| Re: . by Nobody: 2:10am On Oct 01, 2020 |
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| Re: . by ekineme: 2:19am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Op, How much is he( your husband)
budgeting for the barbing saloon business(Rent,equipments etc). You can ignite his spirit by having the conversation with him. Help him get a feasible plan, then let the problem shift to financing, your post would have make more sense if you had used it to solicit for assistance, i.e in a scenario where he already have a plan. |
| Re: . by Nobody: 2:20am On Oct 01, 2020 |
. 1 Like |
| Re: . by Nobody: 2:35am On Oct 01, 2020 |
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| Re: . by Nobody: 3:04am On Oct 01, 2020 |
. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: . by Dainy1(m): 3:30am On Oct 01, 2020 |
ekineme:
Op, How much is he( your husband)
budgeting for the barbing saloon business(Rent,equipments etc). You can ignite his spirit by having the conversation with him. Help him get a feasible plan, then let the problem shift to financing, your post would have make more sense if you had used it to solicit for assistance, i.e in a scenario where he already have a plan. @op. This should be your only goal for now. |
| Re: . by UzomaFC: 4:24am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
The judgement being passed here by some people is unfair. Someone even said I'm backstabbing my husband and talking him down in public. That's not fair.
I was doing everything even when i was tired, dieing inside, nobody hear any complaint from me.
Now we are no more hiding in our home with all our challenges. We are open to relatives interference because they knows what we''re going through since we're living with them and other people will still here even if they're not going to help. It will still keep spreading.
The thing driving me crazy and too burden is my husband's attitude towards the whole thing.
He behaves like someone who has completed given up.
Which I've read from some advice here that it might be his own way of suppressing depression.
If his attitude and actions are signs of depression and secret sucidal, I will never leave him.
When I married this guy, I didn't marry him for his money. I didn't even know he had money because he didn't show it.
I sacrificed many things to be with him as well.
Everything effort holding this marriage right now, is on me. It shows I can't break down, nor fall sick. I must be on the run both physically, materially, spiritually and emotionally.
I love my son, I love my husband as well. But it's too much on me that it seems the only way for me to relax alittle is to go somewhere alone and have a breath.
If You can, take out time fast for 3 days and stay in Gods presence and listen cos God wants to talk to you,
leave all this complaints and do this biko nu. you don't expect everyone to praise you at least most of the people both folks are
encouraging you to stay strong.
If it's too much , go inside lock the door and praise/worship the King of Kings , the One that created both the heaven and the earth.
You can as well go meet your pastor if you don't know how to start, however this is wake up call that you must always ought to pray.
I prayed for You up there and I pray again that let the peace of God that passeth all human understanding dwell in your heart and your husband.
Arise and shine.
And again, you must start taking him to church to pray together cos nobody is going to provide solution to you expect God.
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| Re: . by Curiouscity(m): 4:54am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
The people supporting us now are my family. Especially my Aunt, but I know she will soon get tired that's if she's not already.
Non from his family. They've all abandoned him for me. Even all those he was busy sending money to for their children upkeep.
I don't want to engage in too much talk with him so he don't get depressed. I still pray with him holding his hands, but I'm thinking of divorcing him and go our separate way before I lose it all. Your hubby is seriously depressed already. If you want to leave him, try and bring him out of depression before you cause him to commit suicide. Sadly, prayers alone may not cure depression. Engage him in lively activities if possible. Help him see value in life and success, not to nagging or reminding him of his failures, but of his potentials. 2 Likes |
| Re: . by AceRoyal: 6:00am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
He kept saying he wants to set up a barbing salon or the same betnija and handle it by himself, but no capital.
He can work in an NGO, data entering, Computer instructor, insurance.
He had experience in all the above.
He's very smart and intelligent, he can pick up anything, once you show/train him within a short period of time.
But just of a sudden, he became so reluctant to all these.
Your husband is fighting chronic depression that is eating away at his self worth and esteem. Please don't give up on him, else you may drive him to an early grave. Improve communication and try by all means to encourage him. Discuss ideas with him more often, show him that you haven't given up on him and even though he doesn't believe in himself anymore, you absolutely believe in him. You have no idea what the love of a woman can do in this kind of situation.  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: . by tunjilana: 6:46am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Men need to stop marrying women who can't and wont support them when they are down
His only crime when he had money was not carrying u along(which is wrong really) but u never said he didn't take care of you!!!
