……Episode 1

“You are making a huge mistake”.

I try to shake off the voice for the thousandth time today and just like before, it isn’t exactly working. Its keeps ringing back to me.

Maybe because a part of me agreed with the voice? Maybe because I just might be making a mistake I wouldn’t be able to go back from? Maybe because I’m very nervous at the moment?

Rebecca, you will be more hurt than you were when he left! Why do you want to do that to yourself?

And again, I try to silence the voice by refusing to listen. They were the words my best friend David said to me on the phone last night about the trip I’m taking and just as I didn’t listen the previous night, I’m not listening now.

I drag my attention back to the busy road, I’m at Ado-Ekiti for a wedding…my ex’s wedding actually. My ex that I was engaged to for a few months back and he is about to get married to someone else.

And no, I am not insane. I am only acting like a good Christian should.

_______________________

Now At Ado-Ekiti

“Rebecca!”

I smile as I run into her outstretched arms; she holds me in a warm embrace and kisses my forehead so many times I begin to giggle.

“I’m so glad you came,” she says to me when we disengage from the embrace and I know that she means it. Not just because she says it with so much sincerity but because her eyes actually echo her words.

“It is the right thing to do ma” I respond and the voice in my head scoffs. Right thing to do? It asks and like I have made up my mind to do, I ignore it.

She nods in response to my answer and then squeezes my hands “Are you sure you are okay with…”

“Ahn ahn come on mummy. I’m fine I promise” I answer, reassuring her and more importantly, reassuring myself. I can cope, I hope.

I travelled down from Lagos for this, I can cope, I really can. I decide that my new meditation to chant for the next three days will be “I can cope”…or maybe “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me?”

My Ex’s mother nods again and gives her heart-warming smile. “Oya come inside, let’s go and deal with this wahala together.” She says to me and I follow her with my small travelling bag.

As I enter the house, memories come rushing back and most of them are unwelcome. I don’t want to remember the times I spent with him in this house and our good times together. No. It is not healthy; it isn’t right, it isn’t…

“Rebecca this is Linda, the bride to be…” My ex’s mother gauges my reaction as she says the words. Bless this woman’s soul, she just doesn’t want me to get hurt. But she needs to know I can’t. I’m happy for her son and that is all that matters at the moment.

To make her understand that am after nothing but her Son’s happiness, I dragged Linda into a warm embrace and as aware as I am of her surprise, I don’t act it.

“Congrats Linda” I say and she manages a smile. She is still shocked at how nice I seem and I’m not sure if she knows I’m her groom’s ex but she can’t seem to understand the whole nice attitude.

“Thanks” she says and then adds “thanks”. There is an awkward moment of silence after which she faces her would-be-mother-in-law.

“They say my maid of honour is still sick. I’m really worried, its my big day in two days and I don’t know if she’d be able to make it” Linda says.

“Don’t fret Linda. Everything would be fine” my Ex’s mother tells her and I nod.

Then I say without thinking “Yes. Just tell me if you need anything, I’d be glad to help”.

Linda and my Ex’s mom look at me as if I’ve just being delivered at the doorstep with a bow. I know I’m being silly but I’m nervous! Freaking nervous! I need to get out here.

I smile like an idiot and say to nobody in particular, “I’d be in the guest room” after which I disappear in a flash.

_____________________

“I told you it was a stupid idea. Now you are being silly simply because you are nervous and you won’t shut up! Rebecca take the next cab and get out of that town” David yells from the other end of the line. I called him immediately I entered the guest room and told him what I just did.

“Come on David, I’m already here. I can’t leave” I reply. Or can I?

“Sure you can. You can get a freaking cab and leave. Why are you staying in their house anyway? Whatever happened to a hotel if you have to be there?” He inquires and I can’t help but agree. What am I doing here? Oh I remember why and I tell him again…

“His mum asked for me to stay here and…”

“And you could have said no. Jeez, whatever got into you?”

