Mehn...shredded!

kunleweb:




Pastor my foot. That doesn't grant you the right of higher ethics, knowledge or sense of right. Before you start being scriptural, canonical and spiritual when has it become a big deal to make the last days of a loving mother memorable. Are you aware wives take counsels from their own mothers. If her own mother wanted an inclusion in the wedding attendance list would the reaction from the wife be the same.


It's amazing how you can condemn his mother from scriptural standards and can't condemn. The wife for malice using the same basis.


Let me ask you of God came this moment who would go to hell between the two of them, the one with malice in the heart for years or the one even who can't find a single fault with. Please refrain from. Quoting your spiritual title next time. Please and please.

I'm also sure you ignored the man being the head and the Lord expects his wove to be submissive I. E take to his instruction of living peaceably without conflicts with his mum for baseless reasons


Come who ordain you people self. You need more time on self development. You're so unskilled to handle conflicts and give counsel. Please spend time and ask God to give you wisdom. He doesn't ciscriminates giving wisdom and the spirit of discernment to whomsoever asks

Some mother's honestly don't know when to stop, they should give their son space to build up his new family, can see nothing but love but it's much. your wife have to make up her mind to tolerate your mom and overlook something's for peace to reign

na them ......

SURElee:
Ask your mum to get a new partner, abi didn't I read she is divorced? It is boredom that is making her want to
live be included in your marriage life. When you were wedded at the altar, where you joined like this man+mother +wife? If not, get the marriage equation right and let your manipulative mother know she can't manipulate your wife, it won't work.

As foe your wife, when she sees less of your mom interfering in her marriage, a MIL and DIL can be built. Clearly your wife is a choleric who is blunt and won't pretend.

Gcool2:
lol,ur neighbor dey experience this too?

yes

Bro u have to stand with your wife ooooo if not you may end up destructing your marriage by breaking up with her I know a. Man who left his wife and his two kids for over four years because of family influence the kids are still very small he left when the last child has not even clock a yr.The family are in lag he stays outside lag he comes occasionally to lag but doesn't get home he goes to his fathers house funny enough he claims he is a born again Christian he has not even talk with the wife for over four yrs the wife doesn't want the marriage any more she has been begging him for divorce but he refused their marriage lasted for just five yrs so bro take ur stand act right support your wife so the love can continue still both of u grow old give her reasons to always be there for u take care of u n live happily with you when you are old do u know not all old couples live happily? some are best of friends when they grow while some are cat n rat how u support n treat her now will tell on ur relationship when u are old

poik:


I dont think so. I never said push the mother away. But to me it seems like he is indecisive whose side to be on. when it comes to choosing sides, lawfully and Scripturally, his side is with the wife. that doesnt mean not to be fair to his mother. Both women should be put in their place at the same time.

You don't chose side with sin. Disrespecting your mother in-law is a sin provided she wouldn't react as such with her own mother. The wife should treat both mothers with same respect. God doesn't condole partiality.

From all indication, the wife can celebrate a birthday for her mum but never for her mother in-law.

LadyExcellency:


You don't chose side with sin. Disrespecting your mother in-law is a sin provided she wouldn't react as such with her own mother. The wife should treat both mothers with same respect. God doesn't condole partiality.

From all indication, the wife can celebrate a birthday for her mum but never for her mother in-law.

Understand my point. Put each party where they belong. That's all I'm saying.

atctech:
This is a very sensitive issue, you need to Man up, and also be prayerful.....if care is not taken you are threading the way to divorce.
I am a Pastor, I'm married too, I have a mother,
so I have the moral standard to advise you.
The role of your wife in your marriage is different from the the role of your mother. the Bible says the man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one. The problem is, you haven't leave your mother.
things like this happens when parents are still contributing to marriage, like money, foods, business or housing.
sorry to say this, if your mum is that right and knows the form a marriage should take "she would still be with your father she wouldn't have divorced your father or vice versa" that is a signal that something is wrong. let her use her ways on her marriage and not your marriage.
The wife owns the home not parents, until you get it wright with your wife the unexpected may happen. things has changed bro, before I got married I have a picture of what my marriage would be so I worked it out.
gone are those days when things like this happens. can I chock you? as much as I love my mother when she visits and trying to talk and train my children in a way that is arcake(old fashion) jokingly I would correct her.
my mum is a great woman, very loving and caring but I don't reveal secret about my wife to her because one day she may use it against her and vise versa, as much as my wife loves her and always want her to visit but my mum doesn't come always.
finally, stand your ground and also correct your wife. you are in charge, the more you put out your marriage to family debate the more trouble you get.

best comment so far. The wife should love and respect the mother and the mother should stop meddling

Respectively point out your mum's excess to her and let your wife know that a wise woman builds her own house. She needs to sacrifice her ego

Bro I pray this your marriage last a time will come that you may have to choose between your mother and wife you know the rest if I were your wife I will humble my self for the sake of my children's future all this James Bond she is doing will affect her direct or indirectly what goes around comes around

daughter-in-law and mother-in-law wahala
hmmmm!!!!!

seriously! u nid to be wise in ur sense of judgement

talk to both parties seperately n make dem see how u feel abt d whole saga

let dem know dat dey fit kill u untimely if dey no change their ways(high b p is gradually gaining entrance oooo)

it is well bro

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You are very very stupid!

Can she do that to her mum? Or you to her mum or her dad? How can you allow this to have deteriorated to this level that your wife can stand up to your mum? You are weak and a mumu at that.

What kind of a man are you? Ask yourself that. You are very weak

forget born again people they RE bunch of hypocritical,deceitful bunch of jokers

Yustash001:
why is the that most times mother inlaws and daughter in-laws are not always in good terms?..Olagbara o

Most mothers feel the wife is coming to steal their boy from them. And they don't like that. Women like to be in charge you know.
The wife on her part will be like: it's my home so MIL stay off.

But it's annoying sometimes when mothers in law always like to control their son's home and when they don't get a chance to do that, it breeds problem.

I just ignore my own control freak of a mother in law cause fortunately for me the son knows her and how to put her in her place.
Some mothers just find it difficult to accept that their married sons are no longer BOYS

Yustash001:
why is the that most times mother inlaws and daughter in-laws are not always in good terms?..Olagbara o

Most mothers feel the wife is coming to steal their boy from them. And they don't like that. Women like to be in charge you know.
The wife on her part will be like: it's my home so MIL stay off.

But it's annoying sometimes when mothers in law always like to control their son's home and when they don't get a chance to do that, it breeds problem.

I just ignore my own control freak of a mother in law cause fortunately for me the son knows her and how to put her in her place.
Some mothers just find it difficult to accept that their married sons are no longer BOYS.