We have married for roughly three years now.My wife tested HIV+ but she hide it for me.Just three months ago,i discovered the result of her test where she hide it.I was very shocked.I did not ask her,i kept it the same place she kept it.The following morning i rushed to the same hospital to have myself tested and mine was negative.Later i used all available trick and ask her certain questions to know if she can open mouth and tell me what is at stake,but she did not.I now brought out her result where she hide it and ask her what is this.She was very surprised,and later told me that she dont know how she will tell me,thats why she keep it within herself.Truly,i received the greatest shock of my life that day,not only for the result but for her to know that this kind thing is existing and she hide it from me.After like one week,i called her again and compel her to tell me everything she know about her HIV status,as my mind was telling me that she might have known this result for long,even b4 we marry and she kept quiet.She now tell me that she first detected it in 2008 when she was going for antenatal in the hospital,that being pregnant women,a lot of tests will be conducted.That ,that was when she knew that she is negative.I became more shocked,that my wife can know for more than two years now(if at all not that she knew before i even marry her and keep it hidden) and hide it from me till date and she she still have mind of us sleeping fresh to fresh since then.I really became more than shock.Now i am even suspecting that she may knew that she has it before we marry.(No thanks for intending couples not to undergo HIV screening before they got married).Now since this incident,she got my heart broken for i can hardly believe that she can have that mind and act this way.I do no longer have appetite of having sex with her,but as married,even fresh to fresh love making is still unavoidable.Anytime i bring the issue of condom,she felt somehow that i m running away from her,that we have not been using condom before,that i m trying to abandon her,all kind of mind touching words.We still do it fresh to fresh,but I got scared anytime we want to make love.Please i am really disturbed.What suggestion can anybody give me on how we can live our sexual life?.I know that since the time i discovered this,that i m very very scared,yet we still sleep together fresh to fresh courtesy of couples,but i am very very worried.I need an advice please.

How can you still do it flesh to flesh ? What advise are you seeking?

women

You slept with an infected woman for 2 good years raw without contacting the stuff? Hmmmmm my advice is:
GO for HIV counselling

You mean you've been sleeping with her in fear? Doesnt it affect you psychologically?
How come she's positive and you 'do' it without protection yet you are negative? . . . are doctors wrong about mode of transmission?
Na wa o.
Plz stop doing it without protection.

its a well known fact that there are some people out there who have unprotected sex with HIV+ people and DONT contract the disease. there is no clue about how or why "yet". the poster is just one of these lucky few people.

@poster
although you are a lucky man to no have been infected, you have to sit down and use your brain and stop being played. this woman is indirectly telling you that you should DIE With her. how can she talk about "running away from her or abandoning her"in this matters. she is an ungrateful coward for trying to infect you instead of telling you of her status! she would have probably pretended that she didnt know how it happened (or blamed you) if you had tested HIV+ and not found the papers. look at what she is doing for what it is: she has been trying for the last 2yrs to infect you aka give you a death sentence (although people can live happily with HIV/AIDS for a few yrs)
btw, didnt you see her take ARVs?!

here is the IMPORTANT point:
you talked about antenatal test, so i guess you have children. although your wife is HEARTLESS i suggest you look into the future and do everything you can to stay HIV- for the sake of the kids. YOU MUST USE CONDOM and you must make her understand that having a death wish for you is not going to make HER situation any better and definitely wont help the kids!!!!

@ Poster

I don't understand. Why do you keep sleeping with her without protection

It's one thing to sleep with a carrier unknowingly and another thing to keep doing it now that you are aware. Of what use will it be to her if you contacted the disease too?

The fact that she knew all these while and hid it from you means she's very wicked and selfish. Don't risk your like for someone like that!

u should both go for hiv test again, together with your kid(s).

pls stop sleeping with her fresh to flesh.

NO sir. Flesh to flesh is not advisable at all.
U must use protection.

Show her love and care this period please.

OP

from your story, it seems that you both have a child now. my question in regards to the child is, did your wife breastfed,did she deliver vaginally and if she did the above, did she tell you whether she was given any medication to prevent the transmission of the virus to the child?

Thanks for the reply.The fact is that when i noticed it fews months ago,i was heart broken that i can hardly feel sexual appetite anymore.The phychological trauma weighed me down.Anytime she disturbed on us making love,and i want to go for condom,she will be very unhappy,and complaining that for the past years we have been doing it flesh to flesh,i have not contacted it,why am i afraid.In facts she objects using condom.Besides,in a situation like this,like i mentioned early,flesh to flesh is unavoidable as being couples,there is still primary aim of doing flesh to flesh which everybody knows that even if you re using condom atimes,when that one reach,you people will resort to flesh to flesh.Truly,i am not happy over the situation of things.

