How to handle finances in Marriage - Family (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 7:46am On Jun 15, 2018 |
bukatyne: You're right, a woman who's a co-provider, footing 50% or even more would feel bitter and resentful doing most of the chores. But my point is, in majority of the cases, even in the so called civilized countries, women who contribute more end up doing MOST of the house chores. Point is even when faced with cultural evolution, most men will still be men. 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 8:52am On Jun 15, 2018 |
Elder001: With a comprehension ability this shallow, I don't think you possess the basic cognitive requirements to participate in this debate. My elementary employment of satire should fall within the purview of your intellectual circumference. Elder001:While women folks are encouraging one another to "get that money" and be INDEPENDENT, most 21st century pussy-fied males like you are thinking of how to put their lazy, greasy hands on their wives' purses, shame on you! Elder001:I stagger at the weight of your gross inferiority complex and bemoan your ever eroding self-identity. Oh, America and her host of Western minions can serve as pointers in many areas of human endeavours, but not quite when it comes to morals and family values. Overwhelming statistical evidence shows a near-breakdown in family values in these cultures. While I appreciate the fact that the demise of REAL MEN is looming, real men have always helped around the house with domestic chores, but it's always on voluntary basis and never on an obligatory criteria. Your definition of civilization stems from a weak and pliant mindset, persuaded by the flickering lusters of the promise of an easy life. 3 Likes |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 9:40am On Jun 15, 2018 |
Elder001: They're all over the place. Do yourself some good and engage google. If you're a real man, those assertions by me would drive home. It is basic. No, the delusionist is you who ladens a woman with extra burden aside the natural stress and challenges being a woman entails. Until you are one weaker in strength and can take in semen in your uterus and go through 9 months of gestation, push a baby out and nurse it while undergoing physical, emotional and psychlogical healing then can you comfortably sit your lazy ass down and EXPECT her to be a co-financial burden bearer as you. 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 10:03am On Jun 15, 2018 |
postmann: First of all, Do I know you from anywhere? Why quote me with insults, clearly there’s something wrong with you. You can argue and disagree without being ridiculous. With a comprehension ability this shallow, I don't think you possess the basic cognitive requirements to participate in this debate. My elementary employment of satire should fall within the purview your intellectual circumference. You can't manipulate me, okay? That post meant that if a man expects his wife to provide financially then he should breast feed a child to the fullest to see how it looks like. No matter how you try to twist it even a madman will understand what you meant by that post. While women folks are encouraging one another to "get that money" and be INDEPENDENT, most 21st century pussy-fied males like you are thinking of how to put their lazy, greasy hands on their wives' purses, shame on you! If my wife can get her hands on my purse why shouldn't I get my hands on her purse too? I stagger at the weight of your gross inferiority complex and bemoan your ever eroding self-identity. Oh, America and her host of Western minions can serve as pointers in many areas of human endeavours, but not quite when it comes to morals and family values. Overwhelming statistical evidence shows a near-breakdown in family values in these cultures. You clearly aren't as intelligent as you claim. There's not about inferiority complex about what I just said. This is the 21st century not 1910 and family values have been redefined. While I appreciate the fact that the demise of REAL MEN is looming, real men have always helped around the house with domestic chores, but it's always on voluntary basis and never on an obligatory criteria. There's nothing real about being an alpha male. That you prefer to be a traditional or alpha male is a choice don't force it on others. Other men mustn't be like you. There are men who prefer to share the house chores with their wives. It's only a matter of choice /preference. Your definition of civilization stems from a weak and pliant mindset, persuaded by the flickering lusters of the promise of an easy life. Now ,who doesn't want an easy life? There are two types of men in this world; the alpha males and the beta males. again, that you prefer being an alpha male doesn't mean all men must be alpha. Men now do house chores. women also provide financially. Alpha males are men who don't share bills with their wives and won't help domestically and will always want their approval before anything is done in the home while beta males are men who share bills with their wives and also share house chores with their wives. The alpha males are already declining in numbers globally. Most of them have already embraced the beta ideology. Africa is the only continent where alpha males are still dominant. Enough said. 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 10:07am On Jun 15, 2018 |
