Hello Nairalanders,

why is it that some parents are so class conscious? especially when it involves their daughters getting married to a guy whose background is not as flamboyant as theirs. my flatmate is facing serious problems with her parents because her fiance does not belong to the 'creme de la creme' status of her parents. infact the other day on the fone her parents told her off that they were disappointed with the kind of man she wants to marry. just because his folks are not in their 'class', is this fair? what do u guys think?

And i was just wondering if there is anything wrong if a girls family should assist their son-inlaw attain some level of financial stability or independence.
Am asking because my flatmate wants to ask her dad who is a well established politician in nigeria to fix her fiancé up in a better job considering that they already disprove of him.

many reasons factor in. some fear their daughter will suffer because her future husband wouldnt be able to meet her needs especially financial needs. so, according to them they want to 'protect' her future and her future children

secondly, it has also to with expectations/shame. when you belong to such high elite club in society more is expected of you especially when it comes to marriage. nobody want to be shamed/back-stabbed because of their daughter married a church rat. so, expectations plays a higher role

lastly, some want to maintain the status quo in terms of their child marrying from same elite group so as to keep the wealth in the 'loyal group'

also, it wouldnt surprise you to know that some parents from this high end clubs think that some men are incapable of love and undeserving of their daughter because they are church rats.

and no, there is nothing wrong with helping the man build up his wealth but the thing is this same 'loyal groups' wouldnt allow it because first you are suffering their daughter and secondly you as a man should be able to build yourself up before speaking of marriage

^^ I agree.

besides, people will talk and laugh at the family for being in-laws to poor people. Not everyone will laugh, but you can be sure it will be discussed.

seriously though, they may also be worried for their daughter's future since some men may still treat her like trash even after being helped by her family. Their [ie the man's] ego might not be able to handle it.


but if the man is a responsible type with a good character, i think they should reconsider. Life is risk.

It's called "survival instinct".It's an animal trait present in all creatures.The parents need to be sure that their offspring are leaving to settle with someone that can either improve or at least maintain the standard of living.Ain't nothing wrong with that.After all, we are all animals!

^^ true.

however one remembers the play fiddler on the roof where the father disowned his daughter for marrying a gentile. Later, when the entire family and their people were banished from the village, the exiled daughter wasnt so affected due to her choice of partner.

on the other hand, there's also love in the time of cholera where the daughter fell in love with one poor guy and her father's intervention saved her from the affair. She later went on to marry someone in her own social class and had no more problems.

so who knows, really.

there is certainly no guarantees in life and wealth is no predictor of martial happiness if only some elite parents would at least take that into consideration