It is no longer news that the office of the President of Nigeria was attacked by our able men, the Royal Rat Brigade, AKA RRB. During his prolonged stay in London.

This is the first of a series of attacks that have been carefully planned by our able Lt. Col. Oscar Ibibibo and Sgt. Nkapi O. Nkapi. We will continue to constitute menace if our demands are not met before 1st October.

Now what most Nigerians don't know is that the Aso Villa is our ancestral home and the abode of our forefathers. We have lived in peace and harmony with our neighbors, the humans, cockroaches, ants and spiders before the major overhaul of our habitat to build the Aso Villa.

During the previous administrations, we have lived in great affluence from your leftovers. Worthy of note is the last administration when the land was flowing with milk and honey. We had our fill whenever Deziani was around, and Dame Patience knew how to keep us happy with her Queen's Standard English.

Then came the corruption fighter and his team of hyenas and jackals!!!

For the past two years we have been living in abject hunger and unhappiness. The kitchen and living room is very dry. The only time we experience a little joy is when we hear her moans in the other room. Our economic experts tells us of a RECESSION, and our elders say the last time they heard such a word was in 1984!

To add salt to injury, we heard the Northern youths giving others quit notices from THEIR LAND without consulting us? Which land? This Land?

We have seen your boys, Julius Berger who have come to break a few interlocking tiles and we are just laughing. You will be surprised when we enter through other routes. Ask people to explain how we get into their homes.

Kikiki... Sergeant Nkapi