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Step Mother Of 3. - Family - Nairaland

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Step Mother Of 3. by vanlion(f): 11:35am On Oct 22, 2010
I got married in 2007 at the age of 25 after my graduation to a man who already have 3 kids from his late wife. The kids are Boy 18, girl 16, girl 14 in 2007. We were living fine until the girl16 start misbehaving as in following men up & down.She made the brother to live the house by telling him i want to kill him.Now this girl is pregnant after fighting me that i don't want her to test the other part of life. This girl is the only one that gives me headache,she go out and come back whenever she wants,I will go to work and still come back to cook because if u dare ask her to cook u will eat poison. I have been regretting my marriage.Please advice me.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by honeric01(m): 12:26pm On Oct 22, 2010
And what about your husband? undecided is he dead? blind or deaf? i mean can't he see, hear, feel what is going on? undecided have you told him or what have you actually done to bring the issue to his attention? undecided what has been his response so far? undecided
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Nobody: 1:39pm On Oct 22, 2010
Na wa oh!
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by ifyalways(f): 3:40pm On Oct 22, 2010
@Poster,where is ur husband?
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by TewMuch: 3:52pm On Oct 22, 2010
Woman of 25 marrying an old man with 3 children, with his first being 18. Oloju kokoro, it was the money abi? Well this is what comes with the money, deal with it. When all the young boys still dey there, you go marry old papa with 2 girls, you never see anything yet. They have just started with you. When the man dies, you go hear am.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by ifyalways(f): 4:06pm On Oct 22, 2010
TewMuch:

Woman of 25 marrying an old man with 3 children, with his first being 18. Oloju kokoro, it was the money abi? Well this is what comes with the money, deal with it. When all the young boys still dey there, you go marry old papa with 2 girls, you never see anything yet. They have just started with you. When the man dies, you go hear am.
ol'boyyyyy.You harsh oh.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by tpia5: 4:08pm On Oct 22, 2010
you're only 7 or so years older than the man's oldest son.


just help the girl with the baby when it arrives cos i dont really see what can be done here.

where's your husband?
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by luap: 5:13pm On Oct 22, 2010
Sorry but your always going to have problems with the children. This is the way mixed families are. I say understand your role as a step mother. You can never be their mother, especially at this stage in their lives.

Let your husband deal with his kids. Spend more time enjoying your life and the life your share with your husband. Unless you want to end up in divorce? Whick seems your heading in that direction.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by ikamefa(f): 6:29pm On Oct 22, 2010
TewMuch:

Woman of 25 marrying an old man with 3 children, with his first being 18. Oloju kokoro, it was the money abi? Well this is what comes with the money, deal with it. When all the young boys still dey there, you go marry old papa with 2 girls, you never see anything yet. They have just started with you. When the man dies, you go hear am.

huh? shocked shocked shocked shocked na wah oh

so its  not possible for the man to have had his kids at an early age? undecided

even if the her husband is as old as Methuselah, and so what ? she married him for his money? were you @ the wedding? you know all the circumstances surrounding the marriage? undecided undecided

@ topic you are yet to answer some very important questions above:

what is your husband doing about all these issue you've listed above?

don't try to replace their mum, you will only be looking for more trouble, and don't expect too much from them , be

open with them and make it known to them you are there if they need you! shikena

your husband has a major role to play in this issue.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by mutter(f): 11:40pm On Oct 22, 2010
The girl is giving you trouble?
She is just doing what most girls at that age do.
Have you ever considered that she is following various men because she is in search of love and affection she might not be getting at home.
Now she is pregnant she needs the support of her family and not condemnation.
Her food tastes like poison?
What a viscous thing to say about a young girl. Many girls at that age cannot cook for a family.
Since the age gab between you and the girl is so little, you should have been close to her and advise her like a big sister or a friend.
That child is motherless and needs love and attention, you need to do better than this.
Take her in your arms and give her the strength and courage she needs now.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Osama10(m): 1:01am On Oct 23, 2010
It would be better if you really don't bother yourself with his kids, pay 90% attention to your husband and maybe 10% to his kids.

Try as much as possible to avoid any confrontations with his kids.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Tinksh(f): 1:03am On Oct 23, 2010
mutter:

The girl is giving you trouble?
She is just doing what most girls at that age do.
Have you ever considered that she is following various men because she is in search of love and affection she might not be getting at home.
Now she is pregnant she needs the support of her family and not condemnation.
Her food tastes like poison?
What a viscous thing to say about a young girl. Many girls at that age cannot cook for a family.
Since the age gab between you and the girl is so little, you should have been close to her and advise her like a big sister or a friend.
That child is motherless and needs love and attention, you need to do better than this.
Take her in your arms and give her the strength and courage she needs now.

