I usually do not share my personal problems on line but this one is beyond me and I seriously need advice. Also I have faith in the family section as been the only decent section on nland that give people reasonable advice. So all them Mature ladies ( chaircover, Outstrip, Jenny, Ifyalways, Sissy, Ujun etc) please I need ya all and everyone else.

There is a dilemma in my house right now and we are all stuck. Something terrible happend last night, My mom very very very best friend (they are like sisters) son came to sleep over, he is only 14yr, at the middle of the night, when everyone were sleeping around 12.30 to 1.00 mid-night, he quietly when into my sister room, according to her, she was fast at sleep, but she felt something cold rubbing her whole body from her waist down, she was was shocked to see it was him, unclothed, and ready to ra***pe her, this boy is like the most Innocent most cuttest sweetest respectful boy you will see very hard to believe, but I know my sis, she rarely lie. She is the blunt type, she may get in trouble but she never lies. So as surreal as it may be it is actually true. She said she caught him red heanded,slap him and sent him back to his room.


So it's morning here, and I have just been told this, I am sorry if am blaberring in my post, but i am still very shocked. Oh I forgot to say my sister is 28 yes 28!!! God I can not get over it, I used to admire this little boy so much. He actually has admitted to doing it, and he is still crying, he don't want us to tell his parents, cus his father is the hitler type, I swear to God he will kill his son if he gets to know, I know that man, We are kinda afraid to tell his parents, but then again my mom is thinking if we don't tell them, this despicable behaviour may just get worst as time go on.

So Mature people of nland I ask you please what do we do?

I would tell his parents, it's your responsibility since you allowed the child to sleep in your house, this boy needs to be taught a heavy lesson, if not, a possible rapist is in the making, imagine had your sister not been the age she is and had the sense enough to slap his him and send him off to bed,

wow.

Tell his parents. . . . he made is bed, so hey let him lay on it.

You better tell his dad and et him face whatever consequence, Imagine if he had done it to an outsider, He is definitely going to jail or juve

Oh wow! The age difference is more shocking than anything else. If it were a teenager just like him then I'd understand. Well tell his parents and let them deal with it. He will learn self restraint from this.

I wouldn't, IF I were u.
I'm d kinda guy dat ll "most times" understand.
I guess it's my sense of pity working here(nt d sense of reasoning)

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pls tell his parents.but talk to the tout so as to make him realise the consequences of his actions. am sure he s been raping other defenceless little girls without being caught.stupid boy.

@ post u have hard it all if u truely love that boy u need to tell his parient cos he might do it some where else get cought and be killed am sure u guys won't forgive ur self for keeping such ting from his parient

chaircover:

There is something terribly wrong somewhere. If your sister was a teen, then I may to a certain degree understand this.

Please tell his parents, but please if you can, ask your mum to ask his parents to deal with it maturely & sensitively. This is not about beating him to death but to be calm and try and ravel out what the actual problem is. If they dont handle it properly, they wont be able to get to the bottom of this.

Could be that he has access to too much porrn, or is copying what he is seeing around him, maybe someone in his own house is sexually abusing him, it is a known fact that sexual abusers were themselves abused as kids.

Just a thought; does he sleepwalk by any chance? Ive heard that some people do all sorts when they sleepwalk; Never seen it but watched a film it. You may also want to check what he had before he went to bed; could also be that he is experimenting with drugs or alcohol.

His parents need to cover all areas including taking him for medical tests, maybe he has hormonal problems etc

Parents also need to check that he hasnt been raaping other females before this episode. Do they have female househelps? Does he bring female schoolfriends back to the house? etc.

I am sorry to make light of this serious situation, but I would have loved to be fly on the wall when your sister jumped up and slapped him.

Hope your sister is OK.

w-o-r-d

sometimes this bad things happen.when i was like 14 yrs old we had a lot of cousins living wit us one nite one of them slippd into our rm and in the process of lifting up my skirt i woke up and screamed naturally every1 came running into our rm which i shared with 2 of my sis.My mom didnt find it funny at all.

Men the guy suffered o.he was an abandoned kid.his pop was late and his mom wasnt blessed wit mothering capabilities but my mom insisted he could nt live wit us anymore and he had to go back to Lagos to live wit my aged and tired granny.

later came back to live wit us when we were in the uni by then himself dey fear face that is if he had any of such plans in his mind.

