hi everyone
i have a question boring me and i hope i can get good advice and suggestions.
I'll be as brief as i can.
i am currently dating a white guy here in the UK, we have been together for 2 yrs, before then i dated a Nigerian guy whom i had a son son, imm i had my child, he started womanising, drinking, clubbing and sort, i was thinking maybe becos i had my son, i started the gym and with 6 weeks i went back to size 8 but that wont stop him from womanising, finally he got so drunk and had a crash, the accident was so bad that he lost his life.
i was left to care for our son who was 6 month then.
i was completely scattered and i decided to move out of London. i got to Scotland and i met this guy who care for me, buy me gifts adore me, make me feel like a princess and for the first time i was beginning to love again.
i notice he didn't get along with my son who was about 2 yrs old then, i tried every thing but it wasn't working, my heart begin to shadow down. i told him how i felt and he promised he change
Yes he did change but my son never saw anything good in him, whenever we were out and if my son shld see a black guy, he would refer him as daddy and call my boyfriend by his name.

i have spoken to my son alot and this is actually affecting our relationship, confused i spoke to some friends who adviced me to get a black guy who will love me and adore my son.
i have sworn with what i had gone thru with his dad, i don't really fancy black guys as i suffered so much, i went thru alot now my boy is 4 yrs old and he is kind of getting along with my boyfriend but my boyfriend has his fears( i think).
so many times i had tried to break up but i cant, he cant either and we are not moving on or moving in or planning to get married. anytime i mention it, we discuss it and that's it, it wont go further, i want this yr to be my year and i want to get it right this time, n ending up with the wrong guy will make my life hell.

banke6476:

hi everyone
i have a question boring me and i hope i can get good advice and suggestions.
I'll be as brief as i can.
i am currently dating a white guy here in the UK, we have been together for 2 yrs, before then i dated a Nigerian guy whom i had a son son, imm i had my child, he started womanising, drinking, clubbing and sort, i was thinking maybe becos i had my son, i started the gym and with 6 weeks i went back to size 8 but that wont stop him from womanising, finally he got so drunk and had a crash, the accident was so bad that he lost his life.
i was left to care for our son who was 6 month then.
i was completely scattered and i decided to move out of London. i got to Scotland and i met this guy who care for me, buy me gifts adore me, make me feel like a princess and for the first time i was beginning to love again.
i notice he didn't get along with my son who was about 2 yrs old then, i tried every thing but it wasn't working, my heart begin to shadow down. i told him how i felt and he promised he change
Yes he did change but my son never saw anything good in him, whenever we were out and if my son shld see a black guy, he would refer him as daddy and call my boyfriend by his name.

i have spoken to my son alot and this is actually affecting our relationship, confused i spoke to some friends who adviced me to get a black guy who will love me and adore my son.
i have sworn with what i had gone thru with his dad, i don't really fancy black guys as i suffered so much, i went thru alot now my boy is 4 yrs old and he is kind of getting along with my boyfriend but my boyfriend has his fears( i think).
so many times i had tried to break up but i cant, he cant either and we are not moving on or moving in or planning to get married. anytime i mention it, we discuss it and that's it, it wont go further, i want this yr to be my year and i want to get it right this time, n ending up with the wrong guy will make my life hell.

You were not

i think you are forcing the child to quickly ajust you talked of when he was two you wanted him to adjust by the age of two !! come on woman

aslong the guy is treating him right he will adjust slowly and soon he will call him daddy

as for your boyfriends he needs to treat the child well .i.e playing games with him as his father would have etc

and for you the more there is love and signs of love in the house the child shall learn from you

@ zim drill,
point taken, it just amuse me when he sees a stranger who has a black skin, he calls him dad imm, just wondering what am doing very wrong,

banke6476:

@ zim drill,
point taken, it just amuse me when he sees a stranger who has a black skin, he calls him dad imm, just wondering what am doing very wrong,

just tell him that he has only one daddy and not every blackman is his father

@Carloece

Jeez woman ! Is that all you've got to say after going through all of it Some people

@ Poster
Maybe ur BF should start treating the kid well, Kids can't pretend while adults can, the man would have exhibited his dislike openly and you cant expect a lil kid of 4 to forget and forgive

A four year old IMO would not hold a grudge unless the relationship your BF has with him is not genuine. Are you sure you are not choosing to not see what's wrong with their relationship because of what you want ?

Kids can be brutally honest and most times wear their heart on their sleeves, pay more attention to their relationship, observe them together from afar.
I'm not judging your BF but he just may not know how to develop a relationship with your son, some people just can't relate with children

///

@ chaircover and niajababe,
thank you so much for this advice, i took time off work to be able to see thru my son, you are very right he is my only child, yes i do over pamper him.most of the time i think about his dad, i wish he was here despite his behaviour, he would be in a good position to train his son. but its a shame he is no more.
yesterday my boyfriend and son were together playing the wii game and for the first time, i noticed my son was very calm with him.
i know that both wants my attention but i love my son dearly and also i love my boyfriend.
my boyfriend has no kid but i notice he complains to much about my son, his complains makes me sick, if i spk to him about this complains he says i spoil him

@naijafrend
maybe, kids are very sensitive nowadays, but i love my son,
i just want him to be comfortable with my choice of man.
thank you.