hey guys. am here again. hope you enjoy.

This is the first time I can ever remember putting up my laptop and attempting to write something without having a clear objective in mind. perhaps this will go a long way in describing the random thought processes that I am host to.

I had a funny dream today, you know the type of dream that occurs when you are not really asleep and not so much awake.i think it had to do with me fighting off some bad guy called Jesus. yeah, tha t’s funny but don’t forget it is actually a human name too. the guy was buff. I had no idea what the hell my spirit man was doing picking fights with buff men, what if he had broken my arm or something. the funny thing about the whole thing was how it ended after spending a lot of drea-time running and dodging all those fatal looking kicks and blows, I picked up courage enough to go charging at him with a flying kick and found myself awake at just that moment with my legs raised off my bed and kicking the empty air. inspite of my drunken sleep-state, I felt embarrassed. what if my sister had barged in a moment before as she was wont to? I would never hear the end of it.i would dishonourably be conferred with such pseudonyms as Kickster, Kick-starter, Van Damme, Sleeping Kicker, bedorama, Kick Boxer and a host of other retarded-sounding nomenclatures.

, this note intended as a sort of personal memoir/journal all cramme in one document. enjoy,


After Shittu left my house today, I zoomed off on a bike to the filling station to buy some fuel for the generator. Halfway to my destination, I would have sworn the pacific had relocated to the heavens as a downpour began. I was soaked to the skin in seconds. God! my nipples were cold! I thought we had sky and air temperature to give us warning of impending rain. This rain had no forerunner. It just happened. By the time I had reached the filling station, my trousers were soaked and I was shivering, thanks to my extreme lack of body fat. The place was a mess as everyone who had been caught unawares by the rain struggled to the shelter over the fuel pumps. I did too. I just so happened to end up beside a very short woman with very low cut blouse that was slightly wet. I averted my eyes.

what?!

I did, really? it’s not like it was big or anything. if anything I noticed she even had a mole there too and I am not attracted to tan breas, uhm, I think I’ve said too much already.

I bought the fuel and hopped onto the waiting bike. I was very glad I had no access to the car keys. going to the crammed filling station with a car would have been the worst experience yet of the month.

Speaking of experiences, it might interest you to know that in spite of my loud mouthed manner of conversation, I am actually dead to the world. I know little else apart from what I read in the pages of newspapers. never been to the movie, never been to the clubs, never been to the beach on my own, never been on a date (a real one does not warrant writing about), never kissed, hugged sparingly, never had a chronic illness, only been at the point of death once, never spoken to that awfully beautiful girl on the other street that I only see once a year, probably because she has more of a life than I do, never been to a party, never tasted alcohol, never smoked, never done all the “boys will be boys” things, never had a girlfriend, and em, never, well, you know, knocked boots. I have a feeling that last part is goin to change before the end of the month, especially if that other well endowed girl doesn’t stop dancing when I pass her mother’s shop.

Am twisting my hair now, thinking of what else to avail you with concerning the intimate but terribly non-important details of my boring life.

I must say without any degree of a boast that I have turned out well as a human being despite all the little oddities that I have endured throughout my life. I did not have a psychological evil bent despite that ruthless beating my mum gave me when I was three and which she still apologises for till tomorrow over the veracity of my “I did not lick the sugar!” , I bear no grudges despite the dictatorial rule of my father, I am not a retard despite the fact that for the larger part of my life, I have had no friends. I am grateful that I am a liberal thinker, a free spirit, I even amaze myself that I even believe(d?) in God despite the obviously superficial attitude my progenitors take toward it sometimes. I am a reasonable fellow with an acute sense of humour. I believe the worse thing that can happen to me along r/ships is getting close to a female who has little or no sense of humour or wit, I mean, how the hell does that happen. wait, I know. my thought processes have helped a great deal in making me a reasonably good writer, but then, that’s your decision.


Ah, my dream woman.


I would like a tall woman, but that is not really necessary, but tall is good. a big detour to having to literally look down on a lot of girls I know,lol. She doesn’t have to be physically beautiful. there is nothing as priceless as a lady with wit. as a guy, any time I come in contact with girls like that, I feel as though I have hit gold. she gotta be God-fearing and all. Sexy too. I have needs too, you know. so bring in all the sexified ones!, wouldn’t like to find myself trapped in the same room (during an earthquake that jammed the lock) with a female that reminds me of a blackboard or a pack of cards. or even in the adjacent room, for that manner. a girl who enjoys light make-up is a big plus in my eyes. too much Mary Kay and you all look like burnished bronze effigies. the girl down the street has almost no makeup on but she looks like a black angel. Real testament to Black Is Beautiful.

I actually have a retard girl-friend, not girlfriend. the only reason we are still friends is because I find it hard to believe that somebody who is a graduate can be so dumb. so full of herself, she actually thinks she is pretty, my friend alonge once described her face as dogshit or something couldn’t agree more, discreetly though. Hanging out with her is a blast because the manner of her conversation is so retarded you gotta love it. Walking with her and a friend saw no improvement to her mien. but one thing she has got going on for her is that bubble of a butt she has behind her. my sex jokes don’t sit well with her but I don’t care, am her only male friend, so its my responsibility to dish them out. she speaks with all known factors in the English language and with a limited vocabulary which is queer because she graduated with 2nd class upper (Hons) in English. this just goes to show the state of the school system at Babcock University. her sense of self important will humble the devil and this is someone no one likes. Enough about her. Something bitter seems to have crawled up my throat in a threatening manner.

What I like most about me is that I am unpredictable most times, especially to myself. the only thing you are sure or is that my actions will not follow recognised pathways. You have no idea how boring a comprehensive knowledge of your own behaviour is. Chaotic is good. it really makes my life worth living. If not for that aspect of me, I would have very much come out a retard. So many things to write, but this is where I turn off, wait


Right now, am surrounded by neighbours and family, but that has not stopped me from being the loneliest person I know. Sometimes I wish it had all happened differently, the childhoods, the friends, the beliefs, the morals, Sometimes. but I have worked pretty well for myself and I end up being missed most times, that’s why I say I turned out good do not believe there is anything in this whole world that equates being loved or loving, whether in return or in a pure form. when I find the pure kind, the type that another human being with whom who you are ready to spend the rest of your life gives, I know I will be able to say in spite of any circumstance I find myself, whether poor or rich, disabled or not, that I am fulfilled. Being able to bring joy or happiness, a spell of laughter or a string of thought to people around you definitely compensates for any sense of loss you might feel. it has in my case. I am a happy boy, who is at peace with what he doesn’t have and enthusiastic over what he does. Might continue this some other time. There is no end to the story of the human struggle, only pauses which allow for the refreshment of the soul and the preparation for things to come.hmm, quotable quote by me. Nice.


so what do you make of my ramblings?

I like your ramblings--oh, and by the way, you might want to start adapting yourself to getting little or no replies to your posts as this section of nairaland is practically dead.
Anyway, from your post I gathered that maybe you are being too hard on yourself with regards to 'having no life'. Everyone cannot have the exact same likes and dislikes in life. Our tastes differ. We were not created to be identical in everyway. So take it easy. Maybe you are not even an introvert, you probably haven't met a lot of people that share the same interests as you(not that being an introvert is a bad thing. I am totally one myself. Socializing wears me out).
But it was well written. Good job.

Thanks a lot fellis. i value your insights