israelite, eiiisshhh. OMG, DAMMMMMNNNNNNN . thank God kerosene has a strong smell

my cooking disaster was a very funny one.

It was some years ago, my mum had asked me not to go out but I was out playing table soccer with neighbours. When i got home they had eaten supper and I was told to go and make my own food as punishment.
I was glad and sped up to the kitchen to prepare amala. I boiled the water and put the "elubo" (yam flour) in the boiled water and turned it like "eba". it was black as usual and I thought I had made a gr8 meal. my mum was surprised at the timing of my meal. but i assured her it was ok and I went to sleep. some hours later I was purging serious and she said it was because the amala was not well cooked b4 i served it.
then I had to learn to prepare amala. to i am pro, lol

I once tried to boil some egg for breakfast, having spent the whole night performing three different surgeries at work (hospital threatre). My kids had gone to school, Mrs to work, so just me at home. While the egg was boiling, I relax on the sofa but suddenly fell asleep.

The egg boiled until the water dried and the gas stove was now heating the pot into red hot metal until it rubber handle melted and then pot itself melted and I was still sleeping, I only got woke up when the some men smashed into the house with water hosepipe in their hand and they are the fire brigade people. My neighbour called them when she saw smoking bellowing out of my home.

If that is not a cooking disaster, please tell me what is, when I nearly burn my house down and kill myself just because of two-boiled eggs?

lol very interesting posts on here.

mine have always had disasters ooo so i dont even bother about it, either the rice is too soggy or is hard. the only thing i can do well is eba and fry plaintain and egg. shikena. just 2days ago i wanted to treat myself after making correct sauce with bolognese. i decided to cook rice and spaghetti together along the line am used to putting things on the gas and staying in my room, not knowing that water don dry for inside the rice, foolish me smelling the thing was burnt already , went to pour water inside. to cut the long story short i had to eat the burnt, brown rice like dat and infact ate the thing for 2days . lol. as it was plenty and couldnt throw it away.

another day my wife cooked rice and forgot to put salt and when i ate it and asked why no salt, she said in their house dey dont eat salt. lol instead of her to admit she 4got.

i lived in d boyz university hostel & u knw abt 10boyz mayb waitin 4u 2cook so dat dey wuld com &eat,1day we cam bak 4rm nite progrm around 10.30pm &very hungry,so i decidd 2prepare egusi soup sinc i hv al d ingredients.i mistakenly added white omo in place of salt because my roommate tied it in a white nylon and kept it in my cupboard,8 of my frnds nw brot 1cup of gari each &i made d gari.d soup was tasting omo omo &dey left d whole gari 4me.lolz

Mine was in high school when we used to cook with buckets and ring boilers cos cooking was illegal. I and a friend of mine decided to make jollof spaghetti,only for my friends greed to set in and he suggested that we also add rice to increase the volume of the meal. Mind you the spaghetti had already been on the boiler for about 15mins and without thinking we just washed the rice and threw it in the bucket also. 30mins and counting the rice was yet to get soft and the spaghetti had already turned to pap!. To cut a long story short,we just threw in all the ingredients including the geisha,oil,tin tomatoes etc. The food ended up as slime!

It wasn't funny that very day,
On that faithful day i was serving punishment for coming home late from football field and that i did not participate in cooking activity so i was not given food from morning till evening when my mon give me one condition (that to cook the stew for the dinner while other do the rest of the work). But for me as football addicted am rushing for football field cause we have a match against the neighboring street boys who always been our rivaland i dont want to miss out. So i just washed/mixed all the Tomato, Pepper and Onion together and send it for grounding(whereas i suppose to add half of the pepper). But because i am in haste football field, i can't even taste the soup. by the time people are eating men come see ring tone

hussss aaaahhh suya suyaya

But Thank God i have a father that like pepperish stew. But me been hungry i thought of touching the ewedu soup leaving the stew but my elder just help me mixed the whole stuff so i don't any option that to eat and join the ring tone

hussss aaaahhh suya suyaya

Dis shuld bd move 2 d joke section!