All along when he had funds, you should have bn thinking of how to make the household strongly double incomed. You could have tot of good businesses to do so that in times like this it will be easy for the family till he gets back up
How long as he depended on u compared to how long u depended on him. Dont overthink his dependence, it is a phase that will pass. Dont do something u will regret cos when u leave, God will increase him and he will bring in another woman only for u to start slandering
The child u want to leave behind, who will take care of the child?
Men, pls marry women who have it at the back of their mind that u can and will have financial lows and has made up their mind to be there when u are down. Such women also prepare for days like this by being empowered and dont hesitate to empower such a woman once u are sure her heart is made of gold |
| Re: . by Amazinggirl95: 7:15am On Oct 01, 2020 |
thorpido:
I can understand your frustrations.....I really do.However,this is your personal challenge and you need to weather it.
I'll admit your husband needs a jolt.He's grown comfortable with you picking the bills.No matter his mental state,he needs to pull himself up Staying down won't feed any mouth.I would have asked you to move and go and stay some time with a relative but you are in your aunt's place already.
Keep hope alive.The phase will pass. Please let her leave him before she herself will go psycho..that space with him she doesn't want it how can a man be comfortable being unproductive ...? |
| Re: . by Oyiboman69: 7:36am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
But I've always been there for them.
I'm already fed up you've already made up your mind to abandon your husband and children,you don't need advise,what you need is how to go about the divorce process...I wish you luck as I don't know about the process |
| Re: . by jesmond3945: 7:40am On Oct 01, 2020 |
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| Re: . by Oyiboman69: 7:40am On Oct 01, 2020 |
NeoWanZaeed:
I stopped reading when you said he makes no effort to get job.. I read further..
feeling no remorse and shame..Oluwa o..
leave him.. he's so confident that you would sure cater for him. probably the nonsense his parents put in his head..
leave the idiot..if what you said is true.
what kind of shameless man depends on his wife to the extent of data and recharge card?
what kind of man can't plan his life with his family (wife) but his mother father and siblings..
my advice.. leave and take along your kid.. 
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| Re: . by Oyiboman69: 7:59am On Oct 01, 2020 |
missdivineprove:
Why Generalizing? Besides, [b]the @op have tried. How many women will take all those things she's going through. To the extent of taking your husband to live in your auntie's house? [/b]This is nija. You people should fear God small abeg My only worries is that,you people are not reading between the lines in the op comments. She has made up her mind cos she is no longer looking good and comfortable disregarding the uncertainties in life and she decides to abandon both husband and kids to enjoys single's life to the fullest. Remember the husband has been shouldering the respoonsibilites for years and hers is weeks,what an irony |
| Re: . by Maduawuchukwu(m): 8:20am On Oct 01, 2020 |
Lol. So your husband is going through hard times and is clearly depressed and what is on your mind is how to leave him and your child. The man is not lazy neither is he non-challant. He is depressed and resigned to fate because of the terrible hand life has dealt him. But it is only a phase. He will soon regain his fighting spirit back and rise again. I am sure you will be enjoying his money then and telling people how you stood by him. Now is the time to stay by him and play your role as his support. If you cannot, please leave and do not come back when things get better. |
| Re: . by CHoccolaTE: 9:00am On Oct 01, 2020 |
The men on this thread better shut the hell up and stop attacking Op, you fools know damn well you will not encourage your fellow men to love and support a useless and lazy woman who depends on her husband for everything.
We have seen it many times before on Nairaland. You people better shut up. 3 Likes |
| Re: . by ABANGWABOI(m): 10:22am On Oct 01, 2020 |
djon78:
What they don't understand about men and life is that the man that is down today can just from nowhere boom, he has risen
You see that ops husband
He will still rise
And even get better
Because of a truth, adversity, hard and trying times is the best thing that can happen to a man
It's the lessons I learnt in adversity that made me a better business man
And also knowing the place of divine blessings on someone's endeavors
And trying times makes you know those who are truly for you
Times of enjoyment you don't know who is truly on your side
It's even a blessing in disguise for the man if he gets the right understanding I am telling you Bro.. I pity men who take girls of this generation serious or the ones that cant be in charge of their homes.. |
| Re: . by Nobody: 11:23am On Oct 01, 2020 |
They keep reading, but can't understand any feelings.
Hypocrites. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: . by UzomaFC: 11:33am On Oct 01, 2020 |
CHoccolaTE:
The men on this thread better shut the hell up and stop attacking Op, you fools know damn well you will not encourage your fellow men to love and support a useless and lazy woman who depends on her husband for everything.
