[b]Good day Nairalanders, I am John by name. I was born and brought up in Akwa Ibom. Please do pardon my English as I am not a linguist. Moreover, I have been on Nairaland for years but I registered a new ID to write my story and seek for your candid advice. I am not a good story teller, and I will only say the points because I am not that good in writing much, please bear with me.


I have a loving wife and 2 children( a boy and a girl), but my parents have been a huge problem for me. My story:

I am a well-to-do 35 year old man. Though a grown up man, but I used to seek their parental advice before embarking on anything not knowing that it was a wrong idea. My life turned around at the age of 24 years, which was around 11 years ago, I was into Furniture making and as a young, growing-up boy at 24yrs, the age I had a first breakthrough by making more than 100,000naira, I would give my mother the money, I would urge her to buy a plot of land, develop it for me, till the house completed. I gave her everything she needed, I even bought a toyota carina for my father then( Up till now, my dad has 3 cars in his compound) , I built their own house. And they were happy. They were boasting around that they have a hardworking son.

Things started getting worse for me when I married my wife. My wife has been so supportive to both myself, and my parents. She would give them everything they ever wanted- she would buy them things that would wow them, things they did not expect. She has been a good woman. The first mistake I made, which I acknowledge was that my house wasn't up to 2 kilometer from where they are, so they had an easy access to my wife and 2 children. Problems began last 4 years when I travelled to the US and left my wife and children behind, but I have never for once had my peace all cuz of the fact that my parents has started giving my wife problems that she's the one obstructing my good-will to them. It has got to a point that my wife was threatened by them that she will be killed. People living around us would say my wife obviously didn't do anything wrong. My father had flogged her, my mother had shouted on her. It even got to a point that they started talking about me being a bad son to everyone, and of which those people believe that I am doing my best for them. I set up my mother. My father is in Navy, 2 years to retire now, but I am used to giving him enough. I gave them over a million naira ago this year, I bought my dad 2002 crv, thinking that would solve their thirst for money, but that didn't help. And my wife they are all against, is the one advising me to be giving them more than I plan for. All they keep shouting is, my wife is the one eating everything I have, they are threatening that my wife should go or she would die. Everyone in Akwa Ibom has got to know what is going on in my family.


I have 2 houses in Akwa Ibom, and because of them, I was forced to sell one of the houses, and now the second one that I plan to sell, they are sitting on it, shouting everywhere that they own the house all because I built the house on my dad's name! I want my house back. Please do advise me what to do. I have locked the house like 4 times, but they keep breaking the padlock and putting theirs. I do not want to attack my own parents by arresting them, but if it is worth doing, I wouldn't mind to do that, just advise me please!!

I have asked my wife to be in her mother's place since I think the problem might suffocate her, or might push them to end up her life, and I really love my wife and my children, I don't want them to get hurt. Anytime I call my parents to solve issues, they will keep raining curses on me and my own family. They make me think I am not their son. I am planning to relocate to USA forever. Please enlighten me of what to do. Thanks a lot.







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You just sold a house, can't you use the proceeds to get an alternative accomodation for your family, far away from your parents?

You can't fight your family, sad truth!

Leave the house for them, stop giving them money, relocate your family and start afresh. Naija police won't be of much help either, I reckon the case wou be striked out as "family matter".

Life na teacher, hope you'd be a good student henceforth.

Y compound problms 4urself by insisting on selling the house u built in ur fada's name? Leave it 4 them. And my advice to you is that if u can,pls take ur wife and 2kids 2 US to live with u.

Relocate your family, take them far-away, where  your parents will not have access to them, leave the house for them, there is nothing you can do about that one, let them eat it.

I honestly can't stand grown men who let their parents destroy their young families. Your parents have enjoyed their lives to the fullest and now they want to suck out the enjoyment from yours? You have to be really disciplined about cutting your parents loose. It's going to be a long draw-out process (and I hope you have sources of spiritual and moral support outside NL).

You have already done the most important thing for now: getting your wife and children to a safe place away from your parents. The next thing is for you to focus on gaining some financial stability in your own life so you can join your wife and kids. They are all you've got and being a husband, father and provider for them is your utmost priority. If your goal is to relocate here permanently, then act quickly to become financially stable so your wife and kids can join you. Otherwise, work a little bit, save some cash and then go back home to take care of your family!

