FEllow Nairalanders,

We have been married for 4 years now and i have been working as a bank teller for like 9 years but my husband does not like the fact that i works in the bank because he is religion biggot i.e he believe in not working in an organisation that the salary is from interest made on people"s money.

He was employed by a telecommunication company in lagos in less than 2 years, he usually complained of being eating outside and being starved of sex. and mainly fpe this two reasons he prefer to move me and less than a year old boy we had to lagos.

Please advise me .

i dont want to go astray when i get to lagos as i know he is not capable of taking care of me as he is the breadwinner in his family and virtually all his siblings and parent depend on him.

Wumnaf:
FEllow Nairalanders,

We have been married for 4 years now and i have been working as a bank teller for like 9 years but my husband does not like the fact that i works in the bank because he is religion biggot i.e he believe in not working in an organisation that the salary is from interest made on people"s money.

He was employed by a telecommunication company in lagos in less than 2 years, he usually complained of being eating outside and being starved of sex. and mainly fpe this two reasons he prefer to move me and less than a year old boy we had to lagos.

Please advise me .

i dont want to go astray when i get to lagos as i know he is not capable of taking care of me as he is the breadwinner in his family and virtually all his siblings and parent depend on him.

Why don't you work your transfer to lagos so that you can be with your husband

Why then did you marry, if you will not stay with your husband in your matrimonial home as his wife.

U better rush go meet ur husband,na him never learn bad thing...naso my elder sister say, she no go go eket with her husband..as i write na..my ex inlaw dey live with oron woman and my sister think sey na to dey travel the whole world na e be life..do u know how many bigmen she go dey sleep to maintain dat her high standard of living?.after 2kids,no be every woman dey get luck marry again.use ur head.

Request for a transfer na


You have reasonable grounds to do so

What's the essence of getting married when you don't plan on living together as couple? You are even lucky he's open minded enough to tell you how he feels about eating out and sex starvation.. Some won't even bother you atall, na so dem go dey knack dey go till whenever you decide to join am for im base.
I am gonna stay and go wherever my husband goes.. Thats the deal else let's not get married atall.
If you are afraid of leaving your present job kindly request for a transfer.. You are entitled to stay close to your husband as a married woman

realtalk19:


Why don't you work your transfer to lagos so that you can be with your husband

that lagos life is tiring as i hve never been in lagos in my entire life.
besides i dont want be far from my family

Hummmm... you guys didn't talk or discuss this when you were dating ni? Well, since you are now married, as a woman and a wife that said yes to a man you know very well, kindly relocate asap. He is your husband

Relocate.

But to avoid depending on him financially, do it with a transfer (after 9 yrs of working there getting one shouldn't be a difficult), or find another job asap when you get to Lagos.

Wumnaf:
FEllow Nairalanders,

We have been married for 4 years now and i have been working as a bank teller for like 9 years but my husband does not like the fact that i works in the bank because he is religion biggot i.e he believe in not working in an organisation that the salary is from interest made on people"s money.

He was employed by a telecommunication company in lagos in less than 2 years, he usually complained of being eating outside and being starved of sex. and mainly fpe this two reasons he prefer to move me and less than a year old boy we had to lagos.

Please advise me .

i dont want to go astray when i get to lagos as i know he is not capable of taking care of me as he is the breadwinner in his family and virtually all his siblings and parent depend on him.

What plans did you both have for your family before marriage?

Let's start with that because I am seeing you don't want to be far from your nuclear family, your husband doesn't like your job because he is a religion bigot, etc etc.

getting transfer to lagos is a little bit hard now as i just got redeployed to my present location in last 4 months

.

nopr[quote author=OchoL post=88763713]

What do you mean by you "don't want to go astray"?

Sounds like you dont trust yourself, and you might go into prostitution because your husband's salary is insufficient for you.


nope , thats is even a no-no way for me as i am a woman oof dignity but when man is not doing what you want, there are plenty ways you can misbehave even without cheating

@bukatyne post

moving me to lagos where he works was not part of the plan at all

Michelle55:
What's the essence of getting married when you don't plan on living together as couple? You are even lucky he's open minded enough to tell you how he feels about eating out and sex starvation.. Some won't even bother you atall, na so dem go dey knack dey go till whenever you decide to join am for im base.
I am gonna stay and go wherever my husband goes.. Thats the deal else let's not get married atall.
If you are afraid of leaving your present job kindly request for a transfer.. You are entitled to stay close to your husband as a married woman

thank you for advice, but it is not convenient for me

OchoL:


What do you mean by you "don't want to go astray"?

Sounds like you dont trust yourself, and you might go into prostitution because your husband's salary is insufficient for you.

nope , thats is even a no-no way for me as i am a woman oof dignity but when man is not doing what you want, there are plenty ways you can misbehave even without cheating

Wumnaf:
@bukatyne post

moving me to lagos where he works was not part of the plan at all

You did not answer my question:

What was the plan?

donbachi:
U better rush go meet ur husband,na him never learn bad thing...naso my elder sister say, she no go go eket with her husband..as i write na..my ex inlaw dey live with oron woman and my sister think sey na to dey travel the whole world na e be life..do u know how many bigmen she go dey sleep to maintain dat her high standard of living?.after 2kids,no be every woman dey get luck marry again.use ur head.

