As a father, you have to learn how to instill discipline in your home, you condone lots of things in your home, reason you are looked down on by your wife, better understand that loving someone doesn't mean you would be belittled. Train your children the way they should grow. As you're laughing with them, teach them the way of the Lord, teach them to be good wives, teach them what godly wives do with scriptural backing. Your home is far from the Lord, marry women whose hearts draw closer to the Lord, pray together, do devotion together, share scripture together, and teach the children together. As a man, take charge of your home as been a loving, caring father isn't enough, you have to lead your home in all spheres of life. That your children disobey you means you're not in charge, and you have not taught them well. Bringing a child up involves both parties so as to make the training balanced, and both should train them in the way of Lord. You both should have a church you attend where you take marriage counseling, so contact your church pastor or someone she respects, but big time, you've passed much of the buck of your fatherly role to your wife. You're leading from back while your wife Is in charge. Husbands and wives should learn to understand their place in the homes.

IfysWorld2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYkMrLLYgOI

Those that are not abusing their kids, how has it helped them?

To each his own. I haven't manhandled any of my kids in 3yrs, but they understand boundaries!

For as long as I'm responsible for you, you can't outrightly disrespect me! Dem never born you.

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

You have spoken well. Oga paul8000, this is viable advice for you. Do has he said. Trust me, I understand what you're going through but your CHILDREN WILL REALIZE THE TRUTH ONCE THEY'RE OF AGE.(I can attest to this kinda story) Just keep up your fatherly role to them. Once again, do as he advised

[s]

ThatFairGuy:




You have spoken well. Oga paul8000, this is viable advice for you. Do has he said. Trust me, I understand what you're going through but your CHILDREN WILL REALIZE THE TRUTH ONCE THEY'RE OF AGE.(I can attest to this kinda story) Just keep up your fatherly role to them. Once again, do as he advised

[/s]

Gather all your kids together when your wife is not around and drive them to a remote location, sit each and everyone of them down and have a heart to heart talk with them, let them know you are the only father they have and nothing on earth can change you from being their father. You really need to stamp your authority at home with your words and actions, get someone your wife respect to mediate between you two. You need to take charge of your home

Timileyin1234:
If you have your money, get another woman pregnant and leave them. She is a bitter woman. That was why our fore-fathers pluralized women
Somebody whey don born 5pikin expecting me to be faithful. I can’t take my wife inciting my children against me, if I couldn’t beat senses into her, I would marry another wife

Ur words is'nt helping d issue broh, subdue does ur side chick to undergo d stress of bearing 5 children nd see if u will stil cal dem "side chick" Mtcheew

DominusPrime:

Don't get me wrong dear. Cheating is bad and I don't mean to trivialise cheating in any way. It is bad. I just didn't know how to express the fact that he wasnt telling us everything but he is claiming it's just cheating. Hope u get my msg now.

You are such an awful person to talk to in times of distress, God forbid!!

Just put yourself in his shoes and see how nasty you are. SMH

bukatyne:
@Paul8000:

There are two issues:

1. You do not have a good relationship with your wife

2. You do not have a good relationship with your kids: you were not involved in their upbringing. The last two like you because they are young and unaware of their surroundings. As soon as their mom can influence them, you will lose them also.

A. First, you address the kids individually as follows:
1. Engage them as adults. Tell them you love them, care for them etc. and as their father, they have to respect and obey you in return. If your life is a reflection of your religion, you should make a parallel between you as a father and God/Allah as our father.

2. Tell them that you are not perfect and would have tussle with their mother however, it is not in their place to support their mother (except you are endangering her life) and they should always respect you.

3. Understand their peculiar challenges and address them.

B. Engage your wife and allow her air any grievance she has. You mentioned she told the kids you cheated, did you?
Address the grievance one after the other and also tell her your own grievance.

Thereafter, tell her that you both MUST have a joint agreement on discipline and training for the kids. If she has any reservations on what you do, she should address it with you in private. Ditto you too. Tell her to also stop discussing your shortcomings with the kids. She should address you, in private.

Then you gather your family together and address them. Lay down ground rules and create family bonding times through meals and prayers.

You also need to live a life of example and honor to your kids especially.

It is very shameful for you the husband of the home to be sitting cowardly in the car because you have a bitter wife (which may be your doing) and unruly children.

I have two threads: one on fatherhood and another on husbandhood.

