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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / MY Sorrow(short Story) (3510 Views)
Behind The Mask - A Short Story / Don't Laugh Me, Love Me ( A Short Story) / The 2018 Commonwealth Short Story Prize Is Open For Entries. (2) (3) (4)
MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 2:09pm On Nov 10, 2017 |
"jemila won't you wake up and go make the pap?,what is wrong with you, I told you to wake up by 4AM" He strained his head through the small opening in the long corridor, Jemila was still sleeping.although Jemima heard, she pretended as if she didn't and even gave out a loud snore, something is happening to their father these days, he looks optimistic more than before, often lonely, regretful and dejected. But Atere probably knows anyway Jemila heard him. "I'm bringing koboko now, will you not stand up right now and go and make the pap". Jemila groaned, she moaned and cursed silently about those people that always disturb "someone's sleep" Her weakness was always the koboko,she hated being thrashed by that friggly cane sold by those wandering Molla,she stood up sluggishly from her ragtag mat and walked slopply to the backyard which is now called "kitchen " "you lazy young man" Atere slapped his son badejo from sleep. "what now" Badejo hissed and shouted at his father. "you, ehn,sleep again let me see, I will use the koboko on you, you irresponsible young person, are you not suppose to be the one supervising everything in this house? All you do is eat, always waiting for Jemila to do everything, have you no shame?" "and so what?,leave me alone jo,somebody want to receive curse this morning " "are you talking to me that way, bi ikun lo ni oko ni bi takute ni,emi atie joo wa ni enue? If you like yourself, grab the pails now and go and fetch water " Badejo hissed loudly again. "you cant do anything". He still went to fetch the water anyway, failure to do so means no food for the day.Jemila shaked her head and hiss, she is growing tired of the incessant quarrels between her brother and father. "All this is happening because there is not enough money" 1 Like |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 2:10pm On Nov 10, 2017 |
to be continued |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 2:11pm On Nov 10, 2017 |
tbc |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 2:43pm On Nov 10, 2017 |
open to criticism no matter how harsh
thanks. |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 1:31pm On Nov 11, 2017 |
tbc |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 1:32pm On Nov 11, 2017 |
tbc |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 1:33pm On Nov 11, 2017 |
please criticise me where necessary, thanks. |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 2:22pm On Nov 11, 2017 |
tbc |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Drinokrane: 7:00am On Nov 12, 2017 |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Seunfunmi18(m): 7:19am On Nov 12, 2017 |
Next please |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 8:03am On Nov 12, 2017 |
Seunfunmi18:thanks, will keep updating. |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by aniblue(m): 8:26am On Nov 12, 2017 |
Nice work,
interesting! |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 8:31am On Nov 12, 2017 |
thanks to the mods
I'm honoured. |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by bufness(m): 9:03am On Nov 12, 2017 |
sapo , the law d law nice story |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 9:03am On Nov 12, 2017 |
bufness:lol |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Nphzzycute(f): 11:45am On Nov 12, 2017 |
Nice one dear.... I'm the Nifemi on your WhatsApp group |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by baracutie(f): 12:24pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Following |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Nobody: 12:29pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Nice story keep up d good work |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by adontcare(f): 12:55pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
What a pitiful throwback memories |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 3:04pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Nphzzycute:thanks Niffy |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by itsandi(m): 4:13pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Interesting |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 4:33pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
itsandi:thanks 1 Like |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by rayvelez(m): 5:03pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Following... |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Crystalxx(f): 5:27pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
Nice story thumb up! |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by StankovicEgeni(m): 6:43pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
The scenes are loosely disjointed ; you should establish a link with a cause and effect chain . Your TENSE is alternating between the present and past. Stick to one ; you can only use the present when you are quoting ; if not , use the past continuous, past perfect , or past tense . |
Re: MY Sorrow(short Story) by Olril18(m): 6:54pm On Nov 12, 2017 |
StankovicEgeni: thanks for the criticism, I'll work on them. |
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