I was in a murderous mood on Sunday, October 17 2010. Here I was, minding my own business and lamenting on the state of the economy (yes, I was broke at the time) when the whole of Nigeria practically erupted in wild celebrations as Uti won the Big Brother Africa reality show. I was receiving text messages and pings every 30 seconds and at a point, I contemplated switching off my phone before it exploded from over-use. Big Brother Africa ke? Wetin concern JAMB concern INEC?

I find it mind-boggling and down-right insane to imagine human beings following the events of some idle people, locked up in a house for a period of time and performing meaningless tasks, with as much passion (and fanatism) as religious zealots! Watching people bathing, or eating or jumping from one member of the opposite gender to the other is not my idea of fun. During the duration of the show, it was not uncommon to see workers hurrying home at the end of the day to watch part of the show and discussing its goings-on with as much insight as Professor Wole Soyinka would, if he were to give a lecture on ‘The Lion and the jewel.’

I mean, come on!!! Is this how low our moral values have depreciated to? In faraway India, Nigerian athletes competed against their counterparts from the British Commonwealth and gave a good account of themselves, placing 9th on the medals table out of a 71 participating countries. While some members of the Nigerian contingent were penalized for using banned substances, it is instructive to note that a number of them competed with varying degrees of injuries as part of their sacrifice towards securing glory for their motherland. What did Uti do, abeg? He lazed about in a well-furnished house with some equally idle people and depended on your SMS votes to win a cash prize of $200,000. What particular talent must you possess to be a contestant? What exertions do you go through in order to trounce your rivals and emerge as the winner? Can any of you BBA zealots name three athletes who won medals at the Commonwealth Games? Does it not stand to reason that these men and women who put their bodies on the line for NIGERIA should be more celebrated than Uti who went into the House with the sole aim of securing a financial and popularity windfall for HIMSELF? Honestly, I feel BBA lovers have much lower IQs than cold bowls of akamu. Seriously!

When the text messages and pings caused me to snap, I updated my Facebook status with some choice swear words directed at the whole BBA thing. I was mildly surprised when a number of Facebook and real-life friends attacked me savagely in defence of the show. Mildly surprising because while I had accepted that some of them were literally retards, I didn’t expect the level of animosity that was channelled at me. You would risk a friendship to defend an intangible concept which has little or no bearing on your life? Shey if you are looking for someone to lend you money when you are in a tight spot, you will go and meet the producers of BBA? bleeping wankers!

Did you celebrate when that mentally-deficient, annoyingly incompetent, notoriously corrupt football ‘administrator’, Dr. Amos Adamu was caught on tape soliciting bribes from undercover reporters? Did you cartwheel around your room in delight at the thought of the old fart spending some time behind bars? Did you celebrate when an Appeal Court declared Dr. Kayode Fayemi Governor of Ekiti State after a landmark court battle which lasted for over 3 years? Did you experience a mind-blowing heavenly feeling when you visualized the usurping Segun Oni driving away from the Ekiti Government House in disgrace, with his tail between his legs? Can you see that your priorities are misplaced and you are swimming in the pool with a million other members of a decadent generation who have been brain-washed into placing more premium on ‘easy’ money as opposed to hard work.

What the piss is a ‘reality show’? My tattered dictionary defines it as ‘A genre of television programming portraying normal people and their reaction to given stimuli and/or goals.’ We all know that is a bunch of monkey balls! Reality shows are anything but real. Every contestant goes in trying to ‘play to the gallery’ and hoping to win the votes of the fickle viewers in the process. I strongly believe these reality shows are damaging the psyche of Nigerian youths. These shows are akin to ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes and ‘yahoo-yahoo’ scams, which offer the false allure of the easy, good life.

And now as you return from your BBA-induced exile from reality, you find that, like the temporary succour alcohol offers; your troubles are still ever-present, You must earn a living, you must buy that ‘Brazilian hair’ that your partner wants or there will be hell to pay, you must retake those carry-overs you have or you might be thrown out of school, the list of woes is endless, ,

To the very few people who elected to refrain from rolling in the mud with the pigs, I salute your parents for bringing you up properly,

And here my rant ends,

Blah blah blah,  You must be extremely stuck up. What do you expect Nigerians to do? Whine and moan about the numerous issues plaguing the country? BBA, as inane as you think it might be, offers an escape from our troubles. I'll rather occupy my time watching the show and savoring the temporary elation it offers than wasting my energy poring over problems I know i'm powerless to do nothing about.

Feel free to spend your time wallowing in the mud instead of looking for a way out of it, SMH!

Very well written Intrepid, you have skills.

Very well written Intrepid, you have skills.

Thank you ma'am, Coming from a legend, (i gathered this from all the comments directed at you) I guess I'll be forgiven if I start cartwheeling in ecstasy. If you have a minute, please visit my blog www.chimezieokonkwo..com.

BAD BELLE PEOPLE JUST WONDER. Im very disappointed at ur choice of words, why call people pigs nd even involve parents? No well brought up child does that.

But for the good parenting i got, i would have insulted you and your parrents. We as humans have very different intrest and you should respect people's intrsest as long as it does not interfare with yours.

BAD BELLE PEOPLE JUST WONDER. Im very disappointed at your choice of words, why call people pigs nd even involve parents? No well brought up child does that.

But for the good parenting i got, i would have insulted you and your parrents. We as humans have very different intrest and you should respect people's intrsest as long as it does not interfare with yours.

I'm sure this is a satirical piece which was intended to poke fun at the whole thing. If you do not understand English, then piss off,

'wallowing in the mud with the pigs' is an expression not to be taken literally, English again,

Intrepid!:

I'm sure this is a satirical piece which was intended to poke fun at the whole thing. If you do not understand English, then piss off,

'wallowing in the mud with the pigs' is an expression not to be taken literally, English again,

E sorry o English teacher, the satire only came at the end of your rants. You only used it to mask the harsh words.

E sorry o English teacher, the satire only came at the end of your rants. You only used it to mask the harsh words.

SMH!

Intrepid!:

SMH!

SMH SMH

lol, had dis same discussion on fb quite recently and as usual there were mixed reactions. To each his own i guess. But my opinion is that Big Brother is a huge phenomenon the world over. It's empty, it's pointless, it's senseless, but it's popular! That basically sums up the world we live in today. It's sad but it's the reality we are faced with. Am sure more peeps are going t come in here and tear u to pieces for this piece cos ppl are quicker to defend their indulgence with vanity than other sensible stuff

Waoh! U just blew me away wit ur rant. Everything u said was on point.

LMFAO! Ol' boy see vex O, what can I say? That was a piece of good writing, although at some point I started wondering whether U were joking or U'd really love to round up all BBA lovers in one place and nuke them. I personally don't really see with the BBA craze, if U ask me it's pretty boring; watching normal people living a not-quite-normal life in one small house.However, when Uti won I felt happy,not because my brother knows his driver's daughter's ex-boyfriend,or I would see one kobo from the prize money,but because he is a Nigerian like me,and I felt glad that my fellow man was making it,it's the same way I felt when I heard that Myne Whitman's book was getting rave reviews, the same way I'd feel if I heard that U won a 'Blogger of the year' award, even though U don't know me, it's jubilating with ur brother, so that others will jubilate with U. As for the current reality tv craze, I don't even want 2 start on the innate Viewer that lies within us all. As my gay cat would say: 'Every man to his own, and God for us all'. . .or something like that.

Excellent piece. I can't wait to see your entries for our contest.