A stranger was seated next to little Tommy on a plane, when the stranger turned to Tommy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Tommy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about politics? Should we keep Atiku or elect Yaradua?"

"Okay," said Little Tommy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff! Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss who should run the country when you don't know crap?"

That Tommy boy is crazy

kids can be smart

boy ol boy that boy cant be little and yet so mighty in intelligence! hmmmm i wonder if u the poster is half as intelligent as litle tommy

@clemcykul

I see u are trying to be funny.

not at all, am just saying my feelings and voicing out my opinion loud and clear, who cares if my replies amuses anyone? afterall we all are entitled to our opinions. ciao.

Well my being intelligent or not does not have anything to do with u aight? if u cant enjoy the joke then step and stop trying to be sarcastic or funny. i dont appreciate it. I see wot u put there as an insult. I hope it does not happen next time. Pls dont spoil the fun for other people trying to enjoy jokes up in here.

what if i do? u better go screw urself. (hiss) naughty you! hw do u xpect pple to be amused by that lousy post up there eehh as i earlier said GO AND Bleep URSELF UP!!

Wow!!! Some people never cease to amuse me. I should mess myself? Anyway i always knew the internet was not meant for everybody. If you think you can just insult me and get away with it? You had better watch out because u might just get more than wot u bargained for. I aint going to stoop low as to exchange words with u, because u aint even worth the sweat. So i advice u just stay out of my face aight. Its all good. Have a wonderful day.

Seems like l am lost somewhere,l thought this was supposed to be a jokes forum
but from what l have seen the previous posters posting l am beginning to have second thoughts
lets be mature please and stop personalising issues or maybe do you bickering offline!

yea, stop exchanging words n let's flow with each other

@Femi
Ur joke was quite funny n smart bt u're trying to take the fun out of it.
Clem just made a remark n u're taking it personal.
Plzzzzzzzzz u both sud cut dt crap.

@Femi
Ur joke was quite funny n smart bt u're trying to take the fun out of it.
Clem just made a remark n u're taking it personal.
Plzzzzzzzzz u both sud cut dt crap.

To b cncere femi u took dat 2u personal. But clems u also went 2u far. If he dnt lyk it den jst sey ure sory or dnt even reply, oda dan teln hm to go blah blah blah, amin, dats way ova board.
@femi
Shit happens bro
@joke
hilarious

Guess y'all are right. I should have just let it go. Well i am over that anyway. Thanks everyone.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
--------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

--------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
---------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!

---------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
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L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
---------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
---------------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is,
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

---------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
same time."

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped
down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now
do you know why his
father didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in
his hand."

---------------------------------------------------------

L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy
then?

---------------------------------------------------------

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got
another pair of the same
at home.

---------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating
a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
---------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

---------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

---------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people
are no longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher

Discipline:- A word missing from the dictionary of students.

Doctor:- One who charges before discharging.

Love:-Like a war, easy to begin but hard to stop.

Marriage:- Two blades of scissors, pivoted together which always move in opposite directions to cut whatever comes before them.

Divorce:- Future tense of marriage.

Hostel:- A modern hospital visited by the patients suffering from special disease called "study"

Cigerrete:- A pipe with fire at one end and a fool at other.

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A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.

She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.

She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.

A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her and said, "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"

She said, "Duh! I'm winning here

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on
the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend
an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Maine is ! the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange,
silver, or purple.

A woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.

She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.

'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.

'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.

'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.

'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.

'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.

'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.

'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.

'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'

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A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :

Psycho-
the-
rapist.

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window.

"Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot confirmed that they were.

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

Thanks a lot broda,
You kept me laughing all the way.

dude, u just a rib cracker, cant get enuf, u still got more plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Those jokes are killing me

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So Funny

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce Friedman

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."

"Yes, this is June."

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will! Who's this?"

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.

Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all!