What makes a man? The fact that he was born with male Instruments? Or that he grows beards, wears trousers and woos girls? Or the fact that he can carry two 50-litre jerry cans at the same time? Perhaps more functionally, the fact that he can make a woman pregnant?

It has been said that to be a man is not a day's job. A man doesn't become a man by growing from boyhood through teenagehood and into adulthood. A man becomes a man by being able to accept, handle and manage responsibilities that come with starting a family. A man becomes a man when he has matured on all levels of life. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially and in every way else. You will agree that, that isn't an easy feat to achieve by a stroke of luck. A man who wants to get married should know that he would be responsible for housing, clothing, feeding, educating, supporting his family and making them as comfortable as possible. A man is ripe for marriage only when he is mature to support his home and shield the would-be members of his family, put a roof over their heads, clothes on their bodies and food on the table, nurture and raise them to be what he has become, and even better, cater to the financial needs of his home, be available emotionally, encourage the dream of his family members, defend his territory, and make his family proud of him.

It's okay for a man who still can't do these regardless of his age, to think about getting married, but it should stop right there. Thoughts. Because marriage requires hard work to maintain, a man has to be willing to work hard to give it all it takes before thinking of subjecting another man's daughter to a life of hardship, frustration and stagnation — yes — that is what happens when a man doesn't really become a man before starting a family.

I will give two examples.

Man A is 67 years old. He has been married for 35 years. In the early years of his marriage, his sole responsibilities were to make his wife pregnant, go out all day, return with an empty pocket, demand for his food and sleep. He bluntly refused to take up a job no matter how menial, to support the family he started. He never provided physical or emotional support for the woman during pregnancy, never contributed to the training and education of the kids, not even as much as bought things kids usually love for anyone of all three of them. He is swift to criticize both wife and kids, never makes effort to correct in love or even show how it's done. No empathy or encouragement for the woman of the house who realized she's been trapped and manned up to take full responsibility for the home, the man inclusive. Our man then gathers courage to demand his rights as the "head of the home". For 35 years consistently. His wife retired from civil service and everything completely fell apart — what a woman on a meagre civil service salary managed to hold together for 35 years.

Man B is a 38 year old single man who meets and falls in love with a girl 9 years younger. Not bad, is it? For the two years the relationship lasted, Man B couldn't pay his own bills and even still lives with his mother. He never felt the need to get his hands dirty in order to give some shape to his life and build his own empire. He prefers to feed off the crumbs that fall off others' table. Miss Girlfriend does everything she can to support encourage and push Man B towards becoming a better man for himself and for the family they plan to build, even putting her own life, dreams and career on hold for him but our man won't budge. He never had a proper date with the girl he so passionately talks about getting married to. He couldn't even afford to get her a birthday present worth N2,000. Not for once did he offer to give her some money to take care of herself, not until she asks. And even then, the different stories that come up often make her ask him not to bother. A man that wants to get married but doesn't doesn't have any source of income, yet professes undying love and never hesitates to talk about how everything will change in marriage. After almost 2 years, girlfriend decides to move on. Man B then sings songs of patience and wonders why girls are never patient to build with the man that loves them.

These are two different men who think the world belongs to them simply because they belong to the masculine gender of the human species. They forget that, to be a man is beyond being able to start a family. Much more than that, being able to sustain a family, tend to it, giving it everything it needs to be well established, much as one tends to a well-kept garden.

Abeg, love dey pay rent? Love dey put food for table? Abi love dey train pikin? Na-me-be-the-man dey pay school fees?

Someone give me a break. A man who isn't able to solely provide for his home should not get married, because he's simply not man enough to! He needs to have a roof over his own head, pay his bills and be able to single-handledly take care of at least two persons other than himself before attempting to get married.




Source: www.debbioni.