Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

You are a simp bro


Ya mum was there before u met ur wife.


Is she sending money to ur parents like you used to send to her mama?


Family first before any stranger bro.

E get any woman for this life wey go take the blame for her wrongdoings? Those gender can never ever accept responsibility for their actions.

God knows the best

Both of you should send everything to them
Let us rest .
After queueing for Money and fuel today,my motivational spirit is tired.

There is no advice to tell you than you should stop doing like a fool. There is nothing wrong having a joint account with your wife, but you are the head of the house, Be the head and not the tail, I won't talk more than that.

You guys had an agreement, you broke it.

You send secretly, she sends secretly. She wants you to send 50-50 you don't want that, as both of you can't seem to agree based on the financial agreement nko.

Let everyone send what they deem fit to their individual parents nigbayen and rest.

nicerod:
You are a simp bro


Ya mum was there before u met ur wife.


Is she sending money to ur parents like you used to send to her mama?


Family first before any stranger bro.

His mum is supposed to be there before he met his wife, just as his mother-in-law was there for her daughter before she met her husband.

As a married man, his wife is not a stranger but she and their children comes first before his birth family.

Whew! Everybody should do their thing separately with their parents biko. Let her send as she wishes to her parents while you do the same. Couples should know that joint everything wont always work. It's good enough that you support the home together fa.

YinkaOlusesi16:
There is no advice to tell you than you should stop doing like a fool. There is nothing wrong having a joint account with your wife, but you are the head of the house, Be the head and not the tail, I won't talk more than that.

If you are married and you have a financial dealing that your wife is not in support of, you will not have peace until you get her support. What is the use of not having peace and not being a simp? Your wife is not a block of wood but has got her emotions, innate tendencies and instincts including self-preservation.

Mindlog:


His mum is supposed to be there before he met his wife, just as his mother-in-law was there for her daughter before she met her husband.

As a married man, his wife is not a stranger but she and their children comes first before his birth family.

I know

But he's trying to please the wife too much.

You promised 50-50, so let it remain so.

Your wife did what most women would do when it comes to seeking the truth.

U should av known that she was lieing.

U shouldn't have asked your mom.

I wonder why you people make life difficult for yourselves intentionally.

Why would you both agree to tell each other about when you send money to your parents.

That's some bullshits. So long you are doing your duties to her and you send to your in-laws sometimes too, you will do no wrong by not telling her how much you send to your family or know how much she sends to hers.

Marriage go just easy finish but una go dey find ways to make am hard.

Klass99:


Honestly, I mean no offence but you and your wife are annoying! Sending money to your folks shouldn't be a bone of contention, where one or both of you start lying or hiding to send money home.

I feel like slapping two of them, so annoying people.

Na wa

I wonder why both of you are complicating matters unnecessarily, to the extent of lying and playing mind games on top sending money to your parents. Since the 50/50 ain’t working, why can’t you let her know and you go ahead with what works?

What is the essence of working and making money if you can’t send money to your parents without feeling guilty about it in your own home?

Marriage is not bondage abeg!

Each person should do right by his or her parents…

I am not married yet but I must tell you that you are very weak to have agree to your wife knowing when you should send money to your own parents and how you should do that, you even had to do that secretly at some point and your wife “caught you” sending money to the parents that birthed you, and you even apologized, your own money that you worked for😂😳

Omo, no woman born right will dare tell me how to send money to my parents, as long as I have fulfilled my obligations in my own home, how I send money to my parents and if I decided to send to hers is none of her business, I paid bride price for her and fulfilled her family request when I married her, sending money to her parents shouldn’t be a compulsory thing to me compared to my own parents, except she does that for my parents also, which I don’t even care because I know I will send enough for my parents, she even had to lie againts your mom, what kind of confusing wife you married to?
Sir, you are a weak man to have allowed this happened, make it loud and clear to your wife that you have a duty as a husband, father and son, and as much as you have fulfilled the husband and father duty in your house, she has no business with your duty as son, what kind of weak men are out there these days, and you dare say no insult, when you allowed your wife insult your parents

I confuse, I no go lie.

Make una revert to default settings and restart.

😂gbam!

gaby:
I confuse, I no go lie.

Make una revert to default settings and restart.

It's the agreement you had with her on sending money to both parents that is the cause of your problem. You can't undo it now without suffering severe problems. You just need to more diplomatic, or even more secretive in doing what you know is right.

