I've been a guest here for a long time. I just created this account because of this issue bothering me.
I recently just broke up with my ex and I've been with my new guy for less than two months. We've been friends for over 3 years and he visited me once in those time. He has a legit job and stays in my town, his parents are here too. He seems to have good intentions but his actions are putting me off.
We met again around end of July and he made his intentions known again(he wanted me to be his girlfriend back then), I agreed because I was single at the time. He is 30 so I suppose he should have passed the "playboy" stage.
I went to visit him for the first time and he forced a kiss on me he did the same thing the second time and even tried to have sex with me, I told him I don't want that and he stopped. I don't know if it's this cold weather, now he sends "I miss you, I want you, your body..." everything relating to sex in a relationship that is less than 2 months
I have made it known to him that I cannot be in a FUN relationship, I'd rather be in a promising one that can lead to marriage and he said he's no longer a baby and settling down is paramount to him.
I'm confused and finding it difficult to trust him with this attitude. I don't want to visit him anytime soon cos I'm not ready for sex.
No front page

50/50 chance it might lead to marriage or not.
most guys dis days want to marry a lady who is able to bear children n wen confirmed u hav taken in den dey start preparations 4 marriage proper.its quite dicey but trust ur instincts n u'll be ok.

I see that you want to be Celibate till marriage. There are men out there who are Okay & satisfied with it but Majority of Men are not.
If you can convince him to wait before marriage, Then great. if not, just find your way. God will give you someone better.

Many people feel they stand to gain nothing from Celibate relationship because Women often burden them with Financial challenges, knowing this. It's like a transaction. You date me, Give me sex while I give you money.

I think you are waaaaaaaay too mature for him.
Not a promising relationship imho.

Even if a guy wants to have sex, it should be with a tactical approach. This one acts like a “sex-starved-monkey”! What a turn off!
Playboy stage? For a 30 year-old young man?
Do you have A JOB? At least he has one.

What exactly attracted you to him?
You have NOTHING in common.
There is no sexual chemistry between you both.
If you are not ready for sex, PLEASE, don not dangle yourself in front of any man. If you want to be celibate, DO NOT DATE! Simple.

KanwuliaExtra:
I think you are waaaaaaaay too mature for him.
Not a promising relationship imho.

Even if a guy wants to have sex, it should be with a tactical approach. This one acts like a “sex-starved-monkey”! What a turn off!

What exactly attracted you to him?
You have NOTHING in common.
There is no sexual chemistry between you both.
If you are not ready for sex, PLEASE, don not dangle yourself in front of any man. If you want to be celibate, DO NOT DATE! Simple.

Thank you
Does that mean a serious guy cannot date without sex? I am attracted to his maturity, he is opened about things too. Looks like he is pretty sex starved

don't yield to his sexual advances, if he is serious he will stay, if not serious he bounce

Sapphire11:

Thank you
Does that mean a serious guy cannot date without sex? I am attracted to his maturity, he is opened about things too. Looks like he is pretty sex starved

A serious guy cannot date without sex?
Is sex not part of a relationship?
How can you please your HUSBAND without “practice”?

He is THIRTY YEARS OLD, and at the peak of his sexuality.
Please, do not kill his libido for another woman with blood in her veins.
You stay home and DRINK HOLY WATER DAILY!

Does he sound like a young man who does not like SEX?
He wants to PHOCK you! Period.
Please, grow up and stick with your own kind before you get RAPED!

Better ready for d sex now bcus if u marry finish and ur hubby job no give am time for you, u go turn dog o. E better make u see all d fun now before u enter marriage. Sha no abort too much.

Wahala...

Just tell him you no longer want to be his friend and get this laid to rest.

If you keep trying to force him into seeing the relationship the way you want it, my dear you are only making the hunt more challenging and subsequently more interesting for him.

He'd pretend to be okay with your suggestions while he tidied himself sexually in the side and patiently waits for his conquest of the trophy which you have readily presented yourself to be and you know what's gonna happen after the?

He'll kick you to the curb after eating the cookie for having the effrontery to make him labour to get in between your legs.

Be smart.

Peace

Enjoy my siggy

KanwuliaExtra:
I think you are waaaaaaaay too mature for him.
Not a promising relationship imho.

