FATHERING SUNDAY 2018: 8 GREAT QUALITIES OF A GOOD FATHER

“You are not a father simply because you stock up the earth by bringing children into the world; even animals do so. You are a father because you are active and true to the calling. Fatherhood isn’t motherhood; it is accountability made possible by commitment and profound, passionate activity beyond the usual passivity characteristic of contemporary fathers.
---Rev.Br Kenneth Chigozie Alamezie, BSS

“For every father shall one day stand before the judgment throne of God and give account of the children entrusted to his care by God…”

“If there’s anything in shortage today it is real fathers that take responsibility for their actions and take care of the financial, spiritual, emotional well being of their homes.”

“ A true father is a good brother, a true friend, a remarkable husband, a great mentor, a powerful priest all packed in one person”
--Br. Kenneth Chigozie Alamezie, BSS

Just last Sunday the Church in the eastern part of the country marked fathering Sunday celebration of the year, 2018. The day is set aside to honor our fathers and celebrate the gift of fatherhood, paternal bonds, and influence of fathers in Church and society.
Historically, father’s day celebration dates back to at least the Middle Ages. Traditionally, it is celebrated on 19 March being the feast day of St. Joseph, the foster father of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Some countries have different dates for marking this celebration. According to Wikipedia, the Catholic Church actively supported the custom of this celebration on St. Joseph's day from either the last years of the 14th century or from the early 15th century, apparently on the initiative of the Franciscans.

Against the backdrop of what many people in our modern society think fatherhood is all about, I feel there is more to it than the passive insinuation often given it. To most people fatherhood may simply imply fathering a child, in that sense of giving birth to a child. Yet, fatherhood transcends that as it is about giving a child a life to live. The two are not the same, as one might succeed in bringing a child into this world and fail to give him or her life a to live.

I had once written a piece wherein I explained in detail that fatherhood goes beyond the usual idea of a man getting a woman pregnant and by her bringing forth a child to the world. In the said article, I argued that even mere animals do that very well more than most men do, as you can find a he goat, for instance, during its lifetime fathering more than twenty ‘children’ of its kind. In view of this fact, we could tell that the call to replenish the earth is not exclusive to man, as animals do well to replenish the earth also. There is one exclusive to man, and that’s the call to subdue (take control, master) the earth. This call may not be properly implemented without proper mentorship, of which is what fatherhood offers.

Beneath every child is the quest to be a hero; this may well tell the yearning in every child to emulate someone (or some people) he or she thinks is a hero. Also, adults need role models to imitate; the real reason our youths copy the lifestyle of societal failures that pride themselves today as role models. In the center of this yearning is the desire for mentorship, which fatherhood supplies. Hence, fatherhood within this concept becomes a call not exclusively reserved for the married alone as each of us is given the capacity to be good role model to others placed under our care, whether directly or indirectly, by Divine Will. This shows that one can give birth to a child or children without being truly a father to them, whereas another may be a father to those children (or some people) even without directly giving birth to them. On this note, the one who plays well the role of mentorship in the life of a child fulfils the requirements of fatherhood, hence may be called a father to the child, not minding whether or not he gave birth to him or her. This may appear a bitter bill to swallow, but it’s worth pondering over.

I shall list here some qualities that make a good father.

1. He leads by example
Fatherhood demands leading by example and true fathers are the ones who do not take the approach of “do as I say, and not what I do,” but they will lead by example. A good father commands obedience by the examples he set with his lifestyle, and not by the harsh tone of his voice. For instance, if he tells his children not to smoke or drink he also will not smoke or drink alcohol. If he tells his children not to keep late nights, he will make sure he doesn’t keep late nights hmself. There are no differences between his words and his actions.

2. Protective
Good Fathers protect their children from dangers. There emotional, spiritual, and physical safety is his priority. He knows that people fall into diverse dangers that destroy their destiny and future not because they like to, but because they lacked knowledge and consequently they made the wrong choices. Thus he draws clear boundaries for his children, talk to them in that voice that assures them that their interest is his priority and that he truly cares for them. He talks to them about things they should be aware of, and equip them for life’s challenges. He teaches his children about the consequences of making the wrong choices, how to be a real man or woman according to the standard of Scripture, and warns them of the dangers of sin. He is best friend to them, of which offers him the opportunity to know about everything going on in their lives. This way he can advise them appropriately and they are not afraid to talk to him about their feelings and experiences. He does not yell at his wife and kids. He knows that only dogs do that and he is not a dog. He does not harbor resentment against his wife and kids. He corrects their mistakes in love and does not use it against them. As the main provider of security and necessities, a good father will do whatever he can for his family. He’ll put his own safety on the line to keep them out of harm’s way. This is how a father instills in his children the importance of personal sacrifice. A GOOD FATHER KNOWS HE MUST ACCOUNT BEFORE GOD FOR THE LIVES OF HIS WIFE AND KIDS, SINCE HE IS GOD’S REPRESENTATIVE TO THEM.

