Dear nairalanders, please advice me
My sister inlaw has been with me and hubby for roughly a year now, this girl is a complete gossip and she loves doing eye service, she gossips with our neighbors about everything that happens within our apartment, mainly about me, one of my neighbors told me about this and I've overheard her gossiping about me a few times, I love my privacy and don't like intruders, I'll cook and she'd dish her food, eat the meat alone and drop the food in the kitchen, then cook the same food on her own, I honestly don't want any problems, I and hubby agreed on no live-in in laws but what has happen, has happened, just need a way forward, please how can I get hubby to send her back to their parents? If there's anyone with similar experience, how did you manage? Please help me. She's 20 and an undergraduate.

My advice is simple, talk to your husband about this let him be the one to make the rules for her. If you do it yourself it will affect your relationship with your in laws in the long run because they will always see you as a bad woman.

Travel with hubby, she leaves..
These live-in ish tho, I don't buy the idea, Inlaws should let young couples breathe, she was living somewhere before yall got married nah.

Would you send her back if she were your sister? Why is it difficult for most women to tolerate and overlook some of the excesses of the their in-laws as they would do to their siblings? I don't support her misbehaviour but it is something that has to do with growing up, something that is not supposed to warrant you scheming to kick her out.

Everyone at one point was thoughtless and carefree, yet we were guided by someone until were able to get our acts right. Since you have pointed out some of her misconducts, why not discuss with your husband to caution and advise her, instead of announcing your misguided thought of seeing her leave your house. She is just 20 and an undergraduate, haba, she won't live with you forever.

Another again

mrblessed:
Would you send her back if she were your sister? Why is it difficult for most women to tolerate and overlook some of the excesses of the their in-laws as they would do to their siblings? I don't support her misbehaviour but it is something that has to do with growing up, something that is not supposed to warrant you scheming to kick her out.

Everyone at one point was thoughtless and carefree, yet we were guided by someone until were able to get our acts right. Since you have pointed out some of her misconducts, why not discuss with your husband to caution and advise her, instead of announcing your misguided thought of seeing her leave your house. She is just 20 and an undergraduate, haba, she won't live with you forever.

Wow...this is LOVELY. OP, you should listen to this advice.

There is no way your husband will send her away unless she is ready to leave so take that away from your mind.

As for the girl, why not make friends with her, make her see reasons why it's not good to be all over the place as her attitude will leave the family vulnerable. The way you treat her will determine her attitude towards you, you don't show hostility to someone and expect them to treat you otherwise.

1st step is to try and win her over

rather than treating her like a kid which i am sure u do u should have made her ur gist buddy and at the same time treat her like a baby sis

i suggest u change ur attitude towards her for a start...at that age she needs someone to confide in and basically u sound like u are not making it easy for her

A 20years old is an Adult. You should be able to talk to her. No be everything be fight, grudge or drama.
Sometimes you just settle for peace instead of your rights!

If she’s gossiping you, it means you’re not friends with her. Visitor wey don pass 1year don turn family o. This one is going nowhere! Until she see man marry her

‘Lure’ her into your web, Na woman she be, make her your friend, your little sister and she won’t gossip you again.. Only a devil rejects a smile.
You sef do small eye service...stop letting your emotions take the lead!...las las na your head them go pour everything.

“You don’t want your husband to take care of his sister”...

Men will what.... Hembarrass you

Live in relatives eh, I nor get strength to day fight or get grudge against person so no one will live with me..
She is 20, nor be small pikin, after talking to hubby about it, caution her calmly, it's either you are preparing food for the whole house or she is.... food nor go day then she go still carry her body go prepare again and to even make matters worse, same food you prepared....
The meat part day vex me
Some people just know how to insult person without speaking out
All these daughters of Jezebel when they go day send come person house con day cause havoc nor go put person for trouble

Morgantian:
Dear nairalanders, please advice me
My sister inlaw has been with me and hubby for roughly a year now, this girl is a complete gossip and she loves doing eye service, she gossips with our neighbors about everything that happens within our apartment, mainly about me, one of my neighbors told me about this and I've overheard her gossiping about me a few times, I love my privacy and don't like intruders, I'll cook and she'd dish her food, eat the meat alone and drop the food in the kitchen, then cook the same food on her own, I honestly don't want any problems, I and hubby agreed on no live-in in laws but what has happen, has happened, just need a way forward, please how can I get hubby to send her back to their parents? If there's anyone with similar experience, how did you manage? Please help me. She's 20 and an undergraduate.

tell your hubby that you have enough and cant/wont do it any longer. the deal was very clear:"NO IN LAWS" so he should stick to his part of the deal as you have enough... basta!

