I have this relation of my dad who is presently giving me a big surprise. He's my dad's cousin. As a university student in 2004, I had serious financial need of ten thousand naira. It was for my final year project. This man was a director then at Ondo State civil service. I came to this man all the way from Abeokuta after writing a letter to him 2 months before that time. I didn't know his phone number then since GSM was relatively new. I got to his office and he welcomed me. Before I could explain myself, he told me that he saw my letter and that he wasn't the person I should write that kind of letter to, that he wasn't a close relation of my late father. He now gave me the name of 3 people whom he considered as my dad's closer relations who should be able to help me. He also told me my late dad contributed immensely to their education hence they should be the ones to sponsor my education. I have not met any of these 3 before then even though my dad told me about them and how they have not been forthcoming in reaching out to him even through mere letters after he assisted them in getting education upon the death of their own father who was my father's elder brother. I told him I didn't really know them since they lived in Lagos, UK and US. I begged him passionately to assist me since I had nowhere to go. He said these closer relations of my dad will never be responsible if he decide to take over what should ordinarily be their responsibility. I left his office dejected and sad. He gave me N200 which I rejected. I went to my mummy's relations who were mere peasants and petty traders. These people were able to raise N1850.00 for me that day. I went back to UNAAB and pleaded with my supervisor who gave me another project that required much farm labour but less money. I graduated, did masters degree and is now gainfully employed as a lecturer in a federal institution. The crux of the matter is that this man who refused to help me has become a burden on my neck. He's now retired. He had 2 boys with a particular woman in Akure, his first marriage produced 3 girls who together with their mother have abandoned him for marrying another wife. He introduced me as his "son" to these boys who are presently at FUTA and Owo Poly respectively. He told them to ask for anything they want from me. I have tried my best to support them, but I told them I'm not supporting them because of their father but because they'll reach their destination irrespective of whether I assist them or not. They also complains to me of how their father have not been so responsible to them financially since he's now a poor pensioner and how their married half sisters don't even like seeing them. I told them that I'm only contributing my quota to their academic pursuit and not necessarily because of their father who didn't rise up to the occasion when I was in a dire strait. Their father have added another dimension to the whole thing since early this year by calling me to ask for money, because he said he now starves since Ondo State government have not been so forthcoming with pension payments. I told him that his two sons are on my neck, I haven't given him a penny since he started calling in February. I actually wanted to sit him down and remind him of that sad episode in his office but my aged mother and my wife have been prevailing on me to forget it. Honestly I don't feel I should give him my money. His wife have been showing a lot of appreciation for the little I'm doing for the boys but this man have never mentioned it for once. The wife will come around and help my mum run errands, wash her clothes, nice woman. I prefer to give my money to his wife and anytime I do anything for this wonderful woman, he will call to remind me of the money he asked for from me. Please, how can I handle him?

This is deep..... Most people in life fail to realise that Karma lives forever. You sow what you reap.

Its good to see that you are still helping his sons and his wife in your own little ways (same thing i would have done). For some, they would have ignored him totally along with his whole family or help the family and block or always ignore his phone calls....

Since mom and wifey have advised you to forget what he did back in the days, try to listen to them and my church mind will advise you to help him if you can, but don't bend yourself backward or kill yourself to help him!....... Sometimes, we just have to do this thing for God to have peace of mind. All the best bro!

you have the money, give him
aswear shame won't let him to enjoy your money...



Op give and it shall be given unto you.

modelmike7:
Reading.....

you never read finish..

Op please do some spacing ejo oh.

Hmmm. Very difficult situation.

Hmmm.
Concerning whatever you want to do with the man, just follow your heart ❤ but don't repay evil with evil. The sad episode that happened that day turned out to be a success story. Am sure he regretted what he did that day but his pride won't let him show how sorry he is. just forget about the past and help the family with anything you can. The success is from God and not from him if he had helped you back then. Don't blame the man, blame the devil that used him.

.

optional1:


you never read finish..

Op please do some spacing ejo oh.

...... I don read finish now ma, sowi, if it hurts!!

Two wrongs don't make a right

His pride just won't let him open up like a gentle man and apologize. Its difficult I know, we're humans and we'd always want to retaliate. Act maturely and let the past slide. Cheers

Like the saying, Do not repay evil with evil. You've certainly come a long way. Help them in the way you can but do not let it be a burden to you.

Life's funny, cause there are always those pitfalls that shapes us to the person we become.

modelmike7:
...... I don read finish now ma, sowi, if it hurts!!

what hurts?

Helping his 2 sons and assisting his wife equates to helping him
Helping his 2 sons and wife equates giving him money
Dont let anyone make you feel bad. You have done more than enough, that man isn't your responsibility

hmmmm went through worst case than you my brother, but just follow words of wisdom just as our wonderful contributors have well said, he meant it for bad, but the almighty (who pours water in the basket so as to disgrace the bucket) meant it otherwise.keep the coal burning upon his head.God bless you

natasha:
Helping his 2 sons and assisting his wife equates to helping him
Helping his 2 sons and wife equates giving him money
Dont let anyone make you feel bad. You have done more than enough, that man isn't your responsibility

yea i concour with u bro....cos he will only come for more.....so just help d boiz....and leave the man only....he aint ur responsibility

optional1:


what hurts?

