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Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles - Literature - Nairaland

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What Lies Beneath / Beneath My Heart (2) (3) (4)

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Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by GodsfavourChima(m): 8:34pm On May 30, 2018
CHAPTER ONE

As a projectile or missile launched in the air, the ball landed on a boy's chest who proceeded to deflect it towards the sandy ground. He held the ball with his foot and grinned looking up at the attacker coming towards his direction. The attacker rushed towards him with full speed. He shifted the ball quickly with his foot and the attacker ran past him in a close shave. Slowly he moved with the ball still clinging to his foot. He looked up to see the second attacker coming towards him. He did some leg overs, toggling with the ball, causing the big boy to get confused and run towards his right side while he went in the left direction. These dribbles were repeated two more times with different attackers before a loud voice nearby shouted: "Pass the ball. I am behind. Don't go forward"
From the background, he could hear the delighted giggles and cheers from spectators watching the game - most of who were girls. As if propelled by the cheers from the spectators and feeling he had not had enough fun, he rushed forward with the ball. As he charged towards the fat boy - the defender who stood in front of the block which served as the post, the defender stood glued to the block using his whole mass to cover the block. He was considering what his options were, but after a moment's thought he decided to take the bull by the horn and attack this player who had weakened their flanks. He dashed for the ground, sliding towards the player with the mindset of 'you can miss the ball but not the leg' - a saying that most players use in the face of defeat or ridicule.
There was a collision between the defender and the star player. The star player fell to the sandy ground with a loud thud and the ball rolled away. "My leg" the star player shouted. If one had ever seen a pack of wild dogs attack a prey, the same could be said of his teammates who all rushed towards him. Their captain- a tall lanky boy was furious "I told you to come back, now look at what you have gotten yourself into" he chided.
The young star player- an average height boy between twelve to fourteen years lay on the ground wriggling. His teammates lifted him up and helped him out of the area. He hung his head in shame as he hopped out of the sandy ground being supported by two boys.
From where he was sitting on a raised block that ran the whole length of the back of the class block, he had been watching the football game. His hand held his chin which in turn rested on his laps. He wore a pair of black trousers, a lemon green long sleeved shirt and a black leather jacket over it. On his feet were a pair of black leather shoes. He reflected idly that the star player had acted selfishly and it had caused him the accident. Kelechi had been enjoying the fun but like they say' too much of everything is a disease', the boy had met his Waterloo. He watched as they helped the limping player off the area and that was it - the end of the game.
He stood up from the block and stretched his limbs and yawned, releasing a rush of air from his mouth. He could feel his bones make sounds. Taking his eyes off the students who ran around, he looked at the green vegetation growing close to the fence. Banana, plantain, paw paw and other trees were planted close to the fence. The leaves of the trees swayed to the direction of the wind as it blew against them. He could see birds which fluttered in the skies displaying their ability to soar and occasionally perch on the trees beside the fence. He smiled as he watches the birds playing amongst themselves. After a moment, he checked the back of his trousers for any stains twisting left and right. When he was certain there was none, he left.
Kelechi Okafor - tall, light complexioned and slim with sexy eyes as the ladies will call it sauntered along the cemented corridors of the class block. Like spooked chicken, school children darted around the school compound in excitement. Most of them wore the lemon green school uniform while some were on their sportswear. The annual inter-house sports was taking place in Royal Academy College. As he walked passed each class, he peeked into each of them through the louvers which were open to know what was going on therein. Most classes had few students or none at all since most of them were partaking in the games. Only the feeble or not wanting to participate stayed in the classes. Kelechi walked the whole length of the class block and took a left turn. On getting to a particular class, he noticed it was close to the volley ball pitch.
Royal Academy College had come up with a system of making the inter-house sports interesting by creating six different houses. The houses were called by different colours which included red, blue, yellow, purple, green and pink colour. Competitions were to be held by each house in different games until one finally emerges as the victor. Each student had to belong to one house or the other even if he or she was not going to represent the house in any of the competitions. A volley ball game was going on between red house and green house. Kelechi tugged at his jacket and walked into the classroom.
Re: Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by GodsfavourChima(m): 8:59pm On May 30, 2018
please Guys help and comment where necessary.
Re: Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by GodsfavourChima(m): 9:12pm On May 30, 2018
I don't know many people here but lemme just hail a few I would love to snatch. lonesome501, Apostlenathan1
Re: Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by lonesome501(m): 10:41pm On May 30, 2018
bee se n pe mi ni mo n je o((as u dey call me,, na xo i dey instanta answer))..nice beginning,but,u should av shed mre light on who kelechi is,,so as to knw wat to luk for((antagonist or protagonist))?,,and i would also commend you on how u analyse dat futbol match""dat shows dat u ar a futbol guru"" hope we dey follow d same club
Re: Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by Apostlenathan1(m): 5:47pm On Jun 02, 2018
* walking past and heard a voice calling out ... angry
Stops, looks around and sees the direction the voice originated from. cool

* Enters in with a cup of coffee and sits to analyze the issue on ground as I sip from my delicious cup of coffee. grin
Re: Please help review: Beneath The Rubbles by Apostlenathan1(m): 7:16am On Jun 03, 2018
Just as the person above me has said...

We have no insight on who Kelechi is and what to actually expect from him behaviorally.

Its as if he fell from the sky and strange (but somehow normal) behaviors began to manifest.

Nice work though
You're really good cheesy smiley cheesy

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