blessedvisky:
You are very smart but you got pregnant for a wayward and ambitionless guy. I hail your smartness

Tumtum16:


His extended family members are not comfortable with my tribe and have mentioned it subtly. I don't mind his tribe but almost all my Yoruba friends tell me that I can't cope with Ijebu people because not all Yorubas marry Ijebu not to talk of Igbos. I and my family don't see tribe as a problem but his side of the family does. He is also subtly tribalistic these days but it doesn't extend to me. I have been feeling that he not hustling may be because he has been dependent on parents for a long time till we met and I made him realise that he can't continue that way but then...

Tumtum16:


His extended family members are not comfortable with my tribe and have mentioned it subtly. I don't mind his tribe but almost all my Yoruba friends tell me that I can't cope with Ijebu people because not all Yorubas marry Ijebu not to talk of Igbos. I and my family don't see tribe as a problem but his side of the family does. He is also subtly tribalistic these days but it doesn't extend to me. I have been feeling that he not hustling may be because he has been dependent on parents for a long time till we met and I made him realise that he can't continue that way but then...

donstan18:
His father this, his mother that, his sisters this.


OP where are your parents?

kasmilla:
fish brain commot here abeg

Tumtum16:



My parents have been helping out mostly. The money his parents send is not much but I appreciate the effort. However, I'm not comfortable accepting it and I am already beginning to find my feet financially. My family don't want to get involved even though they feel he is nice but are not comfortable with the fact that he is dependent and unable to take decisions concerning him and I till now. I do not want to hurt his feelings by moving on because I like him but I do not want to end up waiting forever till I past my Prime. That's my dilemma.

donstan18:


This issue is bigger than you and your boyfriend, and you've been typing about his parents all long.

Can't you discuss and seek advice from your parents, why not let them get involved?

This is how you ladies enslave yourselves in the hands of your inlaw-to-be before marriage

Tumtum16:



Your insult is not necessary Kasmilla.

bukatyne:


Like someone said,

You claimed to be smart however got preggers for a guy who has no ambition etc. He doesn't even sound like he loves you.

You have made mistake one; please I beg you... don't make another mistake marrying him.

You sound like an industrious person with a drive to succeed; don't let him kill it.

As sad as it sounds, please move on.

Goodluck.

blessedvisky:
You are very smart but you got pregnant for a wayward and ambitionless guy. I hail your smartness

sisisioge:


Marry us please...we are wonderful people. Since you taught the bobo how to dress and embrace his heritage, I would suggest you calmly explain to him that there's no point dining with the devil. Stay in your lane...don't go to his Village biko. Look luck.

Tumtum16:
I don't know what to do so, I'm bringing this up here. We've been dating for three years and have a kid. He is in his early thirties and I am 24years old.
I dropped out of the university of Ibadan when I got pregnant. I was in my finals but I had some carry overs due to missing results and my lecturers mysteriously not recognising me or knowing if I attended their classes(it happens when results are out). I have gone for prayers but nothing worked. Most of the lecturers would remember that I am an active student in their class when the results have been posted and becomes irrevocable. I met this Ijebu guy in my third year. His family is in France but he was sent down to Nigeria to further his education because he wasn't serious while abroad. He was in his mid twenties when he got admission via Jamb. He failed it twice and his parents refused to runs the admission for him. We became friends after attending an academic event together and when he asked me out, I accepted. Although his parents were in France and he introduced me to them on phone, he usually dressed like a screp. with his T-shirt almost becoming a crop top and bathroom slippers. I started dating him before I knew his parents were abroad. I taught him how to dress, I never asked for money when I discovered his family was abroad. I shared the little I had. He was not traditional when we met but has started speaking his language(I don't have a problem with this) and having great regard for traditional solutions e.g not seeing anything with some of his extended Family members doing jazz or consuming Ifa about us. One of his babalawo uncle even invited me to their village that I should come with my baby and guy to spend holiday in his house. I don't do juju nor can I imagine spending some nights in a house that has one of its rooms as a shrine headquarters. My guy was inclined to go even when his family avoided their village for years before traveling abroad( I have a big problem with this). Apart from the fact that I would be looked upon during my stay as Omo Igbo, I don't hear Yoruba too well and I discovered that his family members get easily offended for no reason(I wouldn't want anybody to turn me to Okuta just because I offend someone unknowingly).

pcguru1:


Lol I hear, my experience with Ijebu ode has been terrible, I avoid them, sadly I am one too, if I see ijebu person on the left I will cross the road to the right even if there's snake there too.

sisisioge:



Haba, oluwapcguru you should know that a person is quite different from a tribe. In as much as the bobo in question is ijebu, he's apparently half baked Nigerian let alone full blown Ijebu . Ijebus aren't bad people and we've got a beautiful language. So long as no one is embracing diabolism...all will be well.

