BismiLLAH

THE NATURE OF POLYGYNY

Note: With all due respect, kindly save this article and read when you are not busy, JazakumuLLAHU khayran for your time.

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In the early days of Islam, when the oppression of the Muslims were at it apex, when the terrorism is monumental, almighty ALLAH actually grant guidance to a few of Human beings in Makkah at that time and part of those people are Ramlah bint Abu Sufyan R A (popularly known as Umu Habeebah bint Abu Sufyan) and her husband, UbaiduLLAH bin Jahsh Al-Asadi.

Examine the firmness of faith that must have been rooted in their hearts for them to have believed in Allah amidst the oppression. Interesting to note is that Umu Habeebah is actually a daughter of the leader of the Nonbelievers, Abu Sufyan (May ALLAH be pleased with him, because he later embraced Islam). Abu Sufyan was in a very great distress that his daughter embraced Islam. Umu Habeebah migrated to Abyssinia with her husband.

All of a sudden her husband came to her one day and told her that he will go back to Christianity because that was his religion before. Umu Habeebah displayed a level of faith of unparalleled intensity when she actually stood firm in Islam and separated from her husband. This separation affected her husband so much that he started drinking and he actually drank to his death.

One cannot help but marvel at the faith of the mother of believers, Umu Habeebah, her husband left Islam, her father was a leading enemy of Islam yet she stood firm in the religion of ALLAH. She literally have no source of support, no companion at all. Worthy to note is that she was actually in Abyssinia (a foreign land) when all of this happened.

The messenger of ALLAH proposed marriage to her. She was overjoyed and actually gave the Negus slave that brought the news to her, two silver bracelet. She was married to the prophet by Khalid bin Sa'eed R A with King Negus as a witness.

Note that she was aware that the prophet S A W, is already married to other mothers of believers.
She is well aware that she is entering into a polygynous marriage. And she is also well aware that polygynous marriage have its peculiar nature. The evidence that she is aware of the peculiar nature of polygynous marriage is in the incidence that took place at the time of her death.

At the time of her death, the mother of believers, Umm Habeebah actually called and apologized to Aisha and Umm Salaamah, saying, there has been some frictions between us the likes of which are common between co-wives, so kindly forgive me. Our Mothers, Aisha and Umm Salaamah forgave her. Aisha R A even supplicated for her after forgiving her. Umm Habeebah R A said you have made me happy, may ALLAH make you happy.

From this incidence we can deduce the reality that no matter the depth of piousness of a woman, no matter her firmness of faith, no matter her good naturedness, there will always be some not so good things she will do to her cowives. Things that she will not have done if she is not in a polygynous marriage. There will be some level of strain on her due to the difficulty of polygyny, and there will be some attitudes that she will not be proud of that she will show due to polygyny. It is ONLY natural as Shaykh Salih bn Fawzaan Al Fawzaan has stated.

If women of the highest level of firmness in faith could show attitudes due to polygyny, then verily the nature of polygyny is such that it will make women show some levels of attitudes on the average. I am not saying that there are no exceptions, wherein the women will not be in difficulty, verily there exist women who will not be in any difficulty despite polygyny, but they are the exceptions NOT the NORM.

Please pay attention to the fact that I do not intend to encourage nor discourage polygyny. Just like I am only stating the nature of pregnancy, neither am I encouraging nor discouraging pregnancy if I say women generally undergo a level of difficulty while pregnant. And this difficulty varies, while some die due to the pain, others survive, while some are still able to do house chores during the difficulty, others will spend the entire time in the hospital. And honestly some will not be in ANY difficulty whatsoever. These set of women are the exceptions not the norm.

ALLAH in His perfection permitted polygyny, yet He is more aware of the nature of what He has permitted. Despite the nature of polygyny and the difficulty it brings upon the women, it is the lesser of a greater difficulty in some cases. Looking at the case of Umm Habeebah R A, the joy, companionship, affection and status she enjoyed as the wife of the noblest of mankind is worth the difficulty of polygyny. Being lonely in that trying period of her life is more difficult than the difficulty of polygyny.

Looking at her nature, being a diligent servant of ALLAH, it is certain that she must have put in alot of efforts to ensure that she doesn't hurt her co-wives but that is simply not obtainable, she did hurt them despite not wanting to, hence she seeks for their forgiveness, that is an attestation of her sincerity. May ALLAH be pleased with her.