I would advise you to stop whining and take charge of your home as the mother of the house. I too have a SIL of the same age in my house. When she first came she was trying to do something similar in my kitchen, I sat her down one early morning and with a stern face told her no one is allowed to cook anything in my kitchen without my consent, after cooking i dish her meals as well as every other person in the house while it is her duty to wash the dishes everyday. When I was done, I told her i have gotten the approval from her brother and if she remains stubborn her brother will take action against her. Its been more than 6 months now and she is well behaved, she now cooks occasionally for the family and dishes out for everyone. As for the gossiping, it is almost normal of girls their age to do so. I will only advise you to give her ideas on how to keep herself busy. You can tell her to pick interest in baking, buy baking items and distribute the buns or chinchin to neighborhood stores. Always look at her positive sides and remove your mind from her negatives. Just treat her as your daughter/sister and love her genuinely. Be nice and at the same time be strict with her. Remember, when you marry a man you marry his family, so she is by extension your sister. Enjoy her stay with you, she won't stay forever, atleast she will relieve you of some duties and help with the kids

mrblessed:
Would you send her back if she were your sister? Why is it difficult for most women to tolerate and overlook some of the excesses of the their in-laws as they would do to their siblings? I don't support her misbehaviour but it is something that has to do with growing up, something that is not supposed to warrant you scheming to kick her out.

Everyone at one point was thoughtless and carefree, yet we were guided by someone until were able to get our acts right. Since you have pointed out some of her misconducts, why not discuss with your husband to caution and advise her, instead of announcing your misguided thought of seeing her leave your house. She is just 20 and an undergraduate, haba, she won't live with you forever.

I wouldn't overlook it in my siblings. I would call them to order.

BlissB:
Live in relatives eh, I nor get strength to day fight or get grudge against person so no one will live with me..
She is 20, nor be small pikin, after talking to hubby about it, caution her calmly, it's either you are preparing food for the whole house or she is.... food nor go day then she go still carry her body go prepare again and to even make matters worse, same food you prepared....
The meat part day vex me
Some people just know how to insult person without speaking out. All these daughters of Jezebel when they go day send come person house con day cause havoc nor go put person for trouble

As in ehn, na wa

Hathor5:


I wouldn't overlook it in my siblings. I would call them to order.

There is an ocean of difference between calling "her to order" and sending her packing for an indiscretion that should ordinarily warrant a little rebuke and correction. No matter how strict you are, there are some infractions you will pretend not to see. Not because you don't know what to do but because you can't possibly chastise a person all the time. The Op probably doesn't understood the immense reward that awaits her, if she endures and guides her sister-in-law to become a woman capable of taking care of herself.

She's wasteful and your husband should bring it to her attention. She need not dish the food you cook if she's not going to eat it. That said, she needs understand that times are hard and there's no reason to pretend you have more than enough in abundance.

You need not say anything however, if he can't do it, please come down to her level and let her know her habit isn't appreciated or sooner than later, stop contributing to the family purse as a way to make him understand all you have been saying.

Morgantian:
Dear nairalanders, please advice me
My sister inlaw has been with me and hubby for roughly a year now, this girl is a complete gossip and she loves doing eye service, she gossips with our neighbors about everything that happens within our apartment, mainly about me, one of my neighbors told me about this and I've overheard her gossiping about me a few times, I love my privacy and don't like intruders, I'll cook and she'd dish her food, eat the meat alone and drop the food in the kitchen, then cook the same food on her own, I honestly don't want any problems, I and hubby agreed on no live-in in laws but what has happen, has happened, just need a way forward, please how can I get hubby to send her back to their parents? If there's anyone with similar experience, how did you manage? Please help me. She's 20 and an undergraduate.

Are you Okay?
Why are women so evil and wicked?
Why are you planning to send her packing?
If she did something you didnt like, why not call her and speak to her so she will amend her ways?
Why is chasing her away from her own brothers house your first solution?
You want to go and cause division in a family that has been in existence before you?
Who you? Who are you? What are you?
You are a Evildaboski

Vyolet:
There is no way your husband will send her away unless she is ready to leave so take that away from your mind.

As for the girl, why not make friends with her, make her see reasons why it's not good to be all over the place as her attitude will leave the family vulnerable. The way you treat her will determine her attitude towards you, you don't show hostility to someone and expect them to treat you otherwise.

See what a reasonable lady wrote ooh....Isnt this the best solution...

Morgantian:
Dear nairalanders, please advice me
My sister inlaw has been with me and hubby for roughly a year now, this girl is a complete gossip and she loves doing eye service, she gossips with our neighbors about everything that happens within our apartment, mainly about me, one of my neighbors told me about this and I've overheard her gossiping about me a few times, I love my privacy and don't like intruders, I'll cook and she'd dish her food, eat the meat alone and drop the food in the kitchen, then cook the same food on her own, I honestly don't want any problems, I and hubby agreed on no live-in in laws but what has happen, has happened, just need a way forward, please how can I get hubby to send her back to their parents? If there's anyone with similar experience, how did you manage? Please help me. She's 20 and an undergraduate.

