Pls i need your pieces of advice.

I’m happily married with one kid which is just 9 months old.
There was a time I discussed with my wife dat we would have to adopt a birth control method. We agreed dat we would go to the hospital to get her tested so that we can choose the best available option. We agreed dat she should go first to get a kind of pre-counseling and dat I will go together with her later before we adopt any of the recommended methods. I personally would have stayed with usage of condom but she objected.

However, just yesterday, Sunday, my wife just told me dat she took contraceptive injection in February of dis year without my knowledge. Since when she told me, I have not uttered a single comment on it as I don’t want to say anything I will regret. When I’m angry, i normally say it d way I feel it which may be too nasty. She has been asking dat I say something on it but I refused even with all her crying and pleading.

Now my questions are; why would she do dat? What should I do now? Ao do I handle dis? Or is it me dat is making mountain out of molehill? I felt it should be our decision and not hers alone.

Pls know dat dis is something dat is happening to my home, I would like to implore us to mind d way we give our advice; it should be given putting my feelings into consideration and dat’s why I have not come to say it happened to a friend.

Thank you.

Firstly, I will implore you to be really cautious as this might lead to things you will not be able to control in the future (if, your response is given angrily).

Secondly, though women are supposed to be our "mothers", most times it behove on us to actually "father" them, hence I will advise that you see her as an impetuous child that needs `correcting`. It might not really be considered as serious as you have both agreed originally to have the "control measure" administered to her. I do agree with you that decisions made together, and executed likewise are better and more binding (for marital harmony). Yet, I will want you to simply let her know you are unhappy about it, citing reasons bothering on mistrust; that her actions will tend to make you lose trust in her . . ., but, do not make it sound like you blaming her.

At all cost, play the advising father role and not the fault finder: yet, you must make her know you feel disappointed "at her action" but not "at HER". There is some subtle difference between these two, and you emphasise this to her!

Tell her togetherness in everything helps to firm the foundations of marriage - understanding, tolerance, sacrificing, TRUST.

Strip yourself of the anger due the disappointment you feel inside. She is the closest to you, remember!

@Falajuro thanks for your wonderful advice. You have touched every bit of advice the poster needed.

@GiiCii just to add a few. I am sure you love your wife no doubt about it. I am also sure that your wife may have been wrongly advised and brain-washed by friends. Women can behave funny under the influence of their friends. Just forgive her since she is not fond of this kind of attitude since both of you met.

Be mindful of the friends she keeps and advise her accordingly. I am sure she will make amend. Congratulations on your new baby.

Falajuro

has already touched on the important points.

family planning should be a shared discussion and agreement between couples. so you have the right to be mad,however, dont let this mishap tamper on the trust in your marriage. be calm and listen to her reasons of doing it alone and work on it

I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill but I am wondering why the process of getting on birth control has to be so complicated. Is there a reason why she has to wait 9 months to get on birth control? It seemed from your statement that both of you already agreed that you want to use some form of birth control but what is strange is the whole process that you feel was necessary for it to be done

Thanx all, u've been very helpful.

While I understand your disspointment in her not telling you, but seriously, what's the big deal

@GiiCii It is understandable that you are angry but your anger is of no use. What happened could be a symptom of something else. Your wife may be keeping more secrets than you think due to diverse reasons unknown to you. You need to have a frank talk with your wife and request that she discloses all her secrets to you and you should be ready to do the same. Usually an unconfessed life in the past is the joker the enemy needs to destroy a marriage.

If both you appear before each other nude and engage in intercourse then you two must be open books to each other. Going forward both of you should agree to not leave each other in the dark concerning anything. However if you are going to go down this path make up your mind to forgive, forget and move on.

2010 thread