“I will be fine David. You need to trust me.”

“You better be. And you better not keep me in the dark. I don’t trust you to take care of yourself anymore. I don’t know what you are thinking going to attend the wedding of a man who broke your heart…”

And that stings. He didn’t have to remind me “David… I have forgiven him. You need to know that this is part of what forgiveness does…”

“Going to your ex’s wedding? That’s stupidity. And two days earlier?”

Maybe he is right. Maybe I should pick my bags and leave. I decide to seriously consider that when I hear a knock on the door and my Ex’s mother comes in.

“I’m going to run an errand. Do you want to come?” She asks and I nod quickly, glad to be distracted from David and his stinging words.

“Let me get back to you David, I have to attend to something” I say quickly and hang up while I hear him say something like “You are being silly…”

I grin at my Ex’s mother. “Let’s go ma”.

*************************************

The drive had saved me from David’s hurtful words but it had delivered me into the hands of my Ex’s mother’s kind words that I could do without.

She keeps telling me about how happy she is that I could get over the hurt and act like a grown up but I honestly would rather everyone stops talking about my arrival.

Maybe I should check into a hotel and stay away from David’s calls and messages?

That is seriously under consideration.

“Have you seen him?” My Ex’s mum mum asked.

The “him” in question is my ex and I haven’t seen him. We haven’t spoken in over a week and he doesn’t know I would be here because I didn’t give him an answer when he last pleaded with me to come.

“No..” I answer. I haven’t seen him in over a year as well. Not since he returned to the states.

There’s silence in the car and when her phone suddenly rings, I’m happy I don’t have to endure another awkward silence. How many of those do I need to endure till the weekend is over though? I wonder.

_____________

There’s silence in the car and when her phone suddenly rings, I’m happy I don’t have to endure another awkward silence. How many of those do I need to endure till the weekend is over though? I wonder.

The wedding is on Saturday and its only Wednesday evening.

“Hello…Micheal? Kilode?” She responded on picking the call..

My heart skips a beat at the mention of his name. That’s him. Am I prepared to meet him? I haven’t thought about that in a long time but now I’m not sure. But then I still have a little time to prepare…

“Okay, Rebecca and I are headed in that direction. We would see you soon.”

What direction? I thought to myself….Wait, are we seeing him now? Damn, I am so not ready for this!

How Do I Face Him and My Emotions wont Disappoint Me?

-To Be Continued-

Oga, are you the owner of this story?

Fijumokesayo:
Oga, are you the owner of this story?

NO

.....

