Deleted.

MOVE ON!!! The Driver obviously has no respect for you!

Take him back and one day you say something that doesn't sit well with him and he'll abandon you and your baby somewhere.

I honestly don't see why this issue needs to be debated.

@ Poster

Been there done that. DO NOT TRUST HIM & DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.
If you need to get rid of the guilt, send someone trustworthy over to his neighbourhood and find out whether his wife truly had a miscarriage or whether it is a cooked up story.
But I suggest you stay away from all of this wahala and if he calls back, just tell him the vacany has been filled and that you will get in touch with him if you/someone u know needs a driver.

Deleted.

How did you come to the conclusion that he steals from you?

Two things are involved here, it is either the dude is lying about the miscarriage or he was offended(didn't take the money) when you accused him of it and that might be the reason why he refused to turn up for work or drive you

Tell us why you think he stole your money

Why do you feel guilty?!!!  

Let's assume the story about the miscarriage is true, how is that your fault? I'm not saying don't be sympathetic but guilt. . .where is that coming from? You've done absolutely nothing wrong here, so MOVE ON and stop giving him the notion that he's indispensable.

By the way, hiring someone who refuses to tell you where he lives? That alone is grounds to fire him.

Once again, I don't know why this issue is up for debate.

Deleted.

The guy has pulled a fast one on you. Chances are his wife was never pregnant but he used her fictitious miscarriage to garner sympathy from your husband so he can get re-hired. Chances are he did indeed steal ur 20k and has been stealing all along from you.

You are too pregnant to start looking for a driver. Have your family and friends recommend a few trustworthy potential drivers for you to start interviewing ASAP. And this time, if anyone doesn't provide u with all their contact info including next of kin, show them the door. I wish there was a thing like background check in Naija!

On a side note, why not have your husband take a few weeks vacation from work for the birth of the baby? You actually need him around u now that u r in ur 9th mth.

Stand firm and do not re-hire ur ex con man of a driver or this time, he might arrange for armed robbers to really come and steal from you as retribution for firing him in the first place

Don't be fooled. If u want him to sweat, ask him for a doctor's report and ask to see his wife. However, i feel its not worth it. So as Sisi Kill has said. Bone the guy and move on. Getting an honest driver with guarantors is not easy so i understand ur position but don't compromise ur safety and dat of ur baby. Close the chapter and move on. Don't feel guilty, afterall, ur not the one that physically caused the miscarriage. Throw it back at his face if he should want to make it an issue. Tell him that he should not have mentioned it to his wife if she was so delicate. A real man would have gone out to look for another job. Also, it could just be a punishment for him taking your money and stuff.

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pslm23:

On a side note, why not have your husband take a few weeks vacation from work for the birth of the baby? You actually need him around u now that u r in your 9th mth.

I agree with this, he should be around more often, I wouldn't allow it, infact It is forbidden for my hubby to leave me at the mercy of a stranger when I am almost due.

But again one thing one should consider is the man's schedule and type of job. And again it is an individual thingy anyways but no job is going to keep my hubby away from me at a time like this

...

Some Women don't care if the man spends time with them or not, alot of them cannot be bothered after all their hubby leaves a full bank account for them, good cars for them and the ladies in turn see it as a big deal to compete with or tell all their married and single friends , how hubby travels around the world and has visited every single continent.

Some women don't understand marriage at all, they think marriage is all about making mouth, jumping from car to car showing off their latest gold,sterling silver and diamond necklaces, Who wears the best clothes and carries gucci and channel bags

They seem to have gotten or better still they don't know that Marriage is all about two people coming together as one and fighting battles together.

No designers thing is going to save your marriage

Thank you for ll your suggestions and criticisms. Its easy to stand afar and pass judgments on someone else's situation. I do not have a maid neither do i have a washerman. I stay all alone in the house. I had to resign from my job 4 months ago because the work was not giving me enough time for my family that is why money is very right now. The only luxury i afforded myself was getting a driver because i realized anytime i drove for longer than an hour i start having stomach cramps.

