Dear Nairalanders,
I beckon on you for help as this platform has always been a source of inspiration for me and a way to get the most honest advise particularly when people share issues bothering their mind and get other people's straight advice. Right now I am very confused as I recently got a job of close to a 100k salary after been out of a job for a while due to the economic recesssion that hit the country. I feel part of what made me lose my previous job was the fact that despite been comfortable beyond my standard I chose not to get married and rather play around while waiting for the money to accumulate to a very confident level. I have promised myself not to engage in any form of immoralities but I am still not convinced that a 100k salary is even enough to cater for a family and thus why should I be thinking of getting married. As for me this issue is from a moral perspective as I currently have a fiancee and the tenets of my religion strongly oppose having sex before marriage so she coming in as a girlfriend while I wait till am fully ready is out of the picture... the question now is should I go ahead and marry her now bearing in mind that she has nothing doing for now and that I will be the one solely responsible for the upkeep of the family.
I really hope I get the best advice here cos have been pondering over this issue for weeks now and am totally confused. Thank you all in advance.

You mean in the real world you don't have a trustworthy confidant or two? They will advise you better, knowing your personality and other things we might not know about you.

go and marry joor

people live on less even with both partners working. It depends on your taste and lifestyle, you two can always work something out as long as she is not happy to stay unsupportive.

Well........................

Let your fiancee start something first no matter how small.

If you think you are mentally mature to raise a home, why not start?

Do not despise small begining

My advice, save some money and give it to your fiancée to start a small business so as to find something doing OR if she has certificate, help her look for a job. With that in place, you can then plan how to settle down. If she has something doing, she will help in supporting you at home. Don't plan marriage now when she is not doing anything or else the responsibility of keeping a home will be too much on you.

Flex with your salary till u clock 50, then flex small with ur pension fund maybe at 60...

Florblu:
Well........................

Let your fiancee start something first no matter how small.

If you think you are mentally mature to raise a home, why not start?

Do not despise small begining

Thanks so much!

tayo60:
My advice, save some money and give it to your fiancée to start a small business so as to find something doing OR if she has certificate, help her look for a job. With that in place, you can then plan how to settle down. If she has something doing, she will help in supporting you at home. Don't plan marriage now when she is not doing anything or else the responsibility of keeping a home will be too much on you.

Thank you so much...I think this brings in another perspective I never considered.

Go and get married

100k is not bad, that's the combined monthly income of a lot of couples. Just be prudent.

Op, life is not all about getting married or having children.

xpellion:


Thank you so much...I think this brings in another perspective I never considered.

Its a pleasure!

They are people living with less than that and are happy. I realized it all depends on what you want in life. It also depends on how you see tomorrow and how you design your tomorrow. It also has something to do with where you come from and the background.

Well, 100k salary can give you a life just below average or even an average home. But the big question is, what do you want in marriage? And what do your wife want. Remember, when you get married, it won't have to be you and your wife alone, external responsibilities will come in. Think about this also. like someone suggested, help your woman to get something doing, as little as it maybe, it means a lot.

Even when I know I make above 250 monthly, I still haven't considered myself fit for marriage or ready for marriage.

Do something

Tell her to get a job

Once you get married babies ! And they ain’t cheap cost a whole lot of money also she mostly likely won’t be able to work for a while during that time .. so I suggest u save .. tell her to get a job and work towards building a home together . Or some sort of business if it’s hard to get employment

tayo60:
My advice, save some money and give it to your fiancée to start a small business so as to find something doing OR if she has certificate, help her look for a job. With that in place, you can then plan how to settle down. If she has something doing, she will help in supporting you at home. Don't plan marriage now when she is not doing anything or else the responsibility of keeping a home will be too much on you.

Wait, it's good you thought the financee should also work.
But I need to point out something, is he supposed to fix the life of his fiancee or the fiancee supposed to get a hold of her life?

