| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by Nobody: 11:51am On Dec 17, 2018 |
merahki:
This post cracked me up! Lol
But tell me the tribe. I have a feeling it is Igbo, but I don’t know for sure. Is it Igbo?
P.S I am Igbo
@OP
I absolutely would not mind at all if my husband loves frolicking with his family. He should help them too, as much as he can, nuclear o, extended o, friends o, all. He should and would not use me as an excuse to be stingy. I would not like a man who would not stay close with his family because he married me.
Of course it goes without saying that my family is my love circle, lol. Nobody tries to expunge them from it at all. My partner only makes my circle bigger.
He cannot make me not be there for my people, nobody can. If he has a problem with this? He bounces. I “know” I would have it harder, he is a man and a million women would be willing to move in with him and as a woman I would be menopausal and lonely bla bla bla he still bounces
As a couple we will turn poorer (homeless and in our city) relatives/friends away from our home ONLY if we are able to provide a place for all of them to squat in and find their footing. This way, we still show them care and support and have all the privacy we may need
(As a matter of fact I am mildly OCDish and would hate people disturbing my niche (this niche is less of “my husband and I in our private world” and more the haven I live in- furniture in place, smells intact, ambience all right and etc)
U are hell good as a writer It's igbo lol, Though u made me see reasons to the point I stated earlier,but still in other words, it depends on how they come around the the new family, because most of a time, the couple might just b trying to get their feet on the ground and all you see is family hovering around and as a man in the family you must do something for them, that 9ja mentality and e don day my blood till death, though it all boils down to proper understanding between the wife and d husband, ,,,, I heard also that a man dat marries from I think it's one part of d igbo trib becomes responsible for the school upkeep of d wife sister, ,,i don't know how true that is? 1 Like |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by realsupermum: 12:02pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
idioticpmb:
Ladies nowadays prefer to marry someone whose parents are dead or far away from him so that the in-laws won't constitute any friction. The funny thing is that such ladies bring their own family members closer to them. Imagine the 'concubility'. The reason why most ladies bring their own family is because it is easier to express anger or unhappiness and her family would take it well unlike the man's family that would call village meeting for her 2 Likes |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by Siloko26(m): 12:12pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
Psoul:
This issue of problems between spouses and their relative are just simple thing to handle if you really learn it.
Any man approaching the age of marriage should learn it and it will help you in your marriage. I will tell you how I did mine.
I am fortunate to come from a family where there was/is a very strong love and bond. Secondly, I am blessed with great parents that will hardly interfere with their children marriage and wen there is need for that, they do it with utmost wisdom.
Wen I started thinking of getting a wife, I started distancing myself a little from my family. I called it strategic detachment. I normally visit them every weekend. It was like a ritual. It is what I must do and we enjoy that togetherness.
It struck me den that once I get married, I may not have all these time to be visiting as I was doing den. I told myself to start breaking that ritual else, wen iI get married and I stop visiting, it will seem as if it's my wife that has stopped me from visiting. This may make my to be wife seem as if she does not really love my family.
I started promising my parents that I will visit which I will intentionally not fulfilled. When they ask, I will find a reason to give to them. I kept doing this until they get used to managing without seeing me. They will take wen they see me and still relax wen dey don't.
Another thing is to get very close to your spouse's parents. Be like a son to them and preserve your dignity before them. Be in good terms with your wife's siblings. This will help u live happily with ur wife.
Ur parents and siblings will take ur wife the way u present her to them. Never you tell them bad things about you wife. You may forgive ur wife in the night but they may never forgive her. Present ur wife as a Queen to ur parents and siblings and they will respect her as a Queen irrespective of her age.
Avoid living together with your inlaws or ur siblings. If there is a need to go against this, as a man, chose to live with ur wife's sibling/s.
Men can easily tolerate sister/brother inlaws more than women.
