Firstly I really don't like sharing stories here. It feels awkward, but sometimes, you can't really wrap your head around certain issues and you need third parties to examine your issues.

This is a new moniker I created for this issue.
.
Mods please don't send this to frontpage.

Ignore the errors and typos.

I shared the first part of this story in a previous thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/6062515/may-go-separate-ways

Now I have been able to get a good self contain apartment in the oukskirt of town. The neighborhood is not posh but the compound and flats is really good.
I won't mind as I mostly stay indoors and always mind my business.
Madam has still refused to come with me. I have already made up my mind for a solo trip in my lifr journey henceforth.

Three weeks ago, I got a call from one of my uncle. Immediately he requested to see me, I knew something was wrong. I eventually went to see him in the company of another uncle who came to pick me.
On getting there, the elder one said madam came and discussed so many issues which where down right lies and half truth.
She said I don't take care of them nor feed them! ( I eventually got statements from my four accounts showing transfers to her account on weekly basis with narrations such as feeding allowance, foods, baby food etc. Even rent payments were via transfers too)

She said so many things that were downright foolish. I can't possibly type all here.
She also accused my mum of being the cause of our problem. That it was my mum that brought the idea of me moving to outskirt of town. She conveniently forgot it was the challenges I encountered that led to that decision.

Even when she was having problems conceiving for 3 years my mum was always encouraging her and advising her to pray.

So after meeting with my uncles and refuting all those lies, I returned home and didn't confront her. I didn't want things spiraling out of control and leading to dangerous events that will appear on pages of papers. I was ready to play calm and avoid trouble.

Two weeks ago it was time for me to host my town brethrens. Madam was aware. The meeting was supposed to be on Sunday but madam left for her mom's house immediately she returned from work on Friday.
I have already vowed to ignore everything until I leave so I took over preparation. I eventually took the chickens to a friend who is a caterer to help me prepare Free of charge.
Madam came back Sunday afternoon, an hour to the meeting.
All through the event,she wore a long face and refused to do anything. No complaints from me as I handled everything myself.
As I was seeing the guests to their cars, one of my aunty told me to return back home that madam is putting on jeans trouser and said she will attack my mum who also came for the meeting.
I hurried back in and actually hurried back in to meet madam now wearing jeans trouser instead of the wrapper she was putting on. I waited to see what will happen but she did nothing again.
Well if she has tried that nonsense, it would have spelt big trouble for her, I can guaranty that.

Just last Friday, I came in late from work and not long after, her mum and her younger sister marched in. The mum was huffing and puffing like a boxer. I was,just watching in amusement. She said she wanted to see me, so I said OK.
She said my younger sister called madam and threatened to come down from her base to beat madam up because madam said she was gonna fight her mum( my mother).
I said she(my sister) must have spoken that out of anger and as a woman. I said any lady who heard such news about a threat to her mum, whether its true or false would react that way.
That even her own daughters would do same too.
Madam's mother went ahead to say something that got my spiked up. She said she is afraid for the safety of her daughter. I tried to reassure her that my sister meant no harm, but she continued.
That she is afraid of me and my family, that she heard that my tribe used to eat humans.
I stopped her there immediately and asked her to take her daughter and leave immediately.
If after 6 years of marriage and a couple of years of dating without any issues and no harm to her daughter, she can say this, then they have no business being in my house.

So madam got up and grabbed some few clothing's and left with her mum and sister.

Now I am going to call them and reveal things I have sworn not to tell anyone.
I will call the mother and tell them the medical condition of their daughter before they will later say it is me and my flesh eating tribesmen that inflicted her.
I will tell them her HIV status, that her two fallopian tubes are occluded (blocked ) and that she has hormonal imbalance.
These are things I have kept to myself and managed madam's condition myself, but I think they need to know the truth.
I think I should do this to absolve myself of blame as this woman goes around painting me and my family bad.

Now I can see why madam has been acting the way she does. It is the doctrine she got from my mother.
Now I understand why my pastor requested I move my family away from this people. He said this two years ago and I didn't mention anything to him. Dude must have seen something I didn't.

I am finally moving to the new place next weekend alone. Life goes on.

Okay you're free to tell your wife's people her HIV status, nothing spoil, life goes on.

Will I ever get married?

If God does not choose for me, as in audibly point out my wife to me. I will never have anything to do with women or marriage

This your story is an interesting one.......Much kudos and respect to you bro.