Your problem is not the N100,000 you earn but your lack of money management skills. You should go and buy books on personal finance or google articles about it.

maclatunji:
Your problem is not the N100,000 you earn but your lack of money management skills. You should go and buy books on personal finance or google articles about it.

Thanks for the advice but I just felt based on the current inflationary rate of the country and the fact that marriage from what people say brings up more expenses than when you are on your own. I will consider what you said above anyway.

Lalas247:
Tell her to get a job

Once you get married babies ! And they ain’t cheap cost a whole lot of money also she mostly likely won’t be able to work for a while during that time .. so I suggest u save .. tell her to get a job and work towards building a home together . Or some sort of business if it’s hard to get employment

Thanks o but not even thinking babies for now at all but the business part or job part is been considered strongly.

If you have to bring such personal and mundane issues online for advice, then I'd say No!, you aren't ready for marriage yet.

ElsonMorali:
If you have to bring such personal and mundane issues online for advice, then I'd say No!, you aren't ready for marriage yet.

Imagine if this was the first comment I read...so you are been judgemental based on sharing an issue with people I think are not emotionally connected to my story. I think your rapid conclusion is myopic.

Engage ur woman in something productive before u marry her, I would prefer u make her learn a skill that is lucrative, like tailoring, than getting her a pay job. Skill acquisition is best for ladies who aren't so career driven, plus it is secured than a pay job that can be lost at anytime. I have a friend who trained his girlfriend to become fashion designer before he wifed her, this friend of mine runs a chemist shop. The guy started reaping the benefits before he even married her and he is still reaping the benefits, coz the situation of the economy affected his chemist business, but he feels less burden coz his wife contributes to the upkeep of the family.

nuelyoyo:
Engage ur woman in something productive before u marry her, I would prefer u make her learn a skill that is lucrative, like tailoring, than getting her a pay job. Skill acquisition is best for ladies who aren't so career driven, plus it is secured than a pay job that can be lost at anytime. I have a friend who trained his girlfriend to become fashion designer before he wifed her, this friend of mine runs a chemist shop. The guy started reaping the benefits before he even married her and he is still reaping the benefits, coz the situation of the economy affected his chemist business, but he feels less burden coz his wife contributes to the upkeep of the family.

Thank you sir...this is very insightful.

xpellion:

Imagine if this was the first comment I read...so you are been judgemental based on sharing an issue with people I think are not emotionally connected to my story. I think your rapid conclusion is myopic.

It isn't. It's just that find it hard to believe that you live in a vacuum and there's nobody, No friend, No family, not even a neighbor to ask advice for very mundane issues except we faceless and disinterested occupants of Nairaland.

I Hope you won't bring every marital issue here though cos most of the peeps here are teens.

xpellion:
Dear Nairalanders,
I beckon on you for help as this platform has always been a source of inspiration for me and a way to get the most honest advise particularly when people share issues bothering their mind and get other people's straight advice. Right now I am very confused as I recently got a job of close to a 100k salary after been out of a job for a while due to the economic recesssion that hit the country. I feel part of what made me lose my previous job was the fact that despite been comfortable beyond my standard I chose not to get married and rather play around while waiting for the money to accumulate to a very confident level. I have promised myself not to engage in any form of immoralities but I am still not convinced that a 100k salary is even enough to cater for a family and thus why should I be thinking of getting married. As for me this issue is from a moral perspective as I currently have a fiancee and the tenets of my religion strongly oppose having sex before marriage so she coming in as a girlfriend while I wait till am fully ready is out of the picture... the question now is should I go ahead and marry her now bearing in mind that she has nothing doing for now and that I will be the one solely responsible for the upkeep of the family.
I really hope I get the best advice here cos have been pondering over this issue for weeks now and am totally confused. Thank you all in advance.

I think you should also share your worries with your fiance, this will show if she can be supportive or she will belittle you. This will tell you if she will be a good patner.