Thanks all

To be honest with you,you knew the kind of man you were getting married to but you decided to marry him all the same.He stayed in his parents' house till he was 41 ?
What kind of person will not accept a job of N200k because he doesn't want to answer sir while owing debts and can barely fend for himself?

As it stands now,you either decide to maintain the status quo or decide to stand on your own to take care of yourself and your baby.Don't leave your hubby just yet but let him understand if he still wants you,he needs to shake himself up and face reality.

Let whatever income you make be for yourself and your baby Don't lend him or give him any more money.Stay with your parents and try to save up.

You married a lazy man

Sorry dear

As far as someone still borrow or give him money/food items , he will never change

Lord have mercy!

I knew someone in this exact situation around me. She left.him.for.her.mothers house. With no.one to beg, he's now working. I advice you see a pastor,marriage counsel,your family and discuss this issue

You married a baby-adult. Your man is egoistical and its seriously affecting him. He belong to I-rather-die- of-misery-than-humble-myself crew.He also lazy. Sadly he can't change.

You are very much a single mother. If you want to stay, you stay because of your child and pls don't birth another child.

thorpido:
To be honest with you,you knew the kind of man you were getting married to but you decided to marry him all the same.He stayed in his parents' house till he was 41 ?
What kind of person will not accept a job of N200k because he doesn't want to answer sir while owing debts and can barely fend for himself?

As it stands now,you either decide to maintain the status quo or decide to stand on your own to take care of yourself and your baby.Don't leave your hubby just yet but let him understand if he still wants you,he needs to shake himself up and face reality.

Let whatever income you make be for yourself and your baby Don't lend him or give him any more money.Stay with your parents and try to save up.

You are right. I knew his kind of person but was desperate to settle down as I was already 30. He wasn't this bad then though, things just took a downward dive.

Thanks for the tips and for everyone else that advised. I'll really look into adopting them.

Hmm

dolema:


You are right. I knew his kind of person but was desperate to settle down as I was already 30. He wasn't this bad then though, things just took a downward dive.

Thanks for the tips and for everyone else that advised. I'll really look into adopting them.

Make sure you don't get pregnant again for now.

What kind of business is he into? I find it weird that one's business has been struggling for 11 years. If it started struggling from 2015 it's understandable but for 11 years

Dear OP, sorry about your plight. Please kindly look for a better means of living for your child as from your story, it's obvious you felt you were running out of time and need to settle as quick as possible with available person. I have someone who did same as you but she was in her mid thirties, he rode Keke Napep for a living while she works. She got him a bus after they settled down so as to generate more income but the guy stays back at home after she leaves for work and when he knows it's almost time for her to be back, he'll go out and come back pretending that the day was so stressful and that traffic was overbearing but he'll go and park the vehicle somewhere and at most makes 2 trips in a day. She doesn't want to leave him because of what the society will say. She's always lamenting as the building project she started before she married him 5 years ago is still as it was before she married him.Please OP your child deserve the best from you so make the right decision for the future of the baby and stop waiting for things to improve from his end. It is well.

Stop visiting him.
Stop giving him money.
Look for something to do to better your life and that of your son only.
Stop having sex with him(don't get pregnant again I repeat, don't get pregnant again).
Make sure he is aware of your progress.
Pray for God to change him.

If he refuses to change after these, then live your life like you have no husband and focus of giving yourself and son the best you can.

Our wedding was heavily sponsored by family and we scaled that to proceed to marriage. For our first year, we were able to gather our rent by contributions and loans from family and friends. My mom gave us 50k which we are yet to pay back till date. I've no sympathy for you because of the above statement^^^^! Only the rich finance their kids wedding not the poor so i am wondering why you got married without money or hope
Go and find a job and start a new life.YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YOU ARE SINGLE
You are merely paying because of your desperation to get married

He stayed @his parents house till 41years? As in that’s over 4decades

Now I think his parents are now seeing u as the problem of their baby-Adult son

Madam go and find work and start your life from there

Your Lazy baby-Adult husband is doing *DELEMOSU* @his parents house and he’s comfortable with it

A lazy man at 45 is a Lazy man forever I swear down.