Now let me address women in polygynous marriage, know that no difficulty will touch a Muslim except that ALLAH will reward you abundantly for it. Please make the decision never to hurt your co-wife today, while it may still happen one way or the other. Not making the decision to be good, will lead to more harm.

To the men, please face the reality of your marriage, insisting that you want NO PROBLEM will only cause more problem. I mean insisting that you don't want your wives to show attitudes will cause more problems. It is like telling a woman in labour not to scream while in Labour. She will throw her arm and legs everywhere wrecking more havoc to everyone around her. So if your wives are in difficulty holding them close to yourself and comforting them is the right thing to do, not screaming at them that: POLYGYNY IS SUNNAH, SHOWING DIFFICULTY DUE TO IT MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH. SubuhanaLLAH! that is cruelty. That is a wrong assertion, that is wrong! Even women of great faith cry in the labour room, even men of great faith cry while in the pain of injury sustained during accidents. Hurting in the situation of difficulty is ONLY natural. Even the prophet S A W hurts so much when he lost his wife, Khadijah, R A.

Men please ensure that you are up to it, before doing it, leave men that are up to it to practice it, if you're not strong enough for its rigours. Even if your friends mock you, that you are not man enough because you stick to one wife, just leave them alone, because leaving what you are not up to is actually an evidence of being man enough. If you are a man that can't deal with warring wives, if you are not someone that can discipline the trouble initiator even if she is your favourite please don't do polygyny.

If the best of women show attitudes due to polygyny, what do you expect from a difficult woman? Definitely, MORE WAR. Some not so good women are not FIT for polygyny, it is their likes that becomes excessively EVIL and start going to magicians to cast spells on their co-wives or the children of their co or even the husband. It is their likes that will subject their cowives to Ruqya ALL THE TIME, it is their likes that will make their cowives to always live in FEAR.

Men, choose with your eyes open in polygyny, very good women will have problems except in exceptional cases, not so good women will CREATE wars. If you have any health issue that demands that you should not be stressed emotionally, then polygyny is not for you. Because as much as polygyny can be a source of pleasure, it can also be a source of WORKS. If you can't do the workS leave polygyny for men who can do the work. BarakaLLAHU feekum.

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May ALLAH grant us understanding.

HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS
@ hamidahbintabbas.com

Love this piece?

Then read more on: https://www.nairaland.com/4112695/polygamy-polygyny-should-live-second

Jazzaka Allahu khair

Amin wa antum fajazakumuLLAHU khayran.
Shukran for commenting.

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BismiLLAH

Am I fit for polygyny?

Every marriage has its own unique challenges, distinct problems and different sources of happiness.

It goes without saying or atleast it should go without saying that; a man that have two different marriages or more will have two or more different set of uniqueness to deal with. And worthy to note is that the polygynous institution itself have its own peculiar nature and natural problems.

Sequel to this, permit me to reinforce the obvious, which is; if you are not physically, mentally and emotionally strong enough for the rigours of a polygynous institution, kindly back off and stick with monogamy.

Among the conditions which requires fulfillment before polygyny can be permissible for you is that you must have the confidence that you will be able to do JUSTICE between wives. If you fear or doubt your ability to deliver justice, then you must stick to one wife; as ALLAH has instructed in Surah An-Nisa [4:3].

Doing justice in polygyny will require deliberate efforts, because definitely your heart will be inclined to one wife more than the other. [4:129], you will miss her terribly when you are with the other wife, but despite that you must still divide your time equally between them.

In the polygynous life of the noblest of mankind (peace be upon him) he loves Aisha more, despite missing her while with the other wives he was usually still very good and kind to them while with them, that is an excellent brilliance bestowed by ALLAH on His messenger that every man in polygyny should strive to emulate.

All other wives know that his heart is more inclined to Aisha, that is why Sawdah bint Zamah R A gave her days to Aisha R A when she feared that the messenger of ALLAH may divorce her, the messenger of ALLAH readily accepted this deal. The strong love for Aisha is also the reason why Safiyyah R A gave her day to Aisha R A when she feels that the messenger of ALLAH may be angry at her. Safiyyah knows that the messenger of ALLAH loves spending time with Aisha more than any other wife. Upon this the messenger of ALLAH become immediately pleased with Safiyyah.

