISS BREADWINNER COMES BACK FROM WORK.


Peelove : John Doe this is the end of the month and you are supposed to get your salary today ? How much did they pay you ?
John Doe : Uhm, the same thing they paid last month .
Plv : You mean they didnt increase your money from 6000 Naira ?
JD : Yes, they didnt, i told the manager that my girlfriend complained it was very small but he said i can always leave the company if i wish.
Peelovee : Then i am leaving you. You good for nothing man, other people are earning a lot of money, cant you see Okocha, Sam Milla, Kanu nwankwo, even Obafemi Martins of yesterday , they all earn big money and drive big cars. You earn peanut. I am leaving you.
JD : Things will be alright baby, very soon, i will get a better job, then we will go and see your Parents . please baby please dont go.
peelove : Ok , Ok, but this time around, if they dont increase it next month, I will go away.

JOHN DOE CRIES AND VOWED TO DO ANYTHING TO GET MONEY.


AFTER ONE WEEK, JOHN DOE GETS A CALL FROM MICROSOFT CORPORATIONS LAGOS OFFICE FOR INTERVIEW., HE GETS THE JOB.
[img]http://kootenays.cmha.bc.ca/files/kootenays/employment2.jpg[/img]

MANAGER : Congrats John, the Job is Yours. Your pay will start from 300,000 Naira a month. Though we will be paying in Dollars equivalent.
John : Wow ! Thanks a lot Manager. I cant thank You enough.
Manager : Meanwhile, there is a string attached, i lobbied for you to get this job because you have a great body. What do you say we become friends ?
John : Uhm ! I have a girlfriend but that is Ok. {Idiot suddenly recalls that girlfriend had always wanted to go} I can forget about her. Its simple.
Manager : Great, we can hit it off tomorrow. Call me after work and we will go to a bar and have a drink.

JOHN DOE GET HOME TO GIRLFRIEND, WHO HAS BEEN WAITING AND PRAYING THAT JD GETS THE JOB.


Peelovee : Welcome John, How was the interview ?
JD : It went well. They said they will call me very soon to see if they will give me the job.
PLV : OK, we can only hope and pray. we will go to Winners Chapel on Sunday for goodluck Prayers.
JD : uhm no no, not necessary. I need to go to village to see my parents, she is sick. she sent a message.

After Three months of uncertainty and nowhere to see john doe, peelovee heard a rumour that John doe now works for MS CORP in Lagos.
He tried calling John many times which of course Mr Arsehole didn't answer. He always calls back when He was sure our girl is busy at work which of cause our girl mis interprets as flashes.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer and decided to seek for advice on the internet.

Venue : THE LAUGHTER JOINT.
TOPIC : I Want TO Breakup Politely, But How Do I Start ?
Url : https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-391370.0.html

ADVICE FROM SAM MILLA : My dear peelovee , Since i cant determine how it all happened, i can hardly give you the best answer.
Try to reach him, determine his stand, be polite enough, dont shout or fight, If he thinks its over, dust yourself and move on with your life.

I think we need to see your Facebook page to determine this.
I come across near unclothed pics on Facebook daily.
Now that makes one indecent based on Muslim ideologies.
Your brother is not living in the dark ages like someone said up there.
Actually your brother knows you more than all of us.
So if he said that your multi pics makes you indecent, then he has chances of being right than those who dont know you.

Search yourself very well.

CONGRATS, YOU MADE OUR LIKELY SCENARIO SERIES LS 9


Our LS9 Is about a Nigerian Muslim Lady Living in The United States Of America.

Our girl Will be addressed as Amina.

Amina Claimed to have joined Facebook when it was only for American Students And before she knew it, She already has over 300 pictures on the Social Network tool. Amina is still single and she recently started wondering if her activities on Facebook contributes to her still being Single,

Here is our Likely Scenario For Miss Amina.

{Amina talks to herself } Wow! I am loving America, What a wonderful world here. Look at computers everywhere, I can meet new people here, make new friends, I can even post many many of my Pictures here. What is the name of the website someone introduced me to last week, uhm, Fakebook, no no, Facebook. Let me open an account and post my pictures here. Wow. It is Wonderful.



OUR GIRL AMINA REGISTERS ON FACEBOOK AND STARTED TO MEET NEW PEOPLE.