…….Episode 2
We arrive at where Micheal is and when he alighted from the car he was sitting in, I stare at him like an idiot and even when his mother gets down to go meet him, I kept staring at him not knowing the next line of action to take.
He in turn moves closer to the car i was, opens it and drags me out of it. Then without warning, he pulls me close and hugs me tight, very tight, tighter than I expected.
“How are you?” He whispers and I nod, there isn’t much space to speak as he hasn’t released me from the tight hug. “I didn’t know you were coming…” He says after he finally releases me. “We have a lot to catch up on.” He then directs his gaze to his mother “let me drop you off mummy and get the mechanic to come fix this car.”
His mother nods in response.. He then looked at me and said again “I’ve missed you” I blushed.
“You look well…scratch that, you look beautiful” he says to me once the three of us head towards where his mum needs to run an errand and I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say.
Stop being an idiot, thank you is a good way to start!
I follow the voice in my head and decide to give an answer but this comes out instead, “I know”
He laughs, heartily. I remember the laughter, it used to be contagious, it still is because I chuckle.
“We really need to catch up on everything…” He says to me and looks in my direction. His hand finds its way to my face and he cups my chin with his finger. My heart begins to race and I wonder if I’m sane when his phone saves me from thinking like a mad woman.
“Linda” he says as he picks it. “What? I’m heading home right-away”
We left together to his place immediately he dropped the call.
______________________
“They say she’s really ill! Her parents say she can’t make it down here before the wedding on Saturday! What the heck am I to do baby?”
Linda sobs like a little child and I try to look away from the sight of Micheal holding her and calming her down as he whispers sweet words to her.
I should be okay with this, I should expect this. I mean I knew there would be a you-may-kiss-your-bride kiss and every other kiss brides and grooms share. So why am I not comfortable with Micheal holding his bride to be?
“She is a size 6 baby. None of the girls here are that size. Not one single one of the bridesmaids. This is a big deal! How do I work down the aisle without a maid of honour?! That’s like ruining the entire wedding!” She continues to say as she sobs in the hands of my Micheal.
I honestly can’t stay here anymore. I should have dropped off with Micheal’s mum, instead of returning here with him and watching this episode.
“The wedding is ruined…” Linda continues to say and I’m tempted to shut her up. The wedding can’t be ruined cos there is no maid of honour, all she needs do is find someone else and…..
“She can be, can’t she?” I hear her say. And when I turn to look at her, I realise she’s staring at me.
“What?” I ask, wondering what is going on.
“You are a size 6. The dress would fit perfectly. Please be my maid of honour. Let me get the dress.” She says and disappears into the room.
I gape at her as she exits.
______________________________
“You did what? Rebecca!”
I don’t say anything. Nothing at all, I just hold the phone to my ear and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I should have kept the piece of information to myself but again, I had to share. I had to tell the closest person to me at the moment, David. And he’s crucifying me for it just as I expected.
“David…”
He doesn’t let me speak, “Rebecca, I won’t lie to you but you just did the most stupid thing anybody can do in this situation!”
That irks me and because I can’t help it, I respond “so what now? I’m always stupid? I don’t need your lecture right now” and then I hang up.
Face it; you’re really being stupid.
I can hang up on David but I can’t stop my mind from hurling the same words at me.

Be a maid of honour at my own ex’s wedding? A year ago I wanted it to be Him and I standing in front of the pastor being proclaimed husband & wife, I wanted to be the woman standing next to him, not the woman standing behind the woman standing next to him.
I’m being silly.
I picked the dress Linda handed over to me earlier and within few minutes i had pulled off the cloth i was putting on and changed to the gown. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I’m wearing the maid of honour’s dress. It is a peach coloured knee length gown, with short sleeves and a plunging neckline. The dress fits perfectly like it was made for me. I try to smile. But even that doesn’t make me feel better about being a maid of honour at Micheal’s wedding.
Someone knocks and I responded “come in” without turning to look at who it is.
“Rebecca. What are you doing?” He asks as soon as he steps into the room.
I turn to stare at him. He is looking at me with uncertainty in his eyes.
“Wearing a dress…”I reply.
“Don’t be silly Rebecca. What are you doing giving Linda’s proposal a thought?” He asks, stepping closer and making my heart race. Wait, why am I feeling this attracted to someone else’s husband to be?
“Micheal it isn’t such a bad idea…”
“It seems like it is to me. Maybe you should seriously think about it before giving her an answer” He says, now staring into my eyes and standing really close to me.
I try to speak but nothing comes out. Am I crossing the line between being a good Christian and being utterly foolish?
Talking about foolish, why am I hoping Micheal would hug and kiss me or something? And like he can read my mind, he does the former but limits the latter to my forehead.
“I care so much about you Rebecca. I don’t want you to do something silly…I don’t want you to hurt”
“Oh. You didn’t seem to think of that when you walked away a year ago.” I snap angrily and then immediately wonder why that came out. I step out of his embrace and move away from him.
“Rebecca, you left me no choice…” He replies
“I left you no choice? Listen to yourself…you were supposed to be head over heels in love with me, yet you walked because we had a disagreement!” I yelled.
“It wasn’t just a disagreement and you know it.” He responded and I turned to face him.
“Oh?”
“Yes Rebecca. You were disrespectful to me and all we stood for, you took my love for granted and didn’t give back as much as I did! That relationship lasted that long because of me!”
There’s silence in the room as we both stare at each other with so much anger. Wait, where did that even come from?
“I can’t believe you. Now you’re taking credit for holding the relationship together?” I break the silence after a few seconds.
“I hate to say Yes but it was all me Rebecca. All me…I was insanely in love with you but all you did was lock up your heart, be cold and you cheated on…” He stops midway as he realises his mistake.
My heart beats faster and my pulse begins to race, he on the other hand tries to move closer
“Get out” I say quietly.
“Rebecca, I’m sorry…”
“Get out” I repeat and deep down inside of me, I know I’m leaving tomorrow morning.
-To Be Continued-