You have spoiled your parents and allowed them to think you're their domesticated cash-cow. Leave the house to them (they will probably sell it and keep the cash) and kiss them goodbye, permanently. They don't have the best intentions for you; otherwise, they would not have been so quick to forget all the good you have done for them and start bad-mouthing you to strangers.

Poster,take heart. It's painful to see ur loved ones become ur enemies. I think ur parents r unexposed,hence their reactn to d whole issue.
Don't underestimate ur parents,they may harm u or ur family thru diabolic means. Move ur family to a far city where ur parents will find it difficult to reach. Allow them have d house,but avoid them completely afterwards. Don't neglect prayers,it is d key. God will touch their hearts n they'll come looking for u.
I wish u God's grace.

[b] Thanks dear Nairalanders for your great advice. I have already taken some action and hopefully things would work out. I have already taken some legal steps about the house. Please do not blame me why I am being bothered about my house. I have built their personal house for them and they are encroaching on my own property all because of the fact that I built it near them. My lawyer advised me to sell it off. And when things started getting complicated, he advised me to seek a legal action which will be lodging a formal complaint at DIG office in Abuja and they will be invited. I have taken to you guys advice but I hope you understand the pain I am having and you will not blame me for that. I have ceased all meeting with my parents and that will remain for many years to come cuz it seems all they are after is to inherit my properties, and I am supposed to be the one thinking about that! Thanks a lot mates. If this were to be a movie, I would not believe it to be real, but it is happening to me.[/b]

Am speechless. What kind of crazy parents do you have? Use all legal means to get your property back, sell it and cut all ties with them, they are evil and can kill you. wow, this defines horrible.

I think you are on the right track but get your family even farther from them. I thought this house was the one you built for them. So they have their own house and still want yours? When they were younger, why did they not build houses for themselves? This is the first time i am hearing about parents fighting for their kids properties and not the other way round.

Things are really happening in this world. What a crazy world. Fight them to finish. They shouldn't bothered about ur properties. What kind of parents are they? You have to be careful. Are they expecting you to die first. They are wicked and you must fight them till the end!

Sell off what needs to be sold off, and relocate with your family to somewhere far from them.
No one has a right to take undue advantage of you, your kindness, or give you so much problems, not even your parents.  If you have to involve the police, do!

Left to me its better you leave the house 4 them. From all indication you are more than the house and the proceeds will be less than 30million since its in the village. Let go and let God,I want you to seperate yourself from them for a long time no calls no contact nothing just move on if u want to relocate the better for you.just. Start on a clean slate. You've made the mistake already its time to put things right and one of them is separate from them and lost all touch with them so if you want to reunite with them later you will put them @ arms length

OP.

If you can leave the house for them. it will be embarrassing going to court with your parents. Take your wife and children far away from them. with time their conscience will judge them if they have any. I wish you wont fight this fight.

baroong:

OP.

If you can leave the house for them. it will be embarrassing going to court with your parents. Take your wife and children far away from them. with time their conscience will judge them if they have any. I wish you wont fight this fight.

Embarrasing ke? to a shameless bunch of people who do not know their worth and value as parents, hmmm, do they know what embarassment means? They deserve that and much more jare

For someone who gave so much now wanting to take it all
LEAVE THAT HOUSE FOR YOUR PARENTS; THAT THEY ARE OCCUPYING IT DOES NOT MAKE IT THEIRS.
Besides if the house is in your fathers name you have little or no chance.
Please dust your feet and continue with life's journey.
Abomination to engage in war with ones parents.
Sorry you ahd to go through all this.

debrief08:

Embarrasing ke? to a shameless bunch of people who do not know their worth and value as parents, hmmm, do they know what embarassment means? They deserve that and much more jare

My dear there is no need getting down to their level. They have exhibited what they are. Beside the OP can do without it for now. by the time they  jon their ancestors he can reclaim what is rightfully his.

baroong:

My dear there is no need getting down to their level. They have exhibited what they are. Beside the OP can do without it for now. by the time they  jon their ancestors he can reclaim what is rightfully his.

mutter:

For someone who gave so much now wanting to take it all
LEAVE THAT HOUSE FOR YOUR PARENTS; THAT THEY ARE OCCUPYING IT DOES NOT MAKE IT THEIRS.
Besides if the house is in your fathers name you have little or no chance.
Please dust your feet and continue with life's journey.
Abomination to engage in war with ones parents.
Sorry you ahd to go through all this.

