I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living, hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I used to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we will feed ourselves, and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account, but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, I transferred money from her account to the seller, brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again, because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

sit her down and have the talk bro.
you need to discuss finances upkeep etc. monthly and weekly allowances etc. and get ready to harden your heart bro.
don't worry Bro, it is a phase, after this another phase

u married ur age mate? all the best sir

if you marry and your wife start hiding money then it's big problem... you share wateva... you become one when married...

from ur write up she is scared you will leave her or one thing will happen so she is holding back financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually..

I suggest you reassure her about ur undying love for her that nothing will ever come between you two and you will always solve every problem together... that she has no reason to be holding nothing back

doesn't matter what you do because where there is love upliftment go come naturally

Goodbye

Why are you discussing with strangers what you should be sharing with your wife? Issues like this create opportunities for couples to know and understand themselves better.

From your write-up, your union is less than a year meaning that it's still young. Sit your new wife down and discuss with her all these you typed on NL and reach a compromise that will work for both of you. Marriage is a marathon!!!

There is no way your wife will know what you're not okay with in your union if you don't let her know.

Rather than shy away from things, learn to face them squarely!

Don't even understand this your rant sef, how were you guys managing when you were dating, you don't have kids yet and you are nagging. what is on ground can be contained, tell her or you reduce the number of visitors you entertain when they come, it is not even a must that you offer a visitor "Kola nut", this shouldn't be an issue Mister man....

You are a gold digger. You are now disappointed, many men this days are shameless

Sir I will advice you as my own brother. Be strict sir and drop what you can afford and also cultivate the habit of saving

Any of her visitor coming, try to walk out of the house early enough to avoid being asked for money to entertain. Use your head sir

YOU ARE A MAN

OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

HRHQueenPhil:
u married ur age mate? all the best sir

is that an issue?

You got married to her for the wrong reasons, because she works and you'll not have to spend much, oga you never ready for marriage, change your mindset, accept her as your wife, start thinking in your heart that you're working for your family and tell her to cut her coat according to her material.

You should have discussed finance before marriage in black and white. Who does what? Who pays for which bill?

It is wicked for her to spend all your money while " saving " her own shebi you cannot save?


It is sad that women will want modern men who can cook and clean but when it comes to money matter they remember that a man is the head of the home.

Renegotiate your terms, do a household budget everything light water, food rent etc should be included then agree on who will do what based on income earned not based on who is a man and a woman

Just discuss it with her. She might be having mood swings as a result of pregnancy. I dunno o. Oh this one no be issue Na. The woman loves you o and you too can iron things out.

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

Why did you marry a 36 years old woman as your wife. Don't you know she has bad attitude? That's the reason she was married very late. You should have investigated thoroughly about her character before marrying her. Marrying any single ladies above 30 years is disaster. Because most of them are desperate and pretentious.

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

Oh my world the way this sounds Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago

People don't understand how to love right thesedays, selfishness and unecessary self-preserverance everywhere. Sorry brother

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

Oh my world the way this sounds Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago

People don't understand how to love right thesedays, selfishness and unnecessary self-preserverance everywhere. Sorry brother

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

What is wrong with marrying a partner so one can share bills?

Not every man wants a wife that will take and take, some want working wives so they won't die from high blood pressure in this economy, share goals aspirations and grow together.

His only error was not discussing with her before marriage

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

I pity who ever will marry this person
Marriage is supposed to be about filling up
When u love someone u can't afford to see them struggle financially
Its simple she does not love her husband
Where a mans treasure is his heart will be also
Everyone invests in d direction of their love.
A marriage where couples are not financially open and compatible is bound to fail already. Finance is d number one cos of marital failure
Solution: you married a bad one. She won't change. You try to adjust. Be a bit strict with money also but sorry this union is bound to be doomed

Whew! Finance is oga. May God bless you with enough to be the oga in your house. Money money money...biko don't scatter this young home!

Two is better than one cos they hv a better reward fr their labor. If one chase 1000 two changes 10000
Marriage shd be a partnership
She s supposed to b d help meet not take meet

yettymuse:
OK, whilst you were dating her you weren't spending on her because............ She's miss independent huh Men like you make independent women carry calculator about... You married a woman because you want to be sharing bills? Really??

Ovoko!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wey person no go hear for this nairaland. You're depressed because you're performing your marital duties, top of which is taking the financial responsibilities of your home?
You've not even started, no kids yet and you're whining like this?

You married her because of her money.. You never chi chom chin!

Are you kidding me?
I weak abeg!...

Feminazi issues na. Feminist always share bills.

Elder001 what’s your take on this issue and this lady’s comment

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

Hey bro, I have read and reread what u posted here. But allow me to say this to you..You don't need to run away from your wife or reject her sexual advancement. What you need to do is to sit her down and communicate with her with wisdom...Women like communication especially with that deep cool voice,you should know what I'm saying here now...OK for example,that kind of voice you always use when you want to lick her something..eheehen you got my flow? She won't know when she would empty her treasury both home and abroad..If you can do this with cool headed mind,her mumu button don become yours niyen...u will now be pressing it anyhow u feel like. Learn from our fore fathers how they use to handle their stingy wives back in the days. Go and get your wife back son.

Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

You have to re-lay the foundation of your home; luckily you are a new couple.

State what you want from a wife and what you are bringing to the table so it's spelt out.

You both are not on same page financially.

It will be well.

Well technically she's not hiding money from you since you have access to her online banking and can even transfer from it, so you know how much she's worth.