I agree!!! I was 12 when my dad remarried to a woman only 10 years older than me and my brother and we made sure everyday that we made her life hell cos we could. My dad was always away with work so it was us versus her. She also had my grandmother going behind her back. When step mum said no we went to grandma who always said yes. I am in no way proud of this and i apoligised to her as an adult and we where very close til she passed away at a young age. The reason we did that, when my mother left my dad, my brother and i moved in with my grandparents. Dad remarried years later and took us from our home and dumped us with this women. I am only telling you this cos the adults handled it badly and didnt involve us at all. Just removed us from my grandparents home where we had been for years . We where angry, frustrated and didnt understand so we played up. I agree with the above comments, something else is fuelling this. A 16 year old girl acts out anyway but sounds like she is looking for something she is not getting or trying to hurt you and your husband. My step mum and i bacame great friends once i became an adult so there is always hope. Just love her a support he, give her a chance to grow up.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Nobody: 10:27am On Oct 24, 2010
I think u shud try n get closer 2 ha.atakin ha wil önly make ha hate,disrespect n stay far frm u.let ha know u r advisin ha 4 ha gud.show ha luv,take ha n ha brodas out 2 av fun,buy stufs 4 ha,wit tym she'l pul down al ha defences n start seein u as a big sis instead of a competitor.den wen she relaxes let ha know d reasns y she nids 2 know how 2 cuk,teach ha how 2 b domesticated.trust me she'l fal head ova hils in luv wit u.she'l see u as som1 she can confide in n d bros wil folow suit.even wen she gets more matured she'l mis u wen she livs home.treat ur step kids lyk u'l treat ur younger ones,n of cos giv dem aces 2 dia father n pray wit dem,help dem in dia academics.dats wot i tink bt if u go along d line u r takin bliv me dey'l gang up n frustrtate d livin day lyt out of u.besides dat u dnt av any choice because dey r in dia fadas house.god help u if ur inlaws encourage dem u'l almost go mad
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by jampro123(m): 12:35pm On Oct 26, 2010
You gold digger you think it is easy. I wish you more then what she is giving you. So there was no young man around. Typical Nijah babe all that matters is money. How do you think you can survive with three grown adults. Imagine you are older than his first son by 7 years. Ah which kind love be this. I pity you cos you have mortagaged your happiness. Imagine at 25 years instead of talking about something more meaningful na this kind story you dey talk. You never start. Na money longer throat go kill you. Wetin now na morning time. Imagine abeg no just write such rubbish here again.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Nobody: 1:37pm On Oct 26, 2010
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Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Radiant(f): 9:34pm On Oct 26, 2010
OP, I need to know where you got such courage to marry a man with 3 big kids cool
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by Sissy3(f): 12:53am On Oct 27, 2010
Op did you willingly out of your choosing, and consent marry a man with three kids? Or is it one of those pushy-force marriages?
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by SALady(f): 9:37am On Oct 27, 2010
chaircover:

@poster this is a case of love me; love my dog period. if you truly love your husband, then you have no choice but to love these children no matter what cool

I am sure you knew what you were getting into when you said I do (I am sure at least one person would have sat you down and told you the implications of what you were getting yourself into) and I want to believe that even if you have not experienced it first hand, you would have watched some nollywood movies to prepare you for the long, hard and mostly thankless task ahead of being a step mother.

[color=#990000][b]This is the kind of thing that annoys me about some Nigerian men. His wife died and he couldn't find an older & more experienced woman who could be a mother to those kids (teenage kids need the most care and guidance) but he goes off and marrys a lady fresh from uni who hasn't got a clue about life talk less of being a mother to 3 grieving rebellious teenagers. He probably wanted to show off his latest model to his friends whose wives were probably in their 40's angry[/[/b]color]

And by the way, if those kids fail, then you have failed too. So its best to invest time to teach the one that cooks poison how to cook and show her how to look after her baby. You are now a grandmother at 28. Congratulations.

^^^Glad somebody said it first. Girls please note that marriage can always wait. you dont have to say "I do" to any first guy that pops the question.
Re: Step Mother Of 3. by oludashmi(f): 10:12am On Oct 28, 2010
chaircover:

@poster this is a case of love me; love my dog period. if you truly love your husband, then you have no choice but to love these children no matter what  cool

I am sure you knew what you were getting into when you said I do (I am sure at least one person would have sat you down and told you the implications of what you were getting yourself into)  and I want to believe that even if you have not experienced it first hand, you would have watched some nollywood movies to prepare you for the long, hard and mostly thankless task ahead of being a step mother.

This is the kind of thing that annoys me about some Nigerian men. His wife died and he couldn't find an older & more experienced woman who could be a mother to those kids (teenage kids need the most care and guidance) but he goes off and marrys a lady fresh from uni who hasn't got a clue about life talk less of being a mother to 3 grieving rebellious  teenagers. He probably wanted to show off his latest model to his friends whose wives were probably in their 40's  angry

And by the way, if those kids fail, then you have failed too. So its best to invest time to teach the one that cooks poison how to cook and show her how to look after her baby. You are now a grandmother at 28. Congratulations.
Got it very right from start to finish. kiss
Also, the poster is supposed to act as a loving big sister to the children after which they will later take her as their mum but I am sure she was busy doing "I am your father's wife to them", you created the vacuum now it is difficult to fill.

Go back and fill the vacuum or if they were your children wouldnt you know how to take care of them, would you have brought their case to NL? Go back and apologise to them, then do the right thing.

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