Interesting to note is that the messenger of ALLAH actually sent Aisha away when she sat beside him on that day, telling her today is Safiyyah's day not your day, so go away from me, he said this despite the fact his hearts longs for the companionship of Aisha R A. Aisha then informed him about Safiyah's deal with her and the messenger of ALLAH immediately become pleased with Safiyyah. [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Note that doing justice will not be easy, you must admit this fact, then you must STRIVE to ensure that you are indeed doing justice.

Further evidence that the messenger of ALLAH loves to be with Aisha more lies in the fact that at the time of the death of the messenger of ALLAH he actually seeks the permission of all other wives to be with Aisha R A, and they all agreed.

In conclusion, are you up to it? If yes go ahead if no, then do what is right. May ALLAH grant us success.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

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BismiLLAH

HAMIDAH, STOP ATTACKING POLYGYNY

Polygyny has been the subject of debate within and outside the Islamic world for so many centuries, due to its nature as an highly misunderstood subject, hence it has been rooted in people's subconscious mind that anyone discussing polygyny is trying to oppose or support the motion, as it is obtainable in any typical debate.

While this is highly understood. I want to inform anyone reading this message to know that the daughter of Abbas (May ALLAH preserve him) is simply interested in polygyny, just like anyone can be interested in Agriculture, Mathematics, Ramadhan or any other random subject.

I am not for, nor against polygyny, whenever you are reading from me please let your armour down, I mean stop being defensive, stop assuming that I am trying to encourage or discourage polygyny. If I write on agriculture nobody will read with an armour, likewise if I write on polygyny nobody should read with an armour. Because by ALLAH, I am just stating it as it is.

If I say Agriculture can be very difficult and rewarding and it may succeed or fail. Everybody including the Minister of Agriculture will agree with me. The minister of Agriculture will not say, "You are attacking my profession by saying that agriculture can be very difficult" Indeed, an Engineer will not say, "Rubbish! You are just trying to persuade us into agriculture by saying, "agriculture can be very rewarding"

Why are people neutral when it comes to understanding my statements on Agriculture but they are interestingly over defensive when I discuss polygyny?

Imagine, if I say, "Polygyny can be very difficulty or rewarding" A man that has been repeatedly judged for practicing polygyny will reply by saying "Hamidah, Shut up!, polygyny is a very great deed the prophet S A W practiced it, therefore it is not difficult" A woman who have been praying in Tahajudd to ALLAH against polygyny since Primary three will have something like this to say: "Rubbish! Hamidah stop pretending that you love polygyny, nobody wants it in their lives, why are you pretending that you have higher Imaan than us, why are you saying that polygyny can be very rewarding?" A man that watches his highly devoted mother cry to bed every night after his father took a second wife will say, "All these single sisters forming high quality of Imaan everywhere don't know the difference between theory and practical"

What have I done? I just stated a fact and everyone is turning to me in a very heated rage of emotional aggravation then they will discharge a rage of monumental intensity on me. But why na? Are we fighting before ni?

Lolz, on a more serious note, everyone is attacking because, polygyny usually have a very high rate of emotional impact on people hence the emotional reactions.

So why am I writing on polygyny every time? I am writing on polygyny because I have realized that the complications emanating from polygyny originated from the fact that people are quick to discuss polygyny as they FEEL not as it is. Hence I have taken a mission upon myself to educate people on the institution of polygyny. By the time we have in-depth understanding, we will stop being excessively emotional.

So if you are seriously trying to figure out whether I am in support of or against polygyny, know that I am only trying to explain the concept in details so that people may have understanding. May ALLAH grant us understanding. JazakumuLLAHU Khayran for reading.
© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH

Why do I always say polygyny and not polygamy whenever I am discussing the concept of plural marriage?

Polygamy - A man or woman having more than one wife or husband.

Polygyny - A man having more than one wife.

Limited polygyny is permissible in Islam. May ALLAH grant us understanding.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH, AlhamduliLLAH

SHE CALLED HER, "SELFISH FIRST WIFE" !!!

●How exactly did we expect the first wives, who are also Muslim sisters to live when all we do is to call their pain "unreal" when all we do is to forsake them while the only thing they truly need is understanding, a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell them, "take heart, sorry, after hardship surely comes relief, don't worry ALLAH will relieve you of this stress and pain."