………….Episode 3
I didn’t sleep all through the night, when all the time I was having to sleep is spent on crying about Micheal and I. I can’t say the reason why I’m crying exactly but I think it’s got something to do with the fact that he hurt my feelings and because I can’t understand why I allowed him get to me that much.
I did cheat on Micheal at the beginning of our relationship and I was genuinely sorry when he found out. We weren’t all that serious when it happened and I knew it hurt him but I tried my best to make it up to him. After winning his affection back, I thought we were past it. He did act like we were past it. Why in God’s name did it now come up again last night? Does this implies that he never forgave me?
__________________
I check my wristwatch, it is 6am. A very good time to start getting ready to leave. I ditch my clothes for my towel and I’m almost in the bathroom when I hear a knock. Its 6am, why is anyone knocking the door at this time?
“Please come in” I respond and Micheal’s mom walks in.
“I’m sorry to disturb you dear, but there’s something I need from this room. Hope you slept well?”
I nod and manage a smile. “Ekaaro ma” I add and then I try to proceed into the bathroom.
“Why are you up so early by the way? Nobody ever gets up early in this house…”
“I’m leaving ma” I say and I realise immediately that I shouldn’t have told her the real reason I’m up early. She will try to find out why and talking about last night is the last thing I want to do.
“Did you and Micheal fight?”
Oh no…
_____________________
The result of revealing my reason for waking early to Micheal’s mum, is sitting opposite Micheal in his father’s private study room and trying to “settle things” with him like his mum thinks.
We haven’t said a word to each other yet. All we are doing at the moment is looking everywhere but at each other.
He is staring at his fingers and I am counting the number of books on the shelves and then looking at the fan and the calendar and….
“You did hurt me,” he said and I drag my gaze to him, but he’s still not looking at me.
“Wait you aren’t going to apologize?…” I asked.
“Let me finish” he cuts in and this time he actually looks at me. “After you cheated, I forgave you…it was hard but I let it go. I was in love with you and being with you made more sense than letting you go, but our incessant fights after and your coldness I couldn’t take…”
I am speechless and spellbound not by his speech but by his expression. He looks hurt!
My heart breaks knowing I’m responsible for his pain. I feel bad.
“Rebecca, yesterday night shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have mentioned it and I’m sorry.”
I nod. He reaches for my hands and adds “please let it go”
“I’m sorry too” I say to him and I truly mean it.
“Oh…what are you guys doing in here…alone?” Linda banged in on us.