My husband has done all he can do. He is a salary earner and thus can not do flexible hours or just decide to leave his job. Nigerian labour law gives a man only 2 days paternity leave and his office only allows annual leave after you have worked for at least 50% of the financial year. He has scheduled the remaining 2 weeks from last year for when the baby is born. He has to run around now and finish the project he is handling for his boss so that he can actually take that 2 weeks hence he has been travelling a lot. He has supported me as much as he can thus when you all are criticizing him, it really hurts me. Its when you have millions in your bank account and your own business that its easy to point fingers at others that are hustling for their daily bread.

The main issue is with the driver which we got 4 months ago as i was resigning so that i can do all the running around and hospital trips more easily. Also, takes me to my mum-in-laws house in Ajah whenever i need the company. My husband has scheduled to meet with him over the weekend to discuss the issue.

@ OP

I perfectly understand you my dear. I was even surprised to see how the thread grew from discussing your driver to criticizing your husband's carelessness and your selfishness !
Well, hope you have a safe delivery and congrats in advance on your bundle of joy !

@Poster

Stop screaming foul, nobody is criticizing you, everybody here is entitled to their opinions, you don't have to agree with it

Secondly you resigned your job 4 months ago right because you needed time to spend with your family?isn't your husband always travelling and working? if you put to bed , how easy do you think it is going to be for you to get a job again? or are you planning on being a housewife? because I lived in lagos and I know that people  there don't just resign from jobs in lagos, it's either that person has got a business or the office worker leaves full time and goes for part time, judging from the fact that getting a job is very difficult.


Anyways let your driver take you to his house and go see his wife

My husband is not always travelling. He just traveled this period and is now back. Whether i get a job or not is in God's hands but i couldn't continue with the closing by 10pm and constant stress. It landed me in the hospital and i had to get my priorities right.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but i wonder why anyone is entitled to an opinion that passes judgement on my husband while leaving the issue which is on hand.

XX01:

My husband is not always travelling. He just traveled this period and is now back. Whether i get a job or not is in God's hands but i couldn't continue with the closing by 10pm and constant stress. It landed me in the hospital and i had to get my priorities right.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but i wonder why anyone is entitled to an opinion that passes judgement on my husband while leaving the issue which is on hand.

and

XX01:

Thanks for your responses. This issue has kept me up this night. I feel really guilty cos i know what it means to lose to a baby especially as i am expecting mine. my mum says that it can't have been cos of the news that he should check his wife for fibroids and there must have been some spotting beforehand if he wants us to believe his story.

I have tried to know where he lives but each time he keeps blowing me off with many many excuses. @ Naijafriend, you just brought up a side to the story that i had not considered before. Its possible that the story is made up but can someone lie about such a thing?

I had kind of resolved to pay him a month's salary in advance and ask him to look for somewhere else. Just hope that i can get another driver cos my husband is always travelling and i am alone in d house. Don't want to have a need to rush to the hospital maybe in the middle of the night and not have someone to drive me.

Above all, i feel so guilty!

Anyways, I don't think you should get the driver back . . . It's a very wrong move!

Give him a month's salary and let him go . . . even if the news caused his wife to miscarry, it's not really your fault cos he stole from you and disrespected you!

So don't let it dwell on your conscience, you should concentrate on the baby you are about to have and not your driver!

Ujujoan:

and

     

She is contradicting herself, she once stated here that her hubby is always travelling and now she is telling us he isn't always travelling.

XX01:

My husband is not always travelling. He just traveled this period and is now back. Whether i get a job or not is in God's hands but i couldn't continue with the closing by 10pm and constant stress. It landed me in the hospital and i had to get my priorities right.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but i wonder why anyone is entitled to an opinion that passes judgement on my husband while leaving the issue which is on hand.

I have told you a million times that nobody is passing judgement or criticizing your man, we are all telling you that not so many of us will stand for men that work so hard when we are almost due.

You wanna know what judgement is all about? you wanna know what cricitisms is all about? Ok I will tell you, an example below

I will not have my husband working 24/7 or travelling when he knows I am due, I will not allow my husband leave me alone all by my self when a baby could be popping out anytime, I will not sit down and watch my husband allow a driver , drive me to the hospital for my check ups when he should be there with me, I will not allow my husband travel and leave me at night to pop some pillows behind my back myself because I can't sleep, I don't care if he has to do it to take care of the family but I will not allow some man put my life in danger. I will not quit work because I wanna spend time with a man that is always travelling, I would rather go part time,share the financial expenses and have my husband not work so hard, than resigning and putting the man through so much pressure all in the name of providing for the family


There, that's criticism and judgement

Thanks Ujujoan. I am sorry for the mix up. He is not always travelling. It was just this month that he was travelling a lot cos of the project he is handling and now he is back. Thanks. @Jenny, if u know any job in Nigeria which does part time, please let me know.

jennykadry:

She is contradicting herself, she once stated here that her hubby is always travelling and now she is telling us he isn't always travelling.