Aren't we senior hypocrites if we pretend to care so much about the Muslim Ummah yet we only allow ourselves to see the pain of the single lonely sisters, the poor widows and divorcees but the pain and hardships of the first wives is invalid, according to us, it shouldn't even exist, in fact the first wives must be mad to experience that.

Imagine a first wife crying extremely profusely to me and asking me to recommend a dua'a that can heal her pain. She said she believes that there is no hardships that ALLAH cannot bring an end to, she laments that she only needs *comfort* and an end to her pain. So I recommend the dua'a of prophet Ayub to her.

So how come the hurt of these women does not count, how come? You throw a Muslimah into an endless bout of hardship because you seek to end the misery of a Muslimah, yet the Muslimah you threw into an endless bout of hardship shouldn't feel that hardship somehow, abi?

I have seen a woman who sought divorce from her husband after he took a second wife, then she went ahead to be a second wife *immediately.* That looked like madness to me, so I asked why?

She said; Ever since her husband took a second wife her life has lost happiness and the happiness was replaced by extreme and excessive unbearable hurt and pain.

She continued by saying: "Did you know what worsens this? My former husband's second wife called me a transgressor when she caught me crying and lamenting due to my difficulty in polygyny. All the people I ever know said to me: 'Your difficulties are signs of weakness in faith, how could you be in pain! It is not permissible to be in pain!' I wondered what they are all talking about it was only my Mum that said 'I know this is difficult, May ALLAH grant you ease' those simple words are a great deal of comfort to me, ALLAH used those words to save me from an impending mental health break down, everyone kept informing me of how selfish I am for not wanting happiness for my sister in Islam.

By ALLAH my pain and hardships in polygyny is nothing compared to the pain and hardships of the cruel words coming out from the mouth of everyone that I seek human comfort from, it was like a knife is been used to stab an open wound, definitely that is more painful than the initial wound.

*No one*, I mean absolutely no one cared for me, they kept on breaking me down more and more with every opportunity they get.

My former husband is the worst human being I ever know, he would call me a disbeliever and a selfish woman while I cry. He would say, I should want for my sister what I want for myself. What confuses me is that I heard that Sheikh Salih Al Fawzaan said in one of his tape that, "the difficulty and hardships of women in polygyny is only natural and it is not a sign of depletion in Imaan"

By ALLAH, I only need comfort from my husband, he describes the pain of my lonely cowife to me and he said I am a devil for feeling pain because he has helped a poor lonely sister. I looked around me and I found out that the only person people cared about is the poor lonely sister. I see my cowife enjoying the bliss of marriage while I am condemned to sadnesss that will probably never end, and I am just 36 years of age. I just wondered, will I remain sad for the remaining of the decades that remains for me in life? I am desperate to feel loved, and be cared for.

One morning I just woke up to find my neighbor whose husband got a second wife complaining about how difficult her life is in polygyny. I tried to convince my husband that my pain is not selfishness and it is valid because I heard my neighbor describing the exact same thing that I have been going through.

Interestingly, my husband said "stupid ungrateful first wives depressing each other, RUBBISH!!!" For a seconds I almost started crying again but all of a sudden I picked myself up and his statement made sense to me, that was when I realized that being a first wife is a curse and I demanded for divorce immediately and I was granted I was so happy when he didn't even try to revoke the divorce.

I think he was shocked to see that I demanded for divorce and he doesn't want to bruise his male ego by convincing me to stay. Whatever his reasons were to grant me the divorce with so much ease I don't even care, all that matters to me is to also be pampered and cared for and that is why I insist that being a second wife is the only reason I will be cared for in this world hence I pursued my dream.

Immediately I got out of the marriage I started stopping by every Masjid and groups of Muslims I could find, I started telling them that I am available to be a second wife. Before I know it, the influx of attention I got made me angry at myself for choosing to be a first wife in the first place. I was so much enjoying myself, with the multiple interest shown in me. I don't even care about the first wife of the men that are flocking around me. As much as I am concerned I am not the one that cursed them to be a first wife. In fact I made my choice with no rushing at all. And to be honest I don't care about what anyone have to say because as you can see I am now enjoying my life."

