Is it really worth it? Going through so much to figure out what lies beyond this earth, beyond this physical plane? When we know that no matter what, we can never be 100% certain we're right? And as long as that uncertainty exists. . . we run the risk of having wasted our lives.

"When you go to sleep after a day well spent, you feel fulfilled. So it is when you're about to die".

But how can we define a "life well spent"? What do you think we need to do to find fulfillment in our lives? Do I have to become the President? Or invent something? Or make a lot of money? Is it different for everyone? Or is there an ultimate goal for all humans, or 'souls'- if we that's what we really are.

Beliefs shaped by our life experiences, environment, and religions have caused so much conflict. Wars. To what end? The victors have gained nothing but satisfaction that their opinion has been accepted by more people- albeit forcefully. But thousands of years later, their names, their existence, everything about them is forgotten.

Some 'great' men have managed to stand the test of time though. Their heroic exploits and great discoveries are still being studied in schools today. So is that the goal of life? To be remembered here on earth? But then, of what use is that to you, after you're dead? Only the living can revel the admiration of others.

Am I supposed to ignore these thoughts and make no effort to strive to figure out the 'truth'? After all, ignorance is bliss. But then again, ignorance has never been accepted as valid excuse. What will I tell God- or whoever I meet (if there is anything beyond here)?

I face daily internal struggles because I don't know how to live. I made a thread a while ago asking how people prepare to die- and the lovely answer I got was that I shouldn't. That instead, I should try to live.

But that hasn't been easy. I spend a lot of time alone, because not much interests me. I want to 'enjoy' what everyone else is enjoying, but I just can't. I never seem to be able to escape the nagging feeling that death could be a few seconds away from me, and that after then. . .nothing would matter anymore. Losing a friend somewhat suddenly earlier this year kind of seemed to reinforce that paranoia.

I usually have brief moments where I forget everything and everyone, and who I am. They're getting more frequent. Now like twice or thrice in a week. My great grandfather and grandfather both suffered dementia just before they died. Or, it could just be something called 'ego death' according to some YouTube videos. But in those moments all I feel like is this tiny, mindless, weightless ball of energy.

Maybe I actually am losing my mind.

Or maybe I'm dying. If the latter's the case, my troubled mind will finally get some rest. Or, cease to exist.

P.s I'm sorry this sounds so dramatic

This is dramatic by all standards. You've successfully rekindled my greatest fear.


Job well done!

Me and You.. Plus my Legal Method Lecturer and Many Others Think alike... Its just that very few are able to voice it out so as not be be branded antichrist.!