And so? How do u know she sleeps with big men?
Do u have pussy meter?

Wumnaf:


that lagos life is tiring as i hve never been in lagos in my entire life.
besides i dont want be far from my family

Your reasons are not good enough and depicts some level of selfishness. Since you have worked in the bank for nine years, you can actually request a transfer on the basis of marriage. Do not lose your home due to your wanting to be close to your family. At this time, your primary family is your husband and children.

Wumnaf:
getting transfer to lagos is a little bit hard now as i just got redeployed to my present location in last 4 months

What was the cause of your redeployment? Was it at your request? Was your husband based where you redeployed to?

You've been working at the bank for 9 years, when did it suddenly become an 'ethical' issue for him?

Are you saying he moved to Lagos for his job within 2 years of your marriage? I'm seeing that you were redeployed to your present location recently? Where exactly were you both in the beginning? Please clarify all of this to paint a clearer picture. If you were both in the same location initially, I don't think the current issue at hand is necessarily because you did not plan your living situation before marriage, circumstances just change sometimes.

Like many have advised, can you relocate with a transfer? If it's possible it sounds like the best option

I don't think it should be a question of whether the 'man or woman' relocates...but what the most practical option is as far as an individual's income, stability etc.

If transferring is not an option, have you both at least discussed plans for getting a new job?

Wumnaf:



thank you for advice, but it is not convenient for me

Choose according to your scale of preference.. If your job is more important than the marriage.. Whatever your decision is, its solely up to you to follow your heart

Your husband said move to lagos. Kindly pack your bags and move to lagos. Finished.

Banking job of all jobs is the WORST JOB TO MAKE SACRIFICES FOR. you will hate yourself if you loose your husband for this job.

Add another 9 years to it, making it 18 years of working in this bank and they won't even think twice when laying you off like bad market.

Mskrisx:

And so? How do u know she sleeps with big men? Do u have pussy meter?

bird of a kind.

Wumnaf:
getting transfer to lagos is a little bit hard now as i just got redeployed to my present location in last 4 months

You're not serious, it seems you don't have any plans to stay with your husband. An opportunity for relocation in your place of work came 4 months ago and you have been married to your husband 4years. You didn't deem it fit to request you get relocated to the same state your husband lives.
P
Btw you worked in a bank for 9yrs as a bank teller, is there no room for career growth in your bank or you refused to acquire new skills?

Ikjosh04:


You're not serious, it seems you don't have any plans to stay with your husband. An opportunity for relocation in your place of work came 4 months ago and you have been married to your husband 4years. You didn't deem it fit to request you get relocated to the same state your husband lives.
P
Btw you worked in a bank for 9yrs as a bank teller, is there no room for career growth in your bank or you refused to acquire new skills?

Some women just want to get married and answer Mrs but keep living the single life 'freedom to do as they please' visit Male friends etc. why will a woman that claims to love a man and get married to him resent living with him. the OP is showing every traits of a cheat. that is if she has not started cheating on her husband already

Ikjosh04:


You're not serious, it seems you don't have any plans to stay with your husband. An opportunity for relocation in your place of work came 4 months ago and you have been married to your husband 4years. You didn't deem it fit to request you get relocated to the same state your husband lives.
P
Btw you worked in a bank for 9yrs as a bank teller, is there no room for career growth in your bank or you refused to acquire new skills?

we've been together in ibadan since, just last year he started this lagos things. besides my redeployement to my new location is because its closer to our house and the branch has just been opened

fabulous85:
Some women just want to get married and answer Mrs but keep living the single life 'freedom to do as they please' visit Male friends etc. why will a woman that claims to love a man and get married to him resent iving with him. the OP is showing every traits of a cheat. that is if she has not started cheating on her husband already

@fabulous you made me smile in spanish . i am far from cheating but i want my freedom and peace of mind. only if you know

Wumnaf:

@fabulous you made me smile in spanish . i am far from cheating but i want my freedom and peace of mind. only if you know

You for no just marry na

Were you forced?

Dear, I know how it feels to leave your comfort zone to a place where you are not certain of what will be. But I want you to see this as an opportunity to make a better use of your life. That bank job your so particular about is not even worth it cos they are ready to use your youthful life and then dump you just like that. What have you done for yourself since the past nine years that you have been workin? Do you have a side business at all?
Lagos is not that bad, I believe any business you set up over there will boom with consistency and perseverance.
Besides your husband works with a Telecom company, if you don't live above your means then you have nothing to be afraid of.

Why would you call your husband a religious bigot for God sake, what if an outsider calls him that. How will you feel?

Why don't work your transfer yourself, that way you will kill two birds with one stone.

Please try to respect your husband and try to be constructive in your disagreement. I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do.