I have told you a million times that nobody is passing judgement or criticizing your man, we are all telling you that not so many of us will stand for men that work so hard when we are almost due.

You wanna know what judgement is all about? you wanna know what cricitisms is all about? Ok I will tell you, an example below

I will not have my husband working 24/7 or travelling when he knows I am due, I will not allow my husband leave me alone all by my self when a baby could be popping out anytime, I will not sit down and watch my husband allow a driver , drive me to the hospital for my check ups when he should be there with me, I will not allow my husband travel and leave me at night to pop some pillows behind my back myself because I can't sleep, I don't care if he has to do it to take care of the family but I will not allow some man put my life in danger. I will not quit work because I wanna spend time with a man that is always travelling, I would rather go part time,share the financial expenses and have my husband not work so hard, than resigning and putting the man through so much pressure all in the name of providing for the family


There, that's criticism and judgement

ROTFLMAO

Take am easy on the girl Jenny, you know say life no dey easy for Naija!

Lol I am not been harsh naaa just the truth, I feel for her and I know what she's going through right now and ofcourse I know if she had the power to, she'd want her hubby to stay at home and have money rolling into the house so they can both enjoy some more time together, but nigeria isn't an easy country, people have to work their brains out to make ends meet.

The thread only diverted for a little while(which isn't unusual) because then people tend to  bring their marriages into threads either to reply a thread,give examples, give an advise or share their experiences.

I'd want my hubby with me all the time when I am preggers ,atleast to stop me from nagging and I always prayed to have such a guy and God gave me one, but it doesn't mean that It has to be same for everyone, neither does it make me better than others and neither will it stop me from respecting people's marriages and the situations they find themselves in, it's also not going to make me forget how nigeria works when it comes to the occupational sector and other things.

Over here banks close at 5pm or 4.30 on thurs, but in naija bankers work till 10pm at night, shocking it is

jennykadry:

Lol I am not been harsh naaa just the truth, I feel for her and I know what she's going through right now and ofcourse I know if she had the power to, she'd want her hubby to stay at home and have money rolling into the house so they can both enjoy some more time together, but nigeria isn't an easy country, people have to work their brains out to make ends meet.

The thread only diverted for a little while(which isn't unusual) because then people tend to  bring their marriages into threads either to reply a thread,give examples, give an advise or share their experiences.

I'd want my hubby with me all the time when I am preggers ,atleast to stop me from nagging and I always prayed to have such a guy and God gave me one, but it doesn't mean that It has to be same for everyone, neither does it make me better than others and neither will it stop me from respecting people's marriages and the situations they find themselves in, it's also not going to make me forget how nigeria works when it comes to the occupational sector and other things.

Over here banks close at 5pm or 4.30 on thurs, but in naija bankers work till 10pm at night, shocking it is

Bankers work till 10pm

I didn't know that oh. I think the problem is peculiar to Lagos because of the traffic they have to go through before they get home.

I do not understand why this is such a dillema to you, that driver has no respect for you and the moment you may need him most he might just dissapoint you to "show you"
Start looking for another driver now. Why the guilt feelings HE ought to have been sensitive to his wife"s condition and keep the job until atleast she puts to bed.

Pls move on.

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You really should not be stressing yourself right now. I don't like this guy. Don't let him back. He might be an armed robber for all you know. My cousin had a driver too that stole little things here and there. Finally he just left with the car and did not come back. When she finally tracked him down with the police in tow they found all kinds of things in his home including fake police uniforms and equipment for making fake police identification. My cousin was not comfortable with him from the beginning but she was desperate for a driver. My dear please thank God that he opened your eyes now. I am also willing to bet that his wife did not have a miscarriage. He is probably not even married.