And that was the story of a first wife turned second wife. I however asked her what about the kids? She said "I fought with reckless abandon to gain their custody, and I gained it. I don't care about anyone anymore, my life as a first wife taught me to *only* care about myself because no one else will care for me"

I asked, how did you manage to see a man to marry you with kids? She replied; "I took them to my Mum, my Mum love my kids and my Mum has been lonely since my Dad's death, so that arrangement worked out great for everyone"

By ALLAH beneath all those rugged exterior I can sense a bitter woman. A woman that has been transformed from a gentle innocent soul to a difficult human being that only cares for herself even if that means destroying other people's lives.

She laughed an evil laugh when I asked her, is she not truly selfish now? She said, "you know what? If people call me selfish now, I will gladly answer. It hurts to be accused of selfishness when I am honestly just hurting and I need comfort. It is like accusing a good person of theft, the sorrow from wrong accusations can lead to an early grave. But if you call a thief, a thief, it makes no difference. Call me selfish now and it makes no difference because I am unapologetically selfish now. I only look after my own happiness nowadays."

The last question, I asked is that; "don't you think that it will be better to divorce and look after your kids, why do you think it is a must to marry again before you will be happy?"

She said "Will my kids kiss and cuddle me?"

So I just kept quiet.

________________________

While I do not agree with her belief that being a first wife is a curse and her choice to be selfish, I however understand the depth of her pain.

My point exactly is that there are alot of problems going on in our society today because we choose to insist that a natural difficulty must not exist.

Anyone who has read my article titled "The nature of polygyny" will understand me more. Does the fact ALLAH permits circumcision and child birth makes them less painful? Polygyny is permissible in Islam but it comes with it difficulties.

Women who give birth with no difficulty whatsoever are the exceptions to the norm, not the norm. And as such we should not judge women who experience difficulties in polygyny because there are some women who do not experience any form of hardship in polygyny, these women are the exceptions to the norm but they are not the norm.

We should learn to admit the validity of the pain of the first wives by learning from the story of a sister who narrated that; for first three years in polygyny she was always in and out of the offices of mental health specialist because of the excessive trauma she is going through. She said her husband is her pillar of strength, her supporter, her comforter and her sabaab for complete healing.

She said she admired the commitment of her husband, because while he was trying to ensure that she gets better, he was also giving the second wife her rights.

She has been in polygyny for 11 years, the first three years were very rough but outside that she has been enjoying a blissful marriage after those first three years of hardship, she said she thought she will never get better but she did get better.

I met this woman on a forum, she always advocate for polygyny. I was interested in her and I got to know her story.

Can we also compare her husband with men that call their first wives SHAYTANA because of their natural pain?

As long as we insist that polygyny must not cause hardships for the first wife we will continue to have problems as an Ummah. As much as it is not possible to tell a woman in the labour room not to hurt, it is insanity to ask a first wife not to hurt in polygyny.

Just last week a woman messaged me from The Philippines asking me to suggest the best therapist to visit because she is desperate to get over her difficulty in polygyny. I told her, I am in Nigeria and I know nothing about therapists in the Philippines. That is another example of a first wife who is trying to get over the difficulty that according to some people shouldn't exist.

Even if it shouldn't exist it is existing so what can we do to manage it? Being cruel? Definitely not! I think kindness to first wives is also required as much as lonely sisters need it.

Finally, I am not trying to make light of the hardships of lonely sisters. I am only trying to ensure that we do not cause more problems while trying to solve a problem. Polygyny is permitted by ALLAH, as much as it solves major problems in the society it comes with its own hardships.

● In case you have read my article titled "In the depth of heart" and you feel that I am an advocate of second wives, suddenly you read this one too and you are wondering; Is she an advocate of first wives? Know that, Hamidah does not advocate for, nor against polygyny, I am only interested in polygyny as I am interested in agriculture.

May ALLAH grant us understanding.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH.

To read all my published work visit this thread: https://www.nairaland.com/4112695/polygamy-polygyny-should-live-second

There's nothing wrong with polygyny as long as a practice accept polyandry.

BismiLLAH, AlhamduliLLAH

*HE ASKED!

"Hamidah, what makes you interested in polygyny?"

I replied,

"Curiousity!!"

The same curiosity bestowed by ALLAH that made me interested in Agriculture as a child while most people hate it. The same curiosity that made me interested in STOVES, without any reason.