We have seen it many times before on Nairaland. You people better shut up. "The men" on this thread should shut up Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm God bless U sister. 1 Like |
| Re: . by emperorshaokahn(m): 12:57pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
[quote author=UzomaFC post=94487163][/quote]shut up bitch,should we be clapping for you?.leave him na,i don talk am say marrage na scam. |
| Re: . by Alexaonfleek: 1:03pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
The judgement being passed here by some people is unfair. Someone even said I'm backstabbing my husband and talking him down in public. That's not fair.
I was doing everything even when i was tired, dieing inside, nobody hear any complaint from me.
Now we are no more hiding in our home with all our challenges. We are open to relatives interference because they knows what we''re going through since we're living with them and other people will still here even if they're not going to help. It will still keep spreading.
The thing driving me crazy and too burden is my husband's attitude towards the whole thing.
He behaves like someone who has completed given up.
Which I've read from some advice here that it might be his own way of suppressing depression.
If his attitude and actions are signs of depression and secret sucidal, I will never leave him.
When I married this guy, I didn't marry him for his money. I didn't even know he had money because he didn't show it.
I sacrificed many things to be with him as well.
Everything effort holding this marriage right now, is on me. It shows I can't break down, nor fall sick. I must be on the run both physically, materially, spiritually and emotionally.
I love my son, I love my husband as well. But it's too much on me that it seems the only way for me to relax alittle is to go somewhere alone and have a breath.
Pls ma'am don't be discouraged. Guys on this forum are very....partial in issues like this. You've tried and this is you talking out your frustrations. A man should normally be the provider in his family,and a woman the home keeper. You have taken it upon yourself to be both the provider and home keeper, something that most guys talking here wouldn't do if reverse was the case. I feel your hubby has gotten a bit too used to you providing for the house. I dunno how you're going to do it,you know your husband very well. Try to get back his fighting spirit. Maybe you'll talk to his close friend or you'll talk to him yourself. Just put heads together and remind him of the man he was. Whatever you do,pls don't abandon your child and your husband completely. 1 Like |
| Re: . by Judybash93(m): 2:02pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
Is this the same kind of advice you can give to your sister or it's because it's on a faceless forum? If you actually read my post, where have you discovered I have not shown my support?
Some comments here are so dishearten.
I have a sister and I'll tell her the same gadamn thing. Believe me, i consider you as a sister and that's why I'm telling you my truth. You don't necessarily have to follow it. It's just a piece of advice. |
| Re: . by SweetBrownBuns: 2:11pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
I have to create this accounts to post this.
I want to leave my husband and our child behind. I want a divorce. I'm tired of the whole thing.
When the money was there, he only told me his plan after he, his elder brothers, mother have discussd and taken decision.
After he made wrong decision, investment and lost everything, all his family members have left. Even his mother has given up on us. They see him now as my husband and my responsibility.
He took another little step and set up a betnija business which his brother was managing. Finnally, it's down.
Since his bet9ja business crumbled, he has been totally dependent on me. I basically foot everything in the house down to data and recharge card on his phone. The annoying part is that he no longer make effort to look for any job again.
This man is intelligent, hard working but just of a sudden, I don't understand what is happening to him.
His fighting spirit has died. He takes anything now. No pride, no ego.
I don't ever believe that one day my husband will be comfortably eating, watching movies and feel no shame in other people's house.
For more than 2 weeks now, we packed all our belongings to my Aunt's house because our rent expired.
We practically stays here now, the whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm managing a small job with little salary, but he has nothing to contribute and he seems not borderd.
How can we stay here, eating their food and he's not feeling remores anymore.
I've been giving him attitude since 3days now. I'm so exhausted in this marriage.
Please help. What should I do?
More experienced people in the house, please advise me as your daughter, sister, friend. Sorry. I want to speak but only if I have your personal attention |
| Re: . by dasparrow: 3:16pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
Chinnybaby190:
I have to create this accounts to post this.
I want to leave my husband and our child behind. I want a divorce. I'm tired of the whole thing.
When the money was there, he only told me his plan after he, his elder brothers, mother have discussd and taken decision.
After he made wrong decision, investment and lost everything, all his family members have left. Even his mother has given up on us. They see him now as my husband and my responsibility.
He took another little step and set up a betnija business which his brother was managing. Finnally, it's down.
