80% of Nigeria call of nature is poopoo or erection.. We are unhygienic and sexuaully active humans.

showafrica:
80% of Nigeria call of nature is poopoo or erection.. We are unhygienic and sexuaully active humans.

Before nko? Who 'HYGIENIC' EPP? For this 'NEXT LEVEL' If you no dey 'SEXUALLY ACTIVE' wetin you gain?

Debramaye:
Is it possible to pee inside plane? Because I did not want to embarrass myself so I held it till i reached Lagos Airport, see downloading of pee na

What happened to the toilet?

Chai I dey inside taxi right now and shit wan finish me here.

XhosaNostra:


With my 50 billion megawatts smile, I can even shit on an igwe's hat

Just joking, but I know how to diffuse a situation.

Like so

diffuser, oshey!

makydebbie:
Chai I dey inside taxi right now and shit wan finish me here.

Don't give in to the urge to fart. It is a trap.

I had another experience not related to stomach upset...it was out of carelessness, I was late for Sunday mass and wore my trousers without button or zip I can't recall wch one was spoilt, but it was perfectly unnoticeable.... but during d service, I noticed both zip and trousers were spoilt, that day was my longest service...I was stunned and I couldn't get up at all because if I dare move, the trousers will just go down completely. after the mass I was so confused, but thank God I saw a classmate of mine(a girl), I called her and narrated my predicament, if only I could get a belt to hold it till I get home, my shirt can cover d undone zip. she had to go out and borrow a belt from one guy whom I didn't know, afterwards I returned d belt to her....oopsss I felt so embarrassed and annoyed at how my carelessness put me in such a messy situation

amaniro:
I remember when I was traveling to Umuahia some 5years ago. When we reached Lokoja I literally ate everything I saw. We reached Otukpa junction (Benue) omo my stomach no gree me I enter bush go discard. I used pure water... ewww

Reminds me of the day I sat next to a pretty lady in a bus from Lagos. We sat on the last row, depriving me of the window seat I was assigned to only because she got in before me. Boy is a man now. No wahala!
We didn't have a good view of the movie on Video Player behind the driver seat, so I offered her my laptop for a private movie. That's how we became friends during the journey. Now, this girl bought stuff at every stop we made during the trip, from suya to corn, to coconut and ground nut, etc. I had the suya she offered me, and declined the rest. Before, we reached her stop in IMO state, she began to lament that she's pressed. I'm like, "wow, what do we do now? ". Thankfully, we had a big rest stop at a station that spared her any major embarrassment.

Was inside the bus when I felt several urges to mess, but there was this beautiful lady beside me, so I always though difficult tried suppressing them, but not until one passenger in our seat was about coming down and as I was standing for the easy passage of the passenger, the mess silently rushed out and nearly destroyed the lady's nose because my butt was directed to her face. The smell no be here like a spoilt beans mixed with ogiri.

The smell spread inside the bus, and people started shouting, and I was afraid that the lady was going to expose me because of the hissing sound (Yes, she heard it), but kept quiet and murmured that it could happen to anyone.

When we finally alighted the bus at the bus stop, shame didn't allow me to pay the driver because the lady was also waiting to pay. I paid and was about escaping when she rushed after me and gave me a tissue to find the nearest toilet and smiled.

Foodforthought:
I shat in my pants while sitted in class. I was in Primary 2 at the time.I will take the memory of that day to my grave.

What a coincidence. Same thing happened to me in the same class!

Gkemz:
Mine was when i was serving as a corps member. Because I'm allergic to beans but that day i decided to eat it because i hadn't enough money to prepare rice and stew and allawi is far beyond reach. So while teaching my students in the class my stomach started rumbling, singing hymns. As if that was not enough, as i was about to exert force to release words from my mouth, yes i released words accompanied by a deadly missile(fart). Though i thought nobody noticed what happened, but one of my female students whose mother happens to be a nurse after the class politely called me and recommended a flagyl for me. That it would help.

God

Athena4:
If you menstruate and you have never STARTED BLEEDING ALL OVER THE FUCKÎNG PLACE, IN PUBLIC.FAAAAR AWAY FROM ANY PAD WHATSOEVER.(because you weren't expecting aunty Flo so early) You never start be that. The thought of attempting to sit down is like contemplating suicide. This shît is one of the worst things on Earth.

Chai! This thing has happened to me severally. I've bled severally in public, I wasn't expecting it though. The most embarrassing of all was when I was in Ss2 writing exams that day and I was bleeding all over like river, worse still, my exam partner at that time was a boy . Chai, I didn't stand up till everyone had finished exams at 2pm and the whole school was empty before my dad's driver came to pick me up.

Kai

Bucajunior:
Well...mine was wen i newly gain admission in uniben,so it was after eco 111 at basement yesss still fresh like yesterday.i saw this georgous fair gal.so i won show myself i begin speak english mke i no sabi.i was like hi damsel hw are u,she said kul.wow...this gal is nice.are u in my department(biz admin)?i asked because dat course was both for biz admin,bfn and acc.she said yah she is in biz admin.i was like wow dats UNFORTUNATE.Who does dat.she was like unfortunate?u see urself,and walk out on me.men as i reach hostel na dive na i dive my dictionary to see the meaning of unfortunate.omo i realy mess up.i dorge that gal till i graduate.