postmann: I've been wasting my time with an absurd individual ever since. Man you know what? nobody is forcing you to share bills with your wife. Your life, your choice. A time wasted can never be recovered -Abraham Lincoln [1837] 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 3:59am On Jun 16, 2018 |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 4:00am On Jun 16, 2018 |
Elder001: Funny how you seem incapable of taking one back in the chin. Below is an earlier post from you in reference to me. This is NL, you punch and get punched. If you can't take it then walk away. But crying foul after being served with your own medicine is just another sad pointer to your intellectual hypocrisy. Elder001: Elder001: Wrong! Too bad your comprehension ability is below par. Elder001:There's a vacuum in between her "thighs", you're meant to fill her up and not to deplete her. Elder001:Values? Redefined? By who? By those whose culture and ideology you have swallowed whole like a sex-starved nympho mouths down a còck! Elder001:Stop being a clown for once. You proposed your own idea of how you think "civilized" men should conduct themselves in matrimony and I expressed a contrary view. So stop being that emotionally imbalanced male with your cheap blackmail. You're just as guilty. Elder001:Before you stands this great barrier restricting your effectiveness in debating effectively -- basic comprehension of the English language. Elder001: Wrong once again! The alpha male is every woman's dream as long as she's mentally and psychologically healthy. We ARE the last man standing, the warrior, the defender, the stand up guy. Like in the movie Titanic, in the face of great danger to life we say WOMEN AND CHILDREN first to safety. But sissies like would SHARE everything! From finance to physical threats and dangers. You need your testosterone level checked! 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 1:22pm On Jun 16, 2018 |
postmann: The Rise of the Beta Male The alpha male, the iconic bad boy, has been making girl’s hearts throb for years. But recently, despite all their chest pounding, attention seeking, in your face behavior, their appeal has been on the decline. . Who exactly are the beta and alpha males? The alpha male is commonly described as a powerful, aggressive, and dominant man. He exudes confidence and is very physically fit. Alphas display masculine qualities, such as a deep voice, defined bone structure, and muscular physique. They are often pictured as the “ladies’ man.” The beta on the other hand is very introverted, and will avoid confrontation. He is extremely intelligent, thoughtful, capable, and driven. Unlike the alpha male he is smaller in stature and possibly even scrawny. Essentially they are contrasting versions of each other, and society is now favoring the beta version of the male over the alpha. This preference makes perfect sense from an evolutionary prospective, and is supported by countless studies and centuries of human behavior. Men cannot contribute physiologically to parental investment. Women have to take on the full burden of gestation, child birth, and lactation, so when females look for long term mates they do not necessarily put emphasis on physical appearance, but more so on a man’s economic status or the resources he can provide. Evolutionarily the male’s role is to provide his mate with resources such as shelter and food, because he cannot offer any physical contribution to the development of the child. Women are therefore in a way evolutionarily programmed to desire males who can provide them with these resources. Early on in men’s evolutionary history the physical prowess and domineering behavior of the alpha was important in attaining basic and necessary resources. In today’s society it is financial wealth that is needed to gain these resources, and in this aspect it is the traits of the beta that are more advantageous compared to the alpha. A recent study was conducted analyzing personal advertisements of over 1,100 heterosexual people. The results of the study showed that for every one man who mentioned financial resources as an important criterion for a mate, eleven women did (Putts 190)! Alpha male behavior is on the decline in the business world, it has even been shown to be detrimental to the work place environment. Studies have been done that illustrate “testosterone-choked males” actually struggle to cooperate and act more egocentrically in groups. Bossy, in your face alpha males can hinder the progress of projects and intimidate fellow employees (“Testosterone”). Females will not choose a resource deprived male for long term relationships because they receive almost no benefits from this association. Betas on the other hand are extremely intelligent, capable, and often very successful so they can provide females with the resources they desire. Alpha males are also often pictured as a “ladies’ man,” someone who can have their way with as many women as they want. In nature the alpha male usually has the sole mating rights to any female he wishes. This behavior has somewhat translated to human alpha male