Madam, have you ever heard of this five magic words PLEASE; SORRY; EXCUSE ME; THANK YOU; PARDON ME. Make very good use of it and the rest will be History, because in this part of the World we neglect the use of these MAGIC WORDS. And its very helpful, so make use of it and you will see the Wonder it will perform. Cheers and have a Wonderful Home.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

ekitimanalways:

Pleas do not hesitate to mention the very tribes that are naturally endowed with anger issues... I strongly believe that tribe(s) has or have got nothing to do with marital problems.

It can be the case that tribe has an effect, if they have certain customs or ways of doing things that cause problems. Or if husband and wife have an inter-tribal marriage.

However I doubt OP will explain the situation to us in that amount of detail

laslas he go chuck u dagger for belle run....
Men like that are terrible and the worst part, it isn't easy to change them from thier character like that...
My advise is for you to pray hard okay and if things still doesn't work out, just pack ur load and leave b4 it becomes too late(too late in the scene that you already have 4 kids, there will b no help again).

Be wise and smart..... Men like that are dare devil, they can do and undo....
leave him for some months, if he doesn't come back pleading then know u have married d wrong soulmate or better still hold a family meeting.

Coolgent:


1. Your Mother should on no circumstance voluntarily give anything which your husbands is capable of buying i.e foods stuffs.
2. Keep yourself busy: work or go back to school.
3. Stop giving too much attention to your husband (personally i dont like too much attention)
4. Review your marital relationship weekly then monthly so that u can find flaws in it.

What sort of marital life are you promoting , its very disheartening considering that marriage is to unite two families ,
1) So a mother bringing food to the childrens house is wrong , waow , you guys need to check your ego and focus on the right thing bring garri, yam, palm oil etc for you daughter and her family is wrong .
3) Giving attention to your husband is wrong , i dont know how to deal with that .

slimjosh231:
What brought the question of Tribe into this now? Can’t you be objective with your facts? Must you bring tribal sentiment into everything before making your useless opinion known?

Tribe can have an effect to an extent because it affects how people go about their lives

slimjosh231:
From your write up, you’ve got that Slay Queen attitude inside of you. You lack Morals and basic skills to keep a home. Was the relationship this toxic during courtship? What changed about you? Your Mum is somehow to blame, not to sound insulting duo. She didn’t teach you those basic things from your youthful age that’s why she’s providing a hedge for you right now. Stop running back to your Mum and learn to make your marriage work, stop seeking advice from your slay queen friends that are not yet married. You should listen more to your Father I’ll suggest. I wish I could tell you more truth you need to hear.

Her father who didn't even want her to go back

I sometimes wonder if men and women see different words when reading a paragraph.

maasoap:


Wrong advice. The fact she's the one telling us her side of the story doesn't make her blameless. Most of the women that their husbands leave home for them are usually troublesome wives. Why would the husband not buying baby food while coming back from work degenerate to serious argument? This is the question you should ask her. She took food stuffs from her mother without informing her husband! You thought that was perfectly okay too?

What ever be the reason a man who loves a lady and wants it to wrk ..wont ask her to leave at the slightest provocation, do u knw what it means to tell ur wife to leave her matrimonial home?.that's manipulative pls.
Even leaving the house is wrong.

Marriage is a long term contract and relationship. The earlier you work things out, the better.

Say you just buy a puppy and it shits and pees in the house, what will you do? The longer you take to correct it, the unhappier both you and the puppy will be as it matures into a dog.

You and your hubby are both training each other whether you realize it or not. By not fixing things NOW, you're setting yourselves up for some terrible future. You don't want to have an argument in year 2049 and get thrown out of the house when you've invested much in the relationship. By that time, mum and dad may not be able to help any longer.

Do the counselling thing and see if it'll work. Try any other thing good reasonable advice nairalanders and family advice - DO IT NOW.

At 50+ my mum's facing the consequences of simple shit she could have resolved with my old man 30 something years ago.