E we so

Tumtum16:
When I got pregnant, he made me keep it a secret till the baby was 8 months. I eventually told my family about him when the baby was born. His parents got to know when the child was three months old. They were angry that we kept it from them(it was his suggestion) and his dad called me a slut"you shouldn't have opened leg for him" we're his words and he said more things till his wife codedly stopped him. I kept quiet and apologised and they decided to send upkeep cash since my guy wasn't working. I tried working but couldn't because my C-S was badly done and the wound refused to heal till almost a year post pregnancy. Guy refused to work that he can't juggle it with school. He didn't give me money for hair, clothes and other stuff and would borrow part of the upkeep. I gave him though pointing out that it can't continue. My relationship with his family broke down when he gave the impression that I made use of the baby's upkeep and his pocket money. I saw it in a chat with his dad and confronted him. I had to do damage control by telling his sister how he takes part of the upkeep. The issue died a natural death but his family have grown cold to me because they feel I am a liability. He doesn't let them know how intelligent I am and how I come up with business ideas. I'm currently into cosmetics production and act as an unregistered business consultant for friends(I have helped them grow their businesses. Instead of him to appreciate my support, loyalty and abilities, he has begun to see me as a rival who acts like I'm better intellectually than him. I am intelligent and though my previous academic results showed otherwise, it is well known by people who meet and communicate with me. I started another academic program and passed the entrance criteria with no hitch but I don't rub it in his face. He currently has low grades but I have been supportive but I discovered he doesn't read and has no future goals. He doesn't know what he wants to do after his academic pursuit that keeps dragging. He makes me feeling like I nag when I try to point out respectfully errors he makes. He would snap and shout then apologise. Also discovered at different intervals, improper chats with some ladies from his tribes. When I tell him how inappropriate it is to make some comments to them like"I love what you did to your hair "(when he never notice mine) or when he omits conveniently that I am in his life and have a child for him in his chats(he gives the impression that he is single); he would apologised and say he never knew it was inappropriate and I would discover such again.
His parents send money for the kid because he is not working. He refuses to hustle and tries to take over and ruin any business idea I have. I have even decided to work and fend for both of us and he agreed. He was to get major capital from his Dad but kept dragging talks till I insist he finalises the talks. Up till now, nothing has been achieved. His dad once mentioned that he was incapable of being responsible and I defended him that maybe he needs a little push but I'm beginning to see that he is actually irresponsible. He doesn't want to hustle but would ask me to lend him some part of the child's upkeep sent by his dad. He never pays back. I appreciate the fact that he does things for me like buying stuff for me and running errands which makes people ask him if he is really a Yoruba boy. some of my neighbors think I have given him Igbo efo with bumbum water. I appreciate that he can go out of his way to run errands that I may be unable to do but I would be happy if I didn't have to be the one playing the role of the man in our relationship. With business underway, I'm not only going to be the decision maker but the total provider and I don't want to be with a guy who is beneath me emotionally and who cannot take the lead as a man. Finally, it's been two years plus and his family isn't talking of formalising our relationship with an official engagement at least. The Dad and Mom don't pick my calls when I call to thank them for things sent to me. They sent my mom a watch once and she started dying when she wore it. it happened several times till she took it off, prayed over it and placed it in her Bible. the next day the new watch peeled off totally while still in her unopened Bible. Since then, his parents cut off. Many working guys have been coming to ask my hand in marriage, most are Igbos. They know about my kid and like him. They know my story too and love me but I keep refusing them because of this guy. I told him not to depend on his parents as I am ready to struggle with him but I need him to prove that he can take care of us no matter how little since his parents may not sponsor any marriage attempts he makes. I really like him but I'm beginning to have second thoughts because he keeps promising to do something meaningful with his life but does nothing. Should I go ahead and get married to the other guys or? My family like him and I do too because he has his good-sized as well as vices. He sees no evil in me and trusts me but I'm having my doubt and don't want to wait for him forever especially with the way his parents are behaving now. Also, he doesn't seem strong enough to fight for us and I don't want to be dependent on his parents for money. I want to have my business, money and life that I work hard for... Sorry for the length of my story. What should I do?

Tumtum16:
Should I go ahead and get married to the other guys or?