..... So why the quoting?!

modelmike7:
..... So why the quoting?!

quoted you to come back and modify thought you left after booking spacing.

Wow! Op! I must say you have a very big heart cos if I was in your shoes, I would have drawn his family tree for him and let him know who to beg for money I'll do a research on that if need be.

That said, if you can, open a petty business for the wife whereby both of them can be managing their lives with. A job done is a job well done

Never make the mistake of giving the man money cos he is a shameless ingrate and will become a leech if you do so

Don't give him a dime of your money.
Rather, if you can , help his children.
The man is an ungrateful person, who has a serious sense of entitlement.
You can help his children because they are another generation, and hopefully won't turn out to be like their father. As per their dad, his case is irredeemable. Don't waste your time on him.
He's not even responsible towards his own children, and any money you give to him will still be squandered.
By helping his children, you are helping him.

While at it, call his children one day and tell them the story of what their father did to you. They will also learn from it. Tell them to ask him, and confirm if its a lie or not.
History needs to be preserved atimes.
The man might have been telling the children that he trained you, meanwhile it's all lies. Let them know the help you're rendering is not because you owe their father anything, but rather because you don't want to watch them suffer, as you did to finish school.

optional1:



quoted you to come back and modify
thought you left after booking spacing.

..... Okay, i was actually still reading then. Stay blessed sis.
Jesus loves you!

modelmike7:
..... Okay, i was actually still reading then. Stay blessed sis.
Jesus loves you!

thank you

and He also loves you.

You have done well by assisting the sons brother. You'll do better by giving the man something from time to time. You don't need to remind him anything, just leave hi for God. What can the wife do? Is she educated at all? Can she run a small business? Are you in talking terms with his former wife and 3 married daughters? Can you advise them on the need to come to the aid of their father no matter what he has done? I'm saying this because I know a bit about the conditions of pensioners in Ondo State in the past one year. The new governor is trying to be up to date but the arrears owed by the former administration is a big problem that continues to swallow whatever they earn now, more so your relation didn't seem to save for times like this and there's no help for from from his children. I also guess that he wasn't too responsible to the 3 daughters because women are not known to be that hard in rendering help to their parents. So many questions I could ask, please for God sake, that man need assistance, do your own bits and help him to talk to his daughters, cheers.

Bar his line. It will only read 'not reachable' on the other end. If he calls through wife or children, bar them, let them communicate via whatsapp, mail or visit when necessary!!!!!

u've no obligation to any of them.

celestialdamsel:
Hmmm.
Concerning whatever you want to do with the man, just follow your heart ❤ but don't repay evil with evil. The sad episode that happened that day turned out to be a success story. Am sure he regretted what he did that day but his pride won't let him show how sorry he is. just forget about the past and help the family with anything you can. The success is from God and not from him if he had helped you back then. Don't blame the man, blame the devil that used him.

wetin concern devil for thi matter now?

If I were you, I wouldn't give him anything. You are dong enough by helping his wife and kids. Draw the line there.

kennybabs1980:
I clopassionate

How did you do that this same man even got access to you to begin with? I can conveniently shut off anyone I don't wish to mingle with again. I won't be rude or nasty but I'll shut that door so well that if you even strolled in uninvited, you'll walk right out so fast. That's how I handle people I want nothing to do with. And that goes for their wife, children, goat and even fowl. I will do it so well and sleep very well at night. Its all a choice bro.

I believe you gradually allowed your uncle in at some point. You began gradually and it has gotten to this. Oh well help them if you can. Help if your spirit leads you to do. Help for God. Just follow your heart.

Tell him what he told you 13 years ago with a family tree drawn to make emphasis. Tell him you ain't given him sh!t but keep on doing good to his sons and wify.
That man doesn't deserve a dime from you until he apologies.

What nonsense

I'm so angry with the way he treated you!
Well karma issa big bitch

FAM, I'm glad you're already doing your best for him, and frankly you said the truth cs even if u don't help his sons, they will succeed anyway, you made the right decision, he is not in charge of how you decide to treat him and his family, you are in charge of that apparently, thumbs up!!

Ahhhhh now, to the kweyun, hmmmm, bro. In my opinion, please assist him with open mind, forgive him completely and assist the man, you are not doing it for you nor him, but for your children, and their children!

See? Its happening this way bcs you will always give ( as in be blessed enough to be a blessing) than lack, so don't stop blessing him

joyAA:
I'm so angry with the way he treated you!
Well karma issa big bitch

FAM, I'm glad you're already doing your best for him, and frankly you said the truth cs even if u don't help his sons, they will succeed anyway, you made the right decision, he is not in charge of how you decide to treat him and his family, you are in charge of that apparently, thumbs up!!

Ahhhhh now, to the kweyun, hmmmm, bro. In my opinion, please assist him with open mind, forgive him completely and assist the man, you are not doing it for you nor him, but for your children, and their children!

See? Its happening this way bcs you will always give ( as in be blessed enough to be a blessing) than lack, so don't stop blessing him

Good thinking

You do have a good heart ...training his kids is more than enough, don't let anyone blackmail you emotionally! He isn't YOUR responsibility or better still refer him to some other people too.


I'm not that nice!