my hubby works all day and when he comes home at night he tells me he's been very busy at work that he does not have time to discuss with me, he even went as far as forgetting our wedding anniversary to tell me he is very busy, i don't know what to do, i feel like i am a secondary issue to him and it annoys me.

well in a real world its family first

but it seems like your hubby loves his job more than you

maybe you need to sit him down and talk to him about it

@poster
there shouldnt be one over the other as they are not comparable, you should just balance the two to make sure that your life is right. i think that the problem is elsewhere and being tired is just an excuse IF thats the excuse he gives you every single day.

also its safe to say that having a pleasant discussion isnt THAT DIFFICULT even if he was the hardest working man in the world so i suggest you find out what REALLY is bothering your hubby before its too late.

no union can last where there is no communication apart from "hi" "where's my dinner"and "bye".

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
there shouldnt be one over the other as they are not comparable, you should just balance the two to make sure that your life is right. i think that the problem is elsewhere and being tired is just an excuse IF thats the excuse he gives you every single day.

also its safe to say that having a pleasant discussion isnt THAT DIFFICULT even if he was the hardest working man in the world so i suggest you find out what REALLY is bothering your hubby before its too late.

no union can last where there is no communication apart from "hi" "where's my dinner"and "bye".

rightly said, but let me add this, a man hardly can keep his family where he has no job. How about weekends, does he go to work on saturdays and sundays, if no use that time to relate with him and if yes, there's more to it than work.

Family, and it's not disputable.

if he value work more than family dat means he is sleeping with his secretary

I see nothing wrong with your husband. Everyone (excluding me) knows what it means to be a working class family man. If he had not been discussing with you, then how do you know these points in your post.
If he resign just to satisfy you with time & endless attention, you will definitely come here someday to say "Help! My Husband Is Boring & Lazy".
If he's too busy during the week, what about the weekends?
Anniversary is not a big deal. Some years back I forgot my birthday even as a student (not married yet)

Both should be balanced.

ice234:

if he value work more than family dat means he is sleeping with his secretary

if he values family more than work then he should maybe try feeding/housing or clothing that same family without job and see how that work.

seriously, i doubt anyone would be able to sustain caring for their family if they dont value/respect their work and on the other hand, whats the point of having the greatest job on earth if you have no family to share the riches/proceeds with?!

they both feed off each other, one without the other is pointless!

Family. Either balance the two or get another job. Time spent with family is irreplaceable.

Well, if you are ever called to make a choice between your family and your job, then always choose your family

but if there's no reason to choose one or the other, then its everyone's duty to balance both and make sure one does not suffer because of the other. if you spend too much time at work, you'll loose your family and if you spend too much time at home, you'll loose your job. it is that simple

MRbrownJAY:

if he values family more than work then he should maybe try feeding/housing or clothing that same family without job and see how that work.

seriously, i doubt anyone would be able to sustain caring for their family if they dont value/respect their work and on the other hand, whats the point of having the greatest job on earth if you have no family to share the riches/proceeds with?!

they both feed off each other, one without the other is pointless!

Q.E.D

MRbrownJAY:

if he values family more than work then he should maybe try feeding/housing or clothing that same family without job and see how that work.

seriously, i doubt anyone would be able to sustain caring for their family if they dont value/respect their work and on the other hand, whats the point of having the greatest job on earth if you have no family to share the riches/proceeds with?!

they both feed off each other, one without the other is pointless!

Rubbish.

What Anabel is saying is that she is not getting enough sex from her husband. What I want to know is when was the last time she took the initiative in bed? Does she give blo job and how often?

  THE ISSUE IS NOT ABOUT PUTTING ONE FIRST! ITS ABOUT TAKING THE RIGHT STEP AT THE RIGHT TIME!
YOU NEED YOUR JOB TO fEED YOUR FAMILY, AND ENIYAN LASO WA!
SO, A MATURE MAN WILL KNOW HOW TO STRIKE A BALANCE!
I HAVE SPOKEN! WWW-AFTENYSC-COM  

kieryn:

Family. Either balance the two or get another job. Time spent with family is irreplaceable.

You sound as if one can always pick jobs on the street whenever one need a new job, lol! Am sure youre self employed, otherwise you wont make that statement.

walcolm:

Well, if you are ever called to make a choice between your family and your job, then always choose your family

but if there's no reason to choose one or the other, then its everyone's duty to balance both and make sure one does not suffer because of the other. if you spend too much time at work, you'll loose your family and if you spend too much time at home, you'll loose your job. it is that simple

Walcom I go with ur opinion.

Lemme start by saying, Play him a song u think he'll listen to. Put it on repeat if u have to so u make sure he listen.
I personally like Adol - Lonely
nuf said

i doubt if a man would ever be refered to as a man if he does not provide for his family, the question is what kind of Job does her hubby do ? is he self employed or working for someone? if he is self employed then i guess force him to create more time for you, but if he is not self employed the best you can do is to discuss with him and help him understand if it is the nature of his job,

at the same time try find out if there is something you are not doing right thats causing him to stay away from home

I will also like to play devils advocate to the matter at hand.