@OP Sorry to bust your bubble but if your story is true, then you are HIV positive. No two ways about it. Although your story seems like a complete farce

I dont get it. Someone kept a truth that could have affected your live negatively from you for 2yrs and you are here telling us how it is impossible not to have a 'fresh to fresh' sex with her

Gosh!! Are you so blind that you cannot see that she is selfish, she wants you to be like her and she only loves herself? And there is a possibility she has not been totally truthful/faithful with you.

Keep checking your HIV status every week, once you confirm you are -ve, come back here and seek advice on how to live successfully with HIV.  Nonsense!

Mobinga:

@OP Sorry to bust your bubble but if your story is true, then you are HIV positive. No two ways about it. Although your story seems like a complete farce

- think about Magic Jonhson being infected while his wifey wasnt, even though they had sex multiple time before he realized he was HIV+.

- think about the German popstar Nadja Benaissa who was HIV+ and had unprotected sex with 3 different men but only ONE got infected.

@poster
can you pls explain the following statement:

Besides,in a situation like this,like i mentioned early,flesh to flesh is unavoidable as being couples,there is still primary aim of doing flesh to flesh which everybody knows that even if you re using condom atimes,when that one reach,you people will resort to flesh to flesh

are you saying that since you are married, you HAVE to have unprotected sex with your wifey?! the more i read your story, the less sense it makes!

Which one is 'bare back' sex abeg?

^^^^^^unprotected= unprotected, raw, au naturel, flesh to flesh, riding dirty etc

If you asked me, i will tell you that HIV/AID is one of the world's greatet ENIGMA!

Last year i printed a wedding invitation card for a freind's friend.
later i was told by my freind that the wedding didnt hold but he
didnt tell me what the reason was (we talked on the phone as we are not in the same town).

When we finaaly met, he told me that the lady that his friend was engaged
to marry was tested HIV positive some days to the wedding.

When the result was read, there was no sign of her being shocked whihc led us to
believe that she hasd known all these year (4 yrs they dated and these 4 yrs he was
sleeping with hjer without the condoms!)

Our guy went for the test in December last year and was NEGATIVE.

THIS YEAR TOO he had gone to repeat the test and it was also negative!

So if our poster here is negative, you should not be surprised and for the wife not telling him,
IT IS JUST A FRACTION OF WHAT A WOMAN CAN DO WHEN SHE SETS HER MIND TO IT

lemme be the first to say RIP while u still breathe.

deniyor:

lemme be the first to say RIP while u still breathe.

Deniyor, how come people like you don't realize when their fellow human being is really distressed as to be mentioning such insensitive things.

Mr Bawal, I think you need to get a family doctor that can come in and educate your wife on why you two must be using Condom, It is very nice of you to be standing by her at a time when some men will desert their wife, it is also a good thing that you are not infected yet. You mustn't keep sleeping with her without protection even though she is your wife. There is need for you to be protected from getting infected too. I understand that when you two want to plan for another kid that you decide to do that, you need the help of a doctor, she can be inseminated with your spermatozoa when you want to make more children and even the child you want to make needs to be protected too to avoid getting infected so ask around and get a qualified doctor. Sit your wife down and tell her that if she wants you to keep standing by her then she must start acting responsibly by not feeling bad about the condoms so that you two can together save your marriage. She is your wife and you did promise to be there in good times and bad times, that is the biggest part of the marriage deal dear, take heart, stop being afraid, be courageous and be there for her.

deniyor:

lemme be the first to say RIP while u still breathe.

*DEATH*

jennykadry:

How can you still do it flesh to flesh ? What advise are you seeking?

@jennykadry nooooooo man its fresh to fresh what's wrong with you

Okay guys jokes aside I know this is a serious issue, @OP start using a condom with your wife. There's no need to leave her she may have been too afraid to loose you hence she never told you in the first place.

However I gather that she still refuses to use the condom even though she understands the kind of danger she is exposing you to. Tell her that one of you has got to remain healthy for the sake of the child/ren and the family upkeep.

Forgive her and love her she probably needs your support. All the best

Ivynwa:

Deniyor, how come people like you don't realize when their fellow human being is really distressed as to be mentioning such insensitive things.

Mr Bawal, I think you need to get a family doctor that can come in and educate your wife on why you two must be using Condom, It is very nice of you to be standing by her at a time when some men will desert their wife, it is also a good thing that you are not infected yet. You mustn't keep sleeping with her without protection even though she is your wife. There is need for you to be protected from getting infected too. I understand that when you two want to plan for another kid that you decide to do that, you need the help of a doctor, she can be inseminated with your spermatozoa when you want to make more children and even the child you want to make needs to be protected too to avoid getting infected so ask around and get a qualified doctor. Sit your wife down and tell her that if she wants you to keep standing by her then she must start acting responsibly by not feeling bad about the condoms so that you two can together save your marriage. She is your wife and you did promise to be there in good times and bad times, that is the biggest part of the marriage deal dear, take heart, stop being afraid, be courageous and be there for her.

