how can i stop carrying last?
here is my story, have you heard worse ?

What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill but not serious illness.

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.