You handled the situation like a real man....just tell your wife's family her current health status to avoid stories... probably if anything goes wrong (which am not praying for) they might use it against you.

So be open and Free like a bird.

I wish you all the Best

You two have deep grievances you both need to address.
Unspoken words and unaddressed issues can create tension in relationships, causing them to drift apart.
You don't necessarily have to be together, but being at peace with each other is very important.

It appears your wife is determined to make your life difficult. She will not change.

Unfortunately for you, you have married a competitor and a leech. She will suck you dry while competing with you (unnecessarily) and telling lies about you.



Her family will support her even when she is wrong. They will not see reason with you even if you reveal all her health secrets and the sheer injustice of her lies and half truth. They will stand by their sister/daughter. You will not get the closure you seek. Just brace yourself.


Don’t let it get to the point where you begin to pity yourself. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM.

Focus on your life. Send money for your son’s upkeep and keep records.

Don’t be sorry for yourself. Just face your work/business.

My brother, I'm sorry to say that after reading your two stories, I've come to the conclusion that your wife doesn't want you to progress in life. I see no reason why she has 1.8 million in her account and she watched you suffer to take care of her and the son you both have.
I was in primary 4 when something happened in my neighbourhood. A neighbour's wife was ill and they needed like 40k for surgery. This man ran helter skelter looking for money to pay his wife's hospital bills. He could only come up with 25k. (Mind you, at that time, 20k na money, not now when 20k can't even feed you for 3 weeks). Long story short, this woman finally died. As she was being bathed and readied for her final destination, 50k was discovered in a small bag tied around her waist.
My brother, that story was the talk in town at that time. People are sha, wicked!

I must salute you on your disposition even in the face of provocation. You did really well.
You must as a matter of great importance sand urgency reveal the health status of your wife to her family least they come for you when she starts falling Ill as a result of the psychological trauma she will be going through in the coming weeks. Mind you, both of you will be going through this trauma as a result of this separation.

Meanwhile, ensure you do not go alone. Make sure you go with an uncle or 2 and if possible make sure one of two of her relatives are there present to act as witnesses.

I only just wish it won't come down to this because there will be no going back once you do this. She might find it very difficult to forgive you.

Best of luck.

I must salute you on your disposition even in the face of provocation. You did really well.
You must as a matter of great importance sand urgency reveal the health status of your wife to her family least they come for you when she starts falling Ill as a result of the psychological trauma she will be going through in the coming weeks. Mind you, both of you will be going through this trauma as a result of this separation.

Meanwhile, ensure you do not go alone. Make sure you go with an uncle or 2 and if possible make sure one of two of her relatives are there present to act as witnesses.

I only just wish it won't come down to this because there will be no going back once you do this. She might find it very difficult to forgive you.

Best of luck.[/quote]

Sunmars:
Firstly I really don't like sharing stories here. It feels awkward, but sometimes, you can't really wrap your head around certain issues and you need third parties to examine your issues.

This is a new moniker I created for this issue.
.
Mods please don't send this to frontpage.

Ignore the errors and typos.

I shared the first part of this story in a previous thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/6062515/may-go-separate-ways

Now I have been able to get a good self contain apartment in the oukskirt of town. The neighborhood is not posh but the compound and flats is really good.
I won't mind as I mostly stay indoors and always mind my business.
Madam has still refused to come with me. I have already made up my mind for a solo trip in my lifr journey henceforth.

Three weeks ago, I got a call from one of my uncle. Immediately he requested to see me, I knew something was wrong. I eventually went to see him in the company of another uncle who came to pick me.
On getting there, the elder one said madam came and discussed so many issues which where down right lies and half truth.
She said I don't take care of them nor feed them! ( I eventually got statements from my four accounts showing transfers to her account on weekly basis with narrations such as feeding allowance, foods, baby food etc. Even rent payments were via transfers too)

She said so many things that were downright foolish. I can't possibly type all here.
She also accused my mum of being the cause of our problem. That it was my mum that brought the idea of me moving to outskirt of town. She conveniently forgot it was the challenges I encountered that led to that decision.

Even when she was having problems conceiving for 3 years my mum was always encouraging her and advising her to pray.

So after meeting with my uncles and refuting all those lies, I returned home and didn't confront her. I didn't want things spiraling out of control and leading to dangerous events that will appear on pages of papers. I was ready to play calm and avoid trouble.