Tried to make eba and assumed all you needed was slightly hot water. Well you know the rest of the story . . . my family ate the food with thanks.

i make yam flour well (amala), this very day, my aunt asked me to make for an occassion and i was so happy, but cant say what went wrong, it was watery, not thick, i had to pour it away thank God there was still time to prepare another, but it was really a mess, it was much ,but later i discovered two tins went wrong
1. i dont cook for parties, just at family level
2. the flour isnt a good one.

Linguist:

i make yam flour well (amala), this very day, my aunt asked me to make for an occassion and i was so happy, but cant say what went wrong, it was watery, not thick, i had to pour it away thank God there was still time to prepare another, but it was really a mess, it was much ,but later i discovered two tins went wrong
1. i dont cook for parties, just at family level
2. the flour isnt a good one.

throway

cooked rice and curry goat for d boyfriend n it was too salty, too hot and just unappetizing we ate out that nite, it unlike me i'm a pro i dont understand wat happened dat day

I have had several as well.

There was a time i went to visit my boyfriend and then wanted to make egusi and also make stew for the week.
I am an expert cook of rice, stew spag, etc but i had never made any soup, just watched my mum.
This fateful day, was frying d egusi and didint know dat i had to keep turning it.'
I left it and started blending tomato, by the time i came back, it was black.
My boyfriend's friends were also around so i just started making the stew.
Later, he came and asked me dat he thought i was making soup n he had told his friends.
I had to confess and show him d soup, he was shocked!

Another time, i was like 10 yrs old.
I was hungry in d middle of d night and slipped downstairs to make pap.
I had never made pap b4 so it was my first attempt.
I put plenty pap and started pouring the hot water, it never turned thick.
I had to throw everything away n go back 2 my room hungry.

Around dat same time, my dad travelled to US and wen he was coming back, my mum asked me to make eba.
I told her dat i didnt know how to.
She was angry and told me to make sure i made eba.
I made eba with less than boiling hot water cos i couldnt wait 4 it to boil properly.
When my mum saw it, she made me eat d whole thing and i had to pur soup inside.
It was hideous.
That was when i started learning how to cook and 2 start cooking.

My own specialty is burnt beans, I've known how to cook since I was 10 yrs old but for one reason or the other I was always burning my beans even to the extent of melting the pot.
One experience stands out tho, university days,

I came back to my room hungry and decided to make my beans as usual, I put the beans on the hotplate and guess wht, long story short I woke up 3hrs after to hear people shouting "who dey burn something, who dey burn something".Half awake I got out of my room and joined in the shout but later noticed tht the smoke was coming out of my room, the rest is story,  I slept tht night hungry and angry!

I came to visit my mom. I then went into the kitchen to cook rice as that was what I wanted. I was cooking rice. It was time to add salt to give it that sweet salt taste as many do like it.

I looked around and saw a bottle of white substance that could have been salt. I poured some and tasted it. It was not salty. So I wondered if this kind of salt requires more to catch. I added more again. I realized too late that it was granulated sugar. I then asked for salt but it did not repair it. I tried to eat it but ended up with a running stomach - It was irritatingly sweet.

Till date, I taste the salt b4 use.

War Horse:

I came to visit my mom. I then went into the kitchen to cook rice as that was what I wanted. I was cooking rice. It was time to add salt to give it that sweet salt taste as many do like it.

I looked around and saw a bottle of white substance that could have been salt. I poured some and tasted it. It was not salty. So I wondered if this kind of salt requires more to catch. I added more again. I realized too late that it was granulated sugar. I then asked for salt but it did not repair it. I tried to eat it but ended up with a running stomach - It was irritatingly sweet.

Till date, I taste the salt b4 use.

you could have added milk to it to make it milk rice . .  . Yummy!