Even if a guy wants to have sex, it should be with a tactical approach. This one acts like a “sex-starved-monkey”! What a turn off!
Playboy stage? For a 30 year-old young man?
Do you have A JOB? At least he has one.

What exactly attracted you to him?
You have NOTHING in common.
There is no sexual chemistry between you both.
If you are not ready for sex, PLEASE, don not dangle yourself in front of any man. If you want to be celibate, DO NOT DATE! Simple.

I honestly disagree with you, so asking for Sex makes him immature?

What tactical approach do you mean, don't be an hypocrite please. It is not by force as I've stated before, she can walk away & date guys from Deeper Life where they don't even want to touch their spouse until their Wedding.

It is Men who don't know their worth that don't want to live by anyone's standard please. There are a 1000 Men & Women out there to choose from, if one doesn't suit you, move on & continue your search.

If I want to have sex with you from day one, Its my choice. EOD.

'his actions are putting you off'
'he tried to force a kiss on you'
'he tried to have sex with you'
'you're not ready for sex'

The statement above shows you are both going i n opposing directions.Don't let anyone force you to accept what you don't really want.
He may have sex with you and still dump you or may continue with you.If he dumps you after the sex,would you be fulfilled?
At 30yrs,many guys are still players,don't be deceived.

Why are u confused as though you are a kid. My dear nothing is so certain in this life. What is it about this sex sex sex.

If u don't want to be 'fuxk' please stay in your house. You even accused him of being 'sex starved', you are a very funny lady.

Do u think that having sex with him will change his life for good? I blame the guy for forcing himself on you.

KanwuliaExtra:
I think you are waaaaaaaay too mature for him.
Not a promising relationship imho.

Even if a guy wants to have sex, it should be with a tactical approach. This one acts like a “sex-starved-monkey”! What a turn off!
Playboy stage? For a 30 year-old young man?
Do you have A JOB? At least he has one.

What exactly attracted you to him?
You have NOTHING in common.
There is no sexual chemistry between you both.
If you are not ready for sex, PLEASE, don not dangle yourself in front of any man. If you want to be celibate, DO NOT DATE! Simple.

Way too matured than him
Sex starved monkey? Really?

Op, Men are different, so also the ways we express ourselves... Your gut feeling should tell you if he is genuine or just after your body... tho his actions in a less than 2months relationship doesnt seem right. or is he trying to prove a point?? maybe you should tell him his attitude is pushing you off.


I think sex is part of relationships, especially one geared towards marriage except otherwise defined.

If you dont like him enough or think he is a fraud, why date him?, There are good and bad men out there just pray he is a good man with good intentions. Do communicate with him, know why he behaves that way, and tell him to take it slow.

Sapphire11:

Thank you
Does that mean a serious guy cannot date without sex? I am attracted to his maturity, he is opened about things too. Looks like he is pretty sex starved

He's starved because he didn't go behind your back and fcck someother girl even while you denying him? lol, you girls deserve worse.

I hope he sees this and act accordingly.

Wrong thread

SilentBang:


Way too matured than him
Sex starved monkey? Really?

Yes o!
She is acting like an old maid, while he is acting like a dog in heat!

Any connection?

cruchenutii:


I honestly disagree with you, so asking for Sex makes him immature?

What tactical approach do you mean, don't be an hypocrite please. It is not by force as I've stated before, she can walk away & date guys from Deeper Life where they don't even want to touch their spouse until their Wedding.

It is Men who don't know their worth that don't want to live by anyone's standard please. There are a 1000 Men & Women out there to choose from, if one doesn't suit you, move on & continue your search.

If I want to have sex with you from day one, Its my choice. EOD.

Like I stated earlier, there are subtle and MATURE ways to initiate sex. You do not initiate sex like you spend your free time in hooky-houses. Hypocrite for what?

Yes! Men are from MARS and women are from Venus. Women are emotional beings and men are physical beings. All we can do is meet half way! Easier said than done.

The first step is to get the lady comfortable with you. All the hurry-hurry moves smacks of immaturity.

Tactical approach means you get her IN THE MOOD first!