I think the reasons for his silly behaviour was becos we used to just b naked in our room,ard him cos he was really short and we just treated him like a kid nobody really took notice of him whenever we were dressing up besides he had lived with us since he was 3yrs old so we just thought of him like a little broda not knwing this is a growing man.So you need to watch this things.

Also we had grown up cousins in the house and they wre alwys watching all kinds of things i am sure he was exposed to indecency movies early on,u knw alwys being ard the older cousins living in the BQ running errands for them and doing only God knws what and prolly learning by watching cos God knws those guys were not the most decent guys.So guess he wanted to practice what he had been seeing.

Maybe be peer pressure ( all his friends are supposedly doing it and talking about it and he doesn't want to be left out). I agree with madam CC except the sleepingwalking bit . Dude won't be contrite if he really was sleeping walking; his parents has to know unless you don't love this boy.

Imagine your sister being 12 rather 28, he would have raped her because he'd be able to overpower her. This is one of those instances where I believe that a child be made to understand that actions have consequences.

Tell your parents to handle the situation with sentiments.

Please don't consider not telling his parents. Not telling will do the boy more harm than good. In fact, they should be told ASAP

@ op

do not tell his parents, just call him, sit him down and talk t him like a mature person

he is clearly in puberty were is hormones are firing and he can not control himself

just sit him down and talk to him about sex education and tell him to control himself next time

I think d best thing to do is to tell the mum. It is now left for d mum to tell d dad about lecturing d boy about sex. Similar thing happened when my husband's nephew came to my place, only that d boy was just ten. He asked my seven years daughter to remove her pant and lie down. Trust my daughter, she ran to me immediately to report.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it. Thanks a load. My mom hasn't tell his parents yet, but she has actually decided to go over tomorrow and personally talk to his parents candidly abt the situation, she is actually worry about this child. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks once again.

Good decision made by your mom. She should emphasize caution and restraint on the part of the father though. Not telling them is totally out of it, You know its possible it might be a symptom of deeper psychological issues and thus shouldn't be taken lightly.

Good Idea Rokiatu. Your mum should tell his parents, but this is not something they can beat our of him. They need to educate him on managing his sexual urges. He's 14 and that's the time to go out of control. Technology is also against parents of nowadays.

My 9 year old cousin did the same thing. Ever since he was a baby he has watched his parents have sex in the one room the whole family shared. He later admitted to trying it out with his 5yr old younger sister without his parent's knowledge. When he came to spend the xmas holidays with us, he decided to 'graduate' to my 16yr old cousin who was also visiting with my family this xmas. This is exactly how sexual perverts are made. It takes patience and understandint to make them realize that what they doing is wrong.

Ok- I need to confirm something here

Are you sure he wanted to rape your sister? whats your definition of rape? was there violence? did he use force?

By the sound of it, I dont think he was trying to rape your sister- I think he was trying his luck.

Either ways definitely what the boy has done is very wrong and he needs to be told, But at the age of 14 hormones are raging and. . . . I think we all get the picture, try and have a little understanding

Tell his dad, his dad is also a man, he will deal with him nonetheless because what he has done is embarassing but he will also understand how its like.
Just dont go and tell his dad that he tried to rape your sister cos I doubt very much thats what he was doing.

queensmith:

Ok- I need to confirm something here

Are you sure he wanted to violation your sister? whats your definition of violation? was there violence? did he use force?
By the sound of it, I dont think he was trying to violation your sister- I think he was trying his luck.

Either ways definitely what the boy has done is very wrong and he needs to be told, But at the age of 14 hormones are raging and. . . . I think we all get the picture, try and have a little understanding

Tell his dad, his dad is also a man, he will deal with him nonetheless because what he has done is embarassing but he will also understand how its like.
Just dont go and tell his dad that he tried to violation your sister cos I doubt very much thats what he was doing.

I said R*****pe please read my post once again and well. ra***pe do not have to be physical (violence etc) And just so you know we are not pressing charges, we are family, we can never do such a thing, why do you think my mom hasn't tell his parents yet? cus of the dang embarrassment! Anyway thanks for your advice.

Tell his parents. What they do with him thereof is their biz. By doing this, you will end up sparing the society another demented serial rapist in the making. I guess you `re still hesitating becos your matured sister could deal with it. I imagine by now you would have done worse than reporting him if you have a daughter of his age (GOD forbid) that he attempted it on or succeeded.

rokiatu:

I said R*****pe please read my post once again and well. ra***pe do not have to be physical (violence etc) And just so you know we are not pressing charges, we are family, we can never do such a thing, why do you think my mom hasn't tell his parents yet? cus of the dang embarrassment! Anyway thanks for your advice.