Incase you didnt read it well, he built them thier own house, its his own house they want. They have their own built by him. He is not descending to thier level he is fighting them legally

What kind of humans threaten the lives of their daughter-in-law and their son's family out of their greed for money and wickedness?
They are very jealous of your wife's presence in your life, they want to eat it all and can't bear to see another person (as they consider your wife)
benefit from it. It will be nice to make one go at peace and make them discard their notion that your wife is an outsider (as that seems to be the root of their jealousy) just to give peace a chance in your family but if they continue to be resentful, please it is important that you stay alive.

Get your wife and kids far away from them AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Be careful while you are working at getting back the property, it's a bit hard to fight out that property from afar or I will advise that you run too.

Hurry up with the legal/DIG arrangement and distance yourself from that environment fast if you can get a good hand to help sell it for you while you are away. Your life and the lives of your family are being threatened right now and this people are very angry and can do anything with the way they are getting on and grabbing it all.

OP, you have agreed to relocate your family. However, I beg you in a way that a complete stranger who doesn't know a darn thing about you can only beg to leave that house for your parents. Consider it a 'last sacrifice' for them. Please, when you finally leave everything, give them a call or two once in a while. Why? You might ask.

Well, in spite of their 'wickedness' your mother chose to bear you instead of terminating your life as a foetus and they nurtured you as an helpless baby. They will always have the upper hand in terms of goodness to you no matter what you do for them and this their 'wickedness'.

I know it must be hard, but take my advice and see how God will bless you in ways you never imagined. I hope you understand.

maclatunji:

OP, you have agreed to relocate your family. However, I beg you in a way that a complete stranger who doesn't know a darn thing about you can only beg to leave that house for your parents. Consider it a 'last sacrifice' for them. Please, when you finally leave everything, give them a call or two once in a while. Why? You might ask.

Well, in spite of their 'wickedness' your mother chose to bear you instead of terminating your life as a foetus and they nurtured you as an helpless baby. They will always have the upper hand in terms of goodness to you no matter what you do for them and this their 'wickedness'.

I know it must be hard, but take my advice and see how God will bless you in ways you never imagined. I hope you understand.

^^^^^^ With advice like this, who needs enemies?!!! Call the parents that have threatened to kill your wife once in a while? So they can receive updates about your new life without them? So they can know what they are missing now that you're reunited with your wife? Hahahahaha!!! What part of "leave his parents and cleaves to his wife" don't you understand? The poster might as well marry his mother if the world is as you say it is Maclatunji! If this is what it means to be a "good" son in Nigeria, then no wonder the country is upside down.

Abeg OP, you had better run for your life and go into hiding. These parents mean business oh! They must chop your money by force by force.

chaircover:

Moremi omode lon she e

Mac eats with the elders. He knows about life.

I am sure he does! That certainly explains the senile advice.

moremi2008:

I am sure he does! That certainly explains the senile advice.

LOL, thank you for the compliment.

Abeg leave the house for them, how long are they going to live on it before nature calls? at least you have more than 60 years to wait for your property.

moremi2008:

^^^^^^ With advice like this, who needs enemies?!!! Call the parents that have threatened to kill your wife once in a while? So they can receive updates about your new life without them? So they can know what they are missing now that you're reunited with your wife? Hahahahaha!!! What part of "leave his parents and cleaves to his wife" don't you understand? The poster might as well marry his mother if the world is as you say it is Maclatunji! If this is what it means to be a "good" son in Nigeria, then no wonder the country is upside down.

Abeg OP, you had better run for your life and go into hiding. These parents mean business oh! They must chop your money by force by force.

You know there are times when enemies have mutual respect for each other. I don't think I have 'enemies' by the classic definition of the word but even with my quasi-enemies, I tend to appreciate the good things in them, it may even be their ability to scheme against me. So, I don't see why OP cannot rise above the ordinary on this matter. Let him be exceptional, extraordinary people do [b]extra[/b]ordinary things. Keep the word 'extra' in mind.

maclatunji:

You know there are times when enemies have mutual respect for each other. I don't think I have 'enemies' by the classic definition of the word but even with my quasi-enemies, I tend to appreciate the good things in them, it may even be their ability to scheme against me. So, I don't see why OP cannot rise above the ordinary on this matter. Let him be exceptional, extraordinary people do [b]extra[/b]ordinary things. Keep the word 'extra' in mind.