Unfortunate?

kakaG:
One day I dressed up for school, left home feeling dapper and on top of the world only to realize my zip was wide open and guess what? The boxer I was wearing is the type that has button space in front and since the button had sice fallen off, I guess it was free show for all.

Immediately I was alerted about my open air theater free show I realized all the people who had been smiling while greeting me actually thought I was dumb enough to pull some stunts with a thing like that.

Before I forget, it was a pretty lady that summed up courage and alerted me.

open air theatre free show?

IamD18:
This is not my most embarrassing moment, but I'll like to share it.

Earlier this month in a gym house, I met a very beautiful and well-shaped lady and 2 of her friends. I got into discussion with 3 of them, as interesting and funny our discussion was, the one I was interested in jokingly came to me and sat on my laps, almost close to my diiick, I locked up. The more we gist, the more she shakes her ass, I got hard and uncomfortable, wanted to stand her up but thought it'll look embarrassing to her before her friends, I still locked up. She was putting on a hanging belly-button revealing sleeveless with a very tight leggings. Her nyash no dey stay one place, she dey gist with both mouth and nyash.

I was just so hard! I couldn't bear it any longer as I faked a call and jokingly tried to end the discussion, telling them that I'll be leaving to catch up on something. She stoop up, standing before me with a huge ass, she pleaded that I'll drop them off. As all these were happening, my diick was as erect as fvck, almost getting noticeable while seated that i can't even stand up before them. I obliged to her request, but was still seated.. I no wan cast myself by standing with my errected preeq because i was putting on sports trouser.

They were expecting me to stand but i pretended to be so weak and tired, hoping and looking for thoughts that will bring down my stubborn john-Thomas. As God may have it, immediately i thought of BUHARI and NNAMDI KANU, you need to see how my stubborn jnr dropped like music album, I smiled at them without them noticing the reason behind that smile, then stoop up and left with them.

Omo since that day, I no dey miss small mini-tight and Buhari picture anytime I dey go gym.

thought of buhari dey actually work oooo, Mr John Thomas will just go hide one lane

XhosaNostra:
I was inside a taxi once when all of a sudden my stomach started churning & I got all sweaty. I knew it was a bad case of a stomach bug. I had to go! It was so urgent, I almost used my handbag as a toilet. Needless to say, I got off the taxi & ran into the nearest house to use the loo. I couldn't even see clearly, that's how terrible it was. I walked into this house & asked to use the toilet, without waiting for a reply I found it by myself. After I was done doing my business, the embarrassment & shame set it. It took me about 30 minutes to summon enough courage to walk out. I sheepishly made my way to the sitting room, quietly introduced myself & apologized for the intrusion The mother was very nice & understanding, fortunately

Nobody will dare turn you down in such a circumstance

DabuIIIT:


Same thing happened to my younger brother.

We were having house fellowship and he was sleeping and my Popa told him to stand up.
Meanwhile,there was church service going on somewhere close to our street and the were using very loud speakers.
The pastor suddenly said," Praise the Lord" and my brother who was standing and sleeping at the same time said "Halluyah!!!"''-

This got me rolling

duwell:
Let me type my own...

One day I got a call to come to a nearby town to meet a man and finalize a business. I traveled and was talking with him, then I felt this urge to shit all of a sudden. I was trying to rush the talk and conclude but the man was not having it. Then I told him what has happened to me that I need to use the toilet. Since that place was also his residence and business place, he had a toilet inside. The man declined saying that the only toilet in his house is inside that I can't use it.
I was like a time bomb waiting to explode, so I hurriedly had to leave.
I left the man's place and was praying I see a bike on the street to take me to my friends place which is not far from there. I didn't see, so I was moving very fast and trying to run,, but this kind of shit was one I had to use my muscles to hold it, else it'll disgrace me before I reach my guy's house.
I finally reach my guy compound,,, it's a kind of compound without fence, a flat, other houses surround it, then it has a small bush they throw water and all... By the time I reach him house the poor has started to come out, I thought I'll just open door and enter, unfortunately for me, he was not at home. I hurriedly turned to the back of the house and use the bush. Before I could slide my native I wore my boxer short was completely in shit..
All my trouser was stained. Luckily for me there was water outside so I washed the boxer and trouser before he arrived.
My only luck that day was that no body saw this happening to me..

My dear , you can't be 100% certain no one saw you. They just decided to let you assume no one saw you ni.
Do you know how many sights I dey see from my window without making a sound meanwhile the victim would fave felt it was his lucky day. Lol

Those experiences can make one do very steewpeeeed things sha.