Since his bet9ja business crumbled, he has been totally dependent on me. I basically foot everything in the house down to data and recharge card on his phone. The annoying part is that he no longer make effort to look for any job again.
This man is intelligent, hard working but just of a sudden, I don't understand what is happening to him.
His fighting spirit has died. He takes anything now. No pride, no ego.
I don't ever believe that one day my husband will be comfortably eating, watching movies and feel no shame in other people's house.
For more than 2 weeks now, we packed all our belongings to my Aunt's house because our rent expired.
We practically stays here now, the whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm managing a small job with little salary, but he has nothing to contribute and he seems not borderd.
How can we stay here, eating their food and he's not feeling remores anymore.
I've been giving him attitude since 3days now. I'm so exhausted in this marriage.
Please help. What should I do?
More experienced people in the house, please advise me as your daughter, sister, friend. This is what most Nigerian married women go through in Nigeria. Suffering and smiling. Most Nigerian married women are the ones who provide for their families because an increasing number of Nigerian men are unemployed or underemployed. They can not provide for their families. My sister's husband depends on my sister too financially because he is not working but she can't tell anyone so that his inflated Nigerian ego does not get deflated. That's how it is in Nigeria. The women are slaves to their husbands and their husband's families while the men got nothing going for them. I can't tell you what to do. When it comes to marital issues you alone are in the best position to decide what you think is best for you because you are an adult. The bible made it clear "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." 1 Cor 7:28 (NIV). You chose marriage. It is the bed you made. Now lie in it. Carry your cross. |
| Re: . by 4lorunsho(m): 10:48pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
SegFault:
They are having money issues and this is all you could bring, sometimes these guys that post ads could be heartless. Did you read my caption before pronouncing yourself heartless? |
| Re: . by 4lorunsho(m): 10:50pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
Ishilove:
Do you have sense at all? Yes I do? But do you have HQ at all? |
| Re: . by 4lorunsho(m): 10:51pm On Oct 01, 2020 |
SEGLIZ:
why are you so inhuman and heartless. Mr inhuman and heartless man ...did you read my statement before saying this. |
| Re: . by ecomalchemist(m): 5:07am On Oct 02, 2020 |
dasparrow:
This is what most Nigerian married women go through in Nigeria. Suffering and smiling. Most Nigerian married women are the ones who provide for their families because an increasing number of Nigerian men are unemployed or underemployed. They can not provide for their families.
My sister's husband depends on my sister too financially because he is not working but she can't tell anyone so that his inflated Nigerian ego does not get deflated. That's how it is in Nigeria. The women are slaves to their husbands and their husband's families while the men got nothing going for them.
I can't tell you what to do. When it comes to marital issues you alone are in the best position to decide what you think is best for you because you are an adult.
The bible made it clear "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." 1 Cor 7:28 (NIV).
You chose marriage. It is the bed you made. Now lie in it. Carry your cross. Rightly so because they have given all the jobs to women with lighskin, big breast and bum bum leaving the men to opt for uber / taxify. What a pity, a lot of men living in festac are feeding off their wives and taking care of the kids as house husbands. |
| Re: . by CHoccolaTE: 7:12am On Oct 02, 2020 |
ecomalchemist:
Rightly so because they have given all the jobs to women with lighskin, big breast and bum bum leaving the men to opt for uber / taxify.
What a pity, a lot of men living in festac are feeding off their wives and taking care of the kids as house husbands. Oga dont blame women for men being jobless, those women who "took all the jobs" are good at what they do it's not because they have big boobs, I don't know why it's so hard for males to agree that women can do anything better than them, men better get jobs and provide for their families instead of blaming women for their laziness. When it's time to boss women around men will remember how bible said wife must submit but when it's time to provide they start making all sorts of excuses and blaming women. 1 Like |
| Re: . by superlightning: 7:27am On Oct 02, 2020 |
CHoccolaTE:
The men on this thread better shut the hell up and stop attacking Op, you fools know damn well you will not encourage your fellow men to love and support a useless and lazy woman who depends on her husband for everything.
We have seen it many times before on Nairaland. You people better shut up. madam this is not yaba left.... neither is this a place for male bashing....a hard-working man can't suddenly stop being hardworking....he is depressed! forget his posturing he is depressed! You sound so vindictive....na your type dey lazy pass |
| Re: . by Nobody: 7:53am On Oct 02, 2020 |
. 3 Likes 1 Share |
