What are you doing? I asked in Igbo. He responded telling me I would not understand. We lived in a public yard and most children of same sex bathed together especially during the rush hours. This we did to make time for our elder ones to bath and get to work in time. It happened one day that I was to bath with one of us . I was a class ahead of him though he is older than me. That was how my sad episode started ticking.
I could say little then when it comes to sex. Many had special love for me and some parents used me as a yard stick to their children owing to my good nature and humility. I could say I was my parents' favourite. After bathing with him that fateful day,my young, innocent life took a different route, strange to me and will always be unbelievable to many who knew me. In the course of time ,I learnt what he did was called masturbation. One of the days later ,I entered their house and he told me he was watching a "blue film."From what I have heard ,I knew it was wrong to watch such movies. I guess he told me that knowing my kind of person but I stayed for sometime then left though unwillingly. I was dedicated in church activities. I soon tried masturbating in secret but failed since I could not get erections. Also my sexual innocency would not allow that since one will need to picture obscene images or watch them in order to masturbate. I persisted and with time ,I became a master in a game I once did not know my right from my left.

Although I practised masturbation ,I knew it was wrong. I also started my journey down the hill of watching porns. Everything happened so fast that in the end of my Junior secondary,I was addicted.Unknown to me I had started a journey I could not easily reverse. Most times I made decisions but they could last for days then and soon just hours. I recall vividly a Sunday ,I went to church and answered altar call.I made a decision not to go back to my old ways but I masturbated that same Sunday still wearing my trousers I went to church with.

I could relate to no one my predicament. I looked and behaved so well to be associated with such terrible acts. Some if told will find it terrible and blurt that it was the beginning of the end.It came to a critical point that I masturbated several times a day.I graduated to a level I did use not use lubricant unlike what I saw the first day.I masturbated in the bathroom,toilet and house with doors locked when no one was around. I could exhaust my last cash on airtime just to download porns .It will always come as an irresistible urge that if not pleased, I would give up my ghost in the next split of second. I tried resisting on some occasions and even talked to myself but that lasted for moments before the did will be done.It was among my new year resolution every year but that flowed away with time just the way a river carries away a particle. At a point, I felt it has come to stay and even God cannot change the seeming permanent habit.I wondered what will save me if at all I will be free from this enslavement.
I tried telling some adults but lacked the morale. One of the days years later ,I summoned courage and told my minister in school. He prayed with me and advised me. All this now happened within the university four walls. It took what seems like eternity but then the did was again done. I felt bad deep even during the act and worse when it was over. I had a taste of addiction and could tell from experience what addicts if various addictions go through. It seems easy telling them to put a stop to whatever they did but often times they don't even at the expense of their health. Some of them would want to break loose but on their own can not.One might tag them bad and useless and unwise not knowing what they go through. I stayed many months and indeed I felt it was over. One Saturday,there I sat at my study desk crying my heart out, it happened again. I later related my sad story to my Sunday school teacher and friend who has been of immense help.It seems like a therapy but it combines both spiritual and physical and I have realised letting the right people know about your addictions goes a long way.The fight has not been an easy one but I pray that one day, I would be entirely free from all of these. I have seen some who were victims but were victorious. Yes addicted yesterday,of course struggling to break entirely free today but then I hope to be the ones innocent child I was years ago because I know with God and me playing my own part I would soon live above it.My concern too is to help others.


This is a true story that happened to someone and is still happening . I dedicate this to all addicts struggling to be free.Never give up on yourself or on God.Many has gone the track you found yourself and overcame and surely you will.Jesus loves and cares for you.
Are you blessed?Any comments and criticisms are welcome for English scholars equally.