Two weeks ago it was time for me to host my town brethrens. Madam was aware. The meeting was supposed to be on Sunday but madam left for her mom's house immediately she returned from work on Friday.
I have already vowed to ignore everything until I leave so I took over preparation. I eventually took the chickens to a friend who is a caterer to help me prepare Free of charge.
Madam came back Sunday afternoon, an hour to the meeting.
All through the event,she wore a long face and refused to do anything. No complaints from me as I handled everything myself.
As I was seeing the guests to their cars, one of my aunty told me to return back home that madam is putting on jeans trouser and said she will attack my mum who also came for the meeting.
I hurried back in and actually hurried back in to meet madam now wearing jeans trouser instead of the wrapper she was putting on. I waited to see what will happen but she did nothing again.
Well if she has tried that nonsense, it would have spelt big trouble for her, I can guaranty that.

Just last Friday, I came in late from work and not long after, her mum and her younger sister marched in. The mum was huffing and puffing like a boxer. I was,just watching in amusement. She said she wanted to see me, so I said OK.
She said my younger sister called madam and threatened to come down from her base to beat madam up because madam said she was gonna fight her mum( my mother).
I said she(my sister) must have spoken that out of anger and as a woman. I said any lady who heard such news about a threat to her mum, whether its true or false would react that way.
That even her own daughters would do same too.
Madam's mother went ahead to say something that got my spiked up. She said she is afraid for the safety of her daughter. I tried to reassure her that my sister meant no harm, but she continued.
That she is afraid of me and my family, that she heard that my tribe used to eat humans.
I stopped her there immediately and asked her to take her daughter and leave immediately.
If after 6 years of marriage and a couple of years of dating without any issues and no harm to her daughter, she can say this, then they have no business being in my house.

So madam got up and grabbed some few clothing's and left with her mum and sister.

Now I am going to call them and reveal things I have sworn not to tell anyone.
I will call the mother and tell them the medical condition of their daughter before they will later say it is me and my flesh eating tribesmen that inflicted her.
I will tell them her HIV status, that her two fallopian tubes are occluded (blocked ) and that she has hormonal imbalance.
These are things I have kept to myself and managed madam's condition myself, but I think they need to know the truth.
I think I should do this to absolve myself of blame as this woman goes around painting me and my family bad.

Now I can see why madam has been acting the way she does. It is the doctrine she got from my mother.
Now I understand why my pastor requested I move my family away from this people. He said this two years ago and I didn't mention anything to him. Dude must have seen something I didn't.

I am finally moving to the new place next weekend alone. Life goes on.

You have done well by tolerating the nonsense she has been doing Al these while

Simply go with your family and give them , give them a date and let the two families listen to you all

After that, demand for the bride price you paid if any and tell them you are done with the marriage

You really have to move on and don't let anyone slow you down

You have tried as a man.

Call for meeting for both families.
Let it all out!!

Don't keep quiet and have someone tarnish your image while you protect hers.
Go with evidences,if you can lay your hands on her results,go with them.

I'm sure at the end of the meeting ,her and her family will bury their heads in shame.

That woman doesn't mean well for you .

It's well!

mehn!
what I hear about marriages dz days are scary

poshestmina:
You have tried as a man.

Call for meeting for both families.
Let it all out!!

Don't keep quiet and have someone tarnish your image while you protect hers.
Go with evidences,if you can lay your hands on her results,go with them.

I'm sure at the end of the meeting ,her and her family will bury their heads in shame.

That woman doesn't mean well for you .

It's well!

such meetings end in huge quarrels and disagreements (especially when the subjects are present)

@OP



While it may seem very logical to expose her secrets, I strongly implore you not to. We do not get even vide health related taunts. Nothing will happen to her to warrant the exposure. You have been amazing and adorably supportive.

Forge on and have faith. The good Lord will resuscitate immense blessings in your life. At the appointed time, she will look back and affirm she indeed maltreated a good man. Her confessions will be from her mouth.

Stay blessed!

First time i'm seeing a thread dats says " dont send it to front page"
Some people even if sey shit u will see dem shouting lalasnake,etc frontpage o as der life depends on it.


back to ur post, u av really tried anything dat works for u man. atleast u tried ur best,its ur wife' family dats nt reasonable here

It is time to let go! You had and still putting up a good fight!! But somethings are better left alone.
Your conscience will guide you.

You have done well so far. If you must leave her do so but don't reveal her health status to anyone. If you reveal her HIV status to people she may hate you for ever. Quietly leave her if you have to.