We both turn to face our company and I swallow hard as I watch her eye me with contempt and suspicion.
___________________
“I decided to stay again when she saw me in the study alone with her fiancé, with nothing on but a tank and towel…I’m trying to make her feel at ease. If I’d left, it would have looked like I was running away from something or that Micheal and I are hiding something. I don’t want her to walk down the aisle with doubts in her mind…”
“You mean like Micheal will?” David asks and I don’t understand him.
“I don’t get…” I inquire. After Linda caught me with her husband-to-be some hours ago in the study with nothing on but a towel tied across my chest and a tank to cover it, she’s been acting cold. I felt guilty instantly and changed my mind about leaving town and now I’m in a car with Micheal’s driver on the way to church for the wedding rehearsal.
I called David who I have been ignoring his missed calls because of his response last night and after I accept his apology, I fill him in on the details he’s missed out on. He can be a pain on my back sometimes, but he’s still my best friend always.
“You said you don’t want her to have doubts…” He continues
I nod like he can see me “yes. You know, seeing her fiancé and his ex in the study alone can spring up numerous silly thoughts.”
“All I’m saying is I’m sure Micheal will be walking down the aisle two days from now with doubts on his mind”
“Why would you even think that. He’s in love with her, I’ve seen the way he looks at her”
“Are you trying to convince yourself Rebecca? Because I’m not convinced and all you’ve told me about both of you in the last twelve hours looks to me like you both still have strong feelings for each other. I mean, what’s the explanation for all that emotion you both had all over the place last night?”
I didn’t say anything. I literally can’t speak.
David continues, “If you must stay there, steer clear of the groom. He’s clearly still in love with you”
“How would you even know that?” I ask. He can’t be serious… it can’t be true.
“Because I am a man. And some things we only do when we feel so strongly about someone.”
And my heart once again, begins to race.
______________________________________
I sat six rows away from Linda and Micheal when we arrive at the church. Just as I had decided not to ride with them on purpose from home, I have decided to let them have all the space they need, away from me.
There still seems to be chemistry between Micheal and I, which I can’t even lie to myself about. But I am not here to take him away from the woman he wants to marry. I mean, he refused to work things out with us and proposed to her instead. It means he doesn’t want us and he’s ready to live without me.
And that I totally understand and I’m willing to let him have his happily ever after. I’m not even going to believe a word of what David says about him because I’m sure Micheal is over me… Over us.

I fiddle with my Blackberry Q10 and try not to look in their direction. Truth be told, I’m not all that comfortable with watching them. But again, nobody forced me to come here for this wedding.
The bridesmaids begin to walk in one after the other and I’m grateful we have company in the almost empty church.
I watch them all as they greeted me politely and went on to chat with the bride. She seems to be arguing with Micheal over something and I prayed silently that it had better get nothing to do with me.
Linda smiles at her friends as they all giggle and talk about her cake and their dresses and shoes and whatever. This spells out clearly that those are her real friends. I’m not a friend. I shouldn’t be her maid of honour; I shouldn’t be acting like I am. This is another chance to walk away from this insanity, I decide. And I am on my feet, about to walk over to her when the pastor walks into the church.
Ok. I hope to get another chance.
We all move to the front row and once again, I distance myself from the couple and I’m glad the bridesmaids are too excited and I’m almost not seen.
I’m still thinking of how Behind their church is, organising a wedding rehearsal when the pastor tells us all to come take our place.
My church won’t even do this. Them get time?
I saw the groom’s mum and whom I think might be the bride’s mom walk in. No father in sight. Making more money for the wedding maybe? Or maybe they can’t just be bothered with wedding rehearsal when the real wedding is the koko.
The pastor assumes his position and we all get ready.
Before I made this trip, I told myself a million and one times over that I am ready for it. But now, as I walk in behind the bride and watch Micheal smile as she inches closer, I can’t take it.
The reality hits me in the face and suddenly I felt this sudden surge of pain and disappointment, knowing that I am going to lose Micheal forever. I want to leave this place but I decide to stay until it’s over.
Quit fooling yourself and ditch this maid of honour joke.
I agree with the thought in my head. I can’t do this.
We arrive at the altar and the pastor explains the part where Micheal says his vows. I didn’t pay much attention to them so all he’s saying is lost on me.
“Oya Micheal…. you go first” I hear the pastor say.
“I Micheal Adetunji, take you Rebecca…”
Ah!.. Everyone shouted.
How was Micheal able to save his marriage from crashing after such a terrible mistake of uttering Rebecca’s name?
-To Be Continued-

Interesting

Wow, so interesting, am following this story to the end. More mb to ur phone