///Read more from me on: https://mobile.facebook.com/hamidahbintabbas/?v=feed&_rdr ///

Did you know that I was once curious about a country full of mountains of Ice - glaciers, that country is called GREENLAND located in the continent - North America.

I read so much about this country to the extent that I mastered their map, I know every street and corners of their country. I am extremely versed in their current affairs. I connect with their citizens from the internet.

In fact curiosity does wonder. One of my teachers. Mallam Rasheed Hashim (May ALLAH preserve him) do call me - "The ever curious girl"

Polygyny is just one of those things I am curious about. The fact that I write on it has nothing to do with my background nor emotions. People ask me, "Are you married?" "Are you the first or second wife?" "Are your parents polygynous?" Kindly know and note that all these are not necessary. This is just a girl reproducing the information she has gathered during her curiosity inspired research on polygyny.

I have been curious about so many things so why am I writing specifically on polygyny? I am writing specifically on polygyny because I have come to realize that 99% of discussions on polygyny are totally in opposition to my findings during my days of research on polygyny. I am writing on polygyny so as to benefit people with the correct perception on most aspects of the subject that has been misunderstood grossly in our society. I am writing on polygyny so as to present information that will address most of the societal ills caused by the abuse of polygyny.

I can also choose to start writing on Greenland as well. But I have no societal ill to prevent if I should write on Greenland. The difference between my curiosity on polygyny and Greenland is that information gathered while researching on polygyny can solve a lot of societal ills while information gathered while researching on Greenland will only entertain.

I don't know why it is so difficult for people to believe that my works on polygyny is born out of pure curiosity, no emotional attachment nor detachment. Just spelling it out as it is.

I have gathered so much information on the subject. I have interacted with so many women in polygyny. I have read from a very large number of women in polygyny. So whenever I make submission on the subject kindly note that it is informed from data collected from more than seven years of relentless research. Passive research since 2009 and active research since 2011 up till date. You can call me precocious if you wish.

The point I am trying to drive in is that when I make submissions on polygyny it is not based on wishful thinking it is actually based on actual information gathered. Take for example, in one of my articles, I stated that some women are exited about their husband's second marriage, they celebrate it and they are sincerely happy about it. A sister in Islam got extremely angry with me. She told me to Shut up! She said, "Are you even married?" What do you know? There is no woman who will celebrate her husband's second marriage, they can just be pretending"

What she doesn't realize is that, I have actually read from women from across the globe through the internet that are jubilant about their husband's second marriage in my years of active research. I can sense the pretense of the pretenders and I know the originality of the jubilant when I meet them. One thing that is common between all the women that are jubilant about their husband's second marriage is that they are involved in the selection process of the new wife. To them polygyny means adding a sister to the family, it doesn't only mean their husband is getting a second wife. They call the woman "sisterwife" That is she is a sister to them and a wife to their husband.

This practice is common among HEBREW ISRAELITE and SOME Muslims. Hebrew Israelite are not ISREALIS if you call them Isrealis they will not like it. They follow the Torah and there are very great similarities between them and Muslims. They are neither Christians nor Jews. But they are not popular at all.

They build a family with the "sisterwife". They usually love their sisterwives. They do everything together from cooking to upbringing the children together. They eat together as a family. To them if their husband have intimacy with their sisterwife they will be happy that two important people in their life are having a nice time. To them if you ask them to name their family members they name their sisterwife before they name their husband or children.

To buttress my point, let me narrate a tale; There is a woman who is very angry with her husband because he has refused to be polygynous. She cried that he is denying her "the blessings of a sisterwife" But the husband argued that he can't imagine himself in an emotional intimacy with another woman, he said can't his wife have a sister without involving him in it. He believes his life is perfect as it is, he said, the thought of an additional marriage is completely overwhelming. Because it means a new set of emotions to deal with. He said he thinks it is his wife who wants a relationship with the sisterwife, he will only gain an additional sex partner, as for the relationship he is not interested.

Interestingly, his wife called him "selfish" for not wanting happiness for her because she needs a sisterwife in her life to truly feel complete. When asked for the reason behind her desperation to have a sisterwife. She said she has always dreamed of another female in her family, who she will share her life with, not just a friend but a family because friends will invest more in their family. She said she is the only daughter while growing up.