Don’t ever think of moving to his parents house if u no want HATE your Life

Just go and find work or divorce him sef cuz this relationship don end

It’s now you vs his mother and trust me u no fit win.

I wish you good Luck

Your family and his family put you in this mess. They heavily sponsored the wedding of a lazy man, they forgot after wedding comes the real marriage

I am beginning to think this is spiritual because I cant wrap my head around it.

You dont have money or a job and you turned down two jobs? Madam you need to pray hard for him.

Confront your mother in law. She needs to ""release" your husband

I won't be surprised if your husband spends all his time on nairaland calling girls olosho.

It is a full time work for those who do it.

As per your situation, when you are tired of that load, you will know what to do.
Until then...

You made your bed lay on in, get a job and train your child. You’re a single mother.
But for the love of God better don’t get pregnant again.

Haaaa! How did he convince you to marry him?


Rule number one, never marry a man who is not financially old enough to marry. Hian! Kisses to your son o.

Marry a man with vision even if he doesn't have a pot to piss in they said, it will be fun they said.


I hope you guys and ladies on Nairaland are reading this story with your eyes wide open

This is reality.

not that nonsensical infatuation y'all call love that many of you make your lives decisions based on.



Op I'm surprised how you were and are still attracted a 40something year old man who you both had to borrow money to do wedding.

like what the hell

op please tell us the truth

is it the prick?
it must be the prick
it has got to be the prick

like what the hell.

Please just take it that you are a single mother

stop borrowing a grown ass man money
The only people who should be borrowed money are people who have the capacity to pay back. The rest na just dash you dey dash dem


please you are just a single mother
instead of trying to use the small resources you have to feed two kids ( your hubby and son) just focus on raising your boy

no add another pikin to this one yet .

I can't advice you to divorce him. but you don't have to live together either.

You can be getting sex even if it means getting a cheap hotel anytime Kongi do you if you are shy to do it in your parents house.


Even if you are living on your own I'll advice you only take him back if you have decided to feed a grown man for life.

tough love is the only way you can push him to do something

if you keep spoon feeding someone they'll never learn because you are their safe place

generationz:
Marry a man with vision even if he doesn't have a pot to piss in they said, it will be fun they said.


I hope you guys and ladies on Nairaland are reading this story with your eyes wide open

This is reality.

not that nonsensical infatuation y'all call love that many of you make your lives decisions based on.



Op I'm surprised how you were and are still attracted a 40something year old man who you both had to borrow money to do wedding.

like what the hell

op please tell us the truth

is it the prick?
it must be the prick
it has got to be the prick

like what the hell.

Please just take it that you are a single mother

stop borrowing a grown ass man money
The only people who should be borrowed money are people who have the capacity to pay back. The rest na just dash you dey dash dem


please you are just a single mother
instead of trying to use the small resources you have to feed two kids ( your hubby and son) just focus on raising your boy

no add another pikin to this one yet .

I can't advice you to divorce him. but you don't have to live together either.

You can be getting sex even if it means getting a cheap hotel anytime Kongi do you if you are shy to do it in your parents house.


Even if you are living on your own I'll advice you only take him back if you have decided to feed a grown man for life.

tough love is the only way you can push him to do something

if you keep spoon feeding someone they'll never learn because you are their safe place

Stop the scare mongering. A man with vision is different from a lazy man. His daily.action.is a step.towards his goal. A lazy man hates work. Get the difference. Put a man.with a vision in a tight corner,he'll think and.come out of the difficult situation. Do the same.with a lazy man for a year, he will sleep and eat. Get the difference my.lady

I dunno where women meet these type of men..
This one is the president general, sweetlazy boys association.
They abound everywhere on the cyberspace calling hardworking women names.
You cannot answer sir to someone yet you cannot successfully turn a business around for 11years.

in this times when small boys are telling their fellow small boys to leave girls and hustle for money?

ogaa oh, this marriage had been faulty from the start and I believe you wanted to just bear the title mrs but right now I can't judge you. i would advise you get your self a job and leave the lazy nincompoop to his dirty pride. ode oshi

kunleweb:



Stop the scare mongering. A man with vision is different from a lazy man. His daily.action.is a step.towards his goal. A lazy man hates work. Get the difference. Put a man.with a vision in a tight corner,he'll think and.come out of the difficult situation. Do the same.with a lazy man for a year, he will sleep and eat. Get the difference my.lady

oh please spare me

I am a very practical person just like most men where I come from - iboland

I am a realist and if you want to ask me to spend my life with you and bring kids into then you have to show me a practical and long term plan on how you intend to achieve that we all have enjoy comfort and don't beg from hand to mouth .