[size=14pt]Milk Rice[/size]

Ingredients

* 2 cups short-grain rice (like Arborio)
* 6 cups water
* 4 1/4 cups milk
* 1 pinch salt
* 1/2 vanilla bean
* 6 tablespoons sugar (to taste)

Directions

1.Bring water to a boil in a large saucepan. Wash the rice and drain it. Add the rice to the boiling water, and cook for 5 minutes.

2. In a separate saucepan, bring the milk to a boil over medium heat.

3.Remove the cooked rice and drain it. Slowly drop the rice into the boiling milk. Lower the heat and add salt, vanilla bean, and sugar. Cover and simmer 15 - 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the milk is absorbed. Add more milk, if necessary for a tender rice.

4. Serve warm, cold or room temperature - your preference.

PokerFace:

you could have added milk to it to make it milk rice . .  . Yummy!

[size=14pt]Milk Rice[/size]

Ingredients

* 2 cups short-grain rice (like Arborio)
* 6 cups water
* 4 1/4 cups milk
* 1 pinch salt
* 1/2 vanilla bean
* 6 tablespoons sugar (to taste)

Directions

1.Bring water to a boil in a large saucepan. Wash the rice and drain it. Add the rice to the boiling water, and cook for 5 minutes.

2. In a separate saucepan, bring the milk to a boil over medium heat.

3.Remove the cooked rice and drain it. Slowly drop the rice into the boiling milk. Lower the heat and add salt, vanilla bean, and sugar. Cover and simmer 15 - 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the milk is absorbed. Add more milk, if necessary for a tender rice.

4. Serve warm, cold or room temperature - your preference.

Thanks for the menu. I wish you were there for me then. Once again, thanks Pokerface - True African Woman

Today!
Intended baking 'agege bread' buh turned out to be 'unleavened' despite d yeast o! all d energy I used in kneadin. . .gone!

Im black american and everything I learn to cook is threw trial and error and I refuse to ask for help! Lol! This moimoi will be the death of me! Lol! It looks watery when I prepare it yet always comes out HARD! I want it to melt in my mouth and not have to chew it, ugh! Its very expensive to make and its not even a full meal! My husband eats it anyway because it full of flavor but WTF!!! Why cant I win this moimoi battle! I tried to make it from bean paste, it was hard as rocks! Tried to use the expensive powder beans, it not as hard but dangit it not soft either, I want all the credit so what can I do but keep at it, ugh!

I went to visit my fiance's place in our early days of courtship, he ask me to make mixture (rice and beans) as in jollof style and I couldn't tell him I couldn't do it. The mixture came out rice on the bottom and beans on top and without the sauce mixing well.Guess what? his friend came around and wanted to eat only for my fiance bringing that same food to serve him. I felt like the earth should swallow me, maybe he noticed the embarrassment and he quickly told his friend to manage it that he was the one that cook the food. Thank God that single act didn't pursue me cos we are still together after four years even though I have not tried cooking it again.

hahaha i've had quite a few

Well today I burnt a bag of popcorn, BADLY! Half of the bag was coal black. And that was the last bag of microwavable popcorn.

@ oyinda.

hello dear, how are you?

where did u disappear to? I almost forgot u existed hahaha

it was late evening and my mum was not in town,my dad was waiting for his dinner and in my rush i put ogbonno inn the yam porridge instead of crayfish.i was a teenager then but trust me till date none of my cooking disasters compares to that.

I was asked to put two spoonful of red oil in a pot of soup, I ended up puting almost one litre into one full pot of equsi soup with assorted meat and fish, oil became water, I was punished to eat the soup alone, which resulted in spending almost two weeks in the hospital.

My mom forced me to make achi soup, I ended up using hot water to dissolve the achi, which came out in ball form, leaving the soup watery.

I was cooking for my ex-boyfriend, and had a shape cut, when trying to open the tin tomato, guess what? my blood was mixed with the red tomatoes, I continue the cooking, the food turned out very sweet, and leaving an everlasting mark on my palm

My puff puff is always like akara

Just Have to rant

I was so pissed off today. I thought i knew how to cook moi moi in my head, but guess i have more learning to do.