A little talking about how she feels about sex first or getting to know if you are on the same page.

Has she really ever had sex? How did it feel?
You don’t just jump into kissing and groping you know.

Sapphire11:
I've been a guest here for a long time. I just created this account because of this issue bothering me.
I recently just broke up with my ex and I've been with my new guy for less than two months. We've been friends for over 3 years and he visited me once in those time. He has a legit job and stays in my town, his parents are here too. He seems to have good intentions but his actions are putting me off.
We met again around end of July and he made his intentions known again(he wanted me to be his girlfriend back then), I agreed because I was single at the time. He is 30 so I suppose he should have passed the "playboy" stage.
I went to visit him for the first time and he forced a kiss on me he did the same thing the second time and even tried to have sex with me, I told him I don't want that and he stopped. I don't know if it's this cold weather, now he sends "I miss you, I want you, your body..." everything relating to sex in a relationship that is less than 2 months :'(
I have made it known to him that I cannot be in a FUN relationship, I'd rather be in a promising one that can lead to marriage and he said he's no longer a baby and settling down is paramount to him.
I'm confused and finding it difficult to trust him with this attitude. I don't want to visit him anytime soon cos I'm not ready for sex.
No front page

Sister, this one is quite easy. He is a playboy and just wants to use you and dump you.

Do not believe his lies. If a man cannot wait till his wedding night to have intimacy with you, then there's no need wasting your precious time with such a fellow.

Furthermore, if he can defy your father, and mother, and sisters, and brothers, and try to force sex on you, you should not only end the relationship, but do not speak to him ever again.

cruchenutii:
I see that you want to be Celibate till marriage. There are men out there who are Okay & satisfied with it but Majority of Men are not.
If you can convince him to wait before marriage, Then great. if not, just find your way. God will give you someone better.

Many people feel they stand to gain nothing from Celibate relationship because Women often burden them with Financial challenges, knowing this. It's like a transaction. You date me, Give me sex while I give you money.

Sad but true. Most men these days just want to use and dump, while others want a taste of the pleasures that have been reserved for marriage only.

OP, I will advise again: Do not have anything to do with a man who wants to have sex with you before marriage - not even after one year into the relationship. He shouldn't even be thinking of dating, unless he's prepared to do the needful to bring a woman into his house.

Be careful who you are taking advice from. Most might not worth advising u based on their pedigrees. Follow ur heart(instinct). Open ur eyes.learn from ur mistake(s). No advice is perfect or best fit. The more u grow older, u will find out that, U really cannot be too careful

ovaltine22:


Sad but true. Most men these days just want to use and dump, while others want a taste of the pleasures that have been reserved for marriage only.

OP, I will advise again: Do not have anything to do with a man who wants to have sex with you before marriage - not even after one year into the relationship. He shouldn't even be thinking of dating, unless he's prepared to do the needful to bring a woman into his house.

But Sir, also check from this perspective. OP herself isn't a Virgin. So does it mean she was irresponsible for having sex previously when she did, because I don't understand this your analogy. So those times she made the decisions to have sex, what was going through her mind then.

Anyway sha, las las OP should move on, there are plenty men who will wait till marriage.

KanwuliaExtra:


Like I stated earlier, there are subtle and MATURE ways to initiate sex. You do not initiate sex like you spend your free time in hooky-houses. Hypocrite for what?

Yes! Men are from MARS and women are from Venus. Women are emotional beings and men are physical beings. All we can do is meet half way! Easier said than done.

The first step is to get the lady comfortable with you. All the hurry-hurry moves smacks of immaturity.

Tactical approach means you get her IN THE MOOD first!

A little talking about how she feels about sex first or getting to know if you are on the same page.

Has she really ever had sex? How did it feel?
You don’t just jump into kissing and groping you know.

Look there is no point in going around in Circles just to get to the point, Nobody has time for that. I've been in situations where Women initiated sex on the First Date after constant communication for a week, this happened to me twice. There was no tactical approach whatsoever, If/When women want to initiate sex for their own pleasure, do you think they have time for how you feel?


In conclusion, the OP wants to be celibate if I'm not wrong, Infact this has nothing to do with Tactical approach. She doesn't want to loose him & she doesn't want to tell him a Straight NO as regarding Sex. She can't sit on the fence.