behavior, and can be explained by evolutionary mating choice patterns. Women only put emphasis on physical attractiveness when it comes to one night stands. Women know that the only contribution they could obtain from this man is good genes, and physical attractiveness and masculine qualities are two indicators of good genes (Putts 197). Alpha males can further their own reproductive success by taking advantage of this evolutionary mating behavior of women, and reproducing with as many women as possible. This kind of behavior can be very beneficial to the alpha male, but females will receive no economic benefit. Beta males ,on the other hand, offer females the economic benefits they are looking for and in some cases can also contribute good genes, and are there for a more desirable long term mate. The image of a desirable mate also began to shift when women started to ardently fight for their rights and equality. women have made tremendous progress in gaining equal rights and opportunities in all aspects of their lives. . With this movement toward women’s equality females do not want a macho alpha male who acts superior to them; they do not need a man to take care of them any longer. Women comprise 46% of the total U.S. labor force, and women business owners employ 35% more people than all the Fortune 500 companies combined. There are about 9.1 million women-owned businesses in the U.S., a number that encompasses nearly 40% of all businesses (“10 Surprising”). The stereotypical image from the fifties, of a mother in an apron tending to her children and cooking dinner for her husband before he returns home from work is no longer the norm. Women are almost expected to get a job today; it has become the social norm to be a working mother. Women now want an intelligent man who can share in their success and also have success of his own. The beta male is the perfect man for the “new women.” Beta males are successful but are also more reserved and sensitive then alpha males. They are not intimidated by a women’s success. Alpha males on the other hand tend to overcompensate to prove their masculinity. A successful woman could jeopardize their role as the sole provider and diminish their masculinity. The alpha male’s overcompensating masculine behavior is believed to be due to homophobia. Alpha males displayed such over bearing, loud, dominant, macho behavior because they feel the need to prove there heterosexuality. When homosexuals first started to fervently petition for gay rights, there was little acceptance of their sexuality, and a large amount of disapproval and discrimination. Even in 2001 fifty three percent of the population thought relations were morally wrong. Now fifty three percent of men think it is morally acceptable and fifty one percent of women. If you look at the statistics by generation, the younger generations are even more accepting. Men eighteen to forty nine showed that sixty nine percent think it is morally acceptable and fifty nine percent of women in this age range did as well (Saad). With these present trends, as time goes on homosexuality will only become further accepted. With the acceptance of homosexuality comes the decline in the alpha male behavior. Heterosexual males feel less of a need to prove their sexuality, and do not need to display such exaggerated “straight” behavior. The term metrosexual has also allowed straight males to relax their alpha behavior and display a more beta male behavior. Men can now take care of themselves, dress fashionably, and express a softer more emotional side without being considered a homosexual. Another social movement that has seriously affected the male hierarchy is campaigns against bullying. Most people do not think of bullying as a problem in the work environment but this has been alpha male territory for years. And as I previously stated, studies have shown that alpha male behavior may actually be counter-productive when pertaining to the business world. Beta males are not interested in dominating others and are more likely to understand the importance of encouragement and motivation over demands and domination. Alpha male behavior does not provide an efficient, healthy work environment. There has also been legislation passed against harassment and discrimination in the workplace to try and prevent this type of behavior. However, the biggest influence on the downfall of the alpha male is the bullying among teens. Evolutionarily speaking he was always destined to be at the top because of his abilities to provide resources and invest faithfully in his mate, but social practices and behaviors hindered this rise in the male hierarchy. Women have now gained equality among men and no longer need alphas to take care of them. Females are no longer obliged to tolerate the alpha’s oppressive actions, and betas now have their chance to prove themselves as desirable mates. With the growing acceptance of homosexuality, and the establishment of the term metrosexual, men do not have to try and overcompensate to prove their heterosexuality. A male can express a more sensitive introverted personality without being considered gay. The tragedies of the past few years with school shootings, and studies on the effects of bullying have also become a stimulus for the fall of the alpha male. Beta behavior is more appropriate as a role model for impressionable kids and teens. Television shows and movies have taken full advantage of this and have shown the beta is now on top. Females are now drooling over little timid nerds, and boys are looking up to them as their new role models. The beta has successfully risen to the top of the male hierarchy. |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 1:32pm On Jun 16, 2018 |