SHE TELLS HER FRIEND ABOUT FACEBOOK.

AMINA : hey Aisha, There is this new website i found Yesterday. Its called Facebook. You can meet new people there and chat with them. I meet Chris there yesterday. He said I should remove my veils so he can see my face very well. He said he like my voice but that he needed to see my face.

AISHA : Since the name is Facebook, maybe you really need to show your face. I see nothing bad about it. Its on the internet. Nobody will know about it. You can even remove your top, just do it when nobody is around. Dont let your Brother see it. You know he will tell your Daddy.

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT, AMINA CONNECTS TO CHAT WITH CHRIS AGAIN.



AMINA : Here are some of my pictures , i will post them on facebook. You can also see them there.

CHRIS : Wow, those are great Pictures Amina. You look better without veils.

Amina : Thanks Chris, I will post many more pictures on facebook without veils, I am glad you like them.

{MUSA, Amina’s Brother bursts into the room unannounced.}



MUSA : Amina whats all that unclothed pictures, wait, thats you . how could you post such Pictures on Facebook ? those are indecent Pictures. You will have to remove them.

Amina : No, i wont remove them, they are beautiful, Chris like them. [Musa interupts]

MUSA : Who is Chris ?

Amina : A handsome America guy i met online. He said the pictures are nice, he said he will marry me someday. He also said i look better without those veils, i dont wanna post any picture with veils on Facebook. Those unclothed ones are far better. i will continue to post more.

AMINA CONTINUED POSTING MANY MORE unclothed PICTURES AND 15 YEARS LATER, AMINA IS STILL SINGLE. CHRIS THE AMERICAN BOY HAS LONG DISAPPEARED. Parents are asking Amina why suitors have not showed up , Amina is worried and he approached his Brother for Advice during lunch.


Amina : Why is it that our Muslim Brothers are not looking my way. I appear decent to them in the Mosque and Market and School, why do they always look away when it comes to dating or even Asking me out, Mum and Dad are Worried that i could remain unmarried until 40, what should i do ?

Musa : I warned you about those pictures on facebook. You appear decent in Churches but you put unclothed Pictures on facebook. My guess is that they know about those Pictures. The only people who wouldnt care about those pictures are the Americans and i dont see them coming to marry a Nigerian Muslim Girl. Facebook has grown so big that everybody searches for their friends over there. Anybody who wants to marry a girl now will definitely search for her name on facebook. If they see your name with your unclothed Pictures on facebook, they will not come to you. Thats it. You have to start removing those unclothed pictures if you hope to get Married.



AMINA APPARENTLY NOT CONVINCED, DECIDED TO ASK FOR PUBLIC OPINION.

DEFINITELY SHE WILL GET POSITIVE AND unclothed OPINIONS BASED ON HOW EACH CONTRIBUTOR WAS BROUGHT UP.

SHE SHOWS UP ON THE INTERNET.



VENUE : AFRICAN ONLINE COMMUNITY.

TOPIC : Is Facebook Ruining My Chances Of Getting Married?

SAM MILLA : ACTUALLY FACEBOOK CAN BE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT DEPENDING ON THE KIND OF PICTURES YOU PUT UP THERE.

Disclaimer : this is a pure work of Imagination and Fiction. It not intended to promote or discriminate any Religion.
If Your name appears there, it is merely by coincidence. I am responsible for any mistake on this post.

me don laff tire o

Kelevra is confused.

No

^^ thanks jo! the boy can't see past his nose

mykali:

Kelevra is confused.

u would be too if u were tall enough to see the way she was shaking. . . ehm! why u dey stand behind Sam Milla's chair sef?

Hmmmm

u no get mouth again ?

For

Sam your mates dey choose Valentines you dey here dey do 'likely scenarios' . . .

Ujujoan:

Sam your mates dey choose Valentines you dey here dey do 'likely scenarios' . . .

i am available if you wan chose me.

Weldone Sam!

Moyola:

Weldone Sam!

thank you. would you be my valentine ?

Sam Milla:

thank you. would you be my valentine ?

Awwww! hw sweet?! I would. . . .yu'll need to convince me Sam

Moyola:

Awwww! hw sweet?! I would. . . .yu'll need to convince me Sam

is that enough ?