That is a tale depicting the reality of some other people. Another entirely strange dimension to polygyny. It is strange but it is the reality of some other people.

Whenever I present the results of my research, I get asked: "Are you even married?" I beg to say I don't have to be a fish to know how to swim. In addition, Must I be a Greenlander before I will be qualified to talk about Greenland? Does the fact that I am not married invalidate the data I have gathered? Will it make any difference if a married human being have gathered the same data?"

For those who query the validity of the information I provide, with this article I will like to make it clear again that all the information I provide while I write on polygyny is based on the data from my research and it is detached from emotions because it is born out of PURE curiosity. You might wonder, "How is that possible?" Well, that is a mercy from ALLAH.

Please whenever you see anything on polygyny from me please know that it is a piece written with the intention to educate and stabilize the society. It has nothing to do with attacking men and women in polygyny.

I have published this piece because of the need to make my intention for writing on polygyny very clear so that people will read with the right mindset. A lot of people have been asking me my ORIGINAL aim for writing on polygyny. Lolest. My aim again is to solve societal problems by educating on the concept. May ALLAH grant us understanding.

In conclusion, for those asking me to write about me, I will write in Nursery school format. My name is Hamidah Bint Abbas, My Dad's name is Dr Abbas bn Adetunji, my Mum's name is Hajia Asiyah Bint Adepoju. I am blessed with shinning siblings. I was born on Yaomal Ar'bia, 22, Rabiu thanni, 14? Hmmmmmm that is a secret. A graduate of the blessed Al-Hikmah Nursery and Primary school, Olorunsogo Ibadan. A graduate of Ummul-Qura High School, Amuloko Ibadan. A fellow of the world Bank of Agricultural Excellence, Federal University of Agriculture, Abeokuta, FUNAAB Pre-degree program. A 300 Level student of the department of Plant Physiology and Crop Production, FUNAAB. A student of Umm Hameedah's school of life. A student of Abu Hameedah's circle of learning. An explorer of Shaykul Internetee, Al-Google bn Google.

With this I hope I have been able to convince you and not to confuse you about myself. May ALLAH increase His blessings on my parents.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

THE DEATH OF MERCY

By Hamidah @ https://mobile.facebook.com/hamidahbintabbas/?v=feed&_rdr

BismiLLAH, Alhamdulillah

ALLAH created us in pair, and for each human whether male or female, he created a spouse. Verily we need a companion in life, humans are created co-dependent, hence ALLAH tells us in His Majesty in Quran 30: 21 ( Suratur - Room) that He has created a spouse for us so that they can be a source of tranquility for us and he has placed love and mercy between us.

Ponder it, ever wonder why the first of mankind Nabi Adam Alayhi salaam never felt complete? Ever wonder despite having everything in paradise he still felt terribly lonely and incomplete? He felt alive and complete for the first time when ALLAH created a wife for him from his mercy. He gained a sense of tranquility that can never be described efficiently enough. In his wife did he find a companion and source of comfort.

Why am I speaking in parables? An incidence came to my hearing wherein a wife built a whole house from foundation to roof without the knowledge of her husband. Why has mercy died from her heart? How could she have done something of such to her spouse. How could she have lived with herself having done such to her companion, her other half.

Why am I furious? I am not furious because the woman has built a house in fact building a house is such a rigourous project that demands so much sacrifice, and anyone successful should be commended. How could she do something so important in her life and her other half have no idea. Should my sister have straight A's and her friend knows before I do? I would feel very hurt that my sister confided in a friend before me. A spouse would be more hurt. Definitely her husband is hurt beyond repair. He insisted that he will divorce her yet he didn't divorce her. His insistence on divorce was not due to the fact that he does not love his wife anymore, it was because his trust was broken and he feels it can never be mended again. He couldn't just understand why his wife would do such a thing to him. He has always celebrated her success with her, he always prayed for more success for her. He has never felt jealous of her achievement rather he has been proud of them. Yet despite his loyalty the only reward his wife gave him is to shut him out of her life completely.

When the wife was asked "why?" She said "I fear he will be hurt, I fear he will be jealous, I fear he will do this, I fear he will do that"

Excuses, just excuses, it will never make sense in my hearing. You should have been realistic and know that, no matter how hurt he might be if you have told him the truth, the betrayal and hurt he would feel if he gets to find out himself will be more. There is no way he will not find out later.