There is something going on I suspect cos for ur guy to ignore u day after day tells something. Maybe you are not making him happy or he not feeling the connection anymore as it was before ur vows. check urself a lil bit (not to say smthing is wrong with u), but to see if u r doing smthing wrong.
From my own side, I'll say men does not like nagging partner

but why are women always whining about attention? are u babies in nappies? must someone always be following ur ass every move and vetting it?

yet you are also the very first to complain about broke men, money good life, i wanna make my hair etc etc!!!!!

look choose one, either you have a jobless fellow who has 100% time for you and is always whining in ur ears, or a man with something to do, who has less time to follow ur bums about.

how do u expect the fellow to chase money and be idle? these days the fact is the work schedules coupled with traffic issues makes it hard for anyone in lagos or anywhere i guess. if i have to leave my house at 5:30 am to get to work, battle one and half hour traffic to get there, work hard or even worse have t hustle about thru the midday traffic getting from place to place, get to close from work at say 6-7:30 pm (at times later). battle another 2 hours traffic in a tired state to get back home say like 9:30 -10 pm i sure as hell will not be able to give myself attention much less a woman. DEAL WITH IT JO!!!

FYI, in my present job i work 8am - 8pm minimum, i dont like it, but if u dont have an alternative for me, just forget talking!! i get home at 10pm or later and i do know its even a burden at times to eat. i generally ignore everyone in that state cos i will snap at them if they rub me wrong!!!


BOTTOMLINE IS i think your complaints are just an expression of other issues in your marriage or ur just downright insecure. i guess u keep having visions of ur hubby doing his secretary. too bad. sorry ehn, maybe u should get him a better paying and easier job

Honestly, you can give your woman all the attention in this world, but without taking care of her primary needs, you are not man enough. It gets even bad if she is the one feeding you.

Honestly, I need a job in order to manage a home so I wont joke with my job, shikena!!

Money without romance is very dangerous to any family health,likewise romance without finance so ,i strongly advise a balance which can be achieve by planning and proper communication with understanding

dolu2007:

As mush as work is needed to take care of the family, the Family is more important in that it determines the future of generations unborn. Importantly, have a balanced life

Family (hell nooooo). .Work (double hell nooooo), Womanliness (hell yessssssss)

[b]@OP
Me think your hubby should strike a balance between the two,
though I would have suggested family should come first but what if he looses his job as a result of devoting so much time to his loving family,hence my option of striking a balance between the two;he needs the pay to take care of you guys.True money is not everything but lack of it will make your home hellish,if you know what I mean.

Poster are you employed(JUST WONDERING WHERE YOU'VE GOT THE TIME TO BOTHER ABOUT HIM IF THEIR ARE CHILDREN TO RAISE AND JOB TO ATTEND TO) plus you dint state when your husband closes from work(his company policy), that way I would know whether he's just doing over time for eye service or whether the nature of his job actually demands he works all day.

So with all the information you've provided me with, my advice to you is bear with him, and you try to create time during the weekends to spend time with him.- that's if he's actually working like he claims he is.

Some of them do over time in the office and you cant just understand what it is  they are doing ;you enter their offices(of the so called "working late" clan) and see a couple of people at their desk,some blasting music,staring at their monitors and moving mouse about [s]acting activity that doesn't add value neither to the organization nor to themselves e.g watching p*o*rn and downloading it,chatting and bragging(mostly empty and weightless) and gossiping while at it.[/s]

[s]Poster where does your hubby belong ,something else definitely interests him where he spends most of his time.
[/s]

And wait a minute ,if he belongs to the clan and children are involved in all of these, then that guy definitely has a serious case of  misplaced priorities.
If he'll be man enough to  listen to you,i suggest you sit him down and talk some  sense into that head of his.

Best of luck.


COMMUNICATION IS KEY! WORD![/b]

I recommend you both watch the movie "FIRE PROOF"

COMMUNICATION is the KEY.

1. what kinda job does your husband do?
2. What time does he leave home in the morning?
3. when does he close from work and when does he get home?
4. Does he work weekends?
5. What do you do?

A balance is best in this case cos none is overly more important than the other.

If he doesn't have a job, you will complain he is not living up to his manly responsibility
He has one now and i believe he is paying the bills and we still complain (i know its not all about the bills)

@ OP its easy for everyone to say family first
its really hard for a lot of people not to allow their jobs to interfere with their family life.
imagine some people leaving home as early as 6am to go to work and coming back like 8/9pm
you should keep it at the back of your mind that he is human and  must realy be tired.
talk to your husband about your feeling without nagging his life out  

but you know you need to be empathic about the situation(put yourself in his shoes)
ive been in your shoes so I know how it hurts ,hes probably finding it difficult to strike a balance believe me it takes a lot of determination and Gods grace to strike that balance with the crazy hours bankers for instance work.

God forbid he becomes jobless trust me ull prefer a realy busy man to a jobless man hanging around you 24/7  

Mr Anus:

Family (hell nooooo). .Work (double hell nooooo), Womanliness (hell yessssssss)

How about anus hell yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
asshole like your name says.

no matter how had a man works,he should give the wify a nice butty work for at least 2hrs a week,that will do for the woman unless she is greedy knowing fully well how had the man works or is there a woman plugging her switch in the network to become the route bridge?either way @ poster do your duty with lots of love and see if the access list is well configured to the router.

damilola15 , u 15yr old midget. , Well since u dont like Womanliness u can settle for c0rks. silly goat!!

If you can assist him a little bit financially by working too he might work less and devote some quality time with you

Sit him down and talk to him your feelings.