Nwogeh:


I think its all about sieving the comments with a view to deleting those ones that fall under your last paragraph. Coming online is not always encouraging but then it's the only way out for many people to ensure total secrecy and mind you there are many people out there that don't have all these people you mentioned. You can get good and great advice from social media but like offline advice too, all you need is to pick good ones and leave the rest for LAWMA

Sir, not everyone has the capability to filter through such plethora of conflicting comments.
I believe consulting offline is still the best bet.
She must have someone somewhere who she can consult, but most people just want to follow the least and easiest but dangerous line of bringing such matters online.
I am not denying the fact that you won't get good advices online.The question is ,do they know these people well enough to be rendering such advices?
Do they know the nature and complexities involved in the issue?
They are so many ifs and buts before one tries to consult total strangers on their internal affair.
We need to be a little bit more tactical with our decision.
Even as a Muslim which I believe she is, our religious scripture has a well defined guideline of dealing with such delicate issue instead she went public with it.

elektra:


Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

They already did, and it was made BEFORE War Room.

It's called Fireproof

Dear All

Thanks for the advice, criticism and unfair assumptions.

I have read through almost everything and looking back, i know there are areas i need to work on. Like talking back, and generally being argumentative all the time.

Still, i know that nobody should be treated like trash especially your own wife.

I am working on myself for myself, not basically for the marriage because every time there’s always been an issue, i always blame myself.

But that load is too much , working on this marriage alone is killing me and making me depressed.

God loves me, my child and him too. He is going make our path clearer and however he does it, is fine by me.
Thanks all.

omlueh:
Madam, have you ever heard of this five magic words PLEASE; SORRY; EXCUSE ME; THANK YOU; PARDON ME. Make very good use of it and the rest will be History, because in this part of the World we neglect the use of these MAGIC WORDS. And its very helpful, so make use of it and you will see the Wonder it will perform. Cheers and have a Wonderful Home.

BOTH of them should be using these words, not just her. It takes 2 to make things work.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Your husband is a boy and not a man.
He is not matured at all.
Deck a marriage counsellor advice.

Zhuhilat:
Dear All

Thanks for the advice, criticism and unfair assumptions.

I have read through almost everything and looking back, i know there are areas i need to work on. Like talking back, and generally being argumentative all the time.

Still, i know that nobody should be treated like trash especially your own wife.

I am working on myself for myself, not basically for the marriage because every time there’s always been an issue, i always blame myself.

But that load is too much , working on this marriage alone is killing me and making me depressed.

God loves me, my child and him too. He is going make our path clearer and however he does it, is fine by me.
Thanks all.

All the very best. Good luck.

KingAfo:

Abi o. A woman person will not tell you their own negative side of the story.

Fixed

[quote author=Anextin post=83122312]You see this your statement is the reason many marriages are crashing, its not a woman who builds a home, its both parties. If a man and wife doesn't agree to make a marriage work, then it won't. One person doesn't carry a relationship successfully. If the woman study's her man, the man should equally study his wife..it takes two to tango. Ask men who have happy and fulfilling homes, ask them their secret. Not just being married for the sake of it and the kids, I mean being happy in your marriage.


When i say a woman "builts her home" i'm not saying that from a sentimental point of view .. these is what the bibles says ... d bible alway knows what is best. ok
Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish do otherwise, shuld we say sum1 4got it takes two to be in marriage buh d bible knws women & men are wired differently.
house to a man only means physical structure, that he has potential to build while home to a woman means marriage, a woman is compel to build her home becos nature as given her the potentials she needs ... men are not wired for marriage, we struggle to understand it n only a woman can help us, i notice d bible never said, anything abt "a foolish man plucketh his house" buh d bible knw foolish men exist naw
On weddin days ... btw d groom & bride who is the happiest ... i av notice d ladies are alway full of smiles the only time d groom smiles only when people greet him ... Alol. women understand marriage better

sisisioge:
Which kind wahala be this sef!

This is the time to start looking at permanent relocation jare...Canada, Austria or anywhere else. You don't have to share information about your plans and no more babies until the dust settles. I hope you understand. Good luck.

Do you think he can take the baby without the man's input? Wishingful thinking.

I see the women warriors giving advice without asking the nature of words said during the fights. The OP is not a patient woman, same with her husband.

OP if you are reading this - it's not rosy outside either. You must know that you cannot shout at a man to get what you want. You are not his mother. When he errs, calm yourself down and talk reasonably. If your marriage breaks, it actually not your husband's fault alone but yours to share and depicts a high level of irresponsibility from both of you.

WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU SEEK CHANGE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Madam I understand you 101%, bcus I and ur hubby are puting on the same shoe. Exact same words I use for my wife some time when there is an argument which, I later start feeling bad and end up apologizing at the of the day. Please, don't listen to this singles advising you to leave ur home you, you both own that home.

I want to let you know that a lot of things run through our (married men) minds, which in most cases our wife's are not even aware off! Do you know what it means to have bills to pay and it seems ur efforts are not yielding the necessary result it makes a man go nolt only, the married ones understand the irony of what are talking about.

Sometimes when I have argument with my hubby I cry to God to make me a better Father, husband, brother, friend and above all a lover....God gave me the best wife which I know you are to husband as well.

I just shake my head as I read through you write up is, just like you referring to me.
You guys, deserve the best from us, as I work on anger and to have a self control I, pray God give ur hubby the heart to do same...pls don't ever leave the house again and inviting extended family members is helping ur home in any way. Thanks and remain blessed

It is clear that you married to a baby husband,you must be matured enough to carry him as a mother. Unless you assume this attitude,there won't be peace at home. Please don't leave but be wiser to manage his babyish temperament .

It is well o. My own na opposite.

NoToPile:


Hope the bolded will still be your opinion if the situation is one of the following

1. Husband is jobless and wife takes all the responsibility till he gets something doing is the husband good for only divorce.
2. Wife doesn't even earn at all.


That aside my post was talking about a wife that doesn't earn anything, does that mean shes good for nothing? and even if she earns it is the mans responsibility she's just assisting thats what guys of these days don't understand.

Its your responsibility to take care of your family, your wife can only help out its not her responsibility.

My brother, the Op said she works and earns. That's the basis for my position.

To the part where you asked if the husband is jobless, it rests on the woman to take whatever position she sees fit and believe me a majority of women will throw their husbands overboard if the husband loses his capacity to be solely responsible for the family. The few who take on full responsibility become overlords and excessively irritating. Reason why a good number of men who survive such temporary reversal of roles tend to marry new wives when they are past such dark periods and the horrific domestic experiences.

For a woman that doesn't work, the husbands would be good to provide to the extent his resources can carry, and then again......those ones are not as disrespectful as the greedy and selfish working wives.

You may have to be educated on how changing demands of the workplace/marketplace put women at an advantage. And if it so happens that you wife earns a multiple of your take-home, would you be daft to allow her save up her waged or spend as she sees fit, while you labour to provide for a family that includes her?
God forbid! Such a woman is only good for divorce.

ok

seelawd:
yes for 5years now with kids

Zhuhilat:
Dear All

Thanks for the advice, criticism and unfair assumptions.

I have read through almost everything and looking back, i know there are areas i need to work on. Like talking back, and generally being argumentative all the time.

Still, i know that nobody should be treated like trash especially your own wife.

I am working on myself for myself, not basically for the marriage because every time there’s always been an issue, i always blame myself.

But that load is too much , working on this marriage alone is killing me and making me depressed.

God loves me, my child and him too. He is going make our path clearer and however he does it, is fine by me.
Thanks all.

I like this. In instances where you need to talk back while he's angry, don't talk back, but you can explain the situation to him later when both of you are in normal mood. Say something like, "dear, I didn't want to talk back when you were angry with me. But so so so is the reason why I did what angered you. I didn't intend to make you angry." You have to say it this way because your reasons may be valid, but because he was angry, don't expect him to accept your valid reasons. Let me tell you this, when two people are angry, both of them may be right as a result of the angles through which they viewed the situation at that point in time. Your marriage will last. It's matter of time.

I don't think he do take what he says seriously,it's just that ur husband is kinda hot temper and might be cheating on u...

Mstick:
Madam you wouldn't get any reasonable advice on here , they will ask you to endure because most of them saw there fathers doing same to their mothers and she endured and they do same to their wives.They will see nothing wrong with your husband cheating rather they will bash and insult you.


Think about yourself and what do YOU want.

Sensible...

