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16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible - Religion - Nairaland

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Prophet Jeremiah Omoto Fufeyin Orders Unmarried Youths To Choose Each Other / How To Find A Wife According To The Bible And Yahweh / How To Get A Wife..according To The Bible And Yahweh (1) (2) (3) (4)

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16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by braine: 10:04pm On Sep 03
Many of us may find some of them funny tho...

As a pastor, over the years I had my fair share of people approach me to find out if we were a "courtship" church or a "dating" church. The people invariably would tell me that their approach was "the biblical way." I eventually become leery of such claims given that the Bible does not say much about how to find a wife, or does it? Perhaps you've seen this list floating around the world-wide-web, but it's worth reviewing because it makes a very important point. So here it is, 16 ways to find a wife according to the Bible:

1) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 21:11-13)

2) “Lay hold on” a virgin who is not betrothed to another man, and "know" her, but afterwards pay her father a sum of money. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 22:28-29)

3) Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

4) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.--Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)

5) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.--Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

6) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.--Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

7) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.--Adam (Gen. 2:19-24)

cool Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.--Jacob (Gen. 29:15-30)

9) Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.--David (1 Sam. 18:27)

10) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.--Cain (Gen. 4:16-17)

11) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.--Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

12) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”--Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

13) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though.)--David (2 Sam. 11)

14) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!)--Onan and Boaz (Deut. or Lev., example in Ruth)

15) Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.--Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

16) A wife?--Paul (1st Corinthians, chapter 7)
Obviously, this list was written with humor in mind, and some of these "ways," are not prescriptive but descriptive of the sinful ways that God's people have conducted themselves in the past--they are in no way exemplary. But this does demonstrate an important point--people often want the Bible to say certain things, such as how to find a spouse and marry, but they ignore portions of Scripture that don't fit their paradigm. The Bible has more to say about arranged marriages, for example, than it does "courtship" or dating. So then, how do we proceed?

We have to realize that the Bible does not speak to every issue we will face in life. Just ask Solomon, who had to use wisdom when the two prostitutes came to him claiming to both be the mother of one child. We must follow those things that God has given us. In all of our relationships we have the obligation to exercise the fruit of the Spirit and not mistreat anyone, that is especially true for a prospective spouse. We also have the clear biblical command that a Christian is free to marry whomever he or she chooses, so long as the prospective mate is "in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7.39). But in the end, choosing a spouse calls for wisdom



Source

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Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by dingbang(m): 10:11pm On Sep 03
Number two is Lit...

5 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Tosinex(m): 10:28pm On Sep 03
Awesome, have got to share this.
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by braine: 11:16pm On Sep 03
Tosinex:
Awesome, have got to share this.

Lalasticlala hasn't seen this yet, else he would have done something about that.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by KayDEAN(m): 9:30am On Sep 10
this is so funny

1 Like

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by hopefulLandlord: 9:30am On Sep 10
nn
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by jaymejate(m): 9:30am On Sep 10
simple thing...

Marry Your Friend


that number one tho...
And did that 3 mean bible recommended Olosho

chai angry

6 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by lionness(f): 9:31am On Sep 10
The Bible is Defunct...The only thing it preaches that is Eternal is Faith...Faith is timeless...but everything else in it, follow at your own peril.
Now, back to the issue of taking a wife: use your brain...and your heart...if you like, follow the Bible...take a prostitute, or go and serve some Baba Olowo for 7 years, and another 7 years, and waste 14 years of your life trying to get some rich man's daughter...the bible tells stories of brave old dead prophets, we are not in their time...this is 2017, not 100 BC or 100 AD...even if Jesus Christ was to come back, his preaching and teachings will be entirely different from those in the Bible, and these current flocks of pastors will be the same people to kill him.

22 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Nobody: 9:31am On Sep 10
No 10 and 12 is still OK. That number 1 though
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by NothingDoMe: 9:31am On Sep 10
Really?

For some strange reason I do not find this funny angry

3 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Ishilove: 9:32am On Sep 10
Hilarious, but full of wisdom

Modified: Those quoting me obviously are very shallow and carnal. They are the sort who never introspect before commenting

2 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by benosky(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
I will go for number 7.
A rib is not too much of sacrifice.
I will just get me some ak47 in case the serpent decide to come with another apple. grin

3 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by adeblow(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
Oboy number 3 en ??
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Johngla(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
18. Find a mad woman give her belle and marry her
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Xionez(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
That Option 12 dey somehow. Its like ordering from Jumia.
Just "login" to a village wedding and "pre-order" your wife then later send your people to pick it up.
If you are not fast enough, pesin fit just "cancel" your order and you've gotta start again. In some cases, the offer is not in the market.

Women have suffered.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Biodun1929(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
Lol! Sacarstic post.

1 Like

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Handsomebeing(m): 9:32am On Sep 10
O.Y.O
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by bullabong: 9:33am On Sep 10
Follow the bible at your own risk. A book written by men for their selfish gain and control of the gullible.
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by NothingDoMe: 9:34am On Sep 10
Ishilove:
Hilarious, but full of wisdom
Which wisdom Madam? This is blasphemy!

4 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by VocalWalls: 9:34am On Sep 10
How about choosing a husband?

This life is warped sha
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Tombilly(m): 9:34am On Sep 10
For now am busy helping my friend find a wife.... When am ready he will do same

3 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by LordIsaac(m): 9:36am On Sep 10
No man has authority to join any two people together. Find a wife, and by the laws of the land, marry. Period.

1 Like

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by ajokebelle(f): 9:38am On Sep 10
@ number 2--- does that mean the Bible encourages premarital sex?
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by tonylaw07(m): 9:38am On Sep 10
No 13 is crazy
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by norlandking: 9:40am On Sep 10
Interesting

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by NothingDoMe: 9:41am On Sep 10
lionness:
The Bible is Defunct...The only thing it preaches that is Eternal is Faith...Faith is timeless...but everything else in it, follow at your own peril.
Now, back to the issue of taking a wife: use your brain...and your heart...if you like, follow the Bible...take a prostitute, or go and serve some Baba Olowo for 7 years, and another 7 years, and waste 14 years of your life trying to get some rich man's daughter...the bible tells stories of brave old dead prophets, we are not in their time...this is 2017, not 100 BC or 100 AD...even if Jesus Christ was to come back, his preaching and teachings will be entirely different from those in the Bible, and these current flocks of pastors will be the same people to kill him.
Ayam tired of you Nairalanders

2 Likes

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Daniel058(m): 9:41am On Sep 10
that no 2 self
Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Humanistme: 9:42am On Sep 10
NothingDoMe:
Which wisdom Madam? This is blasphemy!

how is it blasphemy?




lalasticlala do you agree?

1 Like

Re: 16 Ways To Choose A Wife, According To The Bible by Evaberry(f): 9:42am On Sep 10
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