NL have changed my words- you mean despoil right?
if you mean R-A-P-E then yes, its physical. R-A-P-E is s-e-x-u-a-l violence.
theres a difference between, he was ready to have s-e-x with her and he was about to r-a-p-e her

in the case of s-e-x-u-a-l abuse then you might want to consider reporting him to the authorities; attempting to abuse someone close to home shows he's potentially dangerous and you don't know what else he will be capable of. It doesn't matter if he's like family or even if he is family you are putting others in danger by letting him roam free.

Tell his parents. What they do with him thereof is their biz. By doing this, you will end up sparing the society another demented serial rapist in the making. I guess you `re still hesitating becos your matured sister could deal with it. I imagine by now you would have done worse than reporting him if you have a daughter of his age (GOD forbid) that he attempted it on or succeeded.

queensmith:

theres a difference between, he was ready to have s-e-x with her and he was about to r-a-p-e her

Where did i write "He was ready to have sex with her?"

queensmith:


in the case of s-e-x-u-a-l abuse then you might want to consider reporting him to the authorities; attempting to abuse someone close to home shows he's potentially dangerous and you don't know what else he will be capable of. It doesn't matter if he's like family or even if he is family you are putting others in danger by letting him roam free.

Thanks for the advice ma, but we are not so law blinded.

2rd I am not so stupid to stand in-front my mom with such suggestion.

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Ujujoan:

My 9 year old cousin did the same thing. Ever since he was a baby he has watched his parents have intimacy in the one room the whole family shared.

See, this to me seems messed up. If I'd been effectively watching porn several times a day since age 5, I too might have been looking for sex at quite a younger age

I'm not trying to excuse your cousin's actions, but I think he was being put in a bad spot by being in the same room as his parents while they had sex. Isn't quite fair to him.

Tell his parents. you will be doing him a whole lot of good. As a very young teenager, I was such a culprit too. The discipline as a result of my actions prevented me from turning into a rapist!
His father will punish him but he will live and be better for it.

Ok lemme break this down,

He was touching her while she was sleeping; this in itself is molestation; he should be punished for that. That makes him a pervert but definitely not a R-A-P-I-S-T.

rokiatu:

Thanks for the advice ma, but we are not so law blinded.
2rd I am not so silly to stand in-front my mom with such suggestion.

Will this be your reaction if he r-a-p-e-s someone in future? What if you found out he has a history of abusing women how would you feel about his mother even allowing him to stay in the house?

chaircover:

Please what is the difference? A 14 year old wakes up in the night, leaves his room, wanders into the room of somone old enough to be his mother and starts handling her. He gets a dirty slap and is bought back to earth with a bump.

Flipside; what would have happened if the victim was a 10 year old house girl with a small stature?

lol chaircover theres a difference a very biiig difference; if he attempted to rape her there will have been a physical confrontation. I believe the term is being used loosely here but situation is very serious. He may have been handling her to arouse her and attempt to make out with her in that case he's still definitely in the wrong but probably not dangerous.
theres a difference in the severity of what he has done.

^ I think the situation would have been very different if Roki's sister was 12 rather than 28. Where do you draw the line? Surely ra, pe begins with molestation. I personally do not think the family should handle the situation with kid gloves, if he's to be punished by his dad so be it.

He's 14 not 10 and has to learn a lot to learn from this experience.

@ OP, you mum is doing the right thing by telling his parents.

His parents need to be told. This is because the have to be aware that the boy has a problem.
This boy needs help.
I hope his parents use this opportunity very wisely. This would be a time to talk to him and find out just how exposed he has been and what he has been up to and to advise him on the rules that apply when following nature`s urge.
I certainly do not think he is a potential despoiler. It is clear that he needs to be cleared up.
This is a teenager that has been left on his own to figure thinks out. I see lack of openness and candid advise on the part of the parents.
Sometimes the most decent kids can do things you would be surprised.
If one is patient and handles it properly the boy will open up.
In MOST cases these kids themselves have been victims of abuse.
He does not need punishment he needs correction.
Your mother might be able to help if se can advise the mom on how to go about it. No need for screaming or flogging. Advise him privately without humiliating him.
This way he stands better chances of overcoming this situation .
So sorry your sister had to get embarrassed like that but thank God she gave instant justice.