Maybe she believes she's helping the family by saving her own income. You can explain to her that her income is also needed.

She bought the asoebi for you that 'concerns you alone' and you didn't have money for, that says quite a lot.

It's a simple matter I think.

As for the guests explain to her you guys can't afford to keep entertaining visitors.

I wonder why some people are focusing on the couples age.

adedayoa2:
You got married to her for the wrong reasons, because she works and you'll not have to spend much, oga you never ready for marriage, change your mindset, accept her as your wife, start thinking in your heart that you're working for your family and tell her to cut her coat according to her material.

U are being biased becoz its fellow lady being accused you didnt understand what the guy is saying.

The guy is complaining about the wife’s spending, generally the husband is used to managing finances, he expect the wife to do the same but the wife create more expenditures by allowing people to visit all times buying food to entertain them.

Husband think they should able to manage finances if all this too frequent visitting of people stops. Remember for now they dont have kids so the expenses in the house should easy to manage just the two of them but its not the case as visitors drain resourses

Wife should be taught how to manage the funds, usually african culture we like visiting unannaounced alot and looking forward to be cooked a good meal, without thinking of the stress we cause to our host.

The wife might also be used to how quickly husband gets money, usually people who are used to cash in hand everyday they never budget simple becoz they have the mentality of saying i can spend all this today becoz tomorrow i will have the same money after work/husband comes from work

Wife needs to be taught how to budget and save and plan for the future,

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Tehila07:
I had thought that love has bigger roles to play in marriage. I was wrong. I got married at 36 when I thought I had seen someone who loved me.

While dating, I was not spending money on her because she has a job and was not complaining. I ride okada for a living hoping to go into a business soon. Before marriage, I use to have spare cash of about 10k always. Even if that 10k is spent on something, I would recover it within a week. She told me that if money she spends on feeding and what I spend on feeding are added together, we would feed ourselves and save more. But since we got married, I labour hard to ensure she has whatever she needs. Now I'm stretched to the limit and can't cope anymore. She has money in her bank account but said she's saving for raining days. Anytime she wants to perform online banking, I do it for her. Two days ago, I wanted to buy data, and I transferred money from her account to the seller and I brought out the money and told her seller accepts bank transfer and I don't want to go and queue in the bank for lodgement. I would have informed her first, but she was busy attending to visitors and her phone was with me. She was angry and said "I will change my password." I replied that the only favor she did me was saving my journey to the bank. She said if she has cash in hand, she would be tempted to spend it. So, it's me that should not have savings?

I don't feel like having sex again because of the depression and she is now angry that I'm turning her down. Now I'm planning to leave home and return whenever my situation improves. She can cope because she has enough money.

Why the financial pressure on me is too much is that we are both 36 years old and friends keep trouping to our house to wish her well. As a man that manages resources, I entertained guests from my family once for the past two months we got married because it's not my town but hers. She keeps asking me for money to entertain guests. Some friends made it a habit of visiting twice weekly, while she keeps showing me off. When she asked for money for food yesterday and I told her I had no money, she has been moody since then, thinking that I'm hiding money from her.

This was a woman, that, last week, when I said I couldn't afford a particular asoebi that only concerns me because it's costly, went to the market, bought it, and took it to my tailor. Judging from her recent actions, I won't wear that cloth except I'm able to refund the money.

P.S: Love is just a rhetoric - humanity died long ago.

What should I even call you?

Your wife said she's saving for rainy days? So who should be feeding her?

Good for you, be forming African alpha male wannabe.

Na ego go kill all of una.


If you know what is good for you tell that woman that you guys should share the bills 60/40.

She's not the only one that knows how to save for rainy days.


As for the entertainment,where is it written that a man's money must be spent during entertainment of guests?

Like I said earlier, na ego go kill una.


Tell that woman to stop entertaining anybody with your money unless she'll provide 50% of the money.


Nigerian men be disgracing themselves because of ego and alpha male nonsense.

edoman2016:

Why did you marry a 36 years old woman as your wife. Don't you know she has bad attitude? That's the reason she was married very late. You should have investigated thoroughly about her character before marrying her. Marrying any single ladies above 30 years is disaster. Because most of them are desperate and pretentious.

HRHQueenPhil:
u married ur age mate? all the best sir

What kind of senseless talk is this? So if your daughter does not marry before 30, you will kill her? That they waited after 30, could mean they didn’t find the right man to marry. It’s better to be single than marry the wrong person because you want to marry before 30. OP take the advise of these two at your detriment. You better be happy you married a woman that earns her own income and can support your family, should the need arise. Talk to your wife and you guys plan on both your incomes but make sure you give her freedom on her own income. She can contribute to things in the house and save the rest for the rainy day as it is apparent that you cannot carry the responsibility alone. I advise you to also start saving as well. Everyone, male or female should have savings.

eeewise:
Two is better than one cos they hv a better reward fr their labor. If one chase 1000 two changes 10000
Marriage shd be a partnership
She s supposed to b d help meet not take meet

This is 2018 not 1950

she's a co-provider.

Eketem:



What is wrong with marrying a partner so one can share bills?

Not every man wants a wife that will take and take, some want working wives so they won't die from high blood pressure in this economy, share goals aspirations and grow together.

His only error was not discussing with her before marriage

It's not only broke men that share bills with their wives.

This nairaland is somehow different from reality.

There's no correlation between the state of the economy and his choice of wife.

He can still choose to share the bills even if he's a billionaire.

Nobody wants a lazy liability.