Started yesterday. This blackeyed peas took me 2 hours to wash, i dont know what i was thinking, if only i knew i would have waited cause i have exams. After I washed the beans tire, i had to keep it in the fridge causes i couldnt even bear the thought of cooking it that same night

Fast forward to today, Everything came out right after i blended it. Then i added maggie and oil in excess, but in my mind it was just right. After all the prep, come see as the moi moi no gree don. I pulled one out, goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it was salty and watery, ah. I just dey look the pot in anger. Meanwhile one of my friend added his mouth and even invited his friend to add mouth unto this moi moi. I couldnt kill anyone plus myself, i threw everything away with immediate effect. The guy called to tell me they hadnt eaten yet and wanted to come and collect the moi moi. WOW shame shame shame, i had to promise another cooking.

I must get this moi moi men, I must.

am enjoying this thread, i think i should add mine.

I think that was the year 2pac got shot, so the Eastcoast/Westcoast shit was really hot then. I wanted to fry egg so i got all the neccessary ingredients ready for the omellete. I got the eggs mixed, put the groundnut oil on the frying pan which was on the stove just then my homeboy bust in with the lastest news about the beef btw the East and the West. Got so engrossed in the gist that by the time I went back into the kitchen my frying pan was already burning with flames. Foolish me, in my confused state I decide to perform stunt 101 by removing the burning frying pan out of the stove. Guess what , I still have the scare on my left arm till date. Everybody started calling me Fryo. Each time I remember the incident I always laugh. Even till now, I dont allow my oil to heat much before pouring all other ingredient.

this wasnt a disaster but each I remember my friend I always laugh about this scenario, I was staying with my 2 other friends in one of the Off-campus lodge around the University . There was this particular day we cooked white rice and was getting the sauce prepared on the hotplate when NEPA struck. No kerosene to continue the cooking on the stove, so myself and the second guy at home left the raw sauce on the hotplate waiting for NEPA to restore power supply which they never did. We slept off, the third guy came back very late did not bother to ask any question went straight for the pot of rice and raw sauce , he ate to his satisfaction.

The following morning we asked him if he enjoyed the meal, he said yes. by then he had rush to the toilet about 3 times that morning We bust into an uncontrollable laughter and told him that the stew was uncooked. He said he thought as much but was dead hungry that he had to drink almost 2 litres of water to suppress the peppery sensation.

i am currently in the US for a vacation/biz trip,its my first time here and i did not understand how things work over here.i rented a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen as they dont serve food here so i am on my own and fortunately i cook well by mens standard.On my 5th night here i was really longing for a naija food so my friend helped me buy the ingredients for okoro soup and i was really boasting to him how well the soup will taste but unfortunatel,when i put the palm oil on fire,i mistakenly allowed it to get too hot and as soon as i put the onions,the place was filled with smoke and as i was thinking of what to do the fire alarm went off and there was serious commotion in the hotel and everybody was rushing to my room to make sure i was ok.later they asked me to open the windows and there goes my dream of eating naija soup that day.I had to eventually convert the meat i boiled for the soup to a pepper soup eventually and we ate it for dinner

chyket:

i am currently in the US for a vacation/biz trip,its my first time here and i did not understand how things work over here.i rented a one bedroom apartment with a kitchen as they dont serve food here so i am on my own and fortunately i cook well by mens standard.On my 5th night here i was really longing for a naija food so my friend helped me buy the ingredients for okoro soup and i was really boasting to him how well the soup will taste but unfortunatel,when i put the palm oil on fire,i mistakenly allowed it to get too hot and as soon as i put the onions,the place was filled with smoke and as i was thinking of what to do the fire alarm went off and there was serious commotion in the hotel and everybody was rushing to my room to make sure i was ok.later they asked me to open the windows and there goes my dream of eating naija soup that day.I had to eventually convert the meat i boiled for the soup to a pepper soup eventually and we ate it for dinner

I hope they did not call the fire service