Such is the pain of a man whose wife technically betrayed. Perhaps if we pay more attention to the feelings of our spouse we will try to amplify our mercy a little bit, maybe just maybe we will make a better choice.

Once upon a time there was a man who married a second wife in secrecy. With no doubt whatsoever I am certain that mercy is dead in the heart of this man. Did you know what made matter worse? When his first wife found out and cried her heart out, he barked "the deed has already been done, I have done nothing wrong in Shariah, you lack imaan for crying, seek repentance and accept the decree of ALLAH"

Inalilllah wa ina ilayhi rajiun, in place of this man's heart there is stone. Mercy is dead, buried and had decayed in his heart. How could someone be so cruel? Already polygyny is a technical institution, it is a source of difficulty, pain and hardships for a number of women. The difficulty of women in polygny is not a sign of depletion in imaan, it is just natural- Sheik Salih Al Fawzan.

Marriage is meant to unite two spouses, it makes your life revolve around the life of your spouse. In marriage, no one should be close to your spouse as much as you are, and your spouse should not be close to anyone as much as he/she is close to you. But polygynous marriage creates a situation wherein your spouse will have a completely different intimate life that you will be shut out from. He will have a separate marriage different from yours. So technically he will have a separate world, a separate life that he is not sharing with you at all. That alone is a source of difficulty but ALLAH is more aware of the difficulty yet he permitted polygyny in perfect wisdom. We can only understand from this that despite the pain of circumcision, ALLAH permitted circumcision, despite the pains of child birth, ALLAH makes child birth part of life. The fact that ALLAH permits polygyny does not mean it doesn't bring difficulty to a certain number of women.

To every woman enduring any level of hardship due to polygyny be certain that ALLAH will not leave you except that he will reward you abundantly from his mercy because no hardship will touch a Muslim except that he will have rewards for it

Polygynous institution is an institution that brings difficulty to women, so therefore men please kindly accompany this naturally painful transition with mercy for your first wife. BE MERCIFUL PLEASE.....

Being cruel and lacking mercy is not permissible in Shariah especially to your wife. Accompanying the pain of polygyny with the pain of betrayal of trust is cruelty. Fear ALLAH, please fear the last day. No matter your excuse, it is not acceptable. Imagine excuses like; I don't want her to hurt, I don't want to see her cry. Please know that she will still hurt no matter what, so please kindly say the truth from the beginning and deal with her tears. It is better that way than complicating issues and raising the power of her pain to a million. Note that it is a must to be merciful to your wife (Hadith No. 2871, Silsilah Saheehah)

In conclusion, to all heart that have experienced the death of mercy, turn to ALLAH through the Quran, by ALLAH, there is no better cure for your condition than that. To all heart that have been broken remember that verily in the remembrance of ALLAH will the heart find rest.
May ALLAH soften our hearts.
And ALLAH knows best

© Hamidah Bint Abbas
@ hamidahbintabbas.com

BismiLLAH, AlhamduliLLAH.

BUT I WANT TO MARRY HIM!

This is the full gist; she wants to marry a man whose first wife doesn't want polygyny.

Counselor: You will have a marriage with him if you marry him but will you have rest of mind and matrimony?

We have to be REALISTIC once in a while. You want to marry a man whose current wife will MOST LIKELY create domestic wars. Someone who clearly doesn't want polygyny? Someone probably with this kind of thoughts going on in her head: "Hummmm, she would pose a threat by marrying my husband? Well I will show her hell also"

Remember, this discussion is not about the validity of the behaviour of the current wife, it is about YOU! — The one who wants to be the second wife.

You may argue that the current wife will accept Qadar and move on after the marriage has taken place but this is not always true. You might argue that she is only destroying her akhirah if she should oppress you. Well, that is the truth but remember while destroying her own Akhirah she will get your own dunya destroyed also. I think there is something called WISDOM because I don't understand the purpose of a marriage with no tranquility.

© HAMIDAH BINT ABBAS

@ hamidahbintabbas.com

Fb: https://mobile.facebook.com/hamidahbintabbas/?v=feed&_rdr

AlhamduliLLAH. Eid is here, to celebrate, Hamidah is giving out a FREE book on Polygyny. Download instantly @ https://hamidahbintabbas.com/what-about-polygyny-part-one/