Any man can talk . My brother talk is cheap

an average IBO guy won't settle down till they are convinced they can fend for their immediate family. It dosnet matter if they are living in one room or a duplex the kids and wife are all doing fine.


When the lady said 'he doesn't want to work for anyone what do you think she meant'

He must have told her tales of how he will become the next dangote even when they can barely feed

And those kind of men can talkkkk

They will convince you. but to take action na war.

please before you take someone's daughter on a journey of have something sustainable that can at least comfortably take care of both of you.

Its important to plan the first few years of ones marital life with on what is already on ground and not air and mist.

This includes child planning and so on

If money enters your hands during those first few years don't spend lavishely but use it keep living low and invest the money on assets.

it is based on the income from those assets you can increase your standard of living not when you get a salary raise or a gift from your uncle.

generationz:


oh please spare me

I am a very practical person just like most men where I come from - iboland

I am a realist and if you want to ask me to spend my life with you and bring kids into then you have to show me a practical and long term plan on how you intend to achieve that we all have enjoy comfort and don't beg from hand to mouth .

Any man can talk . My brother talk is cheap

an average IBO guy won't settle down till they are convinced they can fend for their immediate family. It dosnet matter if they are living in one room or a duplex the kids and wife are all doing fine.


When the lady said 'he doesn't want to work for anyone what do you think she meant'

He must have told her tales of how he will become the next dangote even when they can barely feed

And those kind of men can talkkkk

They will convince you. but to take action na war.

please before you take someone's daughter on a journey of have something sustainable that can at least comfortably take care of both of you.

Its important to plan the first few years of ones marital life with on what is already on ground and not air and mist.

This includes child planning and so on

If money enters your hands during those first few years don't spend lavishely but use it keep living low and invest the money on assets.

it is based on the income from those assets you can increase your standard of living not when you get a salary raise or a gift from your uncle.

The way you started sounds romantic and.personal. anyway I'm of the.old.shool team. A man.musnt marry until he.is strong.and.stable. This was the only advice.my.dad.gave me.my entire.life
The second is.if.you want.a woman's loyalty,give her freedom.


I'm in tune.with the.igbo.culture and.principle.and imbibe them. So, you were asking.me out before baa? How.do i sen you the fiture plan.whih includes financial.blueprint.for.our first ten years of.marriage and.five kids?

Very funny story.

Probably you forget these lines before u married him

A fool at 40, is a fool forever

kunleweb:



The way you started sounds romantic and.personal. anyway I'm of the.old.shool team. A man.musnt marry until he.is strong.and.stable. This was the only advice.my.dad.gave me.my entire.life
The second is.if.you want.a woman's loyalty,give her freedom.


I'm in tune.with the.igbo.culture and.principle.and imbibe them. So, you were asking.me out before baa? How.do i sen you the fiture plan.whih includes financial.blueprint.for.our first ten years of.marriage and.five kids?

lol
five kids in ten years ke?
Abeg I'll pass

generationz:

lol
five kids in ten years ke?
Abeg I'll pass

Why are you too fast nah. Haba.I said i had a financial.blueprint.for the first ten years

kunleweb:



Why are you too fast nah. Haba.I said i had a financial.blueprint.for the first ten years

what if your wife doesn't want five?

generationz:



what if your wife doesn't want five?

Relqtionships now.involves lts.of.bargaining and re-bargaining. You laqdies are.now.wise. Na.agreement.matter nah. If the rabas there.whats there? You never see man wey prepare schools for.all.unborn kids till.uni?