Let me share mine. It happened to me late last year on the day we wrote one test like that. When I was leaving,I didn't notice any looming stomach upset.Even when I got into the exam hall,I didn't feel anything until immediately questions were served It was obj format test. Answered one to 5 when stomach upset established its firm hold on me! I started sweating profusely even questions were appearing double I kept rotating from one desk to another. I never left any question unattended but then I knew deep down me I was shading nonsense. The time was 20minutes but if my memory rules me right,I finished within 7 minutes When I was trying to pen down my matric number,my strength and my vision were already failing me. I staggered to the invigilator to submit my script but what I heard from him killed off the last thing in me
Invigilator:Go back to your sit. No person is allowed to submit until the time has expired.
Me: Sir,any minute I spend more here will be catastrophic to both I and every other person in this hall.
He saw the looks on my face and knew that I was really in a messed up state He asked me if I was pressed. This question I answered by throwing my script at him and with the speed of light,dashed out of the exam hall. I heared people laughing at my action but did I care. I started off improptu race but I felt like this move was forcing it down I started working and as fate would have it, I met both old and new friends on my way. They were greeting me but I acted like I didn't notice any person. No time to waste na because every second counted in this my ordeal Got to my hostel only to find out that stuff was watery. It just occurred to me that I ate watery beans at the cafeteria the previous night!!


Another was when I was travelling back to my base,Enugu. I was not actually the actor in this but one guy sitting near me. We were at onitsha when I started noticing he was writhing in pains. He kept rotating from one side to another. When we got to Awka side,I started perceiving one foul smell I then knew that baba has been overpowered and won clean and white by his prolonged war It was already dark. We got to one police check point surrounded side ways by bushes. Baba scampered into the bush if the police men were scared at first. While he was in the bush offloading,I started musing on all baba had been eating starting from when we kicked off the journey to when we got to Onitsha (he virtually ate everything he could lay his hands on) We wearing laughing until baba came back naked He had made mess of his clothes,so, he came back stark naked to bring out clothes from his bag. He changed into something new then went back into the bush,put his clothes already soiled in shit Shit kept smelling till we got to our final destination. Smell nearly killed me been closer to him than every other person on the bus.

anonymuz:
I hardly travel a long distance eating, but I had a bad experience while going to Benin some years back, I took some cold beer in the morning, that journey ended at ijebu ode, cos I exceeded my excuse. I just have to pay for another transport fair.

DONADAMS:
mehn mine was with my ex oh..went to the mall after eating as much as we wanted and going to see a movie.. na so we board BRT. immediately I entered that BRT na so one hot zawo(shit) hold me...mehn it wasn't funny..I started sweating in a fully air conditioned BRT...na so she dey follow me talk I no fit reply, she even dey crack jokes I just dey try laff.. she noticed i was sweating profusely and asked. I told her I was fvcking pressed, na so she start laff me die...I almost told the driver to stop the fvcking bus..shame no allow me..na so I try reach my destination. I swear I thought I was going to die..and she was just laffing. after highlighting the bus, I saw a TFC close by,went there, if you see crowd waiting to use the toilet..I just decided to take a bike home..mehn anytime the bike enter pothole it'll be as though the poo wanted to drop..she was laffing so hard that the bikeman had to ask if everything was okay..to even matters worst, her Sist called her. while trying to remove her fone from her purse na so money her money fly from her purse into the air..she asked me to go down and help.her search for it..omoh na night time. as I reach the place, i just look around ,the shi*t no even let me see anything na so i go back tell her say I no see am..she insisted on going to look for it herself..omoh I told her I'll give her the money that we should just go home abeg..las las I couldn't survive it..I had to stop at a bush close to my house and downloaded the sh*t..mehn it was an heavenly feeling.. I just use cassava leaf..dispose the boxer when I reach house...chai I'll never forget that day just like I won't forget her.

u broke up or she broke up?

I tell you.

enoch273:


true definition of embarrassing..

dancok:
u broke up or she broke up?

she.
wasn't easy bro...why did you ask?

DONADAMS:
she.
wasn't easy bro...why did you ask?

i like that part of her in ur story, that's why i asked, isn't she a good girl?

dancok:
i like that part of her in ur story, that's why i asked, isn't she a good girl?

she was..but money later got into her head..money no gree come for son of man on time+ Religion differences

biyiwyle:
I was travelling from ibadan to lagos when this shit start worrying me. I was sweating like a fish and I couldn't sit straight. I was also ashamed to tell the bus to stop. So I stopped at redemption camp. I left my bag and all inside bus and was running to a nearby uncompleted building... They had to throw my luggages on the road side. Not a nice experience at all.

Lol. This cracked me up. But those people are wicked o.

DONADAMS:
she was..but money later got into her head..money no gree come for son of man on time+ Religion differences

chai, such is life, it usually baffles me how they change overnight because of money, all well and good.

MyphoneandI:

Fully air-conditioned brt..? Bros why na

Lolzzzzz.... Dis man you no go allow the guy!!

dancok:
chai, such is life, it usually baffles me how they change overnight because of money, all well and good.

lol..such is life..more reason to hustle up. thanks bro

Tallesty1:
Don't give in to the urge to fart. It is a trap.

Dami12345:


This is so nice. I can imagine if it was Nigeria. Are people this trusting in s.a or is it cause you are a girl, cause girls get always with almost everything almost all the time.

Its very possible in northern Nigerian; a lady can enter any house they can allow her to ease herself.

Hmm, I go open small thread for my own soon.