Are you for real? very nice of him to have stood by his wife? a woman who's been infected for if not more than 2 yrs but kept mute?

If this guy contacted it, she would have accused him of transfering it to her. On no basis should a woman keep quiet in these kind of scenario. For heavens sake she has a HUSBAND AND SON to look out for and tell them to be on their guard.


The poster himself is a mumu, keep sleeping with her without condom

@SA LADY

hahahahahahahaha thanks for the correction

Poster, your wife wants to kill you and at the rate you are going (fresh to fresh ), she will succeed quite soon. So i advise you to start a bucket list of things you want to do b4 you die. I can give you a few tips:

1. Find out who your wife first cheated on you with
2. Find out the remaining names of the people your wife cheated on you with
3. Find out the exact name of the person your wife cheated on you with and contacted HIV in the process
4. Find out what your wife really has against you that she wants to kill you

5 - 19. Things you actually want to do in life eg. (protected) 3som, travel etc

20. Give your life to Christ. You know you want to be prepare, just in case. . . . . .

@Jennykadry
Nne I am real for sure, I am not clapping my hands for the wife for not telling him, indeed that is not good and like SA Lady said maybe she is afraid of losing him yet nothing justifies her not telling him but should I nail her on the cross and tell the man to leave her. No! I have to compliment him for having a good heart and standing by his wife because married couples should never abandon their spouses in times of sickness.

@Deniyor and Woke4all

My friends if you guys have conscience, pls examine it and see whether what you are telling this poster is not the most wicked thing anybody can ever do to his fellow distressed man. It is better you tell him nothing than to laugh at a sorrowful person and tell him he is going to die. I mean I can't see this heartlessness in any other place in the world but in our Nigeria where people like you have blackened heart.

@Poster
Ignore those two please and take the good advice others are giving you Ojare.

Please, listen to me carefully:

You are a gem for standing by her

You are a miracle for having not contacted the vius

You ae not a superman, neither are you God. You CAN still get the virus

Your woman needs education. She needs to know that although you have been lucky enough not to have gotten the virus so far, you are not immune to it. She also needs to know that although you love her, you need to remain alive AND HEALTHY for her and for the children. When her health deteriorates and she isnt able to care for her children, you'll be there to take care of them. When she is too ill to take care of herself, you will be there to care for her. You cant do these things unless you remain healthy. You dont want to get ill with her and die, knowing that you could have stayed healthy and taken care of the kids. If you two are both ill, who will care and shlter and love your kids? PLEASE for the sake of your children and for your health, WEAR condoms when you have s*e*x with her. Explain to her that you love her and will not desert her. Touch her more, hold her more, and tell her you love her more often. DONT do that flesh to flesh stuff. As hard as it is, it is irresponsible of you to do that when you already know that she is positive with HIV. PLEASE, realize that you have a choice and you have the benefit of knowledge on your side. Most people who got HIV had no idea their partners were positive. I'm sure alot of them wish they had the chance you have now because then they could have taken precautions (condoms and maybe even abstinence).

GET YOUR CHILD (or children) TESTED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

i think she is just testing you to know how much you love her and i dont think the test is a real one cos wen u come in contact with someone with hiv it dos not mean u will get it and on d other hand hiv is just a virus and aids is the real disease so pls seat her down and ask her if the test is real cos d virus should have reached d point of being aids all these years ,so ask her if she is trying to pull you legs cos i can go to dat extent just to foind out if a guy love me or not

Huh? You've probably already contacted the virus. When did you take the test? Because sometimes it does not show yet so go back after 6 months.
I still can't get my head around you still sleeping with her without condoms because you're married. This story sounds fishy. Anyway, go back for another test and proceed from there.

Ivynwa she is not afraid to lose anything. I am a woman and I can bet you that if this man contacted the virus she would lay the blame on him and even accuse him of transferring it to her.

I mean even how can she be scared to lose him with a life threatening virus like this? its better to lose the man alive than send him to the grave with her. She is a very wicked woman and if (God forbid , not my portion) my partner does this to me? Thats the end. There is nothing like abandoning one in time of sickeness, this is deceit of the highest level. where is the trust? how can one stay married to a wicked woman who wants to kill her husband and son? stay with a woman who has been a carrier for years now but kept mute? what sort of marriage is that? if this is what some of you call marriage then I am going for a divorce.

^^The more reason I doubt this story, My reply to this thread is just for replying sake, many things just dont add up here