Dear Jzhane,
I read your post yesterday about the lady who divorced her husband because of wrong choices and influence.

I could see myself in her. I made the exact same mistake. And I am so sorry. I dont know what turned me into the person I am today. I would like to share my story with your group. Any one can judge me if they like. I deserve it. All I am asking for is a second chance.

After being boyfriend and girlfriend for four years,I married my husband,Tony.While we were dating, it seemed we had a problem of always competing with each other. Maybe because I came from a broken home. My mother was always been maltreated by my dad. I made up my mind never to be maltreated by any man.
Soon after we graduated, Tony got a job manufacturing company and his pay was good. I cut short the celebration by telling him that I see myself getting my job in couple of months. I recall him saying we are not competing besides all he has are mine, and anything i want he will do,though at that time we where yet to get married. That an insight into how nice, and how much he loves me, and sincerely in two months I landed a big bank Job. Months later we got married as we where already planning our wedding.Strangely, this spirit of competing took hold of me.Each time my husband gets promoted in his job,instead of been happy for him, I start looking forward to my own promotion in my place of work to even the score. This desperation most times beclouds my mind to the point that am ready to do anything to ensure I get promoted.
I put so much effort, eye service, closing late, everyone take note in my team all to the detriment of my marriage ie unable to conceive after the eight years of being married. Several occasion Tony will sit me down and plead with me to take things easy so we could have more time together to see if it could enter(get pregnant). Severally, I would flare up. It soon began to creating a gap in my relationship. I became callous too. I began to flirt and have s.x with my a colleague at work.
My very close friend noticed something was wrong. She was going through my purse and found condoms. Wondering why someone who is trying to get pregnant is using condoms,she queried me and asked me to stop any dirty thing I was doing before my hubby finds out and it is too late. and She asked me to quit my job and focus on my marriage and making babies. She berated me for betraying my hubby. She concluded by saying your type of husband is rare,dont stupidly loose him. For the first time,I began to rethink my actions. I ended the affair with my colleague and began to focus on my marriage. rare species. Well, that calm me a bit and truth be told I took in few weeks later that I spend more time with my husband. I got pregnant shortly after. My hubby was over the moon. He was ready to do anything for me. He advised me to resign,stay home and take care of our baby. Our baby came after nine years of marriage.
But my competitive self set in again. After three months,I went back to work. I was not cut out to be a stay home mom. I was promised a promotion to GM level before my maternity and I wanted to go back to work and claim the promotion. My resumption back to work caused serious problems for me and hubby. He called me selfish and all. I told him I am a career woman and will not be stopped because I had a baby.
My work load as a GM was on another level. I could have meetings until very late. I was pretty busy. My nanny was responsible for the baby. Most times,she would take the baby to the hospital for immunization and other medical appointments. I thought she was quite competent. But when I got a phone call that fateful day,I rushed to the hospital to see my baby who was ill. I couldnt believe he was that ill. I immediately realized I had been a bad mother. I prayed to God to save my baby. I promised to quit my job and focus on raising him. None of us could sleep that night. Eventually,my poor baby passed on. I was devastated. Un-consolable.
My husband was angry and since then stopped speaking with me. He moved out of the bedroom to the guest room. I became so depressed. I also quit my job. Life took a very downward slide after that. I lost my baby,I lost my hubby. I lost myself. Whilst all these was going on,my nanny was the one cooking and taking care of my home. i was not in any condition to manage anything. My hubby and me became strangers to each other. That is about six months ago.

My pain got severely worse when..............

http://livelystones.com.ng/i-lost-my-soni-am-depressed-and-i-am-about-to-loose-my-husband/

I always said it, marriage is not for kids. only a child will want to compete with her husband rather than knowing her part and competing against herself to become better for herself and her family - husband and the kids.

And why should the man give you a second chance? It is over for you. If the man had not impregnated someone else it would have been easier.

You only saving grace is for the man to be lying about the pregnancy.

I really sympathize with you. You have made a great mistake in your marriage i hope it will be redeemable. I've discovered one thing in marriage: you can't combine career and home-making together as a woman or wife, it is practically difficult, if not impossible. I have a family friend that has the same issue ,she eventually lost the marriage. Since, you guys are still living together your case is not close. I think the first thing you need to do is to forgive yourself, see a marriage counselor, get someone that your hubby respect to intervene between both you and pray about, if you believe in the power of prayer. I wish you good luck.