Poof

I'm no genius either about these things and I'm not married but an O.G told me "God has many faces and we see those faces and interact with him through relationships"-not necessarily marriage.
But marriage is the ultimate connect to a person like a personal relationship with a "supreme being". Its rocky, don't always get what we want, pass through pain but we remain FAITHFUL-like knowing fully well the tree will be eaten from and still keeping it there with an instruction for it not to be eaten.
I really like this because it's made me also realise that humans are strivers and God knows it.
#wearestriversnosuicide

You're right about one thing in your writeup though, and that is:

There is always a reason why we want 'to be married' and deep down every last reason comes from selfishness.. You see something you like in that person and you want to have it to improve your chances of survival.

But while you have given a good exposé on the subject and detected the flaws, you failed to provide alternative solutions to this problem.

technically, marriage is born out of human greed and covetousness, he sees a beautiful woman and wants to have the beauty to himself, for his own personal aggrandizement and happiness and boom! the beautiful woman doesn't want to be owned, she wants to be worshipped becos she's fine, so its either the man forgets himself and worship her or he looks elsewhere. Thus the marriage comes to and end.

That selfishness part is very true.

I'm a product of real broken family, I can't even call my father 'dad' even when I try to.

Apart from recreation, I still can't think of anything else. I get scared of this marriage thingy most times.

Ohh. I think marriage is beautiful!
There's something about devotion... devoting yourself to a spouse and kids... with all pureness of heart.

crackkhaus:
You're right about one thing in your writeup though, and that is:

There is always a reason why we want 'to be married' and deep down every last reason comes from selfishness.. You see something you like in that person and you want to have it to improve your chances of survival.

But while you have given a good exposé on the subject and detected the flaws, you failed to provide alternative solutions to this problem.

thanks for the observation ...I won't say I have a clue as to what the solution could me ...that is why I posted thus so I could find some sort of enlightenment on the matter

PrimadonnaO:
Ohh. I think marriage is beautiful!
There's something about devotion... devoting yourself to a spouse and kids... with all pureness of heart.

wow I really admire your perspective... It is really optimistic and upbeat ... You must be enjoying your marriage but I don't think devotion is all it needs tho I know a lot of devoted people who are miserable In their marriage and only find solace in their kids

As crackkhaus pointed out, you are 100% correct on his bolder text.

I tell people, in less than 25yrs now no one will want to marry,only relationships with or without children.

Take away religion and no one gives a hoot about marriage!

The desecration and rejection of the marital institution is part of the plan to introduce a godless immoral society which is an integral make up of the new world order.

Almost every married person on earth gets to that stage where they begin to question why the hell they made that destiny altering decision to get married.. but the truth is a lot of us get married for selfish reasons including the need to prove to society that we also are able and capable of attracting a spouse.

Many of us want to enjoy the so called 'honour & respect' that comes with being labelled a married man/woman in society. We are so selfish that we can't stand getting into our 30s without another human by our side, keeping our beds warm.. so we get married to the next available person who fulfils our financial, emotional or sexual needs forgetting that we all grow and evolve over time and that person you married today might not be someone who tickles your fancy in the next 5-10 years because you've naturally grown apart.

You'd be surprised how many couples are living boring, sexless and unfulfilled marital lives but just keeping it all together because of societal pressures and personal ego.

xteve:
That selfishness part is very true.

I'm a product of real broken family, I can't even call my father 'dad' even when I try to.

Apart from recreation, I still can't think of anything else. I get scared of this marriage thingy most times.

I fuvking hate that man like mad....

DonTim1:
As crackkhaus pointed out, you are 100% correct on his bolder text.

I.tell people, in less than 25yrs now no one will want to marry,only relationships with or without children.

Take away religion and no one gives a hoot about marriage!

Aptly....

Franzinni:
wow I really admire your perspective... It is really optimistic and upbeat ... You must be enjoying your marriage but I don't think devotion is all it needs tho I know a lot of devoted people who are miserable In their marriage and only find solace in their kids

Certainly. Marriage takes a whole lot more than devotion. It takes active demonstration of love every single minute, patience, understanding, and a resolute decision to forgive without limit...

marriage! Marriage! Marriage! Well may God make it easy and make us the collness of our spouse eyes

Westernlove:


I fuvking hate that man like mad....

Why do you hate your father? What has he done?

sweetmelanin:
Almost every married person on earth gets to that stage where they begin to question why the hell they made that destiny altering decision to get married.. but the truth is a lot of us get married for selfish reasons including the need to prove to society that we also are able and capable of attracting a spouse.

Many of us want to enjoy the so called 'honour & respect' that comes with being labelled a married man/woman in society. We are so selfish that we can't stand getting into our 30s without another human by our side, keeping our beds warm.. so we get married to the next available person who fulfils our financial, emotional or sexual needs forgetting that we all grow and evolve over time and that person you married today might not be someone who tickles your fancy in the next 5-10 years because you've naturally grown apart.

You'd be surprised how many couples are living boring, sexless and unfulfilled marital lives but just keeping it all together because of societal pressures and personal ego.

Speak for yourself, you got married for selfish reasons ( your previous thread ). You want society to see you as a married woman by fire by force but madam, no be by force to stay married if it's not working na. Na you know.

Well, every man is selfish and there is an underlying selfishness in all we do. That said, our reasons for marriage differ from each other. So many married folks will agree it is to fill that deep yearning within and that is why it is rarely boring within couples.

Abi o. While we respect culture as it is, most in-laws(husband's families) have forgotten the place of evolvement. Gone are those days that a woman is practically enslaved just because she married your son! The days when practically no respect is accorded her as she's only bringing her wide hips and good behaviour to the table.

Nowadays, they want financial contributor, education, baby factory, home keeper, good behaviour and all the works and still expect her to accept being treated like a slave...biko forget, it won't work. Ironically, when their daughters marry into another family that wants to emulate their style, they rebel in droves

Yes, she will continue to unconsciously refuse to integrate into your extended household if you and your family refuse to see the new age light.

sisisioge:
Abi o. While we respect culture as it is, most in-laws(husband's families) have forgotten the place of evolvement. Gone are those days that a woman is practically enslaved just because she married your son! The days when practically no respect is accorded her as she's only bringing her wide hips and good behaviour to the table.

Nowadays, they want financial contributor, education, baby factory, home keeper, good behaviour and all the works and still expect her to accept being treated like a slave...biko forget, it won't work. Ironically, when their daughters marry into another family that wants to emulate their style, they rebel in droves

Yes, she will continue to unconsciously refuse to integrate into your extended household if you and your family refuse to see the new age light.

This summarizes the hypocrisy I've observed in many of my brothers. When they see their own sister going ahead to marry an exact person like them who would gove her the same hellish treatments they give their babes, they can't take it. Watch them vent their frustrations and try to destroy the relationship by all means, at all costs. These same knuckleheads want the best sex, grera character, a wife who would practixally be the one running the engine of the home while the dwib lazies around wearing jeans with his boys thinking he's in his 20s.


Sadly, many menfolk ideolized the same slavish mentality of our fathers and saw no need to make adjustments and narratives and spend lots of time on trying to contain a woman wland keep her on a leash than on attaining the maximum capabilities of the team.

I forgot to add in many slavish marriagee, the woma will go and beg beg uo and down collect insults so her room keeps running, at tines even sleep with a third party with the permission of some yeye men to aid her man. Collect loan up and down, yet is subjected to a ppace to bite the dust perpetually. Marriage is for whike people who have learned to discern between a partnership and slavery.


Ladies should enter relationships with open eyes cause if love blinds a person, na marriage go open the blinded eyes


Cc: We Men, let's subject the man-management principles we received from our fathers and make better husbands.


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UjuJoan Na how you dey!

Uisce:
Speak for yourself, you got married for selfish reasons ( your previous thread ). You want society to see you as a married woman by fire by force but madam, no be by force to stay married if it's not working na. Na you know.

For your mind now you think say you get sense
Somebody posted her opinion and you went digging through previous threads to find ammunition to insult her. Smh. Is it because she posts all her stuff on one account? Unlike idi0ts like you who create anoymous accounts to complain on how your ugly wives have emasculated you at home fvck the fvck off!

marriage is an institution invented by man to prevent promiscuity and reckless sexual practices which can have serious consequences.now this institution is doomed to fail because most humans are polygamous in nature and are not built to stay/remain/strive in one relationship or marriage forever hence the high level of extramarital affairs going on in todays world which means that majority of married people are just scamming themselves thinking they are in a monogamous relationship while they or their spouse covertly go out and relieve the stress with an outsider which comes from staying too long in a relationship with the same person everyday

I simply have issues with your definition of your family OP. You don't have a broken home man. just maybe it could be more of a Dysfunctional Family.
When you see and hear someone from a broken home and they explained it to you especially what they go through from stepmother, stepfather, step here and step there you will simply change that definition of yours.

In my opinion, Marriage is a beautiful thing for those who found and compliment themselves. The fact that many have no business being in one does not mean many were not enjoying it.. In life, one has to keep an open mind who knows when the right person might show up...

Do not let the word 'marriage' to stress or scare you. It's just an idea of being with someone that u like and can trust. who can tolerate you and whom u can tolerate. just the way u have good news and u wanna share it with your best buddies.. that's just it. U share your pain with the person too..

If one was married and cannot share one's joy or pain with the spouse then, I don't know what that is. when it's 4 or 5 PM and a married man/ woman hesitates to go home, wherever he/she was @ that moment feels like heaven, then it's time to re-evaluate why the couple were punishing themselves in the name of marriage.

@OP

As much as marriage may not be natural, it remains a healthy social construct - it's a good thing that you admitted not having monopoly of knowledge because only an insane person would lay claim to such.

Actually, your parents' unhealthy marriage truly affected you negatively. It's unfortunate that you inherited their genes, and you wittingly or unwittingly didn't transmute even at adulthood; you have a poor mentality in particular and lack love in general.

No, not everyone goes into marriage/romantic relationship for selfish reasons, majority do that I know - there's a thin line between conscientiousness and selfishness, don't mix them up. Also, you have a poor understanding of what attribute is; attribute is inherent, don't mistake it for attitude, it doesn't change - it neither fades nor disappears, provided that you're talking about a mentally healthy human being.

The reason why your parents, and you by extension, never found happiness and peace of mind in their marriage is very obvious. They're two selfish (egoistic) human beings who equally married for selfish/material reasons - so they shouldn't be standard for sane people.

Marriage, just like any healthy close/intimate interpersonal relationship, is for parties who're either innately selfless (altruistic) or parties who regardless of their individual psychological profile have selfless interest towards each other/one another - sound psychological profile and high emotional quotient are added advantage. Selflessness remains the soul of love/oneness/goodness and love is the soul of marriage - of course, selflessness, not to be mistaken for foolishness, doesn't mean absence of conscientiousness.

Ambiguity and bastardization of the word love notwithstanding, it remains the greatest refreshment in life - only those who personify it, give it and have been privileged to receive it from those who equally personify it, will understand.

Marriage is quite simple but we.complicate things with unrealistic expectations.Husbands not wanting to submit to their wives and wives using emotional blackmail based on their husbands financial strength.I went into marriage with no expectations in 2010 and I met my wife in 1998 at the University.I wasn't looking for a slay queen but substance.She was the best in my ass and wasn't a slay queen.I saw a bright future and someone we can both grow together so I jumped on the ship.We fight and always make up.without inviting third party.We do not carry any spiritual or.emotional baggage and we don't even go to church but my wife is one of the nicest human beings I have met.We support each other families heavily and my mom adores her.Every naira I earn goes to her and she uses it for whatever she wants,I never asked her how before and never will.I accept whatever she gives.me to hold and use.When I'm broke she sends me.money and when we are both broke we stand by each other.No blames nothing.We have a beautiful home and she is in charge so I have peace of mind always and our son is always happy.So to be honest,I do not know how you guys see marriage as negative.It builds you.A.man that strives to assert his influence as the man of the house is a child.We complement each other and we are good.

Uisce:
Speak for yourself, you got married for selfish reasons ( your previous thread ). You want society to see you as a married woman by fire by force but madam, no be by force to stay married if it's not working na. Na you know.

Quite a pathetic attempt at shaming me. Lol! Listen boy, my situation is mine and I own it. Ok! No ones life is perfect and I refuse to allow a nobody shame me on information I voluntarily put out there myself.

How do I know you're not living in abject poverty, an abusive marriage or severe depression and dysfunction in your home? Hehe.. I'm not surprised though.. this is nairaland where the biggest losers have the loudest voices to insult others. Grow up!

Will respond





Hopefully

Modified: Obviously hopefully not

sweetmelanin:



Quite a pathetic attempt at shaming me. Lol! Listen boy, my situation is mine and I own it. Ok! No ones life is perfect and I refuse to allow a nobody shame me on information I voluntarily put out there myself.

How do I know you're not living in abject poverty, an abusive marriage or severe depression and dysfunction in your home? Hehe.. I'm not surprised though.. this is nairaland where the biggest losers have the loudest voices to insult others. Grow up!

Stop huffing over nothing. There's no insult in my post but I know the truth hurts . You said people get married for selfish reasons, I disagreed. Last time I checked Nairaland na public forum where anyone can agree or disagree with people's opinions. Your loveless marriage is doing a number on you. Wife is a RN. I work in IT, no poverty here madam. But like I said in my other post, your replies are from your experience . It's you who's in a loveless sexless marriage so again the severe depression and dysfunction you stated must be something you can relate to, not I, we good over here. Pele madam, las las you go dey alright.

sweetmelanin:



Quite a pathetic attempt at shaming me. Lol! Listen boy, my situation is mine and I own it. Ok! No ones life is perfect and I refuse to allow a nobody shame me on information I voluntarily put out there myself.

How do I know you're not living in abject poverty, an abusive marriage or severe depression and dysfunction in your home? Hehe.. I'm not surprised though.. this is nairaland where the biggest losers have the loudest voices to insult others. Grow up!

Kikiki. You're wicked

orbitalgis:
Marriage is quite simple but we.complicate things with unrealistic expectations.Husbands not wanting to submit to their wives and wives using emotional blackmail based on their husbands financial strength.I went into marriage with no expectations in 2010 and I met my wife in 1998 at the University.I wasn't looking for a slay queen but substance.She was the best in my ass and wasn't a slay queen.I saw a bright future and someone we can both grow together so I jumped on the ship.We fight and always make up.without inviting third party.We do not carry any spiritual or.emotional baggage and we don't even go to church but my wife is one of the nicest human beings I have met.We support each other families heavily and my mom adores her.Every naira I earn goes to her and she uses it for whatever she wants,I never asked her how before and never will.I accept whatever she gives.me to hold and use.When I'm broke she sends me.money and when we are both broke we stand by each other.No blames nothing.We have a beautiful home and she is in charge so I have peace of mind always and our son is always happy.So to be honest,I do not know how you guys see marriage as negative.It builds you.A.man that strives to assert his influence as the man of the house is a child.We complement each other and we are good.

Blessings. Na like this e suppose dey be

freecocoahubby:


For your mind now you think say you get sense
Somebody posted her opinion and you went digging through previous threads to find ammunition to insult her. Smh. Is it because she posts all her stuff on one account? Unlike idi0ts like you who create anoymous accounts to complain on how your ugly wives have emasculated you at home fvck the fvck off!

Fck off lame imbeciile or go help out ugly sweetmelanin the Bobrisky lookalike . Gay mothefcker