3. Open-minded
Good fathers understand that times and seasons change, even people and tastes change over the years, so he guides his children on best practical ways to adopt so as to adapt positively to the changes without trying to get them stuck in his own world or past.

4. A good teacher
Good fathers are good teachers. A good father is the first teacher his child ever encounters. He molds his kids into well-rounded members of society. He knows the right stuff to give at every given time. He helps his children learn conflict management. He is very close to them and monitors their developments. Good fathers as teachers prepare their children to enter adulthood and face the tough world around them. This means that fathers give their children survival skills that will help transform them into successful and responsible adults. In order to be good teachers, fathers must be credible and earn their children’s trust, respect and love. He especially instructs them in proper etiquette, on being honest and keeping to their words, and on being thankful and hopeful. A good father knows he must sacrifice his own comfort for his fatherly duties; the good of his children is paramount to him. For instance, if he comes home from a hard day at work and sees that his kids need his attention, however, he’ll make out time for them even though he’s tired. In teaching them, he should not become a tyrant. Ephesians 6:4 states: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Here St. Paul cautions fathers not to criticize their children, but instead focus on teaching them with the same love and understanding that our Lord used when teaching the disciples.

5. A good listener
Good fathers are good listeners. A true father will take time to listen to his children even when it seems they don’t have anything meaningful to discuss. Sometimes all your children need is your attention, love and presence and they’ll try to get that by any means possible. Giving them your undivided attention and trying to understand things from their perspective is paramount to their all-round formation and development. When a father is always in haste and scarcely has time to listen to his kids, he pushes them away into the hands of destiny killers, those that will destroy them, and it’s a sign of gross failure on the father’s side. Fathers should not take anything their children tell them for granted especially when there is suspicion of abuse of any kind.

6. A good challenger

Good fathers are good challengers. A good father wants his children to be the very best they can, hence he challenges them to live out their full potentials. He instills good work ethics in his children and teaches them by example. Good impressions are important and a good fathers is a positive role model to his family. Children tend to imitate and adopt their parent’s behaviors. Children need to see hardworking fathers and good fathers challenge their children to learn through activity. He gives them challenges that help them grow. This means giving them some liberty to face setbacks and resolve conflicts on their own. He encourages them to keep the heat on even in the midst of apparent discouragements.

7. Hopeful
Good fathers are a source of hope and inspiration for their families. A true father is his family’s pillar of strength and hope and he is the one that speaks soothing words of hope that things will be all right when tough times are around the corner. Even though he may find himself complaining at times, yet he shouldn’t let that be known to his kids. Rather he should always show optimism and resilience because his kids will learn that from him. Clare Boothe Luce once said, “Where there is no faith in the future, there is no power in the present.” In contrast, good fathers are as the Father found in the Parable of the Prodigal Son; good fathers are forever hopeful and inspire their families to push beyond themselves.

8. Faithful
Lastly, good fathers are faithful people. They are a gift to humanity as their presence and faithful work gives the society a harvest of morally stable leaders to take up tomorrow’s leadership challenges. He is first faithful to God and trusts God with his whole heart, soul, and mind. Good fathers believe in God’s promises, that God will preserve their families, and that our good Lord will provide their families with everything needed for salvation. Good fathers accept their role as the spiritual head of the household and set the tone for family worship. As the home’s spiritual leader, good fathers take an active part in their children’s spiritual development. Good fathers are reliable, responsible, and consistent. They are trustworthy. Children need attentive and reliable fathers to be their role models. In order for children to grow up into responsible adults they need a stable and reliable role models. Good fathers take up this position in the lives of their kids. They are consistent in how they meet life’s challenges. Irresponsible people run away from problems, unreliable fathers make excuses for their inconsistent conduct, and never lead a life of integrity. Good fathers are of proven character, they are faithful to their calling, and are reliable to those that need them.

A father’s influence is paramount to a child’s development into a happy, well-adjusted, productive adult. Fatherhood is not motherhood; however, it is an active rather than passive activity. Good fathers are involved in their children’s lives, look out for their best interests. Dads have to make hard choices and realize that popular decisions are not always the best decisions. Good fathers are able discern and develop their children’s hearts, souls, and minds.

Sadly, many men today are not consistent in their fatherly duties and neglect to see the importance of their role as a father themselves. Fathers need to be reinstated to the level of importance that God intended for them! A failed father is a potential danger to his children. God bless you.
By Kenneth Chigozie Alamezie (Rev. Br)

10 qualities of a good mother
1. shows good example(in character, advise, integrity and spirituality)

2. does not practise favoritism

3. DOES NOT rely solely on a man for her personal needs or feeding\

4. does not spare the rod and spoil the child. disciplines the child to learn from a situation not to scar the child

5. her home is so inviting and hospitable.

6. interpretation of the HOLY Book would make you understand it better. excellent teacher

7. a friend to her children , an avid listener

8. always has your time and not never critical.

9. a practical solution provider and not the blame caster(i told u so)

10. a beauty who at her age, still gets men vying for her hand