Confessional

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".


Suicide
A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he says."I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Mouth Action."
So, she does.

After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…, ”

The vet

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So why are youhere?"The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything, the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?""Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "Why are you here?"The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in myowners' couch.""So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired."Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?""I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

hmm

I only sleep on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday, Tevery day!

^^^^^
old boy y you dey yake the joke away from the op now.