postmann: ] Funny how you seem incapable of taking one back in the chin. Below is an earlier post from you in reference to me. This is NL, you punch and get punched. If you can't take it then walk away. But crying foul after being served with your own medicine is just another sad pointer to your intellectual hypocrisy. Wrong! Too bad your comprehension ability is below par. You know what? you're way more stupid than I thought. There's a vacuum in between her "thighs", you're meant to fill her up and not to deplete her. Your life ,your choice. I didn't marry to to all burden on my shoulders. Values? Redefined? By who? By those whose culture and ideology you have swallowed whole like a sex-starved nympho mouths down a còck! You're probably a village tout that has never left the chores of Africa. Stop being a clown for once. You proposed your own idea of how you think "civilized" men should conduct themselves in matrimony and I expressed a contrary view. So stop being that emotionally imbalanced male with your cheap blackmail. You're just as guilty. Your mind is made up, I won't do anything to convince you. [s]Before you stands this great barrier restricting your effectiveness in debating effectively -- basic comprehension of the English language.[/s] Wrong once again! The alpha male is The only women that find interests in alpha males are African women and some Asian women. Like in the movie Titanic, in the face of great danger to life we say WOMEN AND CHILDREN first to safety. But sissies like would SHARE everything! From finance to physical threats and dangers. Sorry I can't risk my life for anybody irrespective of the gender. You're a woman or whatever doesn't mean you're important than men. You're equal to men so save yourself. and as for the finance I'll continue to share bills with my wife even if I'm a billionaire. You need your testosterone level checked You're just a fool.. I'm done with you Don't disturb my mentions because I won't reply. I hate idiots. |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by postmann: 3:11pm On Jun 16, 2018 |
[s] Elder001:[/s] You're a piece of human dross from a skewed cultural experiment; a bio-cultural casualty and a victim of gender identification crisis. An epicene klutz who sacrificed his gender responsibility on the altar of a false promise. A modern day woman slave driver. Those loud cheers that greeted your birth, the drinks that flowed in celebration of your sex, that hope that your father's legacy has been secured in the strength of your loins all colapsed on the fragility of your sick mind. You have made a poor bargain, trading your self-dignity for a fool's promise, that you're wise and civilized when you adopt a modern fad and culture. What a loosed cùnt you are. Lazy wuzzbag, anti-brideprize idiot. You love freebies so much, don't you? You should have gone full fledged parasitic and be a gigolo! Shameless waste of male headcount. You found a canopy in "modern civilization" to hide from the rays of the true test of being a man. When real men look at those feminine virtues in women when considering a potential lover, an underperforming sissy like you with low financial expectation has his greedy, bulbous eyes fixed on the size of her purse. Shameless he goat! 6 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by MMotimo: 5:05pm On Jun 16, 2018 |
What this section really needs is one good HAPPILY MARRIED husband that can testify to marrying for love without regrets and having a spouse that he trusts completely, even in the weighty matter of finance. It takes spending time to assess compatibility during courtship. As a couple, all of our assets and liabilities are joint even though right now, I only make half of what he makes. The disparity in our incomes has varied through the years with him making more but never once has there been a suggestion of this allotment of accounts. There are no "private accounts" we sink or swim together. Frankly, he has no interest in being the one managing the finances, it's just an added burden. Before we got married, we each had our individual salary accounts but even then, we mentally pooled our money together and planned with it. Financial autonomy in marriage is over-rated. Ask my husband and he would tell you that peace of mind is at the top of his list. He probably has more peace than I do because he doesn't worry his head about what is happening to the money. I am the one that has to add and subtract and decide what goes where. Sometimes I ask for his input but often don't. Nobody is siphoning money to other people or secret projects. We are one INDEED not just what the marriage certificate states. Epistle looming LOL I will stop now. . . . . 6 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 7:02pm On Jun 16, 2018 |