Goodluck Mr. Paul

Oga take this advise seriously. She has summarised the solutions like a professional counsellor with a string African upbringing touch. Thanks for this advise.

Olunmercy56:

Thank you! Even if his wife is wicked, his children can't be so foolish to listen or follow their father's instructions. Something is fishy

My sister some women are unforgiving when it comes to cheating. They just cant take the image off their minds even after u guy resolve it. I know what am saying. 10.years later and they are still bittered about it despite having kids for u in between the period the cheating occured.

Dande55:


Btw, women, have your own money, the op is still respecting the wife cos he knows that she's capable of fending for her kids and still living her life uniterupted if anything goes South.

Kudos to this. She that has ears let her hear.

A hot slap will change ur wife behavious to you and the children will also act normal

Beating that will only make them resent you more. Shey you go still beat when they're grown adults and have left your house. Either ways it's a lose lose situation for you and all those thinking in this pattern.

Timileyin1234:

They won’t regard me cos we are mate huh? I go beat sense into into there head. If u marry one wife, they tend to give u problem that is more than separating two persons fighting

Ironic:
D'fvq did I just read? Like, you'll send your kids on an errand, your wife will stop them and you won't do anything?

Like, you don't flog your kids?
You fvckin claiming Western pattern of raising kids by being a simp to them all to be tagged a modern dad?
You gotta be a typical African dad asap!

Bruv, the first thing you need to do now is to make them to be scared of you. Very necessary at this point.

Next time you send any of them message and he/she refuses because of your wife, flog the hell out of that one, if your wife tries to misbehave, flog her too with well-deserved uppercut and smackdown. If possible, stop eating her food because she's capable of doing something unexpected with what you eat.

They'll become scared of your recent behavior and adjust. Strict dads keep the best, calm and organized home.

What next? Your wife will try to manipulate them by using your new attitude towards them. Keep being strict towards them and still do your fatherly works towards them.

Trust me, you need to go very hard right now since your soft ways ain't working.

Mothers manipulations towards their kids against their dad can only function when they are tender, when they grow, they MUST know the truth and the mum will be at the loosing end.

If you don't have the mind to do what I've advised--Divorce your wife. You can't keep housing a demon who's quick to use your kids against you because she's closer to them.

That's just it... You said it all!

God will help you

Kalm4life:
Well bro my mum is the best you know when things where hard my dad never really concern he goes out buy some food stuff and eat but leave 5 children at home hungry
But before then please I have videos on YouTube please help me subscribe to my YouTube channel I need 1000 subscriber's and I only have 19 please help a brother please help me please
This link will take you therehttps://youtu.be/tSTLj5DdXiw

oya sub me I sub you too. Remember to watch a video for 10 or more secs if not, YouTube will remove your subscription from the channel


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl9KMS2cEqk

Ardenikeh:

She forgave you but she never forgot. She still doesn't trust u. Either you put in a lot of effort to turn ur family around or u loose them forever. The whole family needs therapy.

Hey?

RealEzee:
Really sad, u just might do most things yourself, love all your kids equally cos you don't want to make an impression that you care only for the youngest.
When you mentioned Liberia, I was thrilled cos of the wonderful memories I had there but sad cos your case is really common there too, I vowed never to raise a family there because of how the society view morals in low light, Infidelity is common big time and that's really taking a toll on family relationship, continue in your deeds as a good husband and father, overtime they will come along, I'm trying hard not to sound religious here but bro the solution is christ, I've seen families get better because of applying the principles of the gospel such as repentance, forgiveness, prayer, selflessness and patience, that's what really helped the families I knew there.

Sweet memories at harbel, new Georgia, Logan Town, sinkor, matadi,new kru town, thinkersvillage, paynesville, red-light area(no b small tin). Sweet L.I.B!

Liberia is like that because it was effectively colonized by akata, who did exactly if not worse than what white people did. The lost can only lead you to being lost too.

2buffagain:


Liberia is like that because it was effectively colonized by akata, who did exactly if not worse than what white people did. The lost can only lead you to being lost too.

lol they were not colonized btw, just the Congo people mixing up the indigenes and absurbing power

Morizo:


My sister some women are unforgiving when it comes to cheating. They just cant take the image off their minds even after u guy resolve it. I know what am saying. 10.years later and they are still bittered about it despite having kids for u in between the period the cheating occured.

My politician, kindly watsapp 08112658211..eshe

She think she's getting at you . She's just raising bittered children and it will bounce back on her. I pity the men the daughters will marry to.