Ganjafama:
You have done well so far. If you must leave her do so but don't reveal her health status to anyone. If you reveal her HIV status to people she may hate you for ever. Quietly leave her if you have to.

He has to though, at least to her mother and her sister. It must be in a family meeting kind of setting. I feel like if he doesn't, they'll continue to tarnish his family's name however they like.

I know it may be dangerous but he has to. Abeg

Please run for your dear life, and under no circumstances should you reconcile.
Your child will be fine. Just keep sending enough to the mother for his upkeep and school fees.
If it's possible, never see her face to face again, and work out custody arrangements for your child even if it has to be through a court.
Telling her status is neither here nor there. If you have to do that, tell only her mother and let the mother know you are negative so it wanst you who infected her. Let them also know your son is negative too.
Marriage no be by force and this life is just once.

I think you have things figured out already...telling your mother in-law about her daughter's status. That way, they won't say you did it. Good luck with your life boss...may God help you.

Your wife is acting like you did something terrible to her and she has been keeping the grudge and just acting on it now.
She is acting like she knows you don't have her back and is looking out only for herself.
Do you verbally abuse or threaten with her health status. Have you ever threatened her with leaving ??

a product of desperation marriage from either or both side. desperatoon marriage fire by forced always end like this. that's the only thing I get to say.

it means you are also HIV positive.

when you meet anyone irrespective of age or whatever and they person is talking about marriage. "take cover". I repeat "take cover".

one need a genuine friend and not marriage. marriage is nothing and can never be replace with a good friend.

U felt betrayed


U need sanity first


Forget about her for now

Una try

you even tried by keeping this secret for long. Abeg expose everything, there is nothing you are keeping again

fineboynl:
a product of desperation marriage from either or both side. desperatoon marriage fire by forced always end like this. that's the only thing I get to say.

it means you are also HIV positive.

when you meet anyone irrespective of age or whatever and they person is talking about marriage. "take cover". I repeat "take cover".

one need a genuine friend and not marriage. marriage is nothing and can never be replace with a good friend.

How old are you?

Don't bother to answer. It is self evident.

Ishilove:

How old are you?

Don't bother to answer. It is self evident.

old enough to be your sugar daddy.

fineboynl:
a product of desperation marriage from either or both side. desperatoon marriage fire by forced always end like this. that's the only thing I get to say.

it means you are also HIV positive.

when you meet anyone irrespective of age or whatever and they person is talking about marriage. "take cover". I repeat "take cover".

one need a genuine friend and not marriage. marriage is nothing and can never be replace with a good friend.

I rarely respond but I will respond to you. Like ishilove mentioned, you might actually be a young person who is yet to experience marital connection and issues

I am not positive. Try and read up what is called discordant couple. It will really clear your understanding
Cheers!

psylliumhusk1:
Your wife is acting like you did something terrible to her and she has been keeping the grudge and just acting on it now.
She is acting like she knows you don't have her back and is looking out only for herself.
Do you verbally abuse or threaten with her health status. Have you ever threatened her with leaving ??

That might have seen like a plausible reason but as someone who studied a medically affiliated course, I know it is wrong to taunt people with their medical condition and I am well aware of the confidentiality clause that exists in the medical practice
It takes a matured mind to behave this way.
Btw, I am not saying I'm saint as a human, I have always asked her to tell me my fault or shortcoming but all she can ever say is my mom's interference ( which is obviously false) and not taking care of the family, which is another lie because I have account statements of all the transfers done to her.
BTW, I am taking that to her family house after I have settled down in my new place.
Thank you for your time

TiffanyJ:
My brother, I'm sorry to say that after reading your two stories, I've come to the conclusion that your wife doesn't want you to progress in life. I see no reason why she has 1.8 million in her account and she watched you suffer to take care of her and the son you both have.
I was in primary 4 when something happened in my neighbourhood. A neighbour's wife was ill and they needed like 40k for surgery. This man ran helter skelter looking for money to pay his wife's hospital bills. He could only come up with 25k. (Mind you, at that time, 20k na money, not now when 20k can't even feed you for 3 weeks). Long story short, this woman finally died. As she was being bathed and readied for her final destination, 50k was discovered in a small bag tied around her waist.
My brother, that story was the talk in town at that time. People are sha, wicked!

Well done. So decribe yor body shape & size & can i chop kiss?

pls don't expose her medical condition as you guys might later settle your differences
if you need to leave for now to gain your sanity that's fine but pls do not expose her health statues, it will strain your relationship with both families for life.