Everyone in my family seems perfect, or rather portrays perfection, I was the only exception, I was the only black sheep of the family, only my story seems different, seems to be confusing, seems not to go well with the pattern of my family, I’m always the square peg in the round hole of my family.
Everyone’s life in my family is always going as planned, from my great grandfathers to my immediate family; it was always perfect, always in line, no obstruction, no glitches.
I’ve come from a four generation of professionals, generations of learned persons, generation of imperfect perfectionist. My great grandfather was a Surgeon, a double certified surgeon, in fact he was the first surgeon to be double certified, and he was a cardiothoracic surgeon. He was a man I so much respected and love to hear from him, he died few days after my sixth birthday.
My grandfather was no different from his father, he was a lawyer, a respected one, he won several cases and lost none. It was always rumored that no case as complicated as it is, that he cannot win in any law court. He was the real definition of a perfect lawyer.
My father followed the same pattern of his predecessors too, he is a surgeon too, a board certified one. I wonder how he was able to pull such heist, he was proud of himself and wouldn’t spare a seconds before he starts feeding us with his success stories.
‘I’ve single handedly removed a bullet from the skull before’ he would say proudly.
“I’ve separated Siamese twins twenty times over my forty years of practice”
Don’t let me bore you with others, let me tell you my story;
I’m the last child of my father, and the third daughter out of his five children. I grew up lacking attention; I never was allowed to decide for myself, all the decisions were either made by my dad, my mum or my older siblings.
I was placed in science class, and I finished school at an extremely early age, my life was always as planned by them, at fourteen I sat for my first jamb, I passed averagely with 249, that day was one of the worst days of my life, I was verbally abused and I received a hot slap from my dad for the first time.
‘What nonsense result is this?’ he barked
‘How will you be able to gain admission with this kind of disgusting result’ my mom added
‘She won’t become a doctor before clocking twenty’ my eldest sister chided
‘Mira is a failure’ my eldest brother chipped in
I hated myself instantly, I’ve failed everyone, no one believed in me, I cried all through the night.
My brothers are Architect and Engineer while one of my sisters chairs Pan African Bank; the other is the commissioner for finance.
I was the odd one
I can’t even bring myself to tell them that I want to go into the fashion industry, I’ll be casted away instantly, to my father a designer is semi educated and would always toil and beg people to buy their stuffs. I wish to be a fashion designer.
My father had to bend his ways for me to gain admission into a reputable federal university, I was admitted into Medicine.
My problem started right from my first day at school, I wasn’t fitted into the course, not that I’m a dullard, I’m educationally sound, I just couldn’t go above average in class, I’ve tried every possible means, I don’t love medicine, I have no passion to be a doctor, it was always a tug of war anytime for practical’s.
All these I couldn’t tell anyone in my family, for fear of resentment, now I’m in my third year and our head said I would be dropped soon since I couldn't cope.
Now I’m done for, I can’t go forward and backward seems daring to me.
I've tried killing myself a couple of times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, I value my living, but I hate my life.
Now I’m at a crossroad, I don’t know what to do.
I'm confused....

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About the writer: Horlorlardaey is a prolific student writer who loves delivering thoughtful and unique contents. You can reach him via:
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