Op, the extent he is gunning for Ur body is a major red flag. If u are in that sort of thing, no problem but if u are looking forward to marriage, u will be grossly disappointed by this guy.
30 is the new 20. If u think he is old, he is just starting to flex.
U don't want sex, good but call off this relationship! If he is serious about u, after some time, he will come to see Ur people.
Tell him the reason u called off is because both of u have different interests.

OP u sef, calm down na, u just ended a relationship before this one. Don't be so in a hurry. This guy wants to use u, knowing how vulnerable u are right now

cruchenutii:


Look there is no point in going around in Circles just to get to the point, Nobody has time for that. I've been in situations where Women initiated sex on the First Date after constant communication for a week, this happened to me twice. There was no tactical approach whatsoever, If/When women want to initiate sex for their own pleasure, do you think they have time for how you feel?


In conclusion, the OP wants to be celibate if I'm not wrong, Infact this has nothing to do with Tactical approach. She doesn't want to loose him & she doesn't want to tell him a Straight NO as regarding Sex. She can't sit on the fence.

And have you married the women who initiated sex with you on the first date? Let's be sincere, most married men did not marry the woman they "sexed" easily. You sound really defensive sha...are you the guy ni??

@OP, Please have a conversation with the man. He might not reason it the way you're doing?
Also, if he was still asking you out even when you were in your former relationship(was he), he might not be "the one".

Winter4:


And have you married the women who initiated sex with you on the first date? Let's be sincere, most married men did not marry the woman they "sexed" easily. You sound really defensive sha...are you the guy ni??

I'm not financially stable enough to settle according to my personal target, that has nothing to those women I encountered.
I'm not defensive, but It's hard for you understand that sex in a relationship is a personal decision. My choice doesn't make me better than my peers, my decision can be based on personal relationship with God or just Moral values. It doesn't make me a useless Sex monkey.

Winter4:
@OP, Please have a conversation with the man. He might not reason it the way you're doing?
Also, if he was still asking you out even when you were in your former relationship(was he), he might not be "the one".

No, tho we kept communicating ad friends

cruchenutii:


But Sir, also check from this perspective. OP herself isn't a Virgin. So does it mean she was irresponsible for having sex previously when she did, because I don't understand this your analogy. So those times she made the decisions to have sex, what was going through her mind then.

Anyway sha, las las OP should move on, there are plenty men who will wait till marriage.

I never said she was. All of us have made mistakes.

What I'm saying is that since she is ready for marriage, she should not let men use and dump her before the wedding night.

Sapphire11:

Thank you
Does that mean a serious guy cannot date without sex? I am attracted to his maturity, he is opened about things too. Looks like he is pretty sex starved

This one might not necessarily be sex starved. How are you sure he doesn't have other girlfriends who he sleeps with?

My sister, again, don't fall for any man who cannot wait till the wedding night.

cruchenutii:


Look there is no point in going around in Circles just to get to the point, Nobody has time for that. I've been in situations where Women initiated sex on the First Date after constant communication for a week, this happened to me twice. There was no tactical approach whatsoever, If/When women want to initiate sex for their own pleasure, do you think they have time for how you feel?


In conclusion, the OP wants to be celibate if I'm not wrong, Infact this has nothing to do with Tactical approach. She doesn't want to loose him & she doesn't want to tell him a Straight NO as regarding Sex. She can't sit on the fence.

I think we arrived at the same conclusion.
THEY ARE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE!
E.O.D.

Sapphire you better run before you get raped.

Sapphire11:

Thank you
Does that mean a serious guy cannot date without sex? I am attracted to his maturity, he is opened about things too. Looks like he is pretty sex starved

Maybe he is into you only because of the sex. Maturity includes respecting the feeling of your significant other if they aren't ready for sex.

Frankly, I don't see this relationship going far if you give in.

Do you truly love each other or its because you guys think you're getting old and want to settle down?

How much of him do you know about him, his past and his present?

If he can't control his sexual desires now, what happens when you get married and you have to travel for a week or two? Would it be understandable to you if he forced himself on your housemaid?

You have a lot of questions to ask yourself.