MMotimo: smh I hope you're contributing financially to the home and you didn't allow him bear all the burden? Sorry I've I sound impolite ,okay? . ? |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by reciprokal: 2:03pm On Jun 17, 2018 |
Elder001:Mumu. Everyone is avoiding your madness. Manwhore! |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Fhemmmy: 12:51pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
JupiterGeekVII: Why the new savings again during the marriage since according to you, they are both with accounts before the marriage? Why cant they use the already opened account before marriage for the savings and is there any reason why the joint account can't be used for saving as well and just ONLY for paying BILLS |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by 2buffagain(m): 4:33pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Fhemmmy: That way the "Family Savings" is kept seperate from "Family Operations" money and isn't sitting in anyone's own singular account and there can be constraints. I know structure isn't a typically valued thing in Naija, but it is a good practice to prevent future arguments and maintain financial harmony. If you've ever run a business before you'd understand. A family is basically like a joint venture. Also, It is very hard to be fiscal or financially sensible if you are using your checking account as a savings account as well. After 3-months worth of operational money, all other family ops money contributions should go to a savings account that can be locked down appropriately. Releasable by both, or one person only if the other is incapacitated or critically unavailable in some way. All these things can be automated. |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Fhemmmy: 5:39pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
2buffagain: I have nothing against savings or all your theory . . .Anyways, i can't say much about what i dont know . . . BUT there are millions of people that are able to use same account where operations is being done as savings and they are doing well Only when one of the party is overspending that you will need to now separate to prevent trouble At the end of the day, one cap doesn't fit all heads |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by 2buffagain(m): 6:12pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
Fhemmmy: I am sure. But clearly you are still not getting what "Structure" means (Must be a naija thing). It means things are set in place BEFORE any of all that happens so there is no need for any argumentative adjustments later in the future if anything happens. It's a no-brainer. |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Fhemmmy: 6:31pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
2buffagain: Bros or Madam, research me well . . . Maybe it will help you let go of "Must be Nija thing" sland Inasmuch as you might be out of Nigeria, there are many in Nigeria doing better than we do in western world when it comes to marriage and finances . . . . I like to hear of mankind thing and not hearing of something to be "Nija thing" again, just because it works for you whereever you are doesn't mean it will work for Mama Chioma in Aba. Stop making it look like one cap fits all head Because you are not able to run your account and be able to leave the rest in the account in USA or wherever you are doesn't mean that someone else in Kaduna can't . . . . |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Fhemmmy: 6:33pm On Jun 18, 2018 |
2buffagain: And i am putting it to you sir, that NOT all things are set . . .Some things work well because you have to adjust to some unexpected . . . |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Nobody: 2:19pm On Jun 20, 2018 |
I thought the write up was good advice. I think the point of this post was to plan ahead. At least have a basic discussion about how finances will be handled. Every couple should customize the plan to their own unique circumstances. A plan is better than no plan. A plan can be altered later. 1 Like |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by Naija4lifeYank: 7:58pm On May 14, 2019 |
Reminds me of a doctor lady here in the USA that stated that although she is willing to share and have accounts set up like you enumerated, she wanted control over the guy's account as well. I was like, you want the guy to come ask permission to spend his own money? Are you his wife or mother? Even mothers don't try to control spending after a certain age, which the hubby is way past. All kinds of weird stuff. At least she was better than another woman who said "my money is my own". In America? GTFOH! 2buffagain: 2 Likes |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by 2buffagain(m): 5:58am On May 16, 2019 |
Naija4lifeYank: That female doctor is either silly or does not trust the guy. The "my money is my own, your money is ours" type are the female equivalents of the unattractive african caveman. They can go and find their intellectual mates. A well adjusted young man cannot wife such a purely-id-driven creature...not if he values his sanity in this 21st century. |
| Re: How to handle finances in Marriage by 2buffagain(m): 1:31pm On Jul 09, 2021 |
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