Since your husband is not feeling her stupidity at home, face him squarely for her to leave your house

Don't confront your sister in law unless you know that your husband will back you

By the time you give your husband the heat he needs, he will exit her

Gently ask your husband for his help in putting a stop to her disrespect and gossip. He should've observed them himself and shouldn't be comfortable with her actions towards you. I'm assuming she at least respects him enough to listen.

Marriage wahala

Just make her your friend...

Morgantian:
Dear nairalanders, please advice me
My sister inlaw has been with me and hubby for roughly a year now, this girl is a complete gossip and she loves doing eye service, she gossips with our neighbors about everything that happens within our apartment, mainly about me, one of my neighbors told me about this and I've overheard her gossiping about me a few times, I love my privacy and don't like intruders, I'll cook and she'd dish her food, eat the meat alone and drop the food in the kitchen, then cook the same food on her own, I honestly don't want any problems, I and hubby agreed on no live-in in laws but what has happen, has happened, just need a way forward, please how can I get hubby to send her back to their parents? If there's anyone with similar experience, how did you manage? Please help me. She's 20 and an undergraduate.

You people should stop making this kind of agreement in the name of privacy. You don't have control over 'tomorrow'.

Is there anyone from a husband's family that you women can cope with, without any fights/disagreements?
Mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, friends-in-law, even the dogs-in-law are not safe.

I taya for who no taya for una.

Simply dish the meals and padlock the kitchen after. Ogini. I don't tolerate waste.

Many in-laws don’t have the required orientation that tells them they’re guests in their son or brother’s home. It’s an African concept and a war many wives will never win.

These tips may help you.
1. Note that on in-law matters generally you win some you lose some.
2. In some cases you’d have to stoop to conquer for peace .
3. Learn to choose your battles and be wise
4. Assert your authority over your kitchen at the least. Tell her in a firm voice that she cannot cook anything without your express approval. Don’t explain why to her just state it. If she does so nonetheless ask your husband to step in so there won’t be further chaos .
5. Ignore the gossiping it’s her nature and there’s not much you can do about it. Maintain your cool around your neighbours to avoid publicising your matters further

I advise that you pick only what is workable in your home from the numerous advice above.

If you have an understanding and supportive spouse then you can report the case to your husband so that he takes necessary action by cautioning her. He doesn't have to send her away. A mild rebuke would do.

Unfortunately, some spouses would feel that their blood sisters have the right to do anything in their the home, the wife does not have the right to stop them. If this is the case you need to tread with caution. You would need to put up with all her antics for the time being. She will soon return to school. And pray that she gets married in time so that you can enjoy your home.

Acidosis:



You people should stop making this kind of agreement in the name of privacy. You don't have control over 'tomorrow'.

I'm amazed!

From a neutral pt Id say this.you can't because of marriage severe a rshp that's been there before you met your husband. Treat ur inlaws like yours. They are your husbys blood. All these rancour between wives and inlaws will end if we see each other as one. Call her in love, gist with her and advise her accordingly.

With a difficult inlaw, allow your husband to discipline him or her. If he turns a blind eye, Sis, face front. If the person wants to rotten, it is to the detriment of herself and family.

Learn to be patient like you would your own.my female in laws are closer to me than their brother.
Pray for them and buy gifts. You are all one big family.

GboyegaD:
She's wasteful and your husband should bring it to her attention. She need not dish the food you cook if she's not going to eat it. That said, she needs understand that times are hard and there's no reason to pretend you have more than enough in abundance.

You need not say anything however, if he can't do it, please come down to her level and let her know her habit isn't appreciated or sooner than later, stop contributing to the family purse as a way to make him understand all you have been saying.

If the man is not complaining, I see no reason why her kid sister can't dish food herself. In our family, u dish your food yourself, that was how we were raised!

LadySarah:
From a neutral pt Id say this.you can't because of marriage severe a rshp that's been there before you met your husband. Treat ur inlaws like yours. They are your husbys blood. All these rancour between wives and inlaws will end if we see each other as one. Call her in love and advise her accordingly.

With a difficult inlaw, allow your husband to discipline him or her. If he turns a blind eye, Sis, face front. If the person wants to rotten, it is to the detriment of herself and family.

Learn to be patient like you would your own. I can beat my chest and tell you that my female in laws are closer to me than their brother. Pray for them and buy gifts. You are all one big family

This is lovely ❤️

xrayj:

If the man is not complaining, I see no reason why her kid sister can't dish food herself. In our family, u dish your food yourself, that was how we were raised!

Did you read the post you booked properly or you wanted to make some noise? Why dish for she isn't going to eat? In your house would you dish for for yourself and then throw it out without eating it? Most homes allow you to dish your food however, take only the portion you can eat at a time. You can't be wasting someone else's efforts.