made2fit:
3 years ago, my husband and I bought a landed property, built and moved into our our home. All through the 9 months it took for us to buy and build, we kept the information to ourselves. We didn't inform our family. When it was time for us to move into the house, which was 60% completed then, I told my siblings about it. Their response and reactions were shocking. Instead of congratulating me, they reprimanded me that I was keeping secrets from them. Their grouse was that I didn't tell them I bought a land, didn't take them through the process of building, didn't even drop a hint in our Whatsapp group. They were acidic and bitter.

True, I was expecting a mild reprimand concerning why they were kept in the dark; but I was really unprepared for the backlash that was unleashed. On my own money! I was deeply hurt and I cried. My husband had to comfort me. Mind you, my siblings are all doing well. If they really wanted they can as well sacrifice and build their own homes. Anyway, we moved in. No one talked about it again. Everyone ignored me and my new house. It took a whole year before one of them came to visit. Another sister of mine, didn't even bother for a longer time, even though she visits the area around every now and then to see her in-law.

All that is behind us as time as healed all their "hurts". Everyone visits and everything is fine . Now, I bought another property. Only this time it is close to around my mum's vicinity. This property was a very good deal, couldn't ignore, and I intend to use it for commercial purpose. I intend to be as discreet as possible. But my fear is that if my mum find out from outsiders, or artisans, , she'll be deeply hurt. If I tell her, she"ll want me/ pressurize me to tell my siblings, which I do not want. I don't want anyone to kill my joy, as I'm unsure of their reactions. How do I go about this?


NB; I'm second of six siblings. I have not always been rich. In fact, I was the poorest. God opened the way for us about 6years ago.

tripplephi:


I suggest you should keep your business to yourself.

Since you are NOT moving in, they do not need to know. and whenever you visit the place, just tell them you were checking for someone.


You have a loving and concerned family BUT it may shock you to know that those who reprimanded you are also keeping things from you.


Families often always OVERRATE or UNDERRATE success.

You know how long it took you to heal, so kindly maintain your peace.

by the way... CONGRATS on your new acquisition.

made2fit:
n
Nope! I don't ask them about updates in their lives. in fact, I am one of the last to know about their plans etc. There is no competition, at least not from me. Everyone enjoys their money as they like. I don't just want to relive the experience of 3 years ago. Once bitten twice shy .. theirs is not even the issue. it's my mum finding out that I'm worried about.

made2fit:
3 years ago, my husband and I bought a landed property, built and moved into our our home. All through the 9 months it took for us to buy and build, we kept the information to ourselves. We didn't inform our family. When it was time for us to move into the house, which was 60% completed then, I told my siblings about it. Their response and reactions were shocking. Instead of congratulating me, they reprimanded me that I was keeping secrets from them. Their grouse was that I didn't tell them I bought a land, didn't take them through the process of building, didn't even drop a hint in our Whatsapp group. They were acidic and bitter.

True, I was expecting a mild reprimand concerning why they were kept in the dark; but I was really unprepared for the backlash that was unleashed. On my own money! I was deeply hurt and I cried. My husband had to comfort me. Mind you, my siblings are all doing well. If they really wanted they can as well sacrifice and build their own homes. Anyway, we moved in. No one talked about it again. Everyone ignored me and my new house. It took a whole year before one of them came to visit. Another sister of mine, didn't even bother for a longer time, even though she visits the area around every now and then to see her in-law.

All that is behind us as time as healed all their "hurts". Everyone visits and everything is fine . Now, I bought another property. Only this time it is close to around my mum's vicinity. This property was a very good deal, couldn't ignore, and I intend to use it for commercial purpose. I intend to be as discreet as possible. But my fear is that if my mum find out from outsiders, or artisans, , she'll be deeply hurt. If I tell her, she"ll want me/ pressurize me to tell my siblings, which I do not want. I don't want anyone to kill my joy, as I'm unsure of their reactions. How do I go about this?


NB; I'm second of six siblings. I have not always been rich. In fact, I was the poorest. God opened the way for us about 6years ago.

made2fit:
3 years ago, my husband and I bought a landed property, built and moved into our our home. All through the 9 months it took for us to buy and build, we kept the information to ourselves. We didn't inform our family. When it was time for us to move into the house, which was 60% completed then, I told my siblings about it. Their response and reactions were shocking. Instead of congratulating me, they reprimanded me that I was keeping secrets from them. Their grouse was that I didn't tell them I bought a land, didn't take them through the process of building, didn't even drop a hint in our Whatsapp group. They were acidic and bitter.