Abeg, speak in plain English jor so the world can understand you. What would you do if your parents flogged your wife, threatened to kill her and then started fighting you for your property? Please lets proffer realistic advice here. This "turn your other cheek and call them once in a while" advice is just rubbing me the wrong way. What is extraordinary about foolishness? Sometimes, it is wise to avoid certain family members, especially the ones that might be seeking to kill you or your wife.

moremi2008:

Abeg, speak in plain English jor so the world can understand you. What would you do if your parents flogged your wife, threatened to kill her and then started fighting you for your property? Please lets proffer realistic advice here. This "turn your other cheek and call them once in a while" advice is just rubbing me the wrong way. What is extraordinary about foolishness? Sometimes, it is wise to avoid certain family members, especially the ones that might be seeking to kill you or your wife.

Of course, he should get his wife and kids away from them as much as possible. However, they will always be his parents, he cannot throw them away just like that. He should know how to relate with them without cutting them-off completely. Life is not always about ME! ME!! ME!!! We have to accept that some people will always have influence on our lives. We cannot eliminate those influences but we can moderate them. As a man, you have to know how to balance all sides without destroying any relationship that is important to you.

It is foolhardy to claim that destroying your relationship with your parents is beneficial even if they are Ogres, they are Your Ogres, manage them as best you can and God will acknowledge your efforts. Do you think the wife that is telling him to give them more is stupid? She is a patient woman who bears such humiliation with admirable courage- her reward will surely come.

It takes two sides to make any relationship work and it takes two sides to destroy it, I am saying that even if his parents want to destroy their relationship with him, he shouldn't destroy it from his own side.

maclatunji:

OP, you have agreed to relocate your family. However, I beg you in a way that a complete stranger who doesn't know a darn thing about you can only beg to leave that house for your parents. Consider it a 'last sacrifice' for them. Please, when you finally leave everything, give them a call or two once in a while. Why? You might ask.

Well, in spite of their 'wickedness' your mother chose to bear you instead of terminating your life as a foetus and they nurtured you as an helpless baby. They will always have the upper hand in terms of goodness to you no matter what you do for them and this their 'wickedness'.

I know it must be hard, but take my advice and see how God will bless you in ways you never imagined. I hope you understand.

Funny!
Birthing someone is NOT enough reason to make their life hell. Anyone who robs you of your tranquility should be avoided like a plague, irrespective of their position in your life.
If they truly love and care about you, your happiness will be their principal concern, not the goodies you provide 'em with.

I'm one person that very much understands the importance of a mother, but I think you've missed it.
If your mother is a hindrance to your growth (of any kind), RUN!
You do not owe your life to her simply by virtue of being born by her. . . She was also born by someone that was born by someone and so on. 
It's a divine assignment we are supposed to carry out - Go forth and multiply! 

''They will always have the upper hand in terms of goodness to you''?
It's needless to bring to your remembrance/knowledge horrible tales of some women's misdeeds to/on their progeny.

[b]Thanks for your view, wonderful people. I will forget about them completely and focus on my family. Wicked parents do not deserve being called or checked on. They have bitten more than they can chew.

maclatunji:

OP, you have agreed to relocate your family. However, I beg you in a way that a complete stranger who doesn't know a darn thing about you can only beg to leave that house for your parents. Consider it a 'last sacrifice' for them. Please, when you finally leave everything, give them a call or two once in a while. Why? You might ask.

Well, in spite of their 'wickedness' your mother chose to bear you instead of terminating your life as a foetus and they nurtured you as an helpless baby. They will always have the upper hand in terms of goodness to you no matter what you do for them and this their 'wickedness'.

I know it must be hard, but take my advice and see how God will bless you in ways you never imagined. I hope you understand.

Thanks for your insight maclatunji. Our tradition in Nigeria has led us to lots of upheaval. I don't see why I will be calling parents who are ready to kill me all cuz of my property. It is unheard of. Thanks, anyway. [/b]

troubled30:

Thanks for your view, wonderful people. I will forget about them completely and focus on my family. Wicked parents do not deserve being called or checked on. They have bitten more than they can chew.



Thanks for your insight maclatunji. Our tradition in Nigeria has led us to lots of upheaval. I don't see why I will be calling parents who are ready to kill me all cuz of my property. It is unheard of. Thanks, anyway.

Exactly, we have very silly cultures in Nigeria where people can get away with murder because of them. In other parts of the world they will be cooling off in prison, parents or not, because they gave birth to you doesnt mean they can kill you or your wife for their selfish purposes. Settle your legal issues and move on. They who are supposed to be closer to God at this stage are fighting thier own son tooth and nail and threatening his wifes life, that is not parenting abeg.