Gadafii:
I am not married yet but I must tell you that you are very weak to have agree to your wife knowing when you should send money to your own parents and how you should do that, you even had to do that secretly at some point and your wife “caught you” sending money to the parents that birthed you, and you even apologized, your own money that you worked for😂😳

Omo, no woman born right will dare tell me how to send money to my parents, as long as I have fulfilled my obligations in my own home, how I send money to my parents and if I decided to send to hers is none of her business, I paid bride price for her and fulfilled her family request when I married her, sending money to her parents shouldn’t be a compulsory thing to me compared to my own parents, except she does that for my parents also, which I don’t even care because I know I will send enough for my parents, she even had to lie againts your mom, what kind of confusing wife you married to?
Sir, you are a weak man to have allowed this happened, make it loud and clear to your wife that you have a duty as a husband, father and son, and as much as you have fulfilled the husband and father duty in your house, she has no business with your duty as son, what kind of weak men are out there these days, and you dare say no insult, when you allowed your wife insult your parents

Hope you read where they're living? UK!
That environment can SIMPlify any man.
The guy is just living in fear.
In Nigeria, it would have been a different story.

If it is not affecting you guys financially, just open up on how much the two of you a sending and why, then maintain it.
That is all what you have been doing secretly, bring it to light and CONTINUE

Clearly, your plan to inform yourselves whenever you send money home isn't working. Her mom in the US may not need money as much as your dad does, but you should understand that $100 in US is not the same as $100 in Nigeria.

At this point, I'll advise you two to sit and agree on how much to send to your people. Or maybe you guys should stop informing yourselves since the trust appears to be broken.

gaby:
I confuse, I no go lie.

Make una revert to default settings and restart.

I tell you

Y’all are unreasonably dramatic

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls.
I am married with 2 kids.
My wife and I work in the UK and although I earn twice as much as her, she supports bills in the house. We contribute towards the mortgage together as well.
We do not have a joint account, however, we pledged that we would inform the other party whenever money is being sent back home as courtesy.
Due to her level of support, I agreed to send money to her parents whenever I send to mine. Her mum is based in the US but not really financially buoyant (still not as bad as my retired dad in Nigeria)
However, I realised that she wants such fund split 50-50 between our families. This has caused problems in the past. Hence, I resorted to sending money secretly to my parents who are usually cash strapped.
NOW THE ISSUE
Wife caught me on one occasion sending money to my parents without her knowledge. She asks me and I denied initially but later admitted and apologized, tried to make up in some way.
To find out if I had been sending money severally in the past without her knowledge, she plays a mind game by telling me that her co-wife (my brother's wife) who had just come into the UK with my brother told her (my wife) that my mum secretly advised her (my brother's wife) to be sending money very well back home(to my parents) like I do and that she should not let my wife know about it. By this, my wife alleges that I have been sending money back home.
I denied I ever used to send money secretly, insisting that that episode was the first and last. She agrees and lets it slide.
3mths down the line, I ask my mum if she ever said anything like that and my mum's voice broke down, she denied it with her life and was was really disappointed that my wife could lie against her.
I have pleaded with my mum to keep mum about the issue and I have full trust she will.
I feel really hurt and cannot understand why my wife would go to the extent of lying against my own mum. I want to confront her and express my profound disappointment.
My wife has also sent money to her mum without telling me and although I found out 2mths ago, I have not mentioned it just waiting for the right time.
I always wanted to be open/honest but my wife being inconsiderate by demanding 50-50 was what pushed me to send money secretly.
She denies ever being against sending money to my parents.
What would you advise me to do please? No insults and matured comments only please.
MODs please send to FP pls!

Unless your family is in a tight situation, you should be free to support your parents.


Tell her to divert the money she spends on the home to her parents, and stop apologizing for being a good son.

ctex4real:
Hello everyone, I never knew I could be in this situation even though I read other people's stories here.
I would appreciate the advice from experienced married people here pls

Make two of una no scatter una home because of pounds sterling o!

Both of you should be wise!

Na your wife send you go school from primary to A level?

You dey mad ni?

I tire o.

Karleb:
I wonder why you people make life difficult for yourselves intentionally.

Why would you both agree to tell each other about when you send money to your parents.

That's some bullshits. So long you are doing your duties to her and you send to your in-laws sometimes too, you will do no wrong by not telling her how much you send to your family or know how much she sends to hers.

Marriage go just easy finish but una go dey find ways to make am hard.

NoToPile:

You guys had an agreement, you broke it.

You send secretly, she sends secretly. She wants you to send 50-50 you don't want that, as both of you can't seem to agree based on the financial agreement nko.

Let everyone send what they deem fit to their individual parents nigbayen and rest.

QED. I don't understand the meaning of all the woranworan