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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Culture / I Have Been Carrying Last Since Age 17 I Dont Want This Life Anymore? (542 Views)
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I Have Been Carrying Last Since Age 17 I Dont Want This Life Anymore? by 2morogobeta(f): 4:49pm On Feb 13, 2018 |
how can i stop carrying last? here is my story, have you heard worse ? What did I do to deserve this life? With tears streaming down my face, I write this- I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed My mother has died of cancer Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill but not serious illness. My brother is disabled with autism My younger brother is fine, thank God me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24 yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more not only her, many more examples I look at myself and I sincerely ask... what did I gain from being a christian? i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead, what is all this problem? i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine what do i do? this is too much i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced. |
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