If u are living with ur sister and ur wife in the same house, if there happens to be a problem between them, if you blame ur wife, she will say it's because she is ur sister daz why u don't want to scold her. If the other way ur sister will say same and may even start reporting ur wife to ur parents.
When u are living with ur wife's sister and they quarrel u will just tell ur wife, pls take it easy with her, u know she is ur sister and she will even be the one forcing u to take action against her sister. Just behave as if u are reluctant to take the action and she will take it ur behalf. She will send her packing and u wil see that u are out of the picture. I particularly learnt a lot from what you have posted. God bless you |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by Psoul(m): 12:24pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
Siloko26:
I particularly learnt a lot from what you have posted. God bless you Thank you my dear. May God bless you too and give u a beautiful home. |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by realsupermum: 12:24pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
Psoul:
This issue of problems between spouses and their relative are just simple thing to handle if you really learn it.
Any man approaching the age of marriage should learn it and it will help you in your marriage. I will tell you how I did mine.
I am fortunate to come from a family where there was/is a very strong love and bond. Secondly, I am blessed with great parents that will hardly interfere with their children marriage and wen there is need for that, they do it with utmost wisdom.
Wen I started thinking of getting a wife, I started distancing myself a little from my family. I called it strategic detachment. I normally visit them every weekend. It was like a ritual. It is what I must do and we enjoy that togetherness.
It struck me den that once I get married, I may not have all these time to be visiting as I was doing den. I told myself to start breaking that ritual else, wen iI get married and I stop visiting, it will seem as if it's my wife that has stopped me from visiting. This may make my to be wife seem as if she does not really love my family.
I started promising my parents that I will visit which I will intentionally not fulfilled. When they ask, I will find a reason to give to them. I kept doing this until they get used to managing without seeing me. They will take wen they see me and still relax wen dey don't.
Another thing is to get very close to your spouse's parents. Be like a son to them and preserve your dignity before them. Be in good terms with your wife's siblings. This will help u live happily with ur wife.
Ur parents and siblings will take ur wife the way u present her to them. Never you tell them bad things about you wife. You may forgive ur wife in the night but they may never forgive her. Present ur wife as a Queen to ur parents and siblings and they will respect her as a Queen irrespective of her age.
Avoid living together with your inlaws or ur siblings. If there is a need to go against this, as a man, chose to live with ur wife's sibling/s.
Men can easily tolerate sister/brother inlaws more than women.
If u are living with ur sister and ur wife in the same house, if there happens to be a problem between them, if you blame ur wife, she will say it's because she is ur sister daz why u don't want to scold her. If the other way ur sister will say same and may even start reporting ur wife to ur parents.
When u are living with ur wife's sister and they quarrel u will just tell ur wife, pls take it easy with her, u know she is ur sister and she will even be the one forcing u to take action against her sister. Just behave as if u are reluctant to take the action and she will take it ur behalf. She will send her packing and u wil see that u are out of the picture. Everything you wrote is very correct.my hubby did exactly what you said you did to your parents and it worked for us.good advice |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by Psoul(m): 12:36pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
realsupermum:
Everything you wrote is very correct.my hubby did exactly what you said you did to your parents and it worked for us.good advice Thanks sister. God bless ur home. Any man that refuses to detach himself from his parents and siblings while approaching marriage age may have issues with his parents and wife, especially when u have parents that do not understand that their son should be given unrestricted freedom to mange his new home himself. 1 Like |
| Re: Steps To Striking A Balance Between Your Spouse And Your Relatives by ogawisdom(m): 1:51pm On Dec 17, 2018 |
Lol
Let me add that as much as possible couples should learn to talk good about each other outside and criticise each other in privacy.
Learn to as much as possible to resolve your issues without involving a third party
The first two years of living together is the most challenging as you are learning each other at deep level
Finally prayer is key, make your morning or evening devotion a must in the family. Get prayer books and pray together.
Marriage is sweet if the partners are willing to grow together. |
