igbarasdynasty:
You will only bring more disasters and curse upon your family by ending your life..... these are stories you will tell in future how you made it amongst all odds...... Ending your life is not a guarantee that you have truly rested....

In fact read up on people going through hell and they never gave up.... people had stayed in Coma for decades, People are struggling to breathe, More people are blind and they never ended their lives.....

Because your brother nor sisters never succeeded relentless on how they try, does not mean you are bound to fail too....stop admitting failing....

You can be the change your family seek, since you have traced the problems.... you can re- write your Family History if you don't give up.....

I have gone through depression and I understand how you feel.

osizi06:
Don't give up. Your breakthrough is on the way. Be prayerful. I pray for you and your family. Generational curses are broken in Jesus name. Amen

kizit22:
Good evening nairalanders. This is my first time of posting in this platform, though the account has been in existence. My write up will be a bit longer, please do help me read through it and don't mind my grammatical
errors.

I just want to know if someone like me exists or existed out there.
If someone like me have existed, how did he or she able to pull through?.

I came from a family of eight in a local government in Enugu state. I'm the youngest of all.
My father was a civil servant before he died 2011 when I just finished secondary school.
My mom is a petty trader. My family is a committed Anglicans. The branch of the church in my village was my father's part of evangelism,to bring church closer to people's doorstep.

I talked about the church because I knew I have good Christian foundation and prioritize prayers and mindful of our steps on some issues (we are not perfect)

Two things has been running through my mind for long time whenever I think about my family, my siblings, my mom and myself.
But recently I decided to go for one.

Firstly, I thought of changing my surname because I thought the name was cursed and secondly I thought of ending my life to know if I can rest. After all, we all will die one day.

I have taken two popular poisons but instead of killing me , I will only wake up to notice burnt throat and little dizziness....lol.

I will list the problems of my family to know if this kind of family can survive.
I decided to number it for clarity.

1. Out of eight children, six are married.
My eldest brother married for 23 years no child.
My two sisters , they have married for 12 years and 6 years respectively, no child.

The remaining three that were able to have theirs, can't eat two square meal a day.
That's not the worst, check the numbers below.

2. Sickness: Among 8 children, it's only two that's not sick as I type this, is not continually, it's a steady sickness...I will break it down.

My elder sister with four kids has a tuberculosis, her immediate younger sister also have the same sickness.

My immediate elder sister who was healthy until her marriage is not only sick but always complain of stomach bite which is like a default sickness for the ones that doesn't have kids.

It didn't end there, my immediate elder brother got married last three years, luckily to us , his wife conceived and successfully delivered 2018, a week after his wife's delivery, the little child started having sickness,which resulted into surgery at her age.
Her dad (my brother) had an accident and his leg was fractured, two days after the child's surgery, as I type this, he has a broken leg, not fixed yet.

Even the finger typing this, fights with internal heat. That's me!

Sound ideal, right?
Is a really life experience.

Last year june,my mom had a very serious stomach issue which resulted into major operation , luckily to us, she survived.
And the same June this year, she was operated on again and doctor billed much and we had no option than to leave her in the hospital to face struggling ones which has been a normal.

3 Finance: Of course you can predict the financial condition of this ill family.
Out of this 8 children, I will boldly tell you that 5 out of this family are graduates. 3 engineers and two are in commercial. Some have stayed for 6 years without job. We all studied individually using one bike to be a commercial cyclist (okada). We never relented , even though we are sick financially and health wise.

Thanks for reading up to this point!.

Why I want to end all, I checked back from my primary school to university level, down to this present day, I have never experience easy life. Calls from my family members are always bad news. I don't think life hold anything good for me again...
I don't really think... Doors are shot against me... Everything about my life is sick.
I have hustled and hustled...No friend, no assistance.

I am always backwards, training myself to primary school, secondary school, University level and today.

The write up is already long, I don't want to break down my personal life experience,just to survive.

To keep life moving,I decided to register for an IT course at Ojeulegba,Lagos because my friend promised to pay for it,
I used the little money I saved from NYSC to register for half of the stipulated amount as I await him to pay as promised.

Message entered my phone one evening and my friend told me to fix myself and that's all.
I became sick and more tired, mehn it has been hellish, no money to pay up,no money to eat again and no money to transport myself back to my brother.

Please, all I see around me is death.
Can I survive this this?
Have any family gone through this and survive?
I'm tired of praying, many family prayers has been conducted .
What's wrong with the family?.
I'm already tired and I will end everything. God is still God my dear. Don't give up.

chatinent:
Hi kizit22,
Bro, everyone has a story to tell. If I narrate mine, you'll likely join me shade tears as I am, doing already. Sth I learnt about life is you can be born however, but you have the right to make your life how you want it, giving your life a new rendition.
.
You have to let only the pillows be in bed and walk away from your imaginations and out to your dreams. Nobody can curse you if you don't believe they do. Nobody can put you under a spell if you have no one's life. I lived all my life crying behind doors but smiling to many eyes that glistened.
.
I suffered emotional pains, child abuse, parental neglect, parental abuse and..guess what? I also contemplated suicide. My suicide note turned into a diary because I could read it again; I lived again. I learnt sth; I have to be satisfied with my life how it is even if I worked hard.
.
Know why? Because if I'm always thinking I need newer things, I cannot ever be happy because there must be sth I'll feel I always need.
.
Try sth new without thinking you are less human nor you have to be perfect. Believe bro, you own the remote to your head; station it well.
.
Believe only you can change you.

aaking:
Anglican church will not solve your family problems but JESUS CHRIST. Call your family for serious Prayer. The sin of your forefathers is affecting your family. Which brings afflictions and satanic sicknesses upon you and yours

EliteBiz:
My brother, when a man is at rock bottom, there is no where to go except up, You will be favored. Fear not, Worry not. You will be favored. Start thinking of every positive thing u can, ignore the negative environment, dont think negative, You will be favored. Congratulations kizit22

kizit22:


You are very right, there is no year we don't organize prayers except this year.
If you have any prayer suggestions, I'm open and ready
Thank you very much.

Caramelskin:
Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.
You need to pray like a warrior. Fasting, midnight prayers and all (Trust me, it works). People are willing to help but there are some negative forces hindering your breakthrough. Just pray against those forces and I am sure it will end in praise.
Cc kizit22

iupac120:
Always back your prayers with positive confessions.
Believe that your case is different and you are born to fulfill a purpose.
Please consecrate your life by living a holy life and forgive if you have anything against person (s).
You and your family need an altar

Ejenavi18:
Please Op keep pushing on... Don't contemplate Suicide I beg of you. Things may be difficult for you now, the future may seem bleak but that doesn't mean it won't get better... Let it be your determination to survive please.. This is a just a phase, it will soon pass.. Always remember that there's always light at the end of every tunnel.

Suicide is Never an Option!