Chapter1vs6:
I think people should be atleast above 29 or 30 before they offer relationship advice that deals with marriage or divorce
I am starting to go through some people urging for divorce and I am truly amazed

I don't think age is the main thing, but maturity and life experience. It is partly contingent on age, but not necessarily. A 30 year old can still give bad advice and a 23 year old can still be sage

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

MOST MEN ESPECIALLY FROM EDO-BENIN ARE JUST OLD BUT NOT MATURED for MARRIAGE

THEY PRETEND SO MUCH WHEN ASKING YOU OUT AND LACK SO MUCH FOCUS

BY THE TIME U ACCEPT TO MARRY THEM THEY RUSH EVERYTHING SO THAT U WONT SEE THE BEAST IN THEM

I REALLY UNDERSTAND YOU DEAR VERY PAINFUL; AND IT WILL MAKE YOU SEE HIM AS NOTHING AND LOOSE LOVE FOR HIM

A LOT OF MEN ARE SO IRRESPONSIBLE EVEN AT THEIR 40S

THEY SUFFER SO MUCH INSECURITY ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR OWN FAMILY ARE MORE CARING AND SUCCESSFUL THAN THEIRS
THEY WANT TO DEVALUE YOU WITH ALL MADNESS ON THEIR HEAD

MOST ESPECIALLY A LOT OF MEN HAVE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES AND NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION BUT THEY WONT ACCEPT!!

SO SORRY MY DEAR, I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO ADVISE...............

IF HE CAN ACCEPT YOU VISITING A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR , PLEASE VISIT, MAY BE HE CAN OPEN UP ON WHAT IS REALLY BITING HIM

SOMETIMES, I WISH GO CAN GIVE OPPORTUNITY OF REMARRIAGE AFTER MAXIMUM OF 5 YEARS OF TRYING


SOME PARENTS ARE ALSO THE CAUSE OF THEIR SONS MENTAL CHALLENGE HEY NEVER SAT THEM DOWN TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE AND THE WORTH OF A WIFE......................

Klington:
I remember my elder brother was that silly when he got married to his wife newly

always using does devaluing words (you're of no use/value to me and all that)

But she will always call me to report his abuses because she knows i respect my brother but i do not fear him.

i talk to him pragmatically and i can tell you for free, they're over twelve years now.

They now live enviably like husband and wife.

My point is,

Look for a discreet person he respects to talk to him and you must be very careful while doing.

Alternatively, sit him down and pour out your heart with some degree of respect because from your write up,there are traces of arrogance

VERY KEY TOO, IF ANY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY IS WISE AND MATURED WITH GOOD UNDERSTANDING, MAKE THE PERSON THE 3RD PARTY..

THIS IS THE ROLE I PLAY FOR MY BROTHER AND THE WIFE, THOUGH MY BROTHER IS VERY RESPECTFUL BUT WHEN HE PROVES DIFFICULT IN CERTAIN AREAS LIKE THE WIFE PREFERS A MORE RELIABLE HOSPITAL FOR CHILD BIRTH BUT MY BROTHER PREFERS ANOTHER ... JUST ONE CALL TO MY BROTHER, I WILL EVEN TELL HIM IF ITS OS OF THE COST I WILL ASSIST WITH THE BILL, IN FACT MY BROTHER NEVER ARGUED MY ADVISE COS HE KNOWS ALL I WANT IS HIS OWN PEACE!!!

blank:


When you married a dog that barks why won't you think out of your arse.

Not yet married..

lollybizzu:


I think you're right!

You father was stupid enough not to have used a condom for the copulation that brought about a stupid seed.

Your background is very faulty.
You need serious emotional and psychological healing asap.

None of this is correct. My life is good and so is my family. You have failed here. I hope this does not reflect your reality. Now move along and have a nice day

This is both verbal, emotional and psychological torture from a temperamental man.

It is the 5th time he has asked you to leave. In all the time you have left that home, it isn't occurred to you to begin to scout for houses say a self contain and 2bedroom depending on what you can afford?

Pls don't tell me you are unemployed or not doing anything to have your own money. When a man says you add no value to him, hmm.

Begin look for your own house. It is when you keep going back home that your family will be encouraging you to go back to an abusive marriage.

Add value to yourself, take courses, learn a skill. Even employed ladies are learning skills and running side businesses. Better yourself for yourself