True, I was expecting a mild reprimand concerning why they were kept in the dark; but I was really unprepared for the backlash that was unleashed. On my own money! I was deeply hurt and I cried. My husband had to comfort me. Mind you, my siblings are all doing well. If they really wanted they can as well sacrifice and build their own homes. Anyway, we moved in. No one talked about it again. Everyone ignored me and my new house. It took a whole year before one of them came to visit. Another sister of mine, didn't even bother for a longer time, even though she visits the area around every now and then to see her in-law.

All that is behind us as time as healed all their "hurts". Everyone visits and everything is fine . Now, I bought another property. Only this time it is close to around my mum's vicinity. This property was a very good deal, couldn't ignore, and I intend to use it for commercial purpose. I intend to be as discreet as possible. But my fear is that if my mum find out from outsiders, or artisans, , she'll be deeply hurt. If I tell her, she"ll want me/ pressurize me to tell my siblings, which I do not want. I don't want anyone to kill my joy, as I'm unsure of their reactions. How do I go about this?


NB; I'm second of six siblings. I have not always been rich. In fact, I was the poorest. God opened the way for us about 6years ago.

made2fit:


Thank you. Thanks for understanding.

Tripitaka:


"Thank you for understanding" simply because he aligned with your thoughts or simply echoed your sentiments.

Clearly, you have an agenda and there is am underlying reason you didn't want to tell your siblings about your project. It isn't necessarily a privacy thing, there is a determining factor. Perhaps it's in your head, perhaps too it's a case of you trying to "show them" or you feel you're in some sort of competition with them.

For your siblings to be unhappy about your decision to be secretive means that they share information about their lives with you too - just as familyhood would dictate, unless your family is dysfunctional. Imagine you calling your siblings "acidic and bitter" because they were unhappy with your actions.

I and my siblings have a whatsapp group where we discuss problems we encounter or just gist ourselves about the most random stuffs and we also celebrate each other's little successes ...no matter how little. When I have good news, my family are the first people I share with, not even my partner, but here you are not wanting even your mom to know about your newest acquisition, just because of your siblings.

Now you're hurting that they don't visit your house, why would they seeing that you do not want them in your life. If I were your sibling, I probably won't step foot in your house as you seem too conceited.

DBestDoc:
You’re missing the whole point Op. It’s not about jealousy, the house or the achievements ( you said it yourself that they’re not poor people), it’s about your actions and inactions.

The reactions they pulled off is not because they’re not happy for you, they are just overwhelmed with shock and disappointment that you could spend almost one year achieving something so huge without giving any of them a clue whatsoever while still dinning, interacting and communicating with them on your WhatsApp group. Out of 5 siblings, not one of them is worthy to be your close buddy and gist partner, not even your mom?

You make them feel like they’re some sort of bad luck that you have to hide your success from. This may not be your intention but it’s exactly how you make them feel.

Moreover, you have the privilege of knowing almost all that’s going on with them but hide yours. I’d also keep away from someone like you. Far far away.

They wouldn’t be pissed if this came from a Stranger. As family and good siblings without underground rift , they felt you owed them some level of openness especially if they’ve always been open to you.

Massey27:
I really don't understand why your siblings will be that angry at you for not telling about your project and even refused visiting.

And I still don't understand why they would want to be informed on everything you are doing in your home.

Neither do I understand why you are acting secretive.

Your story does not really add up .
I feel it's not a big deal telling them but if you don't want them to know then something is really up and you are not opening up here.

Because acting that way just because your sister did not inform you about the house she is building is weird to me.

Well just like someone said above, it depends on how you are closely knit and how you tell each other things.

You are an adult OP with a family of your own. As long as your husband is aware of what you are doing that's all that matters.
If you are informing your siblings it's just because you want to. Not because you have to.

Tripitaka:
MrBrownjay1 this right here is my point. If the OP came from a family like mine where familial bond is highly cherished, and pulled such stunt, everyone will blank her and her house till she